Newsflash: All Women Aren’t In A Rush To Get Married and Make Babies
Kelly, who’s been all about her career lately, says she’d like kids one day…just not now.
“No. I will babysit and change a diaper or two, and then give it back,” Kelly said of Bey’s baby. “I do want kids, but every time I think about a little person growing inside of me and getting bigger and bigger and then having to come out…. a watermelon coming out of something the size of a lemon is insane to me.”
What I found most interesting about this interview excerpt was not Kelly’s apprehension about childbirth, but rather the interviewer’s assumption that most women–no matter how focused on their careers–ultimately want to be mothers and wives.
I get it. Since we are born women are taught that we are nurtures and socialized to be mothers. We’re often tasked with taking care of younger siblings or cousins, helping out with housework, and grow up hearing stories that one day our prince will come.
However, while many of us do want to get married and start families, these days, most of us just want to live and build our lives before we settle down. And yet…most women–famous or not–are STILL hit with the “so…when are you going to get married and have babies?” question. I don’t hear people constantly asking Kanye West or Trey Songz if they want to settle down anytime soon. No, they get to focus on their careers, but women must always contend with the question.
But…why won’t people just let us be great?
Talk to me Clutchettes. Have you been asked when you’re going to settle down?
I’m 20 y.o. junior in college and I’m always hearing something about settling down and having kids. I remember I was on a date a couple years with my ex and we happened to spot this cute little girl at the next table, she was smiling and waving so we were waving back. When her grandparents were getting up to leave, they pulled her booster chair over to our table and said “here, you can have her for practice” jokingly. My ex and I were like “No, that’s not on our minds for a long time.” The child’s grandmother asked me how old I was and when I said 18, she replied “You’ll have some babies in a couple of years.” -_-
Needless to say, that comment rubbed me the wrong way. While my then-boyfriend was getting all the questions about college and career plans, I’m being told that I’ll have babies in two years. WTF? Having a family and children are a blessing, but it’s not for everyone. I mean, I have goals & dreams too. I’m still debating whether I even want kids. Right now, I’m just focusing on graduating. I just hate that I’m always being asked about a family/children that I’m not even sure that I want.
I think I’m probably quite a bit older than most of you, :), and I do want a kid or two. I am not of the opinion that I must be married to do so, although I would like to be in a stable, loving relationship with a man who wants to co-parent should we create a child together. Since there is no one currently in my life gunning for that number one spot, I continue to be childless. For me, especially since I am over 30, that line of questioning has become even more asinine. When I was younger I tried very hard to give polite, courteous answers when someone asked me when I was going to get married and/or have kids. Now, I let all the snark out. I figure if someone is so lacking in class as to ask me such a personal question that has absolutely no bearing on them at all, then surely I can give them an earful of well-placed verbal daggers to take home as a parting gift…and all with a smile!
I can’t stand when people ask me why I don’t have any kids yet, this question started being asked when I was 18. My own mother doesn’t bother me with it. But I have two aunts that constantly bring up the topic of children whenever we meet. It’s annoying and petty; even more when strangers or people you aren’t close with want to poke their noses in.
I don’t know where some people get this urge to ask these kinds of questions. I’ve made my mind up about children and marriage when I was 20. I habitually associate children with marriage, and since I’m not worried about getting married or not, kids are far from my mind. Kelly is just like me, the thought of giving birth terrifies me. That is not something I look forward to & I lose my patience a lot when I with children, especially my nieces/nephews. We all have choices and just because society expects something of you, doesn’t mean you have to fall in line.
If one more person suggests that I sign up for Match or eHarmony.com I am going to scream. I am single and happy! Why is that so hard to understand? It’s crazy. When friends ask how I am doing and I say I am great, they always presume that it’s because of a guy. Sorry people, I am quite happy being solo!
+100,000. Seriously!! You wrote my thoughts. My line is “whenever that day comes that I find a man who is worth giving up my freedom…then I’ll be married.”
I always love how these folk are so insistent on questioning your validity nearly of existence due to the state of your uterus. aka bearing children or having someone committed to it. While their husbands are eyeing that new young thing at the bar.
I’m a happy person by nature! Just hate that people ask oooo..is there a guy??! No I’m JUST BLESSEDLY HAPPY because I’m ALIVE and have so many BLESSED rights that my foremothers fought so hard for.
Thank you and good night.
Yessss I feel u Kelly, I personally never wan’t to get married or have children but this is not to say that I don’t wan’t a man in my life I just don’t see married life being for me and that is my choice and although someday that may change as of now I don’t think it’s in the cards and people who may not like it can deal.*shrugs* And is it me or does it seem like people seem to think that Beyonce is supposed to the standard for black women of our generation and while she may be career wise every women in there 20′s or early 30s does not wan’t Beyonce’s life and I am only saying this because I have been bombarded with topics about her and her baby and doing it the right way and about how perfect her life is supposed to be on damn near every blog site or forum and it is getting annoying and I am sure she is happy and I am happy for her but If I read one more thing about or pertaining to Bey’s fetus I am going croak anyway no shade but I really believe that this is the motive behind them asking Kelly about this so they can look for some type of envy that is or isn’t there. jmao