I know this is controversial and sounds a bit unfair, but it is a debate I have heard a lot. The question about if people who are in a serious relationship or married should continue to hang out a lot with their single friends is one that always causes a stir.

I am on the fence with this because I have seen the pros and cons. Once a person gets into a serious relationship, subtle things begin to change. For example, if you are the only single person going out with a group of single girlfriends what each of you expects out of the night can be very different. Someone in a relationship may just want to chill, laugh and dance with her girls. On the contrary, your girls may be on the hunt and extremely welcoming to male attention while you may not want to be in the mix of all of that.

It just seems that once you are in a relationship, the things that you used to do or places you used to go don’t seem as appealing anymore. More nights are spent in cuddling than going out on the town.

Usually it’s a gradual split as the lives that you and your single friends have change. When I hear this debate the movie, “I Think I Love My Wife,” comes to mind. Chris Rock complained about him and his wife only hanging out with other married couples, but when he started hanging out with a single woman, all hell broke loose. He saw how very different their lifestyles were.

Even in conversation with your friends about the opposite sex, they may be complaining about how hard it is to find a good man or woman, but you can’t relate to those issues anymore because you have someone. It can be a bit awkward and speeds up the change in subject. I have even seen my male friends get made fun of by their single friends because they chose to be in a committed relationship and settle down. The wild trips to Miami for Memorial Day Weekend with your boys is no longer in your plans because your intentions and theirs are very different.

So is this statement true, false or in between? I say in between — meaning you don’t stop hanging out with your single friends completely, but the time you spend with them decreases and the places you hang out change.

  • SAA

    I’m also inbetween when it comes to think but I think a balance can be difficult, especially at the beginning of a relationship, more so when you’re in a LDR and you only have the weekends to see your significant other. On the one hand you wanna hang with your girls but on the other hand you’d love nothing more than to just laze about and cuddle with your boyfriend. However what if its your single friends who don’t want to hang out with you anymore? I’ve been on the receiving end of that with my girlfriends and am sure I’m not the only one.

  • http://styleosophy.com styleosophy

    I think when you are self-reflective, and relatively complete about who you are as a person, you can have both. You can have both married and single girl and guy friends.

  • amarie

    It’s all about balance. Your friends have to understand that you’re in a relationship and some things will change and your bf/husband SHOULD want you to have a life outside of the relationship. I think there will a bit of an adjustment period but that’s with anything that’s new in life.

  • Isis

    Would only apply if I was married. Imo, if you’re not legally married ur single. So no need to ditch single friends til I get the ring and the license

  • http://www.one3snapshot.com ceecee

    I’ve been called out by several friends of mine who are in committed relationships because I stepped back a bit from our friendship when they entered into more serious phases of their relationship because I completely agree with this concept.

    I know it’s a hard pill to swallow for some people but it’s perfectly normal for changes to happen when your life shifts and people just need to accept it for what it is.

    There is no malice intended on my part, I want my friends to focus on building a loving and committed relationship with their partner, I’ll always be here and I’ll never stop being their friend.

  • http://twitter.com/Coffey0072 Coffey0072

    I think when people are truly happy and secure with themselves and within their relationships, they can navigate *it* and their friendships with single people. What if the question were reversed: Should single people stop hanging out with betrothed/married folks? That’d def be a valid question as well, considering how people with significant others can act towards their single friends… Just a thought.

  • lostluv224

    you don’t have to stop hanging out with them, just stop asking them for advice! and for that matter don’t ask people in bad relationships (usually unbeknowest to them) for advice either. Ask those whose relationships reflect what you wish yours to be. Duh

  • http://twitter.com/Coffey0072 Coffey0072

    I think when people are truly happy and secure with themselves and within their relationships, they can navigate *it* and their friendships with single people (and vice versa).
    What if the question were reversed: Should single people stop hanging out with betrothed/married folks? That’d def be a valid question as well, considering how people with significant others can act towards their single friends… Just a thought.

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    I have married and single friends and our friendships didn’t change. I am beginning to understand why the divorce rate is so high here. People need space to breathe. Give your significant other space to hang out with his/her friends as you hang out with yours. A once a month dinner and dancing or a once a month phone call to catch up. I don’t understand the sentiment behind this article.

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    Yep. And don’t reveal any details that could come back to bite you in the ass later. Some things need to stay between you and your partner.

    Any person worth a damn will recognize the seriousness of your relationship and will concede to it. Anyone else who doesn’t is not, and you need to make some decisions from that point on.

  • Alexandra

    It’s in-between, sorta. Maybe only to single people who are unhappy or bitter?
    But what of the friends that aren’t? Some people may act different towards their single friends because they are now attached. Some single friends may avoid time with their friend because they’ve made an assumption. A friend is a friend to me. You shouldn’t treat your friends any different because their single or attached; not true friends at least.

  • http://www.twitter.com BrownGal

    This is ridiculous. The mere notion that one should eliminate their tried and true friends based on their relationship statuses is silly. As if single people cease to matter in the worlds of those in committed relationships. My besties (of 15 years) are both recently married and I was there to support them every step of the way. Naturally, certain aspects of our friendships changed, but the sisterhood didn’t.

    Unless your single friend is causing problems in your relationship, why should they be banished from your life? Does a single status strip all relevance from your so-called girl? Are we defined only by our relationships? Can we not enjoy the company of other people based on ANY similarities other than “having a man?” Spare us all.

    How about we stop creating this divide by treating single women like we’re all these “on the hunt,” ignorant, desperate, destructive deviants who don’t understand the inner-workings of a relationship.

    This article is no better than the frenzied posts using every negative statistic in the universe to “explain” why so many women are single.

    Now our healthy friendships should be limited? Stop the madness.

  • African Mami

    50/50…

    DO not under any circumstances undermine your sisters! Laaaaaaaaaaawd!!!!!!!! You will need them in times of “hejustfuckincheatedonmeohmigoshimgonnadie” and
    “hejustfuckinproposedletsmakeatoast” and “hejustfuckingtoldmethatheisadrugdealer”

  • Candy

    I am married, and none of my friends are married/in a serious relationship. However, my single friends respect that I’m married, so they don’t invite me to hang out at clubs or places like that–we do movies, festivals, shopping road trips, spas, girls-night-in, lunch/dinner dates. Of course we hang out a lot less than when I was single, but we still go out once monthly. Anyway, my friends aren’t ‘those type’ of friends–the type that encourage cheating, the type that are always on the prowl for a man, etc. I told my husband that I refuse to give up all my single friends simply because I’m married since all of my friends except my big sister are single (like not married or in a relationship), so what am I supposed to do? Be lonely? Only talk to my husband and sister? I think not. I distanced myself from those that were not respectful of my relationship, and the rest I still talk to.

    I feel like as lng as your friends respect your life situation and share many/most of your values or morals, then it shouldn’t matter whether they are single or married.

    When they are talking about their single woes, I listen and offer advice if asked. We conect on different levels, so men aren’t the only things they talk to me about. I will say that I wish I had a couple of married friends, because I sometimes feel like I don’t really have any peers that can relate to my relationship issues. The last time I told my friend about a minor argument my husband and I had, she asked if we were about to get a divorce, lol.

  • fuchsia

    I think it’s fine to hang out with single friends as long as they are looking for something solid. You can be an example of what they wish to have in the future and that’s not a bad thing.

    I also think that people in serious relationships or that are married tend to have less time to spend with their single friends if they are doing family things, double dates or trying to build and cultivate their own relationship. It takes more of an effort to hang out with single friends, but that should make the time you share with them more memorable and less routine.

  • Kaydee-P

    False. Because there’s nothing worse than the friend who, as soon as she starts a new relationship, is GHOST but will appear in a heartbeat and expect you to be on call when they hit a rough patch or break up.

  • damidwif

    my friends know i’m single and i know they are married. we all know what’s up. we’ve been friends forever. their marriages are newer than our friendship. i don’t have to “respect their relationship” because they are responsible for acting in accordance with their own arrangements, or not. i’m not there to monitor them or stand on some moral front for our consciences. i am there for support when they need it, and fun, always and i get the same in return. that’s what’s up.

  • damidwif

    yes, girl. but i don’t consider that a friend.

  • http://www.womenaregamechangers.com Vernetta F.

    It really depends. My closet friends and I have been friends over 10 years. So I wouldn’t ditch them because I’m married or in a committed relationship. I would probably have to let them know our time hanging out may not be as much but never ditch my friends. THey have been and I know they will always be there for me. That’s what true friends do. But on the other hand if it’s just someone you just hang out with on ocassion, then yes you may dissolve the friendship especially if it’s not a strong one. As always love http://www.womenaregamechangers.com.

  • Ngozi

    I am in the same exact situation as you and I completely agree. I am married with a 20 month old daughter and all my friends are single and we make time to see each other. I try to balance it out as much as possible.

  • sunshyne84

    Because people apparently don’t know what type of friends they have…

    If you don’t know how to act when your s/o isn’t around, that’s not your friends fault. I’m sure most people have a variety of friends that they call on for various reasons as it is so I don’t see what difference it makes. I hate how single people always get a bad rep like they are wild or wouldn’t be able to relate to someone in a relationship.

  • sunshyne84

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smh

  • sunshyne84

    that’s my cousin, aint heard from her in months lol

  • Mahogany

    Right!!!!

  • Mahogany

    Yeah I can relate to that to. When everything is well you don’t hear from them but as soon as there is a big argument or a break up they suddenly reappear and want you to be their shoulder to cry on. I had to tell a friend off because of this.

  • http://www.youforie.com Youforie

    It’s more about the character of the people you are hanging with. Whether they are single or in a relationship, bad company corrupts good character.

  • Kaydee-P

    @damidwif and Mahogany: Truth.

    @sunshyne84: Girl STOP! I am on vocal rest and you can’t have me cackling like that! lmao

  • cs11

    I am in that situation. I can only see my boyfriend on the weekends so when the weekend comes I’m usually with him. My friends get mad sometimes but I see them all week. It is what it is.

  • Kelechi Egbuta

    Thank you!

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