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Should More Black Girls Be Raised Outside of the U.S.?

Wednesday Jan 18, 2012 – by Morgan Lynch

Black mother and daughter One day over lunch with a friend of mine, she mentioned how she and her boyfriend had begun serious talks of marriage and children. But, what really struck me about the entire conversation was her comment, “If we have daughters, I don’t want to raise them in the States.”

Stunned, I asked her, “Where would you raise them?”

“Trinidad,” she replied. (Her boyfriend is from Trinidad.)

“But, why?” I asked flabbergasted.

“I just don’t think the U.S. is the best place to raise girls of color.”

I accepted her answer, but that I turned the idea over and over in my head.

It not only saddened me that my dear friend would possibly move far away from me, but the fact that she didn’t want to raise her own daughters here astounded me.And, then it got me to thinking.

What would make my friend have such thoughts?

I think back to where she was raised in the state of Texas. She attended schools where she would oftentimes be the only person of color in her class photo. She, like myself, grew up feeling like the ambassador for the entire black race whenever she was around her white peers. It was like “S*** White Girls Say to Black Girls” on steroids. In some ways it became a large burden to bear. But, she was able to withstand it, and questions about her hair and skin color never took major blows to her self-esteem. To this day she is one of the most confident people I know.

But what is it that is going on in America where we fear worse experiences for our daughters? Is it the media? Is it everyday people on the street? Even with positive images like Oprah and Michelle Obama in our presence there is a still a pervasive problem of stereotypes that permeate our society and leave our girls fighting to overcome them every day that they step into the world.

My friend may be fearful of her daughter experiencing the daily onslaught of questions, and messages from the media that her African phenotype (she is of Nigerian descent) is undesirable when it comes to beauty in this country. She may fear that her daughter’s spirit might not be strong enough to withstand the downplaying of her black culture. But, I believe that if she instills the same values and knowledge that she has obtained over the years in her future daughter she will be better equipped to handle what comes her way. And, I’m not saying that some experiences won’t hurt her feelings, but to understand that the media and her peers won’t always have her best interest at heart in valuing her growth as a woman of color is crucial. And to know that early on, her future daughter’s experiences may help her to flourish just like her mother in the U.S.A.

Would you ever consider raising your children overseas?

swest says:

January 21, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I have battling with the same decision for sometime now with regard to my 4 daughters. I am the child of an American mother (African American), and a Zimbabwean father. My father was a diplomat, and I grew up all over the world. Tokyo, Japan, Stockholm, Sweden, Harare, Zimbabwe, Geneva Switzerland, London, England to name some of the places I have resided over the years. I am back home in the United States, and would like my girls to experience life overseas. I would like for them to get the solid educational foundation that is provided in European, and much the surprise of most, African Schools. However, I also want them to experience life as African-Americans. It is a balancing act that is not for the weak or faint of heart. What always amazed me when I would come home to the United States from overseas, was African Americans always gave me the hardest time about my life overseas, not curiosity or even amazement that I had traveled and lived abroad, but ridicule about my speech (I sounded like a white person), and the fact that my father was from Africa. I would have kids whose father’s were crackheads laugh in my face outright about my father being African, even though he was an Ambassador with PhD’s and Honorary Doctorates from some of the most prestigious universities in this country…go figure. It’s to different world’s, and negatives on both ends. I allowed my oldest, who is now 16 spend 2 years in a private school in Zimbabwe…when she arrived there she was in 1st grade and way behind, when she came back to the US, 2 years later she was placed a year ahead of her age group. Her foundation was so strong, it propelled her to academic excellence which she has since maintained. My other three who did not have this experience are not as strong. It gives me pause…

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ProudInFrance says:

January 22, 2012 at 1:16 am

Good luck. Your children will appreciate your efforts.
gryph says:

January 22, 2012 at 10:30 am

“It is a balancing act that is not for the weak or faint of heart. What always amazed me when I would come home to the United States from overseas, was African Americans always gave me the hardest time about my life overseas, not curiosity or even amazement that I had traveled and lived abroad, but ridicule about my speech (I sounded like a white person), and the fact that my father was from Africa.”

there’s a quiet culture of slave-breaking and ‘seasoning’ that is so deep that it is almost cellular in many diasporic blacks. it was they who did the work breaking down, re-routing and breeding out the africanisms (e.g., like notions of freedom and self-determination) that were present in many of those who came across the atlantic. it is a deeply engrained tradition; i swear it is almost a reflex. i’m betting that if you sounded “african-o” it might have been even worse for you.

i think the balance that you are trying to achieve is a great, critical one. black children where ever they are should be educated to be citizens of the world (not just scrambling for a role in the corporate organisation that is the nation state); not to be in awe of white people and at the same time seeing – and believing – that black people/africans are capable all by themselves.

travel is some of the best education available. i think, however, for those who don’t have the option of a sort of globe-trotting – which is the majority – we should structure education and educative experiences to convey those themes of global citizenry and black self-sufficiency.

now only if these black neo-slave-breakers/seasoners let up a bit…
Sue says:

January 23, 2012 at 11:53 pm

I completely see where you are coming from especially when it comes to education. Indeed there are some really good schools in Africa where discipline is enforced and children actually learn. With all the horrific stories that focus on the continent, this is not something many people are aware of. I also think that exposing children to various cultures is a wonderful experience. You may be able to get different cultural experiences in the U.S. as well but it also depends on where you live. IMO, if you’re not able to travel ensure that you are well read/informed. It’s good to have a global world view.

Brooklynista says:

January 22, 2012 at 6:12 pm

@Swest, I completely agree. I spent my first year of school in Nigeria, and once I came back to the States, I was academically several grades ahead of my peers for my entire grade school experience. Socially though, I felt stunted by the constant hate and spirit-breaking that was occurring in the African-American neighborhood I grew up in. I completely understand why folks who “escape” the ghetto have no desire to go back. Yes, there are plenty of issues in the Caribbean and throughout Africa, but there is a whole other level of psychological toxicity I experienced in various African-American communities that I have NEVER come close to experiencing in ANY other community, Black or otherwise. Of course, there are also plenty of wonderful, hard-working, kind Black folks who live in the ghettos too, but the struggles and the toxic mentalities and the constant stress are dealbreakers. I may or may not move to Amsterdam one day, but I’m DEFINITELY not ever living in a low-income urban Black neighborhood in America. That is spiritual suicide, particularly for young Black girls.

msinformed4 says:

January 22, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I spent a year in Japan, and have friends who lived abroad. I taught English there, and have decided I, too, want my kids to live abroad. My students there, seemed more globally minded, than middle school students i’ve interacted with here in the states.

Jen says:

January 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Yes, absolutely! I thank my lucky stars everyday that as a black woman I was raised in Canada instead of the US. My African-American female cousins had babies at a young age and are just not as healthy OR as happy as I am.

ProudInFrance says:

January 23, 2012 at 3:19 am

I think if most people know who strongly other countries valued education and family that if given the opportunity they will move it’s. Will this prevent their children from experiencing racism? Of course not. But i’d rather provide my child with a safe, well rounded, family oriented environment.

Von says:

January 23, 2012 at 8:16 am

Yes, if given the opportunity. My siblings and I were given this wonderful opportunity to live outside of the USA and I made sure that I too would give this same opportunity to my own children. I believe that it teaches tolerance among individuals just as long as they’re willing to have an open mind and not a closed one because of ignorance and the perceived mind-set of American superiority when it relates to other cultures and nations.

My children and I returned back to the USA after 12 years abroad only to be met with a culture that some people looked at excelling in life as an act of ‘whiteness’ and mediocrity was the standard we should all aspire to. This attitude scared me to death and I worried that my own children would have to either defend themselves or become a part of it if they wanted to fit in.

I thank GOD that I raised free-thinking individuals who didn’t follow anyone but themselves and embraced their own differences and chose to stand out instead of attempting to fit in. They came home and told me many times about the incidences from their black peers who questioned their reasons for being in multicultural group settings.

On thing that my father taught us is that you can learn something from every one, so why limit your choices based on fear and fake pride?

If you’re going to raise your children outside of the USA, ensure that you really go out and see the area where you live by learning the language, customs, etc. and fully immerse yourself by living like the locals do with an open mind because closed minds don’t see nada!

Laurie says:

January 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I’ve felt that way too, but mostly about boys. If I have sons, I would NOT want to raise them here. No way, no how. I was born and mostly raised abroad and it really does give you a different perspective of yourself and other races. I never truly experienced racism until living in the US.

Beantown Betty says:

January 25, 2012 at 12:47 am

If you’re not one of the fortunate people who get the options of living overseas. I think it’s important to at least expose your children to the world outside of the US. I’ve been fortunate to have visited Spain, Portugal, Gibraltar and Morocco. Having these experiences showed me (1) how vast and diverse the world really is (2) that there’s more than one way of thinking and living. However no matter where a black person lives it’s important to speak openly and honestly about racism and instill the idea of black consciousness. Just because you’re overseas does not mean that a black person won’t experience racism. It just will rear it’s head in different ways. There’s pro’s and con’s to living anywhere : )