No. It’s not just another trivializing probe into the complex love lives of African American women. The question of what Black women truly think about love and marriage is actually a call for participants by writer/intellectual, Tami Winfrey Harris. As so eloquently written in her blog WhatTamiSaid, Harris is working on a project that contrasts

“the authentic experiences of African American women with the tragic common narrative about black women and marriage–a narrative that narrows lives, turns black female successes into failures and unfairly burdens us alone with responsibility for the success of black male/female relationships, black families and the black community.”

Tami hopes her findings will result in a published book. “The way our society talks about black women and marriage–from the daily paper to the pulpit to movies and self-help books–is flawed, sexist and damaging. When black women tell their own stories, a more thoughtful truth emerges.” Rather than trying to scrub away the flaws, Tami Winfrey Harris seeks to paint a more genuine, compassionate picture.

To that end, this sista would like to interview other sistas of all ages, backgrounds, geographic locations and experiences. Harris wants to highlight “the lives of women often erased in discussions of the Black marriage rate,” such as married women, divorced women, women who don’t wish to marry, lesbian women, women in interracial relationships.

“Beyond the ABC specials, ‘think like a man’ romantic advice tomes and panic-inducing women’s magazine articles, exist the real stories of black women—too often told from another perspective and voice. Everyone is talking about Black women and marriage. I want to talk back.”

Interested? Know anyone who might be? Head on over to Tami’s blog to lean more about the study and how one can participate.

  • QON

    “the authentic experiences of African American women with the tragic common narrative about black women and marriage–a narrative that narrows lives, turns black female successes into failures and unfairly burdens us alone with responsibility for the success of black male/female relationships, black families and the black community.”

    Black women make marriage a big deal when they can use it to talk about how not enough brothers are at their level to peak their interest. The marriage talk for black women is a double edge sword, isnt it? You cant both highlight the lack of brothers who are equally yoked without first admitting that you arent married. Also the marriage issue wouldnt be half an issue if there still werent children being brought into this world. Japanese women are unmarried as well but they are extremely educated and largely childless. Black women cant say the same.

  • Timcampi

    I’m just waiting for someone to complain about interracial dating. I read up all night about the stats so I can shut those people down. They are so hell bent on being ridiculously wrong all the time.

    The ratio of Black Male/White Female unions to Black Female/White Male unions as of 2010, was 181:100. At first this seems like a high number! Oh woe is me, they really are “brainwashed foolish negros hopping into the lap of white women.”


    Now let’s take into account the divorce rates of both pairings. White Female/Any Non-White Male is the MOST likely to end in divorce by the tenth year. For example: White Female/Black Male is twice as likely to divorce than it’s white counterpart (which is the baseline of this study). For White Female/Asian Male they are 59% more likely to end in divorce by the tenth year. So far so good right? Now, let’s see how black women are doing… Black Women and White Males are the least likely to end in divorce– 44% less likely. That means if you factor that into the above ratio, Black men and Black women are finding nearly equal levels of love in happiness in the Caucasoid race. There weren’t enough Black women marrying Asian men to give a stat about their divorce rates. So ladies, if you’re feeling that hangook namja hollaback!

    Oh, but you say you’re not into the swirl you say? Well lucky for you male African immigrants are the least likely of all to date inter-racially. You said you wanted a strong, black man well there you go. He’s 100% pure chocolate swirl from Africa. You can’t get blacker than that.

    Now please, calm down. Like half of the argument has been settled for you. Please stop making this an issue.

  • SAA


  • African Mami

    @ Timcampi,

    Loll…u’z on a roll today, ready to unleash that spear and poke somebody. meow!

  • Timcampi

    @African Mami

    I feel like this topic impedes the advancement of very real, very important and cordial discussions we could be having about race and race relations. There is so much more going on than love and can’t get a job. We can talk about majors, and learning a new language, and sex, and travel, but no… somehow we keep coming back to these tired old discussions.

    Also Black Male-White Female marriages peaked in the 80s for anyone who says it’s on the rise right now.

    (I’m sorry, gotta cover all bases)

  • Alexandra

    Kudos for this post. Made me chuckle too.

  • Alexandra

    Believe it or not, I still think this idea has a lot to do with the hype. And a lot of people, including Blacks, are milking it for what it’s worth. All Black women have not fallen for the hype.

  • African Mami

    For the life of me, I cannot understand what is sooooooooooooooo intriguing about black on black relationships. They are just like any other, with their ups and downs. Use of such terminology as “authentic experience” is so bleh….we love, we get broken hearted, we get shitted on, we get treated like queens, other times like female dogs. I think the subject is over-analyzed with the outcome making us seem like dejected and desperate beings.
    *fire your shots*

  • DundrMffln

    Me personally, I used to be married, so I do not desire marriage nor children at this time in my life. However black women collectively would like to be married with a family.

    Like most women do…

  • Yoni

    A true solution to our group’s love and marriage woes will never emerge until we stop pointing the finger at each other and focus on our lack of power. This will be the key deciding factor on whether we fix the ills of our community of languish for another few decades trying to figure out what the problem is. Sorry but, “c’mon, SUN!” If our relationships worked the way we needed them to, then our community wouldn’t submit to control by any outside force. Unfortunately, our relationships are in the current state that they are in because we lack the POWER to change them. When we fix our power differential we’ll fix the ills of our community.

  • Courtney

    Queen, you realize you CAN save yourself some energy by simply making all of your responses “BLACK WOMEN SUCK!” We’d still get your point.

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