Victim Blaming By Any Other Name Is Still Victim Blaming
Ironically, one of the most ignorant posts I’ve read in recent weeks appeared on a blog that goes by the name of “Very Smart Brothas.”
In an astoundingly insensitive article, aptly titled “Rape Responsibility — And The Fine Line Between Victim-Blaming and Common Sense”, The Champ, a blogger on the site, decided to tackle the subject of rape and why women, in fact, do hold some responsibility for sexual assaults against their person.
He found his inspiration from a post written by writer Zerlina Maxwell for Ebony.com titled, “Stop Telling Women How to Not Get Raped.”
In Maxwell’s article, she brilliantly states why society’s misdirected venom towards “unladylike” women is endangering potential victims:
“Our community, much like society-at-large, needs a paradigm shift as it relates to our sexual assault prevention efforts. For so long all of our energy has been directed at women, teaching them to be more “ladylike” and to not be “promiscuous” to not drink too much or to not wear a skirt. Newsflash: men don’t decide to become rapists because they spot a woman dressed like a video vixen or because a girl has been sexually assertive.”
Even though The Champ agrees that statistics revealing that 1 in 5 women will become victims of a completed or attempted rape in their lifetime are horrific, he draws the line at agreeing that men, and men alone, are responsible for women being violated, stating that women should employ a modicum of common sense when dealing with their baser male counterparts:
“Why can’t both genders be educated on how to act responsibility around each other? What’s stopping us from steadfastly instilling “No always means no!” in the minds of all men and boys and educating women how not to put themselves in certain situations? Of course men shouldn’t attempt to have sex with a woman who’s too drunk to say no, but what’s wrong with reminding women that if you’re 5’1 and 110 pounds, it’s probably not the best idea to take eight shots of Patron while on the first, second, or thirteenth date? Yes, sober women definitely get raped too, but being sober and aware does decrease the likelihood that harm may come your way, and that’s true for each gender.
“It seems as if the considerable push back again victim-blaming has pushed all the way past prudence and levelheadedness, making anyone who suggests that “women can actually be taught how to behave too” insensitive or a “rape enabler.” And, while the sentiment in Maxwell’s article suggests that victim-blaming is dangerous, I think it’s even more dangerous to neglect to remind young women that, while it’s never their fault if they happen to get sexually assaulted, they shouldn’t thumb their noses to common sense either.”
And this is where the waters get treacherous.
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I don’t see it so much as victim blaming, but a reminder not to put yourself in potentially dangerous situations. Like how I take my trash out in the day time instead of at night. Men shouldn’t rape women, but we can’t tell a rapist from every other man so we have to use common sense and take precautions.
my dear, tell that statement to the many countless women in the Congo-who have been raped, and not because they were in potentially dangerous situations. No, but they still end up being blamed.
How about that girl like you and me, going about her business in her a skirt and a regular ol blouse-waylaid from home and raped. and still gets blamed
My point is, victim shaming and blaming is very much part of our society-human ie. I’ve read rape cases in which yahoo commentors have torn the victim into shreds-even when they don’t have the full details. It’s even worse in our community.
God helps us. Ms.Savali, again I salute your English….coz lawwd knows if you and I were to get into a competition, I would loose, coz I would only write one word. Motherfuggers!
@African Mami
“..tell that statement to the many countless women in the Congo…”
I agree with sunshyne84. Women shouldnt put themselves in harms way if they can help it. Therefore dont go on holiday in the Congo.
“How about that girl like you and me, going about her business in her a skirt and a regular ol blouse-waylaid from home and raped. and still gets blamed.”
Yes because we know that this is the typical rape scenario. Women just going about her business and some man out of no where just rapes her. Girl please.
“I’ve read rape cases in which yahoo commentors have torn the victim into shreds-even when they don’t have the full details.”
We do worse to those accused of rape without the full details or a verdict from a jury of his or her own peers.
@sunshyne84
As African Mami alluded to, she thinks she is in as much of a risk of being raped wearing a skirt going about her business at the mall as a woman is in the war torn country of the Democratic Republic of the congo. This is why the message of taking certain precautions falls on deaf ears.
“a reminder not to put yourself in potentially dangerous situations. Like how I take my trash out in the day time instead of at night.”
The problem is, we focus too much of our time trying to control the behavior of innocent women (even if it is a safety precaution) then we do controlling the behavior of rapist men. Does anyone else not see the gender imbalance?
I find it abominably that as a woman, you should be afraid to take the trash out at night instead of during the day because of potential violence that may be enacted upon you. I doubt there are very many men that would have the same fear (even those who could “easily” be assaulted because they are not not very big or muscular). The problem is in the way we as a society handle violence against women. It doesn’t help that the justice system is not very “understanding” of the plight of the victim and often engages in such victim blaming tactics as you used above (“Well, why were you out in the middle of the night? Why were you wearing such a short skirt? Why did you allow the guy to perform oral sex on you if you weren’t interested in intercourse?”) that it makes it difficult for victims to come forward out of fear of being maligned or knowledge that nothing will be done to punish the rapist.
It would be great if we had better laws that were more supportive of women who are victims of violence. There needs to be more stringent punishments placed upon perpetrators to make it less easy for them to get away with the crimes that they commit, and which enacted harsher penalties for committing crimes. Maybe if more men who rape are taken off the streets, it will make it safer for women to be able to take out the trash at night without fear of being harmed.
I meant to write “abominable”, not “abominably”.
@JaeBee
Harsher punishment doesnt prevent crime.Honestly, I dont believe stronger punishment will relieve our sense of safety. Because we are overwhelmingly physically inferior men will attack us. Yes, we need to speak to our young men regarding their part in keeping s safe and not growing up to be perpetrator. (I wonder how many parents actually make this an essential lesson when training their boys????). But in the mean time, I will take precaution at all times. Including during intimate occassions.
“Harsher punishment doesnt prevent crime.Honestly, I dont believe stronger punishment will relieve our sense of safety.”
Harsher punishment may not eliminate crime, but it will help to prevent it. If all rapists received life sentences in jail then there would be less rapists on the streets to re-offend. If all rapists were forcibly castrated, then they’d have less “motivation” to engage in such an activity again..
If we as a society took a harsher stance against men who commit violent acts towards women it wouldn’t make it so easy for men to get away with, and to continue to re-offend. That may influence others to think twice before they commit a first offense.
@Jae Bee
And perhaps if we cut off the hands of those who stole we would be living in a society where theft was non existent. Where is your date proving anything you are saying? I was sexually assaulted as a child by someone I assume was no older than 18. What would have prevent him from assaulting me if he had never assaulted before or he was never accused, and found guilty of a sexual act? Ultimately it is up to the woman to behave in anyway she deems fit but certain behaviors come with their risk. That is with everything in life. Stop being so childish. You are potentially putting people at risk by telling them there is nothing they can do to prevent crimes from happening to them.
As an experiment, why not leave your doors and windows open in your home or in your car. Society shouldnt control you by telling you to lock your car do or close your windows because of potential intruders. I bet you wouldnt dream of taking those risk would you?
“We expect people to control themselves and not steal something that they may want and desire–even though human nature would have us take the object to gratify ourselves and for our own benefit. ”
How well has that worked out?
How do you control the behavior of people who would rape if they have never raped before? What you want to do is control the behavior of ALL men so as to prevent any rapes. How about we just lock all men up after they turn 14 years old ensuring no woman or girl is in harms way. We can put them in concentration camps.
Our society doesnt tell me to rape. Quite the contrary. Men, all men, are told that they are potential violent brutes that need to be controlled. I dont want to live in that society.
I would love to see life sentences for rapists and child molesters. I agree with you on that one. I read somewhere that the average rapist only does 4 1/2 years and are likely to reoffend.
@QOnew
your comment was ignorant. the “oh like that’s the typical rape scenario”
there is no typical rape scenario, which is why rape is so scary.
@Renee
Most people choose to ignore Queen of Newcastle. As you can see evidence why…
A lot Middle eastern countries do have low crime/theft rate because of its high corporal punishment laws. In Korea, for example, one can leave their bags on a table in the middle of a crowded mall and not worry so much about theft than you would in America. Actually, the idea of doing that in the USA without someone watching them is ludicrous. So, harsher punishment perhaps will bring down a lot of crime rate here but because of its inhumane ways will never pass.
OHHHHHHHHH MI GOSH!!!!!!! *I STAND IN APPPLLLLLLLAUSEEEEE*** Ms. Savali, this is the one article you’ve written I have amened throughout the post! My God! You speak so articulately. There was victim blaming on Deelish’s story, and the comments on there were super crazy. I and a few other Clutchettes were involved in a back and forth as to why-the VICTIM is not to blame! I also saw the same article you mention on VSB, and I did not comment for I did not know whether to cry or shoot somebody!
This is what I’m talking about! Thank you for articulating this so well.
I somewhat agree with the previous comment, but on the other hand it is a double edge sword. Just because a woman is alone with a man or even invited him to touch/pleasure her it does not give the excuse for him to rape her. NO MEANS NO ….yes we as women need use more discretion but that does not justify a man taking something that you did consent to give him no matter the circumstance. I think that women need to be more supportive of women who have been victims, to let them know that they did not warrant being taken advantage of .It is strength in numbers. If we rallied more around victims, I think men would practice more self control. They are not animals in a jungle, jeez the way some women excuse this type of behavior is deplorable …smh its really sad…..
You are accusing SUNSHYNE84 of, “Excus(ing) this type of behavior…),” when she did no such thing.
Basically your comment is similar to hers. SUNSHYNE84 stated that, “(This is a)reminder not to put yourself in potentially dangerous situations.” She also stated, “Men shouldn’t rape women, but we can’t tell a rapist from every other man so we have to use common sense and take precautions,”
You sated the same thing, “Yes we as women need use more discretion but that does not justify a man taking something that you did consent to give him no matter the circumstance.”
What is the difference between your statement and SUNSHYNE84?
* previous comment direct to @sunshyne84
society needs to focus on controlling men, not women.
Rape is wrong, no excuses, no arguments no if, ands or buts.
It is a violation of personal autonomy and choice, which as a human being and the Ascedent of Enslaved Africans, I understood all too well, and for those reasons make rape a particularly is abhorrent crime to me.
If a woman does not want to have sex with you – don’t force her. If she agrees to sex but later and changes her mind, incuding during sex, then stop.
Now let’s go over some other facts about rape.
!) The power element in rape is the force applied to execute a rape, the motive however is in most cases – SEX.
2) removing the sexual motive from rape is way to dehumanixe the rapist as a sadist who derives some twisted pleasure from torturing his victims.
If we saw the rapist as someone trying to fulfil the basic human need for intimacy, then we might see the rapist in more sympathetic terms.
That is the reason many men still insist on assigning some blame to the victim. They sympathize to some extent with the rapist. They imagine themselves a heightened state of sexual arousal and imagine that under the same circumstances, they might act with the same lack of control.
Yes men do rape and most often it is because they’ve lost control of themselves, which means simply telling people to control themselves is not the answer –
Telling people to control themselves is rarely the answer to impulsive or compulsive – (eg over eating food addicts) – behaviour.
So how do we solve the problem of rape without completely isolating the sexes from each other?
I don’t know
but I know that I would resist any further efforts to control the male population on the pretext of protecting women from rape.
@Socially
This may be a crude analogy but we are far more careful and mindful or we are socially required to be more mindful of our material possesions than we are with ourselves. We indulge in victim blaming all the time when we arent mindful of our possessions while out; when we carelessly pass on our personal details to potential fraudsters; when we leave our car doors open.
@ Socially
I get what you are saying. I think we have to speak to both men and women to get a better understading of how we can eliminate rape (or shall I say reduce rape). I think date rape is the most common. And being a woman I know that most of us do take precaution when out with men. So clearly this precaution doesnt prevent rape. Im sure the rape numbers are MUCH MORE higher than what’s reported because often women blame themselves and dont report it.
As a woman I know it’s my right to say no at any time during sex. I have used that right and have been successful each and every time. Men have respected my wishes in the mist of extreme sexual arousal and I am so greatful that they did not use this power that you mentioned to rape me. But I dont think I will continue do certain sexual actions simple because I have heard too many stories of rape victims. Therefore, I’d rather use their experiences in an effort to prevent rape happening to me.
“Telling people to control themselves is rarely the answer to impulsive or compulsive – (eg over eating food addicts) – behaviour.
So how do we solve the problem of rape without completely isolating the sexes from each other?
I don’t know but I know that I would resist any further efforts to control the male population on the pretext of protecting women from rape.”
This is ridiculous. Why shouldn’t we have these expectations? We expect people to control themselves and not steal something that they may want and desire–even though human nature would have us take the object to gratify ourselves and for our own benefit. If you can’t control yourself, then you don’t deserve to be an active member of society. You should either be behind bars, or in the case of rapists we can castrate you and maybe that will help your “control” issues.
jaebee
Yeh, you’re right but despite the fact that there are lots of things we shouldn’t do, and are told not to do -
ALL OF US still do them.
Unfortunately, some of those things have serious consequences.
Getting angry at me won’t cure the world’s problems.
I suggest you start thinking about how you can HUMANELY address the issues that are important to you without becoming a fascist who wants to control people -
rather than solve problems.
This ia actually in agreement with QoNew…you are right. We are so vigilant in protecting our cars, bank accounts, homes, passwords, social security numbers, and other material possessions from thieves and robbers and in doing so, we are not considered victims, nor are we letting the thieves and robbers off the hook, we are simply being cautious. Why are people so resistant to the same message of self protection when it comes to the awful topic of rape? Yes, a woman should be able to take the trash out at night or wear whatever she wants to wear and not feel like she could be attacked just as much as I should be able to leave my door unlocked at home or let my little boy play outside without me watching him like a hungry momma bear but sadly, that is not the world we live in. The message that I get is simply just BE CAREFUL. I cannot control a rapist’s actions no more than I can control a thief or a drug dealer or any other criminal. All I can do is be CAREFUL. It’s just that simple.
“Getting angry at me won’t cure the world’s problems.”
First of all, I am not angry with you and don’t see how my post could be interpreted as such. Responding in disagreement to something you said does not mean I am “angry”.
“HUMANELY address the issues that are important to you without becoming a fascist who wants to control people -”
Once again, I don’t see where my post contained evidence of inhumanity, but I guess that term is very subjective. I suggested that rapists should either be put in jail, or castrated if they felt they could not control themselves. Everyone else is expected to control themselves to maintain a civilized society—if you (meaning rapists in general) feel that you can’t do that then you don’t deserve to be in society or should consider other, more effective ways of treating your disorder.
As for your comment about being a fascist who wants to control people…girl, take a seat! You sound like one of those crazy tea bag republicans who likes to throw around political terms that they know nothing about!
Some of you are fucked in the head really. I don’t know what else to say.
+1
Unfortunately it’s become socially acceptable to stand idle while a friend or relative takes advantage of someone weaker, whether it be boys or girls doing the intimidating. In that instance a child recognizes their own power in society, before they even know what victim blaming is, and that is a huge problem. Girls who recognize their own social power (“the mean girls”) grow up to raise rapist.
We as a society need to teach our boy’s that by default they are to be protectors and defenders. If we teach our boys not to be bullies as well as what they should be doing instead, we teach them not to be rapists. When they see a vulnerable woman they should go into protector mode, no matter how she ends up in that vulnerable state. I think it can be changed in one generation if bullying and rape are linked together at an early age.
I tend to find it interesting that a man’s “vulnerable” state is when he is behind bars. Friends and family rally to support their “vulnerable” men no matter what they did or didn’t do wrong to get in that situation because they recognize the power structure. Yet they fail to grasp the concept that rape is not just a woman’s issue, it’s the product of another power structure that affects everyone.
Some time ago there was a rapist in NYC attacking women who walked through the park. The police issued a warning informing women that this rapist targeted scantily dressed women. Instead of women saying thank you for looking out for our best interests, so many were up in arms accusing the authorities of minimalizing the the progress women have made to imprint no means no. The police never BLAMED the women who were raped. Per their job, which is to profile the rapist, they issued a warning of protection. No different then when they issue warnings stating prostitutes are being murdered or those driving high cost SUVs are being car jacked in certain areas.
Of course no means no. But guess what ladies, all men will not heed to that. Therefore, I’d rather listen to men and follow their words of wisdom. Women take precaution all the time…walking down the street, when out alone, in parking lots, at night, etc. So why not listen to men when they inform us that certain sexual behavior may lead to sexual assaults. These men who rape know that no means no, they just dont give a rats A S S. Im going to protect myself. Will that be a guarantee that I wont get raped… nope. But when I hear stories like a friend of mine (who was raped doing the same thing Deelishis did ) I will think twice and not do the same. For my safety, not for women’s progress.
And my friend reported it to the police. It went no where b/c she went participated in oral sex. So when the accuser said it was consensual, she no longer had a case. My not be justice, but that is what went down.
Rape is a difficult subject for men to tackle because the experience is often times purely an observation. They don’t live with the fear or awareness women do that when we walk down the street late at night or early in the morning or even in the middle of the afternoon we don’t know that a catcall won’t turn into something more. Asking women to be more accountable is not too much to ask but we as women are not always falling over drunk or tooted up in the club enticing men who can’t control themselves to come and get it.
Victim blaming is real. Look at the DSK case. Look at the case coming out now against the son of New York’s police commissioner. High profile cases get swept under the rug. Everyday rape cases rarely get media attention and even more cases may not be unreported. rape is real and wrong and men should never get a pass ever no matter what she was wearing how much she drank or if she was cooking dinner in a burqa hijab and niquab.
The best way to educate and raise awareness on the issue is to have more honest conversations like this one and of course not giving people a pass when they don’t understand that no always means NO!
@Nikeshalies
Yes, rape is a difficult subject for men to tackle especially when they are a victim. We mock male victims of rape. We taunt them about how, when they go to prison they will be someone’s b***. We thinks its funny. Quite ironic when these same victims of rape come back into our community with HIV or Hepititus and begin infecting black women.
Ladies, when you go out on the first date, you may meet the guy at the restaurant instead of having him pick you up at your home. Why?
Let’s not confuse no means no with taking precaution. Let’s not confuse blaming the victim with encouraging women to place their safety at the forefront.
And do I do wish men like Very Smart Brothas will use their voice to speak to their male counterparts about protecting society and not using their physical power to harm us.
Yo people take shit that does not belong to them. People steal when they are deprived of something or want something they can not have. That is life and human nature you will not change it. you have to use your common sense in situations if you walk through a group of horny drunk guys naked , you are probably going to get your ass grabbed. If I went to a prison and walked through the showers bending over to get some soap, without protection some dude is probably going to stick his penis up my behind. This what some people do they take what does not belong to them, the act is disgusting and it is wrong but their are alot of crimes that are wrong but people still commit them. you can protect yourself from these bad people by using common sense. or you can think that you are living in a paradise where nobody will rape you and if they do its just their fault. Women are not dumb take responsibility for your actions if you did something stupid to put yourself in the situation to be raped you have some responsibility in not protecting yourself. if I left the keys in my benz with the door open and the car still running in front of the projects , and when I came back it was gone, the person who stole it was wrong, but I must admit what I did was very stupid.
The problem I have with this victim blaming and accountability argument is that both sides take it to extremes. No one deserves to be raped regardless of the circumstances. But telling women to take precautions is not victim blaming. Saying rape victims provoked the rape from men is as ridiculous as running around acting like all men know better or care to know better. There are criminals walking among men and to pretend otherwise is putting your self at risk.
As I woman, I agree. There is a difference between blaming and taking precaution.
You’re right…telling a woman to take precautions is NOT victim blaming. Questioning a woman on why she didn’t take precautions; is however! Asking a woman why she “put herself in a position” where she could be raped IS victim blaming.
No one is talking about questioning a woman why she didn’t take precautions after a rape. What is being said here is that there should be precautions taken to lessen the risk of being raped.
Hence the reason why I said “you’re right…” . It is not victim blaming to tell a woman to take precautions. Unfortunately, what so often happens, is that when a woman gets raped people look for any evidence to prove that she didn’t take the proper precaution and THAT is when the situation becomes about victim blaming.
The whole issue of whether women should need to take more precaution in situations where men don’t speaks more to the gender imbalance in our society than it does to anything related to victim blaming.
“Unfortunately, what so often happens, is that when a woman gets raped people look for any evidence to prove that she didn’t take the proper precaution and THAT is when the situation becomes about victim blaming.”
I see that, OK.
“The whole issue of whether women should need to take more precaution in situations where men don’t speaks more to the gender imbalance in our society than it does to anything related to victim blaming.”
I dont see this at all, your inserting gender politics into crime prevention. Rapists do not take these politics into account when they are committing there crime.
Am I the only one who finds “The Chump’s” (no typo, I meant CHUMP) article totally repulsive??? For him to say that a 5’1″ 110 pound woman should take several shots of patron while out with a guy is basically giving the guy permission to think “well she’s drunk so I’m just gonna take it even if she says no”. This article has made me so incredibly mad that I can’t even type right. I don’t care if I’m walking down the street butt naked with a bottle of patron in one hand and a joint in the other. THAT STILL DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO TOUCH ME!!!!!!! When will we ever get over the victim blaming??? No woman asks to be raped. No situation makes it “understandable” why a woman got raped. I don’t care how she’s dressed, how much she had to drink or how she looks. And anyone who uses these reasons as to why they raped someone should be prosecuted to the fullest extent. And anyone who thinks these reasons are acceptable to take what they want is just pure scum.
If you’re walking down the street butt naked with a bottle of patron in your hand OF COURSE it DOES NOT give a guy the right to rape you. But believe it or not you are setting yourself up for rape. You have to live in the real world. I can guarantee that you will not do such a thing to avoid being rape. Most men will not rape you but it only takes one to snatch you and do so. Now if you are walking down the street with 3 layers of clothes on will that prevent you from being raped? No. But I know you know the difference between being butt naked and heavily clothed.
@baabaa My point was, I don’t care if I’m stumbling down drunk. I don’t care if I’m wearing a skirt short enough to expose my underwear. I don’t care if I’m wearing a sweater revealing my cleavage. I don’t care if I’m wearing a winter coat down to my ankles. Whatever I’m wearing or not wearing does not give anyone the right to rape me. I hate it when people try to blame the victim or claim that she had it coming because she “didn’t use common sense” or because of what she was wearing. What ever happened to someone telling everyone that raping people is wrong under any circumstance?
Mimi, The Champ and commentors did say that raping women is wrong. Also The Champ mentioned that men need continued education regarding rape prevention on their part. I think that your comment suggests that we are giving rapists a pass. Or that we are negating the man’s sole responsibility in a rape crime. This isnt a Middle Eastern country, we arent blaming women.
I actually think it’s smart to advise women about how certain situations will give men an excuses to assault women. “Dont leave your drink unattended when you are at a bar.” Why are we told this? B/c something can be slipped into our drink. Now when someone gives me this advice (thanks mom), amI going to get upset and say how dare they accuse the possbible victim? No, Im going to follow that advice to avoid being a possible victim.
You all are so defensive about the issue that you’re completely ignoring the other side of the argument.
Rape is wrong.
So one is saying it’s right or okay.
No one is saying that what you wear gives someone else the right.
No one is saying that how drunk you may be gives someone the right.
No one is saying that the situations/places in which you find yourself gives the right.
No one is saying that victims are the blame.
All that is being said to potential victims is why would you make it easier for a rapists who has his mind set on raping.
People keep trying to give examples and then say, “So there’s something this person could have done to prevent this?” NO. Sometimes there isn’t. There’s hardly much a child can do. There’s hardly much you can do with a gun to your head or even facing just the mere strength of a man. The point is, if there is any one thing you can do to increase the risk just a little bit on any given day (i.e. not traveling alone), why wouldn’t you?
It is absolutely awful that, as a woman, you have to even think about these things. The reality of the situation is that it needs to be ever-present thoughts in our minds. The fact is that they are out there and they are going to do what they want to do. So I have and will continue to TRY not to place myself in predicament. If it happens anyway, I’m not wrong. If I DON’T do all of these things and it happens, I’m still not wrong.
I realize my response may be attacked. I just want to say that under no circumstances should a victim be blamed for it happening. This is completely the responsibility of the rapist. Furthermore, I do believe that men should be the ones primarily receiving education about this matter. I just say this, not to place the responsibility on the victim, but to say to women to be conscious of the fact that it does happen and to anything you can to LOWER YOUR RISK if at all possible.
This entire scenario makes me hella mad. Why is everyone always telling women to have “common sense” and not drink or wear short clothing? Where are the people telling me the have “common sense” and don’t effing rape people?!? I just cannot comprehend how people equate my clothing or what I’m drinking or where I am walking to being the things that trigger a man to rape as if he is not responsible for his actions. Since when have rapist become mindless amebas that don’t have freewill and I mind of their own?
My God does this rational trickle down to the youngest of victims? What do you tell those boys who were harassed and raped by that coach? “Well if you hadn’t been so innocent” or “well you should have known not to be alone with him”. Does it trickle down to the most conservatively dressed victims? Guess what, there are plenty of women raped in countries where they are covered in sheets and can’t leave their house. Are they to blame partially too? COME ON! These monsters are responsible for their OWN actions! If I rob and kill someone who was at the ATM at night, are we going to blame the person who was killed because he should have had “common sense” or are we going to blame the thief and murder? How are rape and and the situation I described any different?
I can’t handle this.
these comments got be one of the most unempathetic and soulless comments i have ever read . You people wanna go on with the woman should know this that blah blah etc but the moment you get raped, your daughter,your mom,sister,cousin, and even son gets rape you wanna b*tch and moan and cry all on tv, and everyone around you on how it shouldn’t have happen. i don’t care if you walking in booty shorts at the crack of dawn. its not okay to RAPE YOU ..ITS NOT .. .there is no JUSTIFICATION in why THATS OKAY!!! i don’t care what scenario you use its just not okay to rape someone!
now all you people saying women be cautious and stuff..you think just because you cautious it can’t happen to you? do you think your so invincible that you can stop a rape at anytime or not see it coming at all times? where i live, lately let me tell you the many scenarios of the mass raping thats been going on it.
-female students walking to elementary/high school to their usual route being jumped and raped.
-college students walking home together from a game thinking their being cautious by being together and being raped.
-women calling for a cab and being RAPED BY THE CAB DRIVER.. guess they didn’t see that coming
**and guess what most of these was in BROAD DAY LIGHT. no shady corners or bad places.. near their f*king bus stops,churches and schools!
so what did they deserve to be raped? was that school uniform enticing you so much?
STOP WITH THIS SH*T and put yourself in a rape victim shoes…do you deserve to be raped? does your love ones deserved to be raped? DOES ANYONE DESERVE TO BE RAPED? if ever in your head you think yes…you have no soul
Did The Champ say that women deserved to be raped or that rape was justified because of women were walking home alone or wore skimpy attire? No, he said no such thing. Neither did any of the commentors. He stated that their was no justification for rape. So why are you suggesting that anyone is blaming the victim and excusing the rapist? You are confusing giving advice with taking away our power as women.
When you get in your car do you lock your door? Why? You lock your door to avoid being snatched, robbed, etc. Is this a guarantee you wont be harmed? No. But you do it as a precaution. If you dont look your car are you giving permission for a criminal to take your car? No. You do this as a precaution. You were taught to do so by your parents, by police suggestion, etc. So why are you getting upset when people suggest women take precaution to avoid rape? No one is saying that it will guarantee rape will not happen, but like locking your door, it makes it less probable.
They not hearing you apple. They still focusing on us women and not the actual PERPETRATORS. Women are bombarded every single freaking day from the time we are born to take precaution here, be careful going here, no you cant do that,no cant do this, don’t wear that, don’t wear this, don’t drink too much of that, do this, do that, always be aware of this, always be aware of that, and so and so on.
All the extreme measures and precautions we have to take to protect OUR BODIES. Not once have I read anywhere the extreme measures on how you shouldn’t rape someone and how raping is horrible. Have you because I haven’t. The problem with Champ’s article was he talked to us women like we already don’t f*cking know all the crap that is put out there on how to not get rape. But see with all that information and education, 1 in 5 will still get raped, as matter of fact there is probably a slew of rapes and sexual assaults going on right now, most likely by somebody they know and trusted. And bet, they will be blamed for it because you know they didn’t take “precaution”. His article was cold and condescending and that’s what started the backlash.
What pisses me off is we women know the rules and guidelines on how to “prevent” getting raped. But where the f*ck is the rules and guidelines on how to stop oneself from f*cking raping someone. Where the hell is that? Because I rarely see it. All these dimwits on here keep hollering about women needing to take precaution like we don’t do that daily. GTFOH. How about hollering to inhumane perps to stop raping folks.
That’s right. Im focusing on me; the woman
@baabaa poor you, such a sad person
@The Taker -thank you, i thought maybe i had missed the point or something or was over reacting but seeing baabaa un-empathetic but mostly just pathetic comments i see i was moving in the right direction
I don’t have that much of a problem with what The Champ said because I don’t see it as victim blaming. No does mean no and a men has no right to rape a woman no matter how she is dressed or how she acts or whether she is drunk or not. However, there is no harm in teaching young women how to lessen the risk of being attacked by not walking at night alone, keeping their eye on their drink, not going to a strange man’s house etc. These are just precautions that women should take.
It’s a really thin line because there are some situations where a victim might (MIGHT because we all know that if a man wants to rape a woman he can do it no matter what the situation is) have been able to avoid being raped if she wasn’t at that particular place at that particular time doing whatever she was doing, but the man still has no right to take advantage of her even if he can.
Those who are upset and up in arms are accusing The Champ of justifying a rapist’s action and he is doing no such thing. These commentors who are refusing to separate precaution from blaming the victim, I can guarantee, take precaution when they are out with men or out alone.
To baabaa and all of the other extremely DENSE commentariat–
The author of this post and the one that triggered that fool’s response DO NOT SUGGEST THAT WOMEN SHOULD NOT TAKE PRECAUTIONS. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. OF COURSE in everyday situations most normal folks take precautions. Guess what? That doesn’t mean accidents don’t happen, that doesn’t mean you won’t become a victim of a crime. However, do we blame the person who was hit by the drunk driver, or the drunk driver who had no control over themselves or their vehicle when he/she hits and kills someone? THE POINT IS the onus is on MEN to take responsibility and accountability for THEIR OWN actions and that should be the education, that should be what is emphasized, shouted from the rooftops and relayed over and over again. Society needs to re-direct this conversation. BOYS from baby up need to be taught self respect, honor and discipline. Perhaps if we didn’t live in a rape culture that still portrays women as objects instead of human beings with their own agency–then some of you would get a muthafuckkin clue. In this life, you can only CONTROL YOURSELF. It doesn’t matter what else happens to you, in front of you, with you or around you–YOU make the decision to act or not act. If we know this in every other situation, why is this any different? Why must women be told this countless times–that they need to take precautions but men are not told countless times that unless they hear an enthusiastic YES, and that if they DO hear an emphatic NO–that they need to control themselves and walk away? The point is men should be told this over and over and over until it reaches through to the the thickest white meat (as Bernie Mac would say-RIP). WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Too bad you cant have a proper exchange without using insults. So after your first sentence I went blind. Using tact will get you further. My former debate instructor always said that when people resort to insults they either lack the skills to properly express their opinions or lack a plausible point of view.
Good luck to you. God bless.
We all know that no one deserves to be raped no matter what they have on or how much they’ve had to drink or what time of night they’re walking on the street? Rape and victim blaming is a huge problem in this world, and I don’t think that anyone is saying that it’s not. But come on ladies, taking precautions against crime, any crime is just a part of life. It’s a part of life because we do not live in a perfect society. To reiterate what some others have said, when we’re at home, we lock our doors and windows and turn on the alarm. When going to the mall or work or church, we lock our cars. When in the grocery, we make sure we don’t wander off and leave our purses in the shopping kart. So how is it that we can use common sense and take precautions with our homes, cars, and purses, but not our bodies? Why is that so difficult to understand?
Yes, no means no. Some men get that and understand. Some don’t get it and have to be taught; it has to be drilled into their heads over and over again—preferably starting at a young age. And some men don’t care; those are the ones we need to be concerned about. I don’t know what man understands what, so I’m looking at every man as a potential rapist. We are taught to drive defensively because there are some fools on the road. So being aware of our surroundings and not putting ourselves into questionable situations helps to protect us from the fools in this world. We have to always, always be aware of our surroundings. And sadly, no matter how many precautions we take, we still may become a victim. But to take none and not utilize our God given intuition because we think that every man should be an honorable and upstanding gentleman is simply foolish. We can’t naively believe that every person knows right from wrong. If that were the case, the jails wouldn’t be full.
Baabaa don’t boohoo because I called you out. It is what it is, GET A CLUE.
@ The Taker—PREACH.
How about this: Rapist should be shot in the face. Period, thee end.
Now, lets see how many cats wanna stick it where it’s not wanted.
http://gizmodo.com/5569537/condoms-with-teeth-fight-rape-in-south-africa
maybe government should issue antirape condom to all female born children and continue sending lifetime supply to protect the vajayjay and female soul from those animals who enjoy taking sex
i was raped in the middle of my sleep in my own home by my own spouse, multiple xs
guess i looked really sexy and was in the wrong place at the wrong time with a man i didn’t really know
i should start walking around with razor blades in my p ussy since i am a walking rape magnet. i mean hell, i already have an alarm system, a glock, brass knuckles, mace & damn whistle (oh yeah, and don’t tell the popo b/c half that shit ain’t legal for carry)
@isaid
That mofo clearly had entitlement issues so I would have entitled his face to a hot pot of grits.
My word, yall can quote me on this cuz the next muthafcuker to come at me sideways is getting his heart carved from his chest with a spoon.
And it don’t matter if Im butt bald naked walking down front street pissy as$ drunk.