Chivalry, the grand gestures once considered the normal way in which gentleman courted women, is officially on life support.

Once a favored practice originated during days of knighthood, this element of the chase has seemingly been be replaced by lowered standards, a lack of expectations and general laziness. While the debate continues as to which sex is more at fault for chivalry’s demise, I’d suggest that some women are playing themselves short because of their “thirst.”

If you desire a man to “date” you—you know, acts of social activities that allow couples to assess suitability and intimacy without opening a condom–then the standard should be presented upfront.

In the early stages of dating, a helpful barometer for ladies to maintain a balanced effort going forward is “men will only do what you allow them to.” This mantra—which isn’t a concrete fact—is supposed to remind women of their power, which sometimes becomes gets sacrificed in exchange for the chance to update a Facebook relationship status or bragging rights that you’re no longer “single.” Most women know the basic rules of dating, though some do not observe them, instead opting to settle for less than they initially intended.

The “thirst,” or blatant acts of desperation, often pops up before courting truly begins, signaling to a man you’ll do anything to be “someone” to him. For example, excessive calling, text messages, making plans for holiday gatherings with only a hint of his character revealed (cue scary ‘Jason’ music) can totally scare a man off. The thirst can also be a neon sign that little effort is needed to secure attention, making a woman the doormat, possible sidepiece, or an afterthought. Lazy men love thirsty women—it’s an unproven law of attraction.

Perhaps past relationships or frustrations have forced a woman to lower her standards, which inevitably garners some results. But is it really enough? For example, if a man has the luxury of visiting only during late night hours—in your living space—with food prepared and hot sex waiting to be served up on a platter, what is the incentive of doing anything more than simply showing up?

I overstand that circumstances like a failing economy, low funds or a lack of creativity can hinder a typical dinner date at a four-star restaurant downtown, but a walk in the park is free. Everyone is worthy of being seen in public—the true act of dating. Because let’s be real, constant house/room calls were given the side eye even during freshman year of college. So why are some of us settling for less?

Ladies, requests for men to be more chivalrous will probably go ignored if we fail to set different standards in the very beginning. Making yourself too available or quickly altering your schedule to appease his, without expecting the same in return, further validates the notion that very little work receives all the rewards (yes, sex and time are considered rewards). Lowered expectations work in conjunction with the lack of proper courting and the “thirst,” proving that if you don’t carry yourself like a prize through your words and actions, how in the world can we expect men appreciate to treat us as such?

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  • ms_micia

    Let the church say Amen(d)! Chile…..
    Very eloquently written and needed to be said. Take a loooong sip of lemonade ladies and quench that thirst. Real love will not find you while you are suffering from the equivelant of dry mouth in the relationship area. My momma told me a long time ago “YOU SET THE PACE!” Any man worth the time of day is GOING to move at your pace. And if he doesn’t, do ya really want’em in the first place. I haven’t met a man, any man that doesn’t like to feel like he’s getting a prize in the woman that he marries. Now if being the side peice, late night phone call, fly in for the weekend woman is the life for you…then uhhh…keep lying to yourself. hehe. But when you realize your worth and value, you’ll start to have more validating, fullfilling relationships with men. Your cookies, your time, your conversation, that bad cocktail dress you just bought with the fabulous shoes ALL of that is worth someone truly valuing. If your a diamond, and you want to be treated as such (i.e valuable and worth a hell of alot) then you have to behave like it. Don’t sell yourself short. Opening doors and bringing flowers is just the tip of the iceburg honeys. But it’s a start that every woman should expect.

  • A taped phone call of a woman begging a man to come over to her house,offering to pay for his cab,cooking for him and just being waay too desparate. Dude,who was an arse taped the whole thing and sent it into a radio station and it went viral. Google Nicole and Muturi.

    Also,how did a thread about thirsty women become a black man bashing opp?

    • Are You Serious Bro

      “Also,how did a thread about thirsty women become a black man bashing opp?”

      How could it not? This is Clutch after all. The author could be talking about the Big Bang Theory and the formation of the universe, and it would all lead back to “ni99as ain’t ish” attitude in the comment section lol.

    • CaliDreaming86

      A lot of Black men act ‘thirsty’ when it comes to women, but for whatever reason the word ‘thirsty’ is mostly used to describe women.

      If you have to ask, “Also, how did a thread about thirsty women become a black man bashing pop?” then you do not recognize that there is a larger issue at hand.

  • thinkpink

    My best friend never has issues with men treating her well. Ever. She gets disrespectful men to treat her well because she sincerely knows (not believes) but knows she deserves it. Treating her with respect is not an option but a requirement. She is an awesome person to be around, has a lot to offer and she knows it. Any man (this includes male friends) who don’t realize that will no longer hear from her and will miss out on an awesome thing. They know it. They rise to the occasion and everyone is happy. I have learned a ton from her namely that dating is as terrible or as awesome as you make it and to not believe that you’re worthy of less for any reason. She doesnt even entertain the black men aren’t s*it/dark skinned women can’t get a man foolishness. She dates successful black/african men 24/7 and I literally have seen men of all races swoon over her even though she’s not the most attractive woman in the world. She thinks highly of herself, lives life to the fullest and it gets her what she wants.

    • Timcampi

      @thinkpink

      All of this is absolutely necessary for people to read. I’m tired of men and women, acting like spokespersons of each respective gender, saying this and that needs to be done in order to be in a loving relationship. Uh no. The only thing you need is confidence and conviction! It’s attractive.

  • The Tip

    Sadly many of today’s women are too disrespectful these days and have devalued themselves into getting treated the way that they prefer to. Most of the articles are written from the default “men are always wrong, and women are always right” perspective. This is simply wrong and does a disservice to women robbing them of the introspection that is needed for them to embrace personal accountability. Too many women have never ever taken the time to actually find out what good men want in a woman, rather they tend to assume what the believe what constitutes a good wife. Often times ladies you aren’t being treated the way you would like to be treated because many of you are not the ladies that you think you are and simply have not earned “star” treatment. This is probably hard for many women to accept but if you are to ever mature and embrace accountability the you will have to come to grips with this reality. Not every female is a lady and I’m sure most women will agree with that, the problem is most women will not admit that the non-lady is them. Many of the things that encourage chivalry in men encompass respect which many women lack these days.

    So in conclusion, it’s not until women take accountability for their own dysfunctional behavior and understand its connection to their unfulfilled relationships, many will be single and unhappy for the rest of their lives. Men do not have to put up with that mess anymore. Qualities men do not like that many women exhibit which contributes to men lack of chivalry include:

    Being loud and Disrespectful
    Not being intellectual
    Being over weight
    Having multiple children my multiple men
    Being overly materialistic
    Being shallow
    Having a penchant for shows like Basket Ball Wives
    Having a sense of entitlement
    Not being properly submissive
    Not being domestic
    Being Angry and having a ghetto attitude
    And blaming men for wanting what “WE” want in a woman.

    Like a job interview, know what your potential employer is looking for first.

  • The Tip

    Revised ….. Sorry for the typos….

    Sadly many of today’s women are too disrespectful these days and have devalued themselves into getting treated in ways they prefer not to. Most of these articles are written from the default “men are always wrong, and women are always right” perspective placing little to ZERO blame on women. This is simply wrong and does a tremendous disservice to women robbing them of the introspection that is needed for them to embrace personal accountability. Too many women have never ever taken the time to actually find out what good men want and do not want in a woman, rather they tend to assume what they believe what constitutes a good girl/wife. Often times ladies you aren’t being treated the way you would like to be treated because many of you are not the “ladies” that you think you are and simply have not earned “star” treatment. This is probably hard for many women to accept but if you are to ever mature and embrace accountability then you will have to come to grips with this reality. Not every female is a lady and I’m sure most women will agree with that, the problem is most women will not admit that the non-lady is them. Many of the things that encourage chivalry in men encompass respect which many women lack these days.

    So in conclusion, it’s not until women take accountability for their own dysfunctional behavior and understand its connection to their unfulfilled relationships, many will be single and unhappy for the rest of their lives. Men do not have to put up with that mess anymore and are disengaging at alarming numbers as indicated by the changing views on marriage. Qualities men do not like that many women exhibit which contributes to many mens lack of chivalry include:

    Being loud and Disrespectful
    Not being intellectual
    Being over weight
    Having multiple children my multiple men
    Being overly materialistic
    Being shallow
    Having a penchant for shows like Basket Ball Wives
    Having a sense of entitlement
    Not being properly submissive
    Not being domestic (cooking cleaning)
    Being Angry and having a ghetto attitude
    And blaming men for actually wanting what “WE” want in a woman.

    Like a job interview, know what your potential employer is looking for first, then go on the interview.

    • CaliDreaming86

      Most Black men, from my experience use chivalry as a way to flirt with women, not because they are geuinelly courteous people.

      That list you made can easily be pointed back at men, black men specifically.

      There are a lot of men who:
      Have children with multiple women
      Are materialistic and pretend they have wealth by the car they drive
      Tell people, “I got money!”, but can’t even correctly fill out a check or deposit slip (Not being intellectual)
      Are shallow and have a sense of entitlement demanding a woman be a ‘ten’, but then they walk out of the house sagging their pants with holes in their boxers and jeans all ripped up.
      Have a penchant for strip clubs
      Are not domestic – The only time they eat a real meal is when they go home to their mother or are in a relationship. Otherwise they survive on fast food and snacks. A lot of men can barely do their own laundry without having to ask a woman on how to do it.
      And blaming other people for the shortcomings in their life.

    • CaliDreaming86

      *genuinely

    • Kim

      I’m all for introspection, so why don’t we all just stick to being introspective for ourselves. We’d all benefit if more people would worry about improving their own attributes before jumping to flame others.

      So…. maybe you could do some introspection of your own? Worry about your life or even the state of Black men instead of lecturing women about why they are supposedly undeserving of chivalry. Maybe if more Black guys worried about what other Black men are doing more so than what Black women are doing more would be graduating from college. You are not a woman and have no place to tell a woman how to act like woman… so your opinion will never be taken in the same way as the author, for example. I think chivalry, like general human kindness, has more to do with the nature of the person exhibiting it (or not exhibiting it) than the type of people around that person, but thanks for the enlightenment anyway…who knew fat women didn’t deserve chivalry?