Laurie Ann Martinez is a psychologist for the California Department of Corrections and apparently also certifiably mad. In an effort to convince her husband that they needed to move to a safer neighborhood, Martinez went through elaborate lengths to fake her own rape. What do you do when you need an imaginary rapist? That’s right, blame it on a random black guy!

Blaming an imaginary black male intruder for her imaginary rape is not all that original, but I’m specifically impressed and disturbed by how far Martinez went with this fake rape thing. First she “robbed” her own house by taking a bunch of electronics over to a girlfriend’s place (you see, rapists also steal things). Next, Martinez cut her lip with a safety pin, ripped her own clothes, rubbed sandpaper across her knuckles to make it look like there was a struggle, and had that same girlfriend put on some boxing gloves and punch her in the face a few times. She even urinated on herself to make it look like she’d passed out and lost control of her bladder, as if those two things go hand in hand.

Martinez, at this point only guilty of extreme stupidity and the failure to communicate effectively in her marriage, called 911. When the police arrived she burst into tears and said that she found “a male black adult” in her kitchen, but when she tried to run away the scary black man grabbed her and hit her until she passed out. She then made use of her pee-pee pants by adding that she woke up with her pants and underwear pulled down to her ankles and therefore had probably been raped.

The Sacramento Police Department spent hundreds of hours working on this case, and undoubtedly pulling over dozens of men who resembled this “male black adult,” so Martinez and her boxing gloved-girlfriend are now facing conspiracy charges for this whole charade. Each woman could serve up to three years in prison.

As if this story is not crazy enough, the reason Laurie Ann Martinez did all of this was to convince her husband that their Sacramento neighborhood is not safe. Martinez and her husband filed divorce papers six weeks after the incident, but for future reference, if you are married to a man who will not consider moving unless you are raped in your own home, then you need to get a divorce. And whatever you do, please don’t blame a random black guy for any of it. That schtick is so tired.

Read the criminal complaint here.

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38 Comments

  1. KingJason

    She deserves more than three years in jail at least 5-10 because someone’s life could have been ruined.

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  2. I’m not even commenting on this post. I’m commenting on the downright misogyny in the comments. SERIOUSLY, FOLKS – fat women and ugly women are NEVER in danger of rape or other forms of sexual violence?

    What the actual f=ck?

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