5 Reasons I Won’t Follow You On Twitter

Your experience on Twitter is determined by who you follow. They dictate what type of information you’re consuming as you loiter on there for minutes (or easily hours) each day. If your timeline is boring, you need to follow more interesting people. If drama always pops off on Twitter and you see it happen, then you might need to unfollow the drama magnets. If your timeline irritates the heck out of you, then you’re just following the wrong people altogether. 

The way I choose to follow people is simple. If your tweets entertain me or you offer me valuable information consistently, odds are higher that I’ll follow you. However, there are many more reasons why I won’t follow you or someone else. Here are 5 of them.

1. You’re a member of #TeamFollowback

I refuse to follow anyone who considers themselves a member of #TeamFollowback. Besides the fact that they’re typically teenagers who tweet using excessive exclamation points, nothing about folks with this in their bio says “interesting.” If you’re a member of this wretched group, the fact that you automatically follow everyone who follows you means you’re missing the point of Twitter. If Twitter was all about reciprocity, then it’d be called “Friending.” This isn’t Facebook. And it seems that everyone who uses #TeamFollowback on their bio is also an annoying stan of some celebrity.

Also closely related to these are people who say “you should follow me.” Umm… the only thing I SHOULD do is pay my taxes and follow the drinking gourd to my Lord when my time comes. If you have to ask me to follow you, most of the time, I won’t because if I wanted to, I already would have. And asking people to follow you means you’re parched for followers and I’m not the person who’ll quench your thirst.

It’s like walking into a crowded room and yelling “TAKE MY BUSINESS CARD!!!” It’s just as obnoxious and people will side-eye you and make it a point to do the exact opposite. Let your Twitter popularity happen organically.

2. Your have your own hashtag on DumbestTweets.com (or you’re Tyrese)

And you’ve blocked me (o_o). If you’ve ended up on Dumbest Tweets more than 3 times, odds are you tweet like one of the children left behind. Therefore, I have no room for you in my timeline. Tweeting like you went to the School of Illiterate People Who Can’t Write Good is a surefire way to make sure that you don’t get followed. I’d rather not see someone butchering the English language all up and down my twittersphere.