There’s nothing worse than a man with no rhythm in the bedroom. And usually, I’m more than willing to instruct my lovers how to stroke me properly. But there are occasions that I really just want them to get it right the first time, and not hump me like they’re descendents of a dog species.

I’ve had gorgeous lovers, many in perfect shape, extremely athletic, and flexible. But for some strange reason, they get in the bed and their hips only know one motion: back and forth super rapidly without stopping. In most cases, women’s vaginal muscles do not respond forcefully to one motion during sex. And thus, we end up bored, counting the seconds until he climaxes instead of focusing on our own orgasms.

So I feel the need to have a conversation with our men. Because good heterosexual sex takes joint focus on two genders’ needs. You can’t just hump women like jack rabbits, and then ask why our faces looked dead when you use our vaginas like lab receptacles. We’re not your semen dumping grounds. You should just rub a nut and watch a porno flick if you’re going to be self-centered.

Stroking is an art. It’s power lies in spontaneity, different levels of speed, various depths, and most importantly, rhythm. A good stroke is spontaneous because it will keep the woman guessing, speed up to activate the many points that bring her pleasure, slow down to provide a crescendo into exploring her depths, and yet still feel like a beautiful rhythm that you’ve composed through your head.

It’s not enough to simply give us monotone humps, and expect a porn star reaction. If you want a woman to moan, shake, and naturally tighten her vaginal muscles, it’s a requirement to constantly work on your stroke. You can do it the formal way, and take a Kundalini strengthening class. Or you can simply be intuitive and communicative, feeling her body’s response to your movements and asking her sincerely how different strokes feel. But don’t just ask as an attempt to feed your ego.

Once you’ve got the stroke down, you can add small touches like gently massaging her clitoris or sucking her toes, all while you keep your rhythm. But without the good stroke, none of these extras will compensate. Master the basic ingredients, and then add the icing. We both want to enjoy the intense sensations that come with creating a delectable session of good sex.

I love men. I love the way they look, the variety in their builds, and the way their touch can feel strong and gentle all at the same time. I love when they’re vulnerable, eager to please, and willing to perfect the use of what the Creator has already gifted them. And I say all of the above because I want every man to strive for his potential as a sexual partner. I want him to explore his body’s complexities along with the intricacies of women’s bodies. Good sex requires dedication to self-improvement. And there’s no reason for anyone to settle for mediocre, one-sided sex when two-partnered bliss awaits.


What constructive criticism can we provide our men for better stroking and better sex? Tread gently. Speak on it. 

  • John Hilton

    @Grace – Like someone said this before, when a man is trying to find out what a woman likes she should respond to that in a way that he can tell what you actually like and rather than to remain insensitive and complain about him after the cuddle wrestling. It’s something you do together and not individually. You give, receive and reflect.

  • Pingback: » Stroke Skills: Why Men Should Be More Than Jack Rabbits Arielle Loren()

  • Rian

    I was just having this conversation with an ex lover today. This article and recent conversation encouraged me to analyze my preferred stroke and my ability to communicate it. I thought about my most recent lover and I remember distinctively asking him to change it up and he said that’s the way he likes to do it and will not change…however now this is the same man who complains that I do not call him anymore… There has to be a willingness to learn, share, and explore for both parties involved.

  • Joe

    My girl thinks my stroke is weak I’m 19 she’s 22 she’s had more partners than me and I lack experience any help?

  • Michael

    Great article!! Definitely has boosted my confidence for my next time!

Read previous post: