Recently I was at home drowning my waistline in chocolate chip cookies and watching a marathon of Good Times. In one particular episode, Willona receives a marriage proposal from the man of her dreams. She is of course elated and wants to begin planning immediately, but there’s just one small catch….she has to quit her job. See her new fiancée is making serious dollars (for those days anyway) and doesn’t want any wife of his working. He begins coming to her job, where she’s worked her way up from stock girl to head buyer, and begins trying to get her fired. Once he realizes how upset it’s making her he devises a new plan, he buys the shop for Willona under the pretense of her being in charge….except she really isn’t. He still expects her to be a stay at home wife and have someone else to the actual running of the place. Of course strong willed Willona isn’t having that jive and gives him a good talking to about how she’s overcome a lot and worked hard to get where she is and ain’t nobody taking it all away.

Watching that episode got me to thinking of how, even though so much has changed, there really is a lot that hasn’t. There are still men out there who expect their women to give up working and essentially a part of themselves once they become wives. Even though over the decades women have made great strides becoming more educated and successful in the workplace and have managed to juggle both personal and professional duties with some ease, none of that seems to matter (at least to some men) when it comes to “traditional” views of what marriage and a woman’s “role” should be. I myself know men who still won’t date a woman who makes more money than them and others who feel just like Willona’s beau and want their successful, educated, driven women to drop everything to become a stay at home mom as soon as the diamond touches their finger.

Now don’t get me wrong, stay at home mothers are probably the hardest working women on the planet. It’s no small task to have one baby on your breast, one you have to chase around to get dressed for school, a house that needs cleaning, bills that need to be paid, dinner that needs to be cooked (or ordered) a husband that needs sexin’ and an entire household that needs love, attention, nurturing, guidance and support. However, I just can’t see that being my entire existence. Even if I only did it until they were in high school or off at college, that’s a LOT of years to have to push my passions to the back burner. I know when you become a Mrs. and a mommy you make certain sacrifices, but I believe that if you’re not living your best life individually, you can’t give your best to your family. How can I give my all to them when I’m secretly depressed over dreams deferred?

I have a list of things that I want to accomplish or at least attempt to accomplish before my short time on this Earth is up and as much as I’ll love my future husband I love me more and I just can’t sacrifice who I am just to please him and his ego. Any man that decides they want me as a Mrs. will know that I’m an independent person and would never even raise an ultimatum like that. He will support my goals and will want me to be a happy and complete person, not just his wife and should I choose to become a stay at home wife, he will support that too because he knows that the decision is one that makes me happy. So I stand with Willona, strong, independent and willingly working for “the man”, not because someone else says so, but because we say it is so.

Would you quit your job to stay home if your man asked? Do you think it’s better to be a stay at home wife/mother or a working mother?

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  • Von

    One thing that I’ve realized that we can’t have it both ways because eventually the children will suffer. I don’t regret having a career, being a wife and a mother, but I did make several sacrifices in order for my children to have a decent life. In all honesty, if I had the change to do it all over again I’d stay at home because the stress isn’t worth it.

  • Just A Girl

    I am still quite young. I am not married, nor do I have any children. Currently, I am dating a person I have been with for over 5 years. During that time I went to college, graduated, and we are now planning on getting married very soon.

    I know that some women might be offended by my veiws, but I don’t want to go out and get a career for several reasons. Many of the reasons for the veiws I have are directly related to the way I (and my friends) grew up. We were all raised by strong and independent women. These women were hard-working, intelligent, and mostly good hearted. Married women and single women. We were latch-key kids… and it sucked. A lot. Always coming home to an empty house after school, doing our homework alone or with each other, being taken care of by our siblings or babysitters or grandparents. Never having real time with our parents, never getting to know them, never getting to learn from them. I really feel like that is the reason why my entire generation is feels like such a failure. (By the way, I am a 21 year old white girl from a suburban neighborhood.)

    I know my mother may have had dreams and aspirations. Maybe she was doing what she really wanted to do, but I doubt it. It never looked that way to me. She always came home tired and frustrated. She never really had time for anything that was actually fun. She never even had time for the people that she created. Her children. As we became teenagers, I noticed that things really started changing. My brothers and my friends all started rebelling. Our parents didn’t even notice it until it got really bad. How could they? They didn’t even notice us when we were pulling on their coat sleeves half the time.

    I watched my friends get new weird friends, ruin their lives by skipping school, waste themselves on drugs and alcohol, and acting with no morals or values. That’s when our mothers finally tried to step in and do something, but it was too late for a lot of people.

    People act like being a stay at home mother is degrading or that you’ll loose your identity. Why would you bring more people into this world if your plan is to abandon them and make them fend for themsleves? Why would you plan on them spending hours alone or with strangers? If you have a passion in life, go for it. But you can’t have too many passions at a time or you’ll never have enough time to really develop any of them. People say that it’s degrading to ask a woman to stay at home. What about asking a man to go to work every day at a job he might hate to lose time with his family, his friends, and his hobbys? To spend years working his way up the ladder so that he can earn more money to take care of the people he loves? If a man doesn’t work people call them lazy, good for nothing, losers. What woman here would date a guy with no plans on ever getting a real job? Exactly.

    People have dreams, yes. People have goals, yes. And if there are too many things that are more important to you than a family, then maybe you shouldn’t even have one. Nobody is saying that you have to. But, if you are going to have one then that has to come first. A family needs two things… Money, to support it. Love, to make it worth supporting. It’s a responsibility that is not even really debatable.

    One person has to stay at home, and that doesn’t always have to be the woman. It needs to be a realistic discussion between two people than love and care about each other. And as a stay at home mother, I plan on having a wonderful life. You can still have friends, go to classes, have hobbys, volunteer, or have a very small part time job. It’s just about putting the family first, not making it the only thing.

    • nahloul

      marry me

  • ehisnoni

    I have a feeling that i will be contacting you very soon regarding the phases of our schedule we set up on the subsequent contact. Plan one went according to your time line and has now been implemented in the right and correct procedure. No hiccups! I have great faith in you now I am living with the results from your first spell. (Amazing) Your second spell should be speeding in very soon. I will be able to tell more when the correct date happens.
    So then, the right will be the next consultation to set up and coerce the blessed plan into action. Many thanks for your bold work and enterprising scope serving humanity [email protected] . I am deeply impressed. Your authentic spiritual work is a refreshing change. It takes dedication to work as you do with such dignity and respect. I highly recommend your services and this. thank to you [email protected]