Newsflash: All Women Aren’t In A Rush To Get Married and Make Babies

Monday Dec 5, 2011 – by Britni Danielle

Recently, Kelly Rowland snagged the January 2012 cover of Marie Claire UK. In the feature article, the interviewer asked Kelly if she feels pressured to settle down and have some babies now that her superstar bestie, Beyonce, is expecting her first child.

Kelly, who’s been all about her career lately, says she’d like kids one day…just not now.

“No. I will babysit and change a diaper or two, and then give it back,” Kelly said of Bey’s baby. “I do want kids, but every time I think about a little person growing inside of me and getting bigger and bigger and then having to come out…. a watermelon coming out of something the size of a lemon is insane to me.”

What I found most interesting about this interview excerpt was not Kelly’s apprehension about childbirth, but rather the interviewer’s assumption that most women–no matter how focused on their careers–ultimately want to be mothers and wives.

I get it. Since we are born women are taught that we are nurtures and socialized to be mothers. We’re often tasked with taking care of younger siblings or cousins, helping out with housework, and grow up hearing stories that one day our prince will come.

However, while many of us do want to get married and start families, these days, most of us just want to live and build our lives before we settle down. And yet…most women–famous or not–are STILL hit with the “so…when are you going to get married and have babies?” question. I don’t hear people constantly asking Kanye West or Trey Songz if they want to settle down anytime soon. No, they get to focus on their careers, but women must always contend with the question.

But…why won’t people just let us be great?

Talk to me Clutchettes. Have you been asked when you’re going to settle down?

howApropos says:

December 22, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Child-free and loving it!

Whenever I get asked the question of when I’m having kids and what’s taking me so long, I have no problem telling people that I simply don’t want to be responsible for another human being. Simple as that.

I get the side-eye sometimes, but hey, it’s my choice and I don’t regret a thing.

↑ Reply

Candi83 says:

January 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Same here girl!! Single, no kids and loving it :)

chinaza says:

December 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm

There’s nothing wrong with being married and having children.
But there’s something very ignorant in insisting that all women should do that or lead flawed,empty lives if they don’t.
Women who make their life choices based on their personalities and not cultural dictates are going to be fulfilled and happy with their choices.
They will not begrudge and berate single, childfree women because of their own dissatisfaction after realizing that a man/child is not the answer to life.

RealityUnscripted.com says:

December 27, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Some people act as if it’s a requirement. It’s not for everybody. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. No one should ever have to justify it. Me personally, I’m kind of the opposite, I’ve always imagined myself as a mom, I don’t think I would be satisfied without it.

Vee says:

December 27, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I agree life is not a one size fit all. Everyone is not meant to be married, have children, or etc.. everyone may not want the family life some people are honestly contented being single or not having children seesh….let it go already.

Kandid says:

December 31, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Issues like these are so frustrating because single women often get stuck into the “That’s what I’m supposed to do syndrome.” Men don’t have to face these issues to a large extent. Also, it seems that it doesn’t matter what a single woman achieves, there is some mother/grandmother asking….”but what about a husband and kids?” As if her accomplishments are second to having a family. I’m so thankful for God giving me an independent mind!

Sonya says:

January 2, 2012 at 2:43 pm

At the “ripe old age” (I am being sarcastic) of 33, not a week goes by without someone asking or at least referring to my childless state. Marriage, children, “settling down” is for most an issue of security. So, in essence many people are really asking “who is going to care for you, look after you, provide for you…”

Jameka says:

January 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Sonya,

I’m right there with you. I’m 35, and if one more personal asks me when I’m going to settle down and be a mom, I may scream. I’m not opposed to that scenario. I think marriage and family is a beautiful thing; however, I am not obsessed with taking that step. I am enjoying building my life and career, and when God says it’s time (if ever) then I will make the necessary adjustments.

We’ve all been socialized to believe that our life is not complete without children. I sincerely hope that in 2012 we can begin to change that mindset.

Ks_alive says:

January 5, 2012 at 11:32 pm

no comment. This article is too sterotypical and dumb for words!!

BrynaS says:

January 6, 2012 at 12:26 am

I’m pretty glad some women don’t have the desire for marriage or children; The population being what it is, it leaves a little more room for those of us who dream of having multiple children. Balance is never a bad thing!

I think it’s funny that when you don’t have kids, everyone is asking about when you will have kids. And when you’re a mother (and wife, perhaps) people ask you: “But what do you DO? Don’t you want to do something other than raising kids?” As if we’re all supposed to be Supreme Court judges as well as stay at home moms. One woman screwing up the curve for everyone! ;-)