Every once in a while social media–Twitter in particular–goes through an episode of “when keeping it real goes wrong” where individuals decide to add fuel to fire on issues or topics that don’t require such nonsense or hysterics.

This week many, but not all, black women on Twitter were in an uproar and placed Idris Elba’s dating preference under a microscope upon hearing news of him dating a white woman. Girl, what?

Timelines were flooded with negative comments on his decisions and questions of “Why?” The ridiculous feedback surrounding the news reached entirely new levels of ignorance. Even men were baffled that so many women had such an issue with Idris dating someone outside of his race.

What value does it add to anyone’s life of who this man chooses to date? It seems as though some women are constantly getting upset over a man dating a woman outside of his race as if it in someway affects their lives or validates their well-being. It doesn’t. To be clear – no one should be criticized or scrutinized for choosing to be involved in an interracial relationship with someone whom they have a deep connection. Just because you may be unwilling to explore dating someone who isn’t the same shade as you doesn’t mean anyone else should hold the same value. Love has no boundaries and it is certainly not subjected by color.

Now, there’s a fine line between choosing to date outside your race because that’s your personal preference and just outright bashing people of your same racial background. For example Isaiah Mustafa, the actor from the Old Spice commercial, made the self-hate filled comment recently about him desiring to have a woman and kids with “good hair” because his hair was “nappy.” Not that there’s any one specific type of hair that’s “good” hair, but his comments were ignorant and clearly targeting Black women. Obviously this wasn’t the case this week as Idris has never made comments publically bashing women of any race (and even tweeted to fans not to believe ‘the rumors’). People were clearly investing too much time into this man’s life. Yes, Idris is fine and I, for one, would date him in a New York minute if given the chance. But to criticize him and his new girlfriend for having a relationship? Absurd.

If you don’t like or allow anyone else’s comments or opinions to influence who you choose to date, you shouldn’t do it to anyone else.

Since when was love a color? If men rarely get upset at a women for choosing to date outside her own race, why should you?

  • African Mami

    His dating…that’s news to me.
    Life is such a battlefield of sorts. Uproar because he is dating somebody that’s not black?! Idris date whoever you want to. At the end of the day your prerogative is not to please us with your dating choices, it is to continue looking hotter than the Sahara. The day you stop looking hot, is the day twitter should go bananas.

  • Alexandra

    With all the praising he gets, I was hoping he wouldn’t say anything negative about Black women, cause I know the Black female blogospere would erupt something serious. At least that wasn’t the case, so why the uproar. Sad. I wonder how many fans he’ll lose because of this?

  • Lysheba

    But can I mourn his unavailability? Damn!(damn, Damn, DAMN James!!!!) With that being said, I think he’s been known to love black women and has been MARRIED to one before. This “he’s through with black women ect” is one the most-obviously-fabricated, dramatic and down right theatrical rumors I have seen in a while. He’s shown in his interviews to have a nice(friendly, smart, all around awesome) down to earth personality, and being from the U.K. he’s probably more relaxed about the idea of dating outside his race. He’s not ‘doing us dirty’, so can he live, sheesh!

  • apple

    damn it tyrone
    we were rooting for you!
    we were all rooting for you!
    not me though.. i dont care
    but it seems like every week is some black man either saying something vicious about a black woman or not dating one ..interesting *rubs hands together*

  • secret ninja

    he said it’s a rumor. i’ll take his word for it. he’s cool with me until he gets on Dr. Drew and acts a damn fool like that dreaded negro.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    I think the larger context is needed here. Unfortunately some Black women have been brainwashed to think that more Black men are dating White women than is really the case. This is propaganda started hundreds of years ago by White men who used this as a way to enact more violence against Black men.

    It is a shame that this propaganda is so insidious that many of us believe it. The truth is that the vast majority of Black men date Black women. But some times the facts take a backseat to hype.

    So Idris is only one Black man and if he chooses to date a White woman, so what.

  • Carlton Jordan

    so you bash mustafa , but stick up for idris cause u wanna f*ck him. great article.

  • Patricia

    Along with me and few of my girlfriends, we are probably the only ones that don’t care. Our evaluation ( I know we are judging b/c neither one of us knows him) is that he seems to be self-centered and would want a woman to serve him. It goes both ways. Personally we all believe he would date a white woman over a black woman. However, we do stand to be corrected. In the end; if he chooses to go that route, it will not be a surprise to us. Either way, we wish him the best of luck. Everybody deserves true love.

  • Lysheba

    Exactly! The uproar over his relationship with a white woman, if he really even is in one (my mourning up thread may be premature…hopefully?) , expounds on the MYTH of black male lust for white women. Which is a myth. I repeat, it is a myth. One more time. It. is. a. myth. A deliberate device/ justification of subjugation and segregation in the US. (that was a lot of ‘tions’, I know…sorry)

    Certainly there has been and continues to be a pervasive promotion of European beauty standards and by that token, pervasive attacks on black female beauty, but the idea that an influential black man dating a white women means he hates black women, is a bit of a stretch to say the least.

    There are celebrities who actually verbalize their anti-black woman mess. Lets focus on those coons.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jennifer-JDiva-T/100000712417629 Jennifer JDiva T

    Mustafa was mentioned because he made negative comments, which Elba didn’t. There’s not bashing when facts are just that. Nothing “bashing” was said.

  • QON


    Date a white woman over a black woman? You know how many black men have dated other black women over you? In that case does it make a difference, you still wont have him. You sound crazy.

  • PGS

    Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever agreed with QON, but I do this time.

    Patricia that fact that you know him but say he’s probably self-centered and judgmental is weird…and then to say he’d date a white woman over a black women (when he was married to a black woman & has a black daughter) is just….telling. I think it says more about you than anything.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    a black man with self knowledge and self love would not be interested in a white women

  • Isis

    Lol true but black women need to let go of black men who choose to date others. Why get upset over something u have no control over

  • http://www.boomerwizdom.com Chief Wiz

    Women of all ages are enthralled with what this man represents physically. But does anyone know him for real? Your reasoning is ridiculous. I don’t even believe you don’t care. and your NY minute.

  • twee

    I think you hear it more from black women (than men) because this is so common, how does “love” keep falling into the laps of black men and white women? After awhile we have to call out the full of crap nature that it is. How people should respond to it is a whole other thing because you never know when a person truly falls in love with another race or just the fact that it resolve nothing. Get angry about it with a group of friends over some Ben & Jerry’s not on the internet.

    But if people couldn’t help who they fell in love with, you’d see just as many Gauborey’s on the red carpet with her man as you do “insert white girlfriend/wife here”, just sayin.

  • Timcampi

    I’m not sure why we care about any celeb’s marital/sexual relationships. He/she is NOT with you… so it’s irrelevant.

  • Justincase

    Great points but the grammatical/spelling errors are killing me

  • Simone

    Idris is British. That stupid logic of brainwashing started here in our country, the USA. Brits dont have that racial hangup, and honestly neither should we…..but we continue living in the past and not move forward. Get over Black women, and let go of the baggage that is holding us back.

  • Kim

    The big difference between Idris and Isaiah is that you can tell Idris does not have an problem with Black women. I think women are sensitive to seeing a celebrity date interracially because even though they know they will probably never meet the guy, the assumption is that he’s one of “those guys” that must hate his mother and thinks black women were the source of swine flu that we were collectively behind 9/11 and all that is wrong with the world. Those types of men exist but some of us need to stop projecting that to people who just happen to date interracially.

    Anyone who is a fan of Idris knows he has dated Black women, he has a Black daughter, he just recently created a web series focusing on the lives of struggling Black actresses in Hollywood. Hes never made any ignorant comments about “good hair” or “yellow bones”…Its pretty clear he doesn’t have a color problem.

  • binks

    “If men rarely get upset at a women for choosing to date outside her own race….” where do you live because I would like to live there because I know men that b*tch when a women of their race date out with snarky comments or attacking her womanhood and their nothing rarely about it. Though I do agree with the majority of your points made.

  • http://getme-lolly.blogspot.com getmelolly

    I could even read past the first few paragraphs. I’m hurting like my man cheated on me! Why does Idris have this affect on me. I’m not too bothered about which race he decides to date… the question is why are you dating??? I thought you were waiting for me idris!!!

  • Timcampi


    I was called a sellout, and “wanting to be put on a pedestal” for admitting to finding all races of men desirable.

  • Candy

    You do have your group of black men who do get a mad when they a black woman with a man that is not black. They’ll make comments behind your back, to your face if they are bold. And black women/black men are no different from each other in this way. The only reason it is more noticeable when bw do it is because there are more bm that date white/Asian/other-color/ethnicity women so you also hear more complaints.

    I don’t care who dates who. I have a problem with people who hate the opposite sex of their own race or make them all out to be some horrible group of people. But I could care less who Idris dates because I’m married, I don’t know him, and I never really paid him attention prior to reading about him here at Clutch.

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    How do people find these twitter controversies? I don’t think there were that many black women involved in this mess. I wish he hadn’t responded. Those heifers don’t have a right to tell him whom to date.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    all races can certainly be desirable. how you act on that desire is a political decision.
    a black person with self knowledge and self love will not date a white person.
    there is more to us than our hormones.

  • li’sister

    This happens far too often black actor lets his agent market him as a sex symbol to
    black women meanwhile being abit dodgy about his personal life when actually behind the scenes hes dating a woman from other race a much less a white woman. Hes going to have a hard time finding work in US black film community now No Wonder he when back to Britian (Three Words) …. Remember Taye Diggs.

  • African Mami

    @ j-philly,

    I ABSOLUTELY disagree! You are telling me that if you see me with a Hispanic man I’m self hating. Your my e-boo but GFOH with that one!!!!!!!!

    All this self love, self-identity, self-knowledge humbra humbra you be preaching on here, as far as I’m concerned boils down to hate. Don’t date the white man he is the devil….urrrrgh!

  • storm

    ever been snatched in public by a (black) stranger whose mad your boyfriends white while he’s standing there?talk about a fight… girl worst day ever

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Crawford/1355602807 Mary Crawford

    It’s a shame that a lot of women of color are still very sensitive about this issue but a part of me still understands. It’s not really about Idris more so than it just seems like one less for us, I guess. Hopefully he is dating her because he simply likes her. Personally, since I have about a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a date with Idris, I don’t care who he dates. lol

  • Timcampi


    Go somewhere really far away from my comments. You already know I disagree with you on many levels. You’re not going to change my opinion and certainly not who I date. So yeah. Deal with it?

  • Nadell

    @ secret ninja
    yes indeed!

  • S.

    Black people need to get off Twitter lmao

    All of the sh*t I hear y’all talk about on that network is embarrassingly ignorant

    However, I refuse to tell Black women that they shouldn’t be mad at their favorite Black male celebrity dating a white woman. Why shouldn’t they? White female beauty has been put on a pedestal for centuries and their beauty has been paraded around the world via the media for decades now… every Black woman knows that they have an unfair foot over us when it comes to the public’s perception of their beauty. So no one should be surprise that Black men date White women once they “make it” at a higher rate than anybody who dates Black women once they “make it”

    We haven’t had the same opportunity to brainwash ‘other’ men to be bias toward our beauty the way that White men/women have brainwashed us. Whether it’s our business or not, we all sense that White women can get more of a shot with non-White men than Black women can get with non-Black men… it’s human nature to be bitter towards unfairness

    I will say that once a Black woman becomes confident with herself or simply unphased by (and detached from) the actions of Black men… she will no longer be plagued by the unfairness she endures from the universe

    So I say to Black women that feel some kind of way about things like this… you’re bitterness might be understandable but it’s not useful. There is no purpose to having never ending bitterness toward “snowbunnies” who can pull Black men you only wish you could nor is it “cute”

    Black men who date Ww aren’t simply gonna wake up and see how unfair the world treats you and then date your ass

    So, moan all u want but just know that it’s not gonna do anything but pollute the environment with your negativity

  • Faye

    Love your comment! I think people in general need to edit their thoughts on twitter, LMAO. Well said!

  • SAA

    That is the first thing that pops out to me but I thought it was only I who noticed how several articles/ pieces contain so many obvious spelling/ grammatical errors. Some are more obvious than others but even still I wonder to myself if they don’t proofread what they write. Then I’m reminded its just a blog so its probably not that serious to them.

  • http://afrostyle-afrostyle.blogspot.com/ AfroStyling

    How about they all need to get a fucking life? Im mad he even bothered to respond to that ignorant tweet. What business is it of theirs if he dates white, orange, or a damn na’vi?
    Fucking insecure ignorant people! You dont own anybody!

  • http://afrostyle-afrostyle.blogspot.com/ AfroStyling

    Now this is the second part. Essence Magazine has featured this man on their cover more than once. Add Reggie Bush to that line up. Next thing you know, they will have that self-hating mustafa fool on the cover too. If you as a black woman, have an issue with Essence putting these men on the cover, then you need to voice your displeasure with your pocket. Instead of going on social media to whine and make an ass out of yourself over some dude who doesn’t even know you exist.

  • http://afrostyle-afrostyle.blogspot.com/ AfroStyling

    Can you read? Seems comprehension is not your strongest point.

  • http://afrostyle-afrostyle.blogspot.com/ AfroStyling

    Girl, you and your girlfriends need to have a stadium full of seats.

  • http://afrostyle-afrostyle.blogspot.com/ AfroStyling


    “a black person with self knowledge and self love will date whom ever they please” is what you meant to say.

  • JaeBee

    “It’s not really about Idris more so than it just seems like one less for us, I guess.”

    Why does it have to be “one less” for you? Who’s preventing you from broadening your horizons (like he is) and dating the rainbow? If your rainbow is only composed of one color, of course it’s gonna look bleak.

  • Chnyere

    seriously, how often to u hear of a famous, rich and well to do black man dating a black women. this should not be a surprise

  • tj

    Because Black women are their fan base. Period, point blank and any PR agent with a degree will tell you that dating a WW with a BW fan base is career suicide. Good luck to you brother Iris-you better ask Taye Diggs.

  • Joyful1

    Dead at Na’vi……flatline…….

  • Nne

    You obviously don’t know much about black British women – they’re complaining about the black male flight too. We, in the States, just happen to be the loudest voice out there…in literally everything.

  • damidwif


    i was wondering what ever happened to taye diggs

  • IRhypocritics

    I can’t for the life of me understand why black women are so hurt over a black dude dating a white chick. Black women have been conditioning black men to love white women since slavery.

    What’s hair pressing and weaving if not a strange outgrowth of black women’s own love admiration and envy of white women?

    Black women love white women far more than any black man. To most black men, (well the healthy ones) a white woman is just another dating option that some black men drift to because she’s shown herself in some cases to be willing to entertain a black man, however black women’s love of white women is far more sinister, it’s wanting to look like white women so that they can have what white women have – white women’s real “prized possession”; the love of the white man. LOL! (so sad)

    The anger at Idris is not that he is rejecting black women, it’s at both black man and white woman for crashing the notion that white men are the prize.


  • BeautyIAM

    This really mad me laugh. Are black men really that scarce that some black women get that irate? Black women have to stop this. It makes so many black women look pathetic and…dare I say the words I hate using….bitter and jealous.

    Black women need to open up their eyes. Do some black women know how crazy they look when like 50,000 + black women (and other women) are chasing after ONE guy. Come on women! Have some pride.

    Even if he was with a white women. So what? I get really annoyed of this “ownership” a lot of black people in general have towards each other. Its really laughable considering we live in the 21st century.

  • S.

    Actually, it was Black men who first started wearing their hair like White men

    Sooooo…. comment fail? O_o

  • binks

    Thanks ladies! I know I wasn’t the only one that gave pause to that insert. I seen firsthandly some men getting extra pissy when they see a woman, and let her be beautiful and fly, with another men not of her race…whew

    @jamesfrmphilly…not even responding to that one…smh

  • lee

    We can all sit here and be politically correct by saying it does not matter. It is all about fantasy. If Idris is with a white woman that fantasy of you and him all up under each other goes out the window. Look how Robin Thicke’s stock with the sisters went up when he married a black woman. It is all about escape and imagining yourself with that man. If it appears that he likes the opposite of what you represent then you lose interest.

  • Realtalkfromablkwoman

    Black women need to wake up and start dating men of other races! period. That is the only way a black woman’s stock will go up! Black men think that they are the only prize, because black women make them feel that way. Trust me if more black women started dating white men or men of other races, you will see how quick black men will start to change their tune and want to date and marry more black women. Who cares who idris is dating, if he loves her then more power to him. Black women let go of this false loyalty that you think black men have or owe you because in the end if you continue to hold on to it you will end up ALONE AND BITTER!….

  • Unknown

    Do you know that this is just a rumor? Come on Clutch! Are you doing Gossips now? Not that is important but I think his current partner is a actually a dark skin sista ;-) BTW, I kind of agree with S comment about the brainwashing of men regarding the standard of white woman beauty. It echoes the sentiment of many black women even the most secure ones. Yes love does not have color but we cannot ignore self-hate BMs. However, I think that the media has an agenda with this Even Your Own Men don’t want you big lie.

  • Unknown

    I see that every time I write a comment mentioning this website, the comment never get publicized. I see censorship at work. I was just being truthful (still respectful as well) like the last time my comment went missing.

  • African Mami

    @ Realtalkfromablkwoman,

    Black women need to wake up and start dating men of other races! period. That is the only way a black woman’s STOCK WILL GO UP!

    I am not buying your stock theory. I am NOT a commodity up for trade! My stock is already up as is! I think highly of myself and I could give a rat’s ass of a man that thinks otherwise of me. Why should we expend our energies into trying to get our weight up to a point of recognition. How about they recognize our worth from the onset.

    If a black man’s tune is not race-specific, who am I to change it. Let him be! If a black man wants to date a woman who happens to be white. So be it! Goodness me. Find you a man that puts you on a pedestal. That’s the most important, treats you like the bomb diggity and is progressive in every way thinkable. If that man happens to be white, stop trippin!

    Race should never define our relationships, character should!

  • Unknown

    Great point!

  • African Mami

    no his stock goes down if I find out he has more than one kid, with 1001 babymama’s!!!!

  • Huh

    I’m sorry. I would be one of those women who do have a problem if Idris dates outside his race, and trust that I would never go to a theatre and pay to see any black film he’s in again. I have no problem with actors who date outside their race but do not pander to black audiences. Dont try to get a black fan base, do black films to make your money, and then turn around and date white women. No. You stay on the other side and don’t come over. It does matter who he dates. For people to pretend “oh, love is blind” “who cares about color” are just straight hypocritical. If it was so unimportant, websites like this and many others would not exist. I believe in strong black families run by black parents. I have no problem with interracial dating as long as people are honest. I can respect Clarence Thomas, but Taye Diggs, I can’t. And if Idris Elba is also going that route, I won’t be able to respect or support him either.

    I just feel like a lot of people use black people in general, and black women in particular to achieve certain aims and then go off to do what they please. Not with my money.

  • Lysheba

    TRUTH! I thought about my own ‘bereavement’ upthread (at having lost the possibility of …me and Idris sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a bay in a baby carriage-though, I am sane and know that I really wasn’t going to be meeting this dude probably ever lol) when someone else reminded us that this whole thing is a rumor anyways. And it’s true, it IS just a rumor. Wasn’t he just photographed with this woman? Since when did being photographed with someone mean that you’re dating? That’s some stalker shit! Is EVERYONE brain damaged!?

  • herewego

    boy idris your have committed career suicide. i dont think that the issue is about him dating a white woman. its a matter of women who support him. you go see his films. watch his shows and buy magazines that you constantly hear him talk about how much he loves “sistas” now bc i am a avid idris fan, this is alllllllllll i ever hear from him. now its definitely a truth. there were pics surfaced of him with a Caucasian female. then he made a comment about it. more of an innuendo. people say oh get over it. get over it. but i will say this about black people. we love you. we love you more when you love us back. its kind of like betrayal. Someone talks about how much they love sistahs. I want a sista. blah blah blah.then you are dating someone outside your race. so bottom line is you used us for your success. i know it sounds deep but sorry i wont be supporting him. Common take his damn spot! lol

  • S.

    Judging by some of the comments left under this article, it seems to me that the “problem” is not as simple as Idris dating a White woman.

    It seems as though its a complex mixture of what I wrote in my post above and the insecurity that some Black women are starting to feel (or have always felt) when it comes to supporting Black actors and stanning for him as well.

    I mean let’s be honest, supporting an actor or any celebrity because he is handsome has a lot to do with fantasy. It’s sad that Black women have to feel insecure about liking and supporting a Black actor when he can turn around and give all his (intimate) support to someone they don’t see themselves in… and of course there’s this sentiment that we’re suppose to automatically count Black men as ‘safe’ to fantasize about because they’re (supposedly) more likely to find us attractive back. But maybe therein lies the problem

    But I think Black Women ought to be insecure when it comes to fantasizing and supporting celebrities.

    We are the only group of women that, time and time again, get verbally assaulted by public figures (*erm hmm* John Mayer, Don Imus, etc.). We know the dirty things that people have to say about us and we know how common these thoughts are. So, we’re already on edge when it comes to supporting people outside of our community but now we are getting into an era where we have to do the same with Black men (Mustafa, I’m looking at you *angry face*)?

    Not that I am saying Idris has crossed that line but I think, for some Bw, he might be tittering on it (as illogical as it may sound). And it is illogical because *this* man, IDRIS, has done nothing offensive to Black women and I believe he deserves our support because…

    1) He’s a great actor
    2) He hasn’t offended us in any way, no Diggs
    3) He’s Hot
    4) We never had a ‘real’ shot with him anyways so continue fantasizing lol

  • TR

    Just an observation, but it seems race is not the main issue here. The problem seems to be so many women projecting their romantic desires onto someone most will never have a shot at. Your fantasy is not his reality. It is not Idris’ personal responsibility to live up to some social standard in the heads of some of his fans. If he chooses to do so, then fine. However, there is no requirement on his part. Does it make him less of an actor? Does his work all of a sudden go lacking because you find out a white woman is waiting on him when he gets home? Is Idris not free to love who he chooses because he has so many black female fans? Heck, the President of the United States is married to a black woman. Shouldn’t that count for something? Can Idris get a pass?

  • http://[email protected] ross

    I ‘VE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL ALONG…. now that he started dating a white woman then you ladies will start saying that he ain’t all that.. just like tay diggs… :) it’s hilarious

  • BeautyIAM

    Sadly enough, its starting to look that way. Just sad.

  • Rakel

    I love Idris Elba. He’s an amazing actor and he’s fine! Even though he has had relationships with Black women so what? Who he sleeps with is his business. It’s not like he’s said anything ignorant or hurtful to Black women. If that ever should occur (I’d be heartbroken cause I love that man lol) then judge him. But not because his girlfriend (is this even true cause I keep hearing it’s a rumor?) non-Black. Black men and Black women can date and marry people from outside races if they want to do so. It doesn’t make you less Black. They don’t have to call or let the Black community know. It’s so sad that some Black women will really hit the dismiss button over this.

  • IRHypocritics

    Oh you’re talking about conking, well that was a pratice that some black men started under the influence of black women, if I remember rightly it was black woman who invented hair straightening, so that black women iron the “coarsness” out of their hair. .

    so who’s the fail now eh?


  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kathy-Henry/1632750521 Kathy Henry

    Instead of worrying about the love lives of celebrities that they never will be meet, black people need to worry about how our communities are going down the drain. We as black people have a tendency to worry about the silliest shit ever.

  • SAA

    If this aint the truth then I’m content lies because THIS comment is the most makes more sense than any other on this whole blog. If we shouldn’t care, why write a whole post saying so? This crap is ABSOLUTELY irrelevant to anyone’s daily life and your comment was a breath of fresh air- thank you Kathy.

  • Bliss

    Well said!!!

  • True dis

    I agree with you. To my mind there is none more treacherous than the male gender. Regardless of colour look at how much a woman, generally speaking will worship, adore and honour a man even if his conduct is not deserving of such devotion. Women need to remove men from this pedal stool that they have placed them. They should try and value THEMSELVES more. I think if black women could in particularly do this they could disperse of this ‘black male’ worship and open themselves up to men from diverse backgrounds. I can’t wait to get to a point where black women don’t care who a regular/high profile man is dating. They do not deserve your attention.

  • minna k.

    Really? all of this fuss over him???


  • Timcampi


    -___- many if not most famous black male celebrities marry within their race. I suggest you look this up.

  • NOno



  • Perverted Alchemist

    Well, he’s a Black man from Britain…why am I not suprised at him for dating outside of his race? That doesn’t bother me nearly as much as his music career- please stop that, sir!!!!

  • D-Chubb

    As long as he’s not throwing shade on Black women, a la Wesley Snipes, then I’m fine with whoever he chooses to date, or marry. Sigh.

  • http://twitter.com/SheThrives11 E. Wilson

    It’s high time that black women stop thinking that our loyalty to black men is reciprocal. Black women don’t own black men or vice versa. Furthermore to fret over a celebrity’s dating preferences is silly. IR dating is an option for everybody. Learn about it and try it, or else continue to be bitter waiting for some unrealistic black prince to come and rescue you.

  • EssDot323

    RT. Like. +1.

  • Piper

    I couldn’t have said it better myself!

  • The Comment

    It is clear. Black man poor. Date black woman. Black man rich/famous. Date non-black woman.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hareema-Akinak/100000531851239 Hareema Akinak

    As long as he’s not bashing black women to justify his love life, I don’t care….

  • Whatever

    He’s not a “sex symbol” because of women of any other race. He’s risen to that “status” because he is loved by black women. His stock could easily go down because of who he dates… HE is the one to be concerned about his dating preferences because YES it does effect his career.

    Reggie Bush anyone? Essence got their most feedback ever after he was on the cover. Black women wanted to know why they would even bother putting him on the cover when he doesn’t date black women. Very valid question since black women are the majority of supporters for Essence.

    Can anyone name a BLACK actor that is considered a “sex symbol” because he is loved by white women? There’s a longer list of actors that WERE considered as such and fizzled out once they started dating/married someone non black.

    People underestimate the buying power of black women all the time…

  • kemba1284

    I am no longer surprised when black men cease to show solidarity towards their own race. Just another black “man” running for master’s scraps…..

  • NOno

    + 2

  • linda

    This man is soooooo not attractive.Who cares who he or any other black man is with.

  • linda

    It is not a myth that black men lust after white women. I see it every day.If you are in Brooklyn ny go to the neighborhood around the flatbush junction and it is interracial heaven for the black man over there and Black women can pretend all they want to about this issue but it is real and RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACES-SO GO AHEAD AND PRETEND

  • Lysheba

    @ Linda.

    Okay. Maybe in your and a lot of other women’s experiences, that’s true. But what’s also true is that the founding societal norms in the US were centered around maintaining white racial purity and rigid classifications (hence hypo-descent or the ‘one drop’ rule).

    To do that, many stereotypes we consider antiquated and supersupersuperwrong today (black women as either ugly&masculine, strong/angry, matronly&servile or conversely, hyper sexual- and black men as hyper sexual brutes who lust after ‘virtuous’ white flesh), were created in that time of nation building so as to entrench them.

    If black men do lust after white women today( although this statement is pretty close to assigning a pathology to all black men) it’s because while the denigration of black femininity was being entrenched through mass sexual assault by white men during slavery (and afterwards) and the grotesque caricatures in popular entertainment, white womanhood was being put on a pedestal and constructed as a thing to be ‘protected’ (from ‘savage’ black men). That’s not to say black men can’t think for themselves and step up and ‘do right’ by black women, but black men are only one part of many in the phenomenon you see in Brooklyn.

    Plus, here in Baltimore (and in DC) all I see are black couples.

  • Alexandra

    Because you believe Black women are the reason he’s famous and love him, he has to date Black women? That makes no sense to me. His dating preference shouldn’t really matter and he’ll still have a career if certain fans no longer show interest in him. I didn’t underestimate Black women’s buying power, but don’t you think it’s pathetic that you say it will affect his career? If his career is affected by the insecurity of female fans, then it will only reflect poorly on them. Especially since he never said anything about bad about Black women, which is my point. He didn’t say anything like Slim Thug, Brian White or Wesley have said about Black women. Why can’t he date who he wants to date in peace? Jeez.

  • BeautyIAM

    *Looking around me as I type* Is we back in the 1800′s already? This whole time I thought I was free!!

  • ThinkingMolly

    Read “Black Skin, White Masks” and all these “preferences” will become clear to you

  • http://www.sosingerssd.blogspot.com Yolanda Marie

    LMAO @ the comment about his music career! Yes, it is horrid. Stay acting/DJaying but NO MORE SINGING!!!

  • Felicia

    Ummmmm one white girlfriend does not a “preference” make. Just cause he’s dating someone of a certain race doesn’t mean that race is his “dating preference.” I’ve dated black, white, Asian, Latino, Middle Eastern men; at no point did any of them reflect any “racial preference” of mine. Just sayin’…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kristina-Tramel/1654902020 Kristina Tramel

    It’s time grown women stop having school girl crushes on celebrities and acting like they belong to them. They were probably NEVER going to met him anyways
    so why all the fuss?

    Idirs (or any other black celebrity) wasn’t going to date every black women that found him attractive.

    Get over it. He can date who ever he want …just like they can.

  • DundrMffln

    Your whole post is on point…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephanie-McCorkle-Gale/669748003 Stephanie McCorkle-Gale

    He sings??? Can’t be as bad as Terrence Howard trying to sing. As for who he dates, good for him– last time I checked, grown people can do what they want. Never understood why some BW care so much about BM dating non-BW. Don’t get it at all…

  • RC

    i think a black man, that was bitter about all the black women who like Idris Elba, started this rumor.

    irregardless of who he dates, I just don’t see the appeal.

  • mee

    black women just need to become more approachable to blackmen.. and stop listening to beyonce’s advice.. then i guarantee this will happen less.. cut the attitude..it doesnt make for a good partner

  • http://melindasperspective.blogspot.com Melinda

    This.Yes,date whoever you please,but don’t bash black women in the process.
    Idris is good people in my book.

  • secret ninja

    :rolls eyes: oh lord, how in the world did this article come to these comments? nobody even knows if this is true or not! i haven’t read about anything regarding negative feelings/comments he has against black women! leave this man alone! people are getting upset about something that they don’t even know has actually happened! he hasn’t pulled a Brian White or a Slim Thug so let’s just stop the madness, please.

  • Lady T

    Its his choice and no one should be upset about it. Black women are the only race complaining about their men dating other women. It makes us look so desparate and needy. I believe this is why so many people feel privy to put us down. Honestly if we tell the truth we are not the most desired woman and it hurts, especially because the black man often are the ones who express these feelings. The poor lifestyle choices, the out of wedlock children and the horrifying image displayed on t.v. and following the wayward church has only added to why the black woman are the least desired. We are living in the white man’s world and being the self sufficient queen who don’t need a man has back fired severly.

  • Whatever

    I NEVER stated he had to date anyone of any race. I just stated that it does effect his career. Much like when Ben Affleck was dating Jlo and his career took a hit. This is why actors and musicians lie about their dating status ALL the time. Nothing pathetic… it is what it is. This is how it works.

  • Whatever

    Please have a seat and read a Paul Gilroy book. Thanks.

  • Whatever

    Thank You…

    Taye Diggs

    Terence Howard

    Wesley Snipes

    Rick Fox

  • http://www.elephantchronicles-nell.blogspot.com Nell

    it should be noted, though, that Franz Fanon was married and had children with a white woman.

  • http://thisismysoapbox.wordpress.com/ FFFFFF

    @Whatever has a point….


    - Taye Diggs,
    - Tyrese (whatever the hell his name is)
    - Terrence Howard

    Where are they now?

  • http://thisismysoapbox.wordpress.com/ FFFFFF

    oops my bad @Whatever…I see that you mentioned them all in a comment below

  • Laina

    I don’t think it is simply Idris, it is Idris represents a certain type of Black man, attractive (to some) and successful. The fact that he crossed the line, if it is true, represents not an individual crossing the line but a group of men in a perceived dwinding population crossing the line. As far as just relying on Black men to date, the reality is we are not on the top of the list for most non-Black men. If an Asian or Hispanic man decides to date outside of his group, they tend to want a white women or another women of color but not a Black women. From what I see out there in the street, some Black women have thrown in the towel and are dating each other.

  • Chnyere

    no chica, u need to look it up cause u r wrong

  • Where?

    Where exactly are all of these white men who want SERIOUS relationships with black woman? I keep hearing sisters encourage each other to “explore their options”. What options? Any attractive black woman can find a white man to have sex with. Finding a white man who will consider you as a life partner he wants to marry and have children with is an entirely different story.

  • Danielle

    Yeah I get it…u can date whomever you want, its cool..i wouldn’t wanna throw shade at real love..but it still stings a little and I can’t lie and say I don’t think to myself “damn, lost another one”

  • CafeTime

    LMAO at stop the singing… It’s not that bad…is it?

    Well I guess people are really gonna die when they find out his ex wife was Asian….lol

    But, from what I hear…he also dated Toni Childs..from Girlfriends

    So, maybe he just likes women….I just don’t like the disrespectful talk….in the media….I don’t care who you date…when you start disrespecting your audience…yes…you gonna hear about it. Black women don’t owe anybody anything either….let’s get clear about that too.

    I do think these guys are under alot of pressure to live certain lifestyles once they have success and it seems to be from each other….it seems a little less about love…and more about well …everbody else is doing it.

  • CafeTime

    Lady T you sound more like Mr. T….I’m not even going in….lmao

    Your comments are completely ignorant…period

  • CafeTime

    Ninja…you are right. These conversations are always posted only to continue to divide…people think black women across America only want to sit around dicussing this topic.
    I said just the other day….Black men are under the impression they are Waaaaayyyy more important than they actually are…lol true dat! from all these blogs going Oh, look he’s dating so and so’s and she’s white! who cares.

    In 2011 no one and I mean no one in America should be shocked by hearing a black man who is an actor, athlete, or in a certain tax bracket is dating or marryin someone that don’t look like them…. We Know, We Get It.

    What’s the real purpose of dicussing this man dating habits? that’s the question

  • FearlessUK

    I’m a black American woman living in Britain. Idris is enormously popular & respected here by people of all races. And yes, attitudes about race, dating & marriage are much more relaxed here. He is a beautiful, intelligent, strong, self-aware man who is free to date whoever he wants and it ain’t nobody’s business what he does.

    @j-philly: Your talk sounds deep, but it’s ignorant, reactionary non-sense. Make whatever decision you want for your own life, but imho you need to get out more because you don’t seem to understand that people are just people.

  • Ummm…Think about it

    @ Ninja, yes, thank GOODNESS he did not go Slim Thug, bc it would be time to cry.

    @ Cafe Time, did you think about your comment? Because justified or not, honestly you answered the question of why women are so up in arms about it.

    “In 2011 no one and I mean no one in America should be shocked by hearing a black man who is an actor, athlete, or in a certain tax bracket is dating or marryin someone that don’t look like them…. We Know, We Get It. ”
    The reality that it is a popular and even “normal” behavior for a black man of a heightened social/economic status to automatically date anything that doesn’t resemble a black woman is bothersome. The fact that its so normal that even a blog I actually respect and intelligent women on here are dismissing as a relevant factor is disconcerting. Choosing for love is one thing, but choosing just for the sake of not choosing black is another. We don’t know which is the celebrity in questions motive. And I agree that being aware of that, we should not be concerned about him or any other black man. But for Clutch or any Black woman to get on here and fake like they don’t understand what is bothersome about possible self-hate is a joke. SERIOUSLY. Maybe some women need to gain better perspective and focus and stop worrying about what Black women do…but don’t act like you don’t understand why its bothersome. And if you really are that oblivious…yes you CLUTCH…then you seriously are in denial and lying to yourself.

  • secret ninja

    “Black women are the only race complaining about their men dating other women.”

    @Lady T – that’s not true, i have a mexican friend who is always asking me what is the appeal with black women and mexican men, it seems to be a real source of ire for her.

  • Yoni

    “damn, lost another one”

    Hello, exactly what is lost when any child prospect that may result will be brown. Actually, it is a win from that prospective. It seems that your comment may reflect the possibility that one has yet to find that special man to submit to and start a family. And yes, I said “submit,” which is the only way you’ll get any man to give you all of his attention. Unless your not interested in receiving a man’s attention.

  • theProfessor


    There have always been same gender loving black women all around the globe…not merely “throwing in the towel and dating each other”, BUT thankful to be genuinely and naturally attracted to one another so that we aren’t victims in this suffering over when a Black man doesn’t want a Black woman for whatever reason.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shannon-Anne-Carter/197000431 Shannon Anne Carter

    I was more surprised to learn he dated Black women. I thought those African British men ONLY dated white women, LOL.

  • Ashlan

    The same could be said about all races of men, women of all races dealt with men wanting them only for sex and not love. Yes there are some white men as well as black, Asian, Latino, etc men that use black women just for sex and there are also some white, black, Asian, Latino, etc men that want to be married to a black woman and want a black woman to be the mother of their children.

  • tada

    To clarify Frantz Fanon’s choice of mate, he admitted to be himself an living example of his theory.

  • SisterAyiti

    Your argument is correct in some respects. White men will swoon over a BW but not necessarily marry one. But not always the case. I was engaged to one (the first and only white guy I ever dated) but it just didn’t work out. Oh well, love does crazy things to you sometimes– regardless of color.

    I still find it rather strange though how foreign a concept as interracial dating is to many black women. I was dating white guys since middle school in South Florida. Moved to Atlanta and suddenly their had to be dating sites specifically designed for this “new trend.”

    Get it together sistas!!

  • SisterAyiti

    I just laugh.. Why? Cause I’m almost 30 and look better than white women five years younger than me. I still get carded and have been accused of having a fake ID (twice).

    Gabby Union and the rest of you FABULOUS 40 and up sistas.. I can’t wait to walk in those shoes!. To be damn near 50 and look 20 years younger– damn.. its gonna be a great life!

    And to the brothers checkin for white chicks. Have em! Wrinkly, shriveled, chain smoking alcoholics by 30– enjoy em while they last! Cause they don’t!

  • http://wanderlu5t.wordpress.co Jenn

    IDK why people are so concerned about the kind of women he dates. It’s his life, and only he can live it. And, I’ve never gotten the fuss over him. He may be a talented actor, but dude is average-looking.

  • Jess

    THANK YOU, Minna K! Too through, he is!

  • Jess


  • Jess

    @CafeTime: “Black men are under the impression they are Waaaaayyyy more important than they actually are…lol true dat! from all these blogs going Oh, look he’s dating so and so’s and she’s white! who cares.”

    THANK YOU…i’m so sick of this ish. Why does every magazine geared towads Blac women keep insulting us with this ish? Nobody cares who Idris Elba’s ugly a*s is with! Damn! Please give us a new topic, they are not that important.

  • http://30Nineteen.com Aletha

    Here. Here. Love knows no race. Open up and let love in my African-American sisters.

  • http://youtube.com/pammieandnicole Pammie and Nicole

    It makes us feel like we’re not good enough for a black man of his caliber (and so many other men behave this way) it reminds us of the stigma that we have as black women –every couple reminds us that we are just not good enough. we can choose to ignore this feeling, or just accept it. sometimes i choose the former, and other times the latter.

  • anonymousone

    To whoever said that, his ex wife was not asian. I saw his ex wife. She is was/is black and his daughter is very dark skin (have no idea if his ex is the mother or not)

  • anonymousone

    Wait when did Idris express he has a preferance for white women? Even if he is dating one now, that means thats his preferance? Why is it everytime someone dates outside their race, people say thats their dating preferance? Maybe there are certain things he likes in a woman physically or mentally and dates whoever has those qualites no matter what race they are? There shouldnt even still be articles like this in 2011. Black men have been dating all kinds of women forever whethey they are a celebrity or not. Dont sistas get tired of this same topic? Move on and date other men already. Its not that hard.

  • http://www.yeastinfection.com How to Cure Yeast Infection

    What i don’t understood is if truth be told how you’re now not actually much more smartly-favored than you might be right now. You are very intelligent. You understand therefore considerably relating to this matter, made me in my opinion believe it from so many various angles. Its like women and men are not interested unless it?s one thing to accomplish with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs great. At all times care for it up!

  • ana

    The Brits do not seem to be as caught up in race as Americans. Americans are classless in that way.

  • thetruthisbittersweet

    is it wrong for us to want to perserve our race and heritage? God is against it and so am I. Everyone is gonna look like clones in the next 100 years. No distinction! What a shame and shame on him.

  • AustralianGirl

    Can you please clarify how you KNOW God is against interracial relationships? lol

  • Southernbrown

    I’m so sick of black acting as though black women no longer exist. I think black men would be bothered if ever time they looked up a black women was with some other racef race of man as if they didn’t exist. Idris Elba along with a growing number of black males are wrong for dating and marrying outside the race. After all what race of women makes up his fan base black or white. Just like I don’t support any of Terrance Howard movies because of his total disregard for black women, I’ve now added Idris to the pack. All that’s left as far as I’m concerned is for black women as a collective body of people the moment we find out that one of men is dating outside the race to no longer support any of this movies, products, whatever, we should begin immediately to act as though his ass does not exist.

  • melmanu

    Ladies, idris was photographed ONCE with a white chick! Since when did one smiling pic mean dating someone? His exwife is black, last girlfriend was blk etc. Another blogger sent him a tweet asking if he has a prefence for white girls & he said no. So this is based on one image, never once did this man diss blk women. So to add idris to the hate list is a bit silly with no evidence! But, it does piss me off that black men seem to get status or success & as soon as they do they date white women. Its like it signals importance. Of course i would not hate on true love but what message is it sending us. What we are not beautiful or sexy? Having said that we cant base our self worth on these men. Black women are beautiful and we need to teach our young black men that we raising to respect & love us. Unless it is a blk man that seems to have an issue with race ie Mustafa, brian white i dont trip. I try to live my life as jill says…golden. Respect yourselves, no one will love you if at first u do not love yourself, flaws & all.

  • Nice

    YES! Please tell them to focus on their own lives not on someone else’s. What’s there in dating someone from a different race? They’re humans not monkeys. I think those tweeting this shit and becoming busy bodies are just wishing they should be picked…bunch of jobless chicks, babes or infants lol. Idris date any colour or shade of girl, lady, woman you wish…all were created by GOD.

  • http://gravatar.com/veritasgrav veritasgrav

    if that’s not a racist comment I don’t know what is…. sure you’d be calling foul if a white man said of another white man “a white man with self knowledge and self love would not be interested in a black women”. You people are so ignorant it’s not funny. This type of attitude assumes you have a license to say what you want but if a white person said it, you’d never hear the end of you people bawling racial injustices.

  • http://gravatar.com/veritasgrav veritasgrav

    good comment but ….. so if you weren’t married you would care who he dates? Please … 0_0 lol

  • Karen Hayes

    He is absolutely gorgeous!

  • Mia

    Actually, you’re wrong. White women LOVE Idris. We love love love him! And we support his shows in Britain and the US too. He’s a gorgeous man and women will always think so, regardless of race.

  • Cece

    This seems to be a huge issue with American women, it’s absurd! In Britain where Idris happens to be from!! interracial relationships are very much the norm, nobody gives a rats arse, you see them everyday and no one blinks an eye lid, No matter if Your asian, caucasian or black. Myself and my black partner were harassed by a group of black teenage girls in New York a few years back they shouted various racisl abuse at us including calling him a disgrace and traitor to his race. We were in utter shock, we had never experienced racial abuse in our own country. I’m very greatful to be from a multicultural and accepting country.

  • http://www.facebook.com/donna.carolinaboyd Donna Carolina-Boyd

    Deuteronomy 7

  • http://www.facebook.com/donna.carolinaboyd Donna Carolina-Boyd

    Absolutely right. The so called Negroes, Blacks, or African Americans are the true Hebrew Israelites and are according to Deuteronomy 7 suppose to marry within their own nationality. The nationality of the child is determined by the father not the country of origin.When one marries outside their nationality, one usually takes on the nature of that person. For so called “blacks” they usually become “gentile” in behavior, culture, spirituality and shun anything that is associated with blackness. We should strive to preserve our Hebrew Israelite nationality and heritage.

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