We seek it out with a vengeance. We demand it, cry over it, have waged wars in other countries and even killed ourselves for it. Love. When we get it, we want it to be passionate and forever. We declare our love is unconditional and ask that our partners declare the same. But can love truly be unconditional? Look at your past or even current relationships, how many people have you professed your love to, gave your all to, and told you’d love no matter what…until. Until they did that thing, said those words, gave away what was yours to that other person, then what was unconditional became conditional. You went from loving no matter what, to loving them until they lie, until they stop doing that thing that you like, until they gained weight, until the sex was no good, until, until, until. When the ‘until’ came, the love stopped and you moved on, once again on the hunt for that unconditional love. But will you ever find it?
As much as we would hate to admit it, for most of us, love comes with a condition. We may speak the words, but our heads and our hearts know better. If we truly did love unconditionally, no one would ever break up or get divorced. No one would ever fall out of love and into hate because the ‘until’ wouldn’t exist. That girl he slept with, yup, you’d be mad, but you would talk it out and move on. That wild sex she stopped giving you wouldn’t cause you to cheat or leave for another woman, because you’d love her even if you could never have sex with her again. Unconditional. Even parenthood is subjected to conditional love. In the delivery room parents cry and vow to love and protect a child forever…no matter what. However, some of those same parents cast their children out on the streets and out of their lives forever for being gay, for example. What happened to “love no matter what?” Once again unconditional love had a condition.
Now this is not to say that these conditions aren’t valid, I mean who wants to have bad sex for the rest of their life or be in a relationship with a cheater? However, can you honestly say you loved someone if the condition became bigger than your love, which if truly unconditional, should be able to overcome anything? How can love be real if it has conditions? And where does the line get drawn between reasonable conditions and excuses to bail? Sometimes it feels as if we’re all just lying to ourselves and will spend the rest of our lives looking for a love that may very well not exist.
I don’t profess to have the answers, just questions like everyone else. Personally, I’m not sure if I even want unconditional love. Some days it seems like a myth, something right out of a fairy tale and next to unicorns, other days I can feel it on my fingertips. Then I get to thinking, if I’m not perfect, how can I expect love to be? What I do want can be summed up in one of my favorite cheesy lines from Sex and the City:
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”
It may not be unconditional, but it’s perfectly imperfect just like me and that’s a condition that I can most certainly live with.
So Clutchettes, is your love truly unconditional?