Maybe because dirty thirty is inching up on me, or perhaps because I have experienced the feelings of a pregnancy that did not materialize. Or maybe simply because it is one of the final rites of passage into full womanhood, but I WANT A BABY!

The catch is, I am no longer married and have no immediate plans of doing so again. To be frank, having a husband AND a baby simultaneously just seems like a lot of work that I don’t feel like doing right now. Unless I can outsource most of my wifely duties, which defeats the idea of marriage, I don’t see it happening. Because of this, I’d rather opt for a committed father to my child, than a husband at this juncture in my life. My grandmother is probably clenching her pearls in her grave at this notion, but that’s the way it is.

For nearly three decades every decision I have made has selfishly (but rightfully so) been about me, myself, and I (except for a few years of marriage.) I now feel the urge to want to be second in my life, to create something that is more significant than me, and that I can nurture and take care of. (Much unlike the plants that I have tried to nurture and inevitably have killed.) Some people have suggested I try a dog first, but there is just one problem with that: I’m not keen on the idea of anything living in my house that can’t wipe their own ass who did not come from my womb. So icksnay on any notions of a pet.

Some may ask, what’s the rush? Focus on your business. Like must young Buppie’s I am climbing the ladder of my professional career, and have accrued degrees on top of degrees in doing so. I have also traveled the world, indulged in a few too many shopping sprees along the way, but now I am ready to pass on a pair of Red Bottom’s in place of Posh Tot baby furnishings. That right there is a ginormous step in my life. Which goes to show this is not some fleeting here-today-gone-tomorrow kind of thought. The itch won’t go away and has been permeating my consciousness for the past year. So I have started doing some research. Like, the best countries to have a baby. Who has the best maternity leave laws (Sweden is winning with 480 days plus 90% pay). What country I can give birth in and my baby can have rights to citizenship (Brasil looks promising.) How much a Nanny would cost (Don’t knock it). Homeschooling versus public or private schools. And the list goes on.

I understand that having a baby is the biggest step that a woman can take in her life, and even more important is whom she decides to have a baby with. I was blessed to have been raised by my (single) father, so I know intrinsically what good qualities in a Baby Daddy will look like. (I really detest the Baby Daddy/Baby Mama lingo, but until I come up with a better title for my situation, it will have to suffice.) He needs to be healthy, have good intellectual genes, be disease free, preferably possess dual international citizenship, health insurance, devoid of crazy genes and criminal proclivities within his family line, straight white teeth, uses sizeable portions of his left and right brain, has a daddy that he knows and who raised him, but above all, wants to be a father! There are a few quality men on my radar who are friends, along with a couple potential and past lovers who I have discussed my desire to conceive a baby with ( this year, 4th quarter, yeah I’m serious).  And even more promising, a few are interested in biting the carrot (theoretically anyway).

I am aware that over 70% of Black children are born to unwed parents, and have a pretty good grasp of the staggering statistics associated with such households. But, I am not poor. I am educated, and I am a grown ass woman, which sets my child up for a pretty damn awesome life comparatively.

I imagine giving my daughter the world, traveling with her right on my back in a chicy baby carrier, with and ribbons in her hair. Her learning different languages from the time she learns how to speak. I want to expose her to the arts, science, and culture from early on. Yep, I’m ready. I dream about this little girl every night. She wants to be here, as much as I want her to be. Now all I have to do is decide on her daddy!

So what are your thoughts? Is being a single divorcee’ who wants to have a baby sans a husband some post-modern bull that you simply can’t get with? Or would you be open to the idea, whether through adoption, invitro-fertilization, or any other measure?

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  • Jones

    i’m in this conundrum as well. i’m single and in my 30s. my education is complete, i have a good job, and i’m looking into purchasing my first home. i want children, biological, not adopted. now should i rush into marrying some random guy just so i can get pregnant?