There is a verse in the great text of Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth called the BIBLE that says, “Seek and ye shall find.” And no truer is this statement than as it applies to snooping through your man’s belongings, and personal gadgets. Many of us have been there at some point.  While he’s in the shower and he leaves his clothes in a dry heap on the floor, we spot his cell phone hanging out of his jogging pants pocket. Or when he forgot to log out of his email or Facebook account, curiosity strikes you like a lightning bolt and you contemplate, “should I go for it or not?” My only warning is that if you do, are you prepared to accept what you may find?

In the information era, and the advent of Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Skype, LinkedIn, and other social media platforms that lay the foreground for making pretend and real friends, there is now more opportunity than ever to interact with a bevy of interesting people from around the world, and this can open the door for more temptation.

We’ve seen such instances of epic social media fails with fallen politicians time and time again. Newlywed, expectant father, and now disgraced New York Congressman Anthony Weiner was put on blast last year after his vociferous denial of any inappropriate exchanges with women on Twitter was discovered to have been false. He was caught exchanging explicit messages with an exotic dancer, and went so far as to sending one woman a ‘dick flick.’ Another married New York Congressman, Christopher Lee abruptly resigned from his position after photos of him posing shirtless in the mirror surfaced on a Craigslist dating service ad. We have heard the women’s view of this scenario time and time again also. My favorite Basketball Wife, Jennifer Williams, spoke openly about her incessant need to check her husbands phone and email and which led to subsequently discovering things that she didn’t want to see or find out. Jennifer Freeman, actress of My Wife and Kids fame who is married to NBA star Earl Watson, physically attacked her husband after discovering text messages from other women, resulting in the police being called and assault charges being filed against her.

Although I have been guilty of it also, the fact remains: if you have a hunch that there could be an issue, then it probably is.

However, if you go snooping and find an explicit picture or two, or a racy text message, or an email from an ex, is it automatically grounds for a break-up? How do you rectify the issue, or even bring it up, considering you found out about his wandering eye through unscrupulous means?

My rule of thumb in this situation, after having been the wife or the girlfriend who had all the passwords whether known or unbeknownst to my lovers, is that you should not violate your partner’s privacy without good cause.  Each time I have gotten my Sherlock Holmes on I found something I was not pleased with and it was only because I was looking for it!

There are always tell-tell signs when a man is hiding something (men are so easy to read when they are). When his regimen suddenly changes without forewarning—he procures a gym membership when this was not usually his modus operandi, he is wearing a new cologne and is hanging out with his boys more often and spending less time with you—something might just be up. If all of this is happening in addition to the fact that he holds onto his iPhone like it is a supplementary appendage, never letting it out of his sight, your suspicions may be right.

So what happens when you suspect something is up, but just can’t prove it?

These days I like to subscribe to the axiom that my Grandmother taught me long ago: “What doesn’t come out in the wash, will show up in the rinse.” So rather than look for evidence of an infraction in my relationship, I’d rather just let the natural order of things unravel, which saves a lot of unnecessary commotion, strife, and confusion in the meantime.

We all know that trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and without it, you might as well call it quits or resign yourself to lifetime of heartache. But how well do we actually trust our partners to not even consider violating their privacy, and what actually constitutes a violation? Is trust limited in certain scenarios?

Is there anything that qualifies as a legitimate reason to snoop through your partner’s things?

20 Comments

  1. memphiskatiej

    This is BS! If I go looking, and you not doing anything questionable, the only thing I’ve found is… WHAT EXACTLY? Yeah, just like I thought, NOTHING. Women are out here getting dogged out and straight lied to with straight faces by their men. I don’t put anything past anybody. None of this, oh if you have suspicions then you need to talk to your man… I agree, but to a point. What do you do if you have that talk yall are advocating for, but he says nothing is going on, yet your gut instinct is telling you otherwise? Is the lady supposed to leave based off some instinct with no confirmation? The man has fingerprint and eye scanners just to get into his phone then separate locks on his messages and all the security measures Facebook can give, but she’s supposed to believe him when he says she’s the only one. PUHLEASEEEEEEE! Being naive is how you stay attached to some lying fool that then brings you home STDS and Viruses. I say, go looking if you need to. What you find may very well save your life!

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  2. girlformerlyknownasgrace

    Man the guy in the picture looks fine *yum*

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  3. NO. If you don’t trust the person or have any feelings that this person is trustworthy you need to re-evaluate the relationship. Many times we sense early in the relationship but we ignore our gut feeling for a number of reasons. The first time you have to consider snooping, it’s time to have a conversation with him and make decisions because that conversation will set the basis of your relationship from that point forward. Besides snooping is using extra energy towards something that will only upset you or frustrate you. Listen to your gut feeling, it doesn’t lie to you.

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    • ^^^^^This right chea!!!!!

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    • LemonNLime

      BAM, that’s it! I am not going to be snooping around, stressed out, and such over some man. If I feel like something is up, we have the conversation 1 time. 1 time. If trusting him becomes an issue, I’m O-U-T. Trust is THE most important thing to me in a relationship, if I can’t trust you then it is a waste of my time to be with you because I would always suspect you of something. So rather than stressing out, it’s just “on the the next one!” but I always make that clear from day 1.

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  4. CaliDreaming86 (CD86)

    *Shrugs*

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  5. Sorry I’ve been guilty of this in my younger days, but I can say anytime I felt I needed to be snooping there usually was a problem so I really didn’t need to do so I just needed to have a conversation with my man. And that’s what I say if you feel things have changed we as women can usally tell when something is off in the relationship when our man has taken a turn away from us, behaving differently and instead of going through his things an honest conversation would probably be best.

    But I do understand some people are so dishonest you want proof so when he doesn’t tell the truth, but if you have to go that far I would say it tells you the fate of the relationship.

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