You’re out and about and bump into a guy who instantly gets your juices flowing. You exchange numbers and a few hours later he calls. Great conversation, same values and interests, this guy is all you’ve been looking for but there’s just one problem…he lives in another state. But you’re both interested in getting to know each other better so you decide to keep seeing each other. A year later things are great, and also getting more serious. Now you’re talking about the future and wanting to get married and live together, but he can’t find a job in your state and vice versa so for now you remain distant lovers. Before you know it year two is here and still no progress has been made on the moving/job front, you know you want to be together, but what do you do? You can’t quit your jobs and move all willy nilly, but how much longer do you continue to live apart when you’re trying to build a future together?

We all know love takes sacrifice and if you have to spend extra money on flights or rental cars to see the one you love, then that’s what you need to do. But when do you throw in the towel on a long distance affair? Going year after year simply hoping and praying for something to give and continuing to spend time, energy and money in the meantime is not the best recipe for a lasting relationship. Just because you care deeply for someone doesn’t mean the situation is headed towards forever. They say when something is truly meant to be, the entire universe conspires to give it to you, maybe not being able to find a way to be together after 2 or 3 years is a sign that it’s just not meant to be. That yes you love, but love just isn’t enough.

All the time you spend trying to figure out how to start your life with this other person, you’re probably not out living your individual life. You’re home right after work so you can talk on the phone and all your extra funds that you could be using to travel and experience other aspects of life, is spent on trying to see that person every third weekend of the month. Like I said, making those sacrifices are fine, but when is enough enough? When do you relent and say you gave it your best, but now it’s time to explore other options?

How long is too long in a long distance relationship?

  • Sarah

    I hope everything works out for you. My boyfriend is 900 miles away, I am 26, he is 36.

  • Allyria

    I’ve been in a LDR for just 5 months now and luckily my bf and I are in the same page in regards to future plans and goals. I’m in California and he’s in England so that’s more than 5000 miles of distance between us. But because we both have great communication between us and already have a goal set up, it’s not that hard to think I might have to wait a few years for our goals to become a reality. I would be the one to give everything I have in California and move to where he is and that is fine by me.

    I know many things can happen in a few years, but as long as things keep working out between us and we keep making progress to reach that goal, I’m willing to wait no matter how hard it can get. I’m a very pessimistic person, but with this, I’m trying to be very optimistic. This relationship won’t work any other way.

    So when is enough, enough? My answer is… never.

  • Aly

    I am as well 25 (he-25) and in a long distance relationship across countries, We don’t have the luxury of seeing each other not even once in a month. as he works a lot and i’m still in university. .Not a chance of change in the next 3 years at least. So I also hoped that i would see a comment below where someone would disagree with you, making me feel more secure and at peace with wasting my life in a relationship that requires so much struggle,understanding, money, patience,having to deal all the time with missing moments, with little fights that become enormous via whats app..etc. The rational thoughts in my head totally agree with what you said and keep telling me over and over again the same thing but my heart just wont let go. Too many ,,what if,, on both sides. And if i would end it, I feel like i would be tortured by the big,,what if it would have worked out,,.. So i carry on…dreaming..wishing…hoping.

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