SMH: No Means No, Unless You’re Deelishis’ Husband
Recently a video of former Flavor of Love contestant Deelishis and her husband Orlando Gordon surfaced. Apparently Deelishis is hoping to get her reality show, Motor City Wives, about–you guessed it–housewives in Detroit, picked up by a network, and is releasing footage that could possibly make the show.
During the interview with Sister 2 Sister founder Jamie Foster Brown, Deelishis talked about being raped when she was 18 by a man who was 10 years her senior. As Deelishis told the story of going back to the man’s house, allowing him to “pleasure” her orally, but refusing to have intercourse with him, her husband was adamant that Deelishis led the alleged rapist on, and therefore wasn’t really raped.
Wait, what?
While women do indeed need to be aware of our surroundings, I was disheartened to hear Gordon (who coincidentally was recently indicted for participating in a drug ring) casually brush off his wife’s rape. Hearing people rationalize rape and blame the victim for their attack does little to prevent sexual assault because it gives abusers a pass on their actions.
What do you think?
I agree with both of them but hope young women see this & learn something. I believe, yes, she did lead the man on by allowing him to perform oral sex. On the other hand, did he rape her afterward…yes. Why, because she said “No”. She led him on, with her immature thoughts only in mind and the end result was not good. So, was the husband right to rationalize the rape, yes. I had to tell a young lady about her similar actions, she thought it was cute and okay. I told her one day, she was going to use the word “no” and the man would not hear the word, no matter how many times she said it.
@ Tammy “So, was the husband right to rationalize the rape, yes”
record scratch……
How in the world do you rationalize rape?
@ Tammy C,
No means no! She might said yes to oral, but in the event she said, no or stop…that means that, NO CONSENT whatsoever! Stop making excuses for that man. He is not an animal, he could have withdrawn! Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!! Her husband is a son of a gun. I would have hit him upside down the head with that soup stick she holding.
She shouldn’t have let him give her oral sex any man will want something in return, now ok I can see if she said no to the head and then he raped her, but SHE put herself in that position when you let him pleasure you! I’m not saying it’s right but she could have made a better decision in that situation! Her husband was right to say things he did.
Thank you Derbin, he called it, how it was. Was it wrong for the man to rape her as the end result, yes. But the article asked our opinion on the husband’s response and there was no problem with it, in my opinion.
@keke @AfricanMami: I’m in no way saying that the man’s actions were correct. I’m just agreeing that the husband had the right to say what he did. Her actions also caused the end result too.
say what Drebin?!
Are you serious?! I gather, you and the husband are lost twins!
Wow. So how far are we going to take this? Is there a scorecard? If a man performs (insert sex act), he is OWED (insert sex act). GTFOHWTBS! I can’t believe that any sensible human being could condone (because that is what you are doing) forcible sex acts!
Nobody “puts themselves in the position” to be raped. Nobody causes their own rape.
Thinking like this probably helps you feel like this would never happen to you, but guess what it could. And if did, sadly there’d be people like you & Tammy C trying their hardest to find some way to blame it on you.
Yes, when a woman says stop the man SHOULD STOP, but will he? Im in my 30s, but when I was younger I use to do the same exact thing. Only difference between me and Deelishis was that the men stopped. Thank God. But looking back I would do thing differently because it only would’ve taken one to decide he couldve gone further. Like @TAMMY C said, women, young and old, need to learn from Deelishis b/c some men may not stop, although legally they have to. Rape is a slippery slope. We can shout NO MEANS NO, but when police, attorneys, etc. ask why did you allow him to give you oral…it becomes harder to explain. Point is, in the real world things are not ideal. In an ideal situation the man should stop, but in reality that may not be the case. This is no excuse, but it is a real description of how the world works.
@ Tammy,
You may not be saying that the rapist’s actions were correct, but you did make a mention or shall I say asked the question, “was the husband right to rationalize rape?” You then answered that question with “Yes” and I am asking how in the world do you rationalize rape?
@Drebin
let’s just switch the scenario and I am going to get kind of graphic here but you know what, this particular discussion calls for it and I don’t sugar coat cause it seems that some people still don’t grasp the concept that no individual has the right to ownership of another person’s body.
let’s say that a woman was giving a man some head. and then in the midst of giving him head, she proceeding to stick either her fingers or an anal plug in that man’s anus. now he said no to her but she decided that she would do it anyway. is that rape? is the man in the wrong for letting that woman give him head 1st? should he expect that if he lets a woman give him head then she has the right to do whatever she wants with the rest of his body whether he agrees to it or not?
why can’t it just be understood that no one has the right to take ownership of your body? no one has the right to make you do anything that you are uncomfortable with and/or don’t want to do? why is that so complicated?
this is the same line of reasoning that lead people to believe that a woman couldn’t possibly get raped while out on a date or a husband couldn’t possibly rape is wife. in the former case it’s always framed as ‘what did she wear on the date?” “where did they go?” “why would she go back to his apartment?” “did sjhe kiss him?” “did she flirt with him?’
in the latter case it’s pretty much framed as: “well a wife should always be willing to have sex with her husband. that is her husband for goodness sake it isn’t possible for a husband to rape his wife!”
I say please to all of this. this way of thinking has to be dismantled. no she should not have been alone with him. but that does not give the man the right to take from her what she was not willing to give to him. he has no right to her body PERIOD!
@ keke
Yes, it’s wrong if the woman does that although he tells her no. Point is, it has happened. After the fact, it is rape, but I can guarantee he wished he wouldve avoided placing himself in that position. We have to explain to girls that some men will not heed no means no.. Therefore, be careful.
Um no. I have had plenty of oral sex with men who wanted nothing in return, or maybe just oral sex in return. If that was the agreement prior to taking clothes off, that was the agreement. and no man has the right to violate that. If he does, and she adamantly says no, that’s rape. period.
@
Ummm, I have been in that position as well and men have respected my wishes. Doesnt mean that it woouldve only taken one to not do so. Did I say it wasnt rape? You dont have to put words in my mouth to make your point. Of course it’s rape, but at my age I know enough about life to avoid placing myself in that situations.
rap is rape no matter how you put it…
…Chivalry Ain’t Dead …He Just Don’t Like Yo Ass! ..this shit is HILARIOUS!
So tacky she busted out that her husband gave her head and didn’t get none. I get her point but he could get clowned for that. What if he doesn’t want people to know he gives head? So damn tired of black folks getting on TV and telling all their damn business and right on schedule they got to FIGHTING on camera too.
I am with you on people telling too much of their lives on camera, but you can miss me with the ‘clowning because he gives oral’ part. Does he like to receive? If she had mentioned she likes to gives would that have been just right? I don’t know why we keep catering to the lowest rung in the ladder.