Can Being Too Good A Friend Threaten Your Friendship?

Wednesday Dec 21, 2011 – by Ezinne Ukoha

The recent demise of the Bryant’s marriage brings up a subject that a lot of people would probably prefer to dodge. Rumor has it that some of the NBA wives hinted to Vanessa that her NBA superstar hubby was having a little too much fun off the court. But considering Kobe’s track record, it’s hard to imagine that his wife was secure with idea that he was consistently being faithful. It’s possible that she would have pushed for divorce without the help of the swirling gossip mill or the eager whispers of her counterparts.

So that brings us to the question of the day; would you consider it your duty as a friend to let her know that her man is betraying her or would you stay out of it and hope that she will figure it out eventually?

Some may argue that it depends on how close your friendship is since that will be your way of deciphering what your scorned friend’s reaction will be to the bad news. But do you want to be the middle man in such a scenario? It’s never easy to watch someone you care about ignorantly blissful of potentially devastating news, but it may not work in your favor to include yourself in the equation either.

In most cases the wives already have some inkling that their relationship is not on solid ground but they need that vital evidence to help confirm their nagging suspicions.

What do you think? Is it best to play the supporting role when all hell breaks loose or would you willingly be an accessory to your friend’s dissolved marriage?

LainaLain says:

December 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

If it was me, I would want to know. That would be something I would ask my friends first before telling them. If they want to know I’d tell, if they don’t I’d feel bad for not telling but I’d be there for them.

↑ Reply

SAA says:

December 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

hmmm….this is a tricky situation but from personal experience/ witnessing things like that go down, females will choose their significant other over the friend and the friendship will suffer. The outcome really depends on whether the friend breaks up with their SO or not- if she stays with him, she’ll likely say who told her what causing the guy to hate you therefore putting a strain on the friendship HOWEVER if the friend leaves the guy then the friendship will remain intact.

Whatever says:

December 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

This depends on the friend. I had a friend in the past that would tell the guy she was dating what the friends said and who the friend was that saw him stepping out on her. She would always go back to him and of course he hated the friends that told on him. It put a strain on the friendship and she would secretly be upset at the friend. Granted she was pretty stupid and I have long ended that friendship because on top of being a doormat of a girlfriend, she was a sh*tty friend too. However, in most cases I would definitely tell because I would want to know. It’s the right thing to do.

Trini says:

December 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

There are very few people in my life that I consider a true friends and as far as those few are concerned, there isnt much I wouldnt do for them. Besides that, I consider open, honest communication absolutely essential in any friendship. So yes, I would definitely say something! .

fuchsia says:

December 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I would play a supporting role. Although she needs to know, it’s not my place to get in the middle of it. However, if I was friends with the couple I would talk to the guy and let him know that I am aware of what he is doing and I would suggest he come clean. A friend did that for me once and it made a big difference at the end of the relationship. I knew she wasn’t judging me and my decisions but she had my back and went to the root of the problem. There’s nothing worse than hearsay when you are already blinded by love.

L. says:

December 21, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Interesting. Don’t want to be too nosy, but how did that work out? Did he stop cheating after the friend confronted him about it? I can’t say I would have to guts to intervene in that way, but kudos to her for going to the root of the problem!

L. says:

December 21, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Yes I would say something to my friend about it. I had a friend with a cheating boyfriend in high school and I never told her about the rumors I heard (I never actually caught him cheating). They broke up after high school when he got another girl pregnant. I told someone about this when I was in college and they mentioned something I don’t think most people consider…. if you know someone’s significant other is being unfaithful, there is a possiblity your friend can get a sexually transmitted disease.

Miranda says:

December 21, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Depending on what kind of relationship your friend has with the man, if it is an abusive relationship perhaps you should tell her, however if it is a loving relationship and this has not happened before, you should talk to the guy first and give him the opportunity to make it right. If he doesn’t make it right, then you can talk to your friend.

Felicia says:

December 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Here’s the thing. It’s not always a comfortable situation no matter one’s pov, whether from that of the girlfriend being told the bad news or the friend telling it. But if I found out my bf was cheating on me and subsequently became aware that my best friend knew all along and never told me? We’re done. There’s absolutely no trust there.

Of course it depends on the nature of the friendship–I’m not jumping into a boiling vat of drama for some random acquaintance, but if it’s my best friend, someone I dearly care for, and I know (not just suspect, mind you. There has to be some REASON to support the accusations) the man she’s with is cheating on her, I’ve got her back, and I’m certainly not gonna protect some cheating bastard through passive silence for the sake of my own selfish desire to “not get involved.” I consider my best friends’ potential heartache my own personal business as well, and I would hope they would feel the same way towards me.

AB says:

December 22, 2011 at 12:30 am

I’ve learned the hard way to just keep my mouth SHUT unless I’m asked. Everytime I’ve done otherwise, I ended up losing a friend, even after they’ve had to discover the truth on their own. I’m starting to think it’s a matter or pride to the person being cheated on; they don’t like being the only person not in on what’s really going on, I guess.

African Mami says:

December 22, 2011 at 2:45 am

A marriage is between two people! I would NOT say anything! SHOOT ME!!!!!!!