Could Being Fat Ruin Your Sex Life?

by Frugivore

From Frugivore – Time and time again, there’s been a debate between fitness experts and fat-positive activists on whether or not fatness is a detriment to achieving an amazing sex life. Of course, anyone can have “good” sex, as the term “good” is relative to individual definition. But to achieve that toe-curling, orgasm-inducing, long lasting, almost-unable-to-breath sex, it does take a certain level of fitness that extra weight can prevent people from attaining.

For men, cardiovascular fitness is an essential factor in preventing erectile dysfunction, which is sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain a penis erection during sexual performance. Obese men are at increased risk for developing erectile dysfunction, and male excess abdominal fat has also been cited as a characteristic associated with ED. In regular speech, a man’s ability to “get and keep it up,” often depends on his heart health, physical activity, and weight. And thus, his health can influence the sexual gratification of both himself and his partner.

Duke University researchers found that up to 30% of obese people who sought help in controlling their weight made the decision due to a decrease in their libido, sex, drive, and/or sexual performance. A recent study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy also indicated that moderately to severely obese people report being less satisfied with their sex lives than the general population. It could be because of unrealistic standards of body image promoted by the media and wider public; thus impacting self-confidence and performance. Or it could simply be because of pure biology and the lack of fitness initiative that many overweight and obese people fail to consistently perform.

Read The Rest At Frugivore

  • Tonton Michel

    “fat-positive activists” You learn something new everyday.

  • N’jaila Rhee

    Men really do have the short end of the stick when it comes to sex. Women on the other hand have longer orgasms the fatter we are.

  • notCAMERAshy

    My bestie who is obese only dates thin guys because she claims it’s difficult for 2 fat people to have sex. She also disclosed to me that it is hard to properly wipe herself and that during a sexual incounter, she got his clothes “dirty”.

  • Mr. Man

    What the…!!!???!!

  • N’jaila Rhee

    Does she wash herself with a rag on a stick?

  • Tonton Michel

    OK that last part as TMI.

  • skippy

    See it’s comments like that that make it hard to not be an obeseist.

  • sli

    Seems like it’s also difficult for one fat person to have sex. Your friend doesn’t need to be dating anybody until she learns how to clean herself. And you need to tell her that, too. Eew and uh-uh!

  • notCAMERAshy


    @N’jaila, it’s a problem when you have to use a rag on a stick.

  • Casey B

    No, being fat will not ruin your sex-life. Believing people who tell you that you are not sexy regardless of your size will ruin your sex-life. Having hang-ups and mental blocks will ruin your sex-life. Not being active may make it difficult to keep up your stamina. Not being flexible can make it hard to try new positions. Bad communication skills will ruin your sex life.

    But being fat in and of itself, will not ruin your sex life. Trust me ;)

    You can be fat and active, flexible, confident in bed, in touch with your body and your desires, communicative, and have really, really hot sex.

  • purplekeychain

    @Casey, word!

    Uhm, seriously, what the f-?

    “But to achieve that toe-curling, orgasm-inducing, long lasting, almost-unable-to-breath sex, it does take a certain level of fitness that extra weight can prevent people from attaining.”

    That’s some BS if I ever heard it. I am fat, and the sex I have and have had has been just as orgasm-inducing, long lasting, and all that other tripe listed above.

    Once again, this magazine continues to disappoint with its ignorance, spitting out BS as if it’s FACT and perpetuating the cycle of self-loathing and shame that SO MANY black women have because we are constantly told that we are not good enough. We are always being told that BLACK WOMEN ARE THE FATTEST IN THE WORLD AND HOW DARE THEY HAVE SELF ESTEEM, THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS CONDONING OBESITY!!!!! – even by our OWN media sources – to shame us into believing that our acceptance or happiness with our bodies (whether we identify as “thick” or “voluptuous” or “curvy” or just FAT) is WRONG, because BEING FAT MEANS THAT YOU’RE NOT NORMAL AND EVERYONE ELSE IS BETTER THAN YOU, is just perpetuating that foolishness. And now you guys have the audacity to quote some website claiming that fat people cannot POSSIBLY have mind-shattering sex because of their bodies AS IF IT IS FACT?

    Seriously? A mag for women, spitting out women hatred?


  • binks

    Freaking dead at this comment…wtf

  • LemonNLime

    Ewwww! So it is OK for her to not want to date other obese people but she is so large she can’t clean herself? That is disgusting.

  • Tammy C

    This is quite nasty. I do understand that because America is obese, such topic is of discussion. But…WTH! Really, fat sex. Lose some weight…then you would not have to worry about “wiping” yourself properly. How nasty! Also, why would someone obese/overweight/morbid overweight, choose to take his/her clothes off. Really…is that sexy in fat America? Must be, for this to be a topic. Not only can one be on the brink of death by heart disease or stroke, but will gladly ignore that and indulge in food & sex. NASTY!! I want to puke. Outside of sex, one should want to be healthy in general, not only to feel good, but look good as well. Sex drive should be the last thing on a fat person’s mind.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    my stick is not short……

  • jamesfrmphilly

    fruits, nuts, grains and vegetables……

  • Rastaman

    I smell bacon!!

  • Perverted Alchemist

    ‘Also, why would someone obese/overweight/morbid overweight, choose to take his/her clothes off. ”

    That’s a question that you’ll have to ask Rick Ross- he does that in several videos, LOL!!


    Sorry girl but it’s NOT normal to be fat, or too thin…but def not fat. Most fat women who had the choice would rather be a smaller size, there’s nothing cute about being obese!! Or normal either. Would never want my kids to be fat, and I’m sure you wouldn’t either. Nothing wrong with having self esteem, but be honest – you would be better w/o the extra weight!

  • purplekeychain

    NOTRIGHT, since you don’t know me, I’m just going to have to be blunt and tell you to stand down. Seriously, ma, the voice of many does not speak for ALL, as you should well know if you are a reader of this magazine. To tell me what I would and would not prefer for myself and my kids is sheer ignorance. That’s like saying BLACK PEOPLE HAVE IT SO HARD, THEY WOULD BE BETTER IF THEY WERE WHITE!

    Um, pu-lease.

    To the person talking about someone having trouble wiping themselves, and the idiots who are so IGNORANT that they assume that all fat people have the same experience as one ridiculous example, you should ALSO stand down.

    To say that “fat is not normal” is ridic. If it wasn’t normal, then there wouldn’t be so many fat people. REGARDLESS of how they got fat – diet, lack of exercise, genetics, disease, limited access to certain nutrients, WHATEVER – to deny their normality and say they aren’t NORMAL is so f-ing preposterous, I am quite shocked that you even know how to turn on a computer.

    To say something is not “cute” is valid, and I’ll concede that that is YOUR opinion and will not resort to calling you out on your personal beliefs, although I would beg to differ seeing as how there are so many ABNORMAL fat people who are in relationships themselves, some of them are even married and have children and have successful careers and businesses and lives in general but, OF COURSE, since you say they aren’t normal, and idiots who think similar to you think they have a right to tell people that are fat that the things they have would be SO MUCH BETTER if they weren’t fat… well, I must be a liar.

    Let’s ask Oprah if she is abnormal. According to the ignorant comments throughout this post, apparently Oprah, and all other fat women the world over, have to wipe their vaginas with a stick. Right? Or we can bypass Oprah as being an anomaly and jump right on in to the LOADS of fat women on Forbes’ World’s 100 Most Powerful Women list right HERE I bet they think they are abnormal, too, and also have difficulties wiping their vaginas. Right? Your own “logic” here, after all.

    It is so BAFFLING to me how so many black folks are QUICK to jump on any bandwagon that condones discrimination, especially when it comes to appearance. But Calliope FORBID someone say “black women aren’t as attractive as white women, they should think about getting plastic surgery to tone down their African features” and sisters will JUMP ALL OVER THAT.

    SO WHAT if you think being fat is gross? SO WHAT if you (mistakenly) believe all fat people are unhealthy (which, again, is ignorant. how do you know what someone’s health is like without looking at their medical information? that’s like looking at black people and immediately making an assessment that they are stupid or didn’t go to college or have been in jail by virtue of them being black – IGNORANCE. fat does not immediately equal unhealthy, just like thin does not automatically equal healthy, just like white does not automatically equal pretty and black does not always equal GHETTO). You have every right that Calliope gave you to think and feel how you want to. But when you start spitting that BS as FACT, or trying to tell ME what MY experiences are and/or could never be, or to question why i would take my clothes off to have sex… WTF? How do you get to decide that for me? How does anyone?

    It doesn’t even make sense.

    If I flipped the script and changed FAT to BLACK, and came on here spitting this same garbage that I see here (“Sex drive should be the last thing on a fat person’s mind” — um, WTF? Not only do you get to decide, by glancing at me, that I am unhealthy, you also get to tell me what to THINK ABOUT?? LMAO!!!!!!! Jog on.), people would be UP IN ARMS. Or how about we change it to GAY or TRANS or MIXED HERITAGE? There are a MULTITUDE of reasons why people are fat BEYOND “indulge in food”, and regardless of if a person CHOOSES to be fat or has some condition that causes them to gain weight, HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT than some white women getting to decide that, HEY, SINCE BLACK PEOPLE ARE ALL POOR AND STUPID, THE LAST THING THEY SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT IS SEX!

    Because, you know, you should think about the hardships of being black all the time, the rest of the things that affect your life don’t mean SH–!



    Lol there’s one CRUCIAL flaw in your argument…fat and black is not even close to being comparable! I was born Black, there are genetic markers that make it beyond my control. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR WEIGHT!!! You seriously would prefer your children to be overweight?? Wow, child abuse, why would u wish that on any child?? And Oprah has struggled with her weight, but she ALWAYS talks about getting healthy and as of late she has NOT been fat!! Being fat is NOT normal, it doesn’t matter that some ppl suffer from it, the MAJORITY OF THE WORLD IS NOT FAT NOR ASPIRES TO BE SO AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!! I guarantee you 98% of fat ppl would be normal weight if they could make it so without work…but it takes work and will power. And what does the Forbes list prove? Cuz a bunch of fat ppl are rich I’m supposed to condone it? Girl, bye.

  • N’jaila Rhee

    Fat people get naked for sex because our lovers have ripped the clothes off us. :D

  • N’jaila Rhee

    Saying that all fat people lack willpower is false. Take it from me I’m fat and my willpower almost killed me. I wanted to be “normal” as well. So in college I worked out 3 hours a day and wouldn’t eat more than 1000 cals a day, then it was 800 cals, then 500, then 300, then I just drank tea with artificial sweater, then I just drank water. This went on for months. My hair fell out, I had fainting spells, but I was still hitting that gym and trying to be NORMAL.

    Until one day I starting pissing blood, and had to be rushed to the e.r because my organs were failing. I was sick for months. I almost died and you know what the lowest weight I ever got down to? 203 pounds. At 5’9 that’s far from skinny. But I lost my hair, my relationship, friends and the second half of a semester of college trying to be normal and have the “will power” to be thin.

    Well you can take your will power and shove it. I choose to be alive.


    And moreover Black is race with cultures and histories and reasons to be prideful. The politicizing of The African phenotype and colorism and ultimately the oppression and resilience of my ancestors are a reason to be proud. There is no history, culture of oppression of fat people. There are concrete benefits to being within a normal weight range and very real and dire consequences to being overweight. Be proud of your history, be proud of your family, be proud of your beauty, but know that being overweight does not in any way contribute to your beauty or health. I wasn’t tryna be insulting but I do realize my comments may have come off as judgemental and flippant but I just see so many women in our community defending the choice to be overweight and it’s no bueno. Heart disease, high cholesterol and stroke are MAJOR KILLERS IN OUR COMMUNITY AND THR BIG PHARMACEUTICALS ARE MAKING BIG DOUGH OFF OF THIS!!


    @njaila I feel for you, I really do, sounds like a frightening situation. There may be biological reasons posing an obstacle there. However crash dieting is not healthy and has been proved to be detrimental. Not trying to insult you but that is not a healthy way to go about dieting and probably worked against your favor, but that’s no reason not to continue working out and trying to keep your body health.

  • Socially Maladjusted


    . . . there’s one CRUCIAL flaw in your argument…fat and black is not even close to being comparable!

    Nuff said

    whenever someone compares being black to some social abberation my gaurd goes right up.

    Are they trying to say blackness is the “deviancy” which validates all DEVIANCIES?

    thus – since black people are an “abberation” that we’re told to tolerate – we should tolerate other “deviations” from the norm, including the deviancies that people choose.

    We should accept all abberations as equal to being black and if not then black people shouldn’t be accepted.

    f uck off.

    don’t twist the black experience make it comparable to being overweight.

    Go lose some damn weight -


  • Socially Maladjusted

    Furhermore I think that fat acceptance crusade is horribly misguided.

    Talk about trivialising a serious issue. .

    Obesity raises far more important questions than -

    ‘fat people are as sexy as everyone else’.

    If you’re obese it means you consume more of the toxic content in food products that cause all kinds serious health problems. We’re all at risk from the shit they inject into our food so the sensible thing would be to eat less of it.

    But then again I see the fat epidemic as originating from the same place as the drug problem in poor communities – they pump junk foods into our communities and then sit back and let kill ourselves on it.

    If not then why are the highest obesity of poorer classes? How come the rich who have money to buy quality nutrient food are rarely fat?

    Stop drugging yourself on these people’s shit.

  • Liz

    “why would someone obese/overweight/morbid overweight, choose to take his/her clothes off.”


  • N’jaila Rhee

    I had an eating disorder, that wasn’t a diet. I never stopped trying to be healthy and eat healthy. The thing is I’ve never been thin. I was a dancer and have a lot of muscle mass so even when I was “small” ( For me about a size 16) I still weight a good bit. The thing was I never as fat as when I stopped focus on being healthy to being normal sized or thin.

    You can’t judge a person by their outer appearance. I was a lot healthier when I was “fat” but no one cared because I wasn’t slim. Now I’ll never be either.

  • Rastaman

    Garbage in, garbage out.

  • sassy1

    As a person who has gained weight and now working to loose it……..the amount of weight on you does matter. I can tell a big difference between then and now. And it is one of the motivators to loose it and keep it off.

  • bestseller

    purplekeychain, I have to say that it is great that you are confident, but obesity is not for anyone. Im not trying to hurt you, but I think women have to stop advocating obesity as sexy. Over 50% of bw being obese, that’s not a good thing. Excessive weight takes away from natural beauty.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    don’t twist the black experience make it comparable to being overweight

    should read

    don’t twist the black experience by making it comparable to being overweight

  • Enel

    WTF!? What kind of…ew, nevermind.

    I actually laughed out loud a little bit when reading the original post by notcamerashy, but the responses made it even funnier. lol

  • Tonton Michel

    Wondering when you were going to show up with that catch phrase.

  • Frenchy83

    My weight has honestly fluctuated over the past year… Currently on the move working it back out again. But I will say I thought having sex at my heaviest WAS good, until, I’d lost 30 pounds. After that it was a OVERRR!! I was “hopping up on that thang” every night at that time!!

    When you are bigger, you subconciously become a bit dilusional. It’s like losing 50 pounds and looking back at a picture where you’d worn an outfit you thought was “fierce” at the time and showed all your “curves”, but in real time seeing the hot mess that was your former self.

    Looking back on how you’ve changed for the better brings an indescribable aha moment. What may be one of the only ways of making it real for yourself is to get within your bmi range maybe a bit over and have old unhealthy pic in hand… a truly vomit-inducing experience.

    I cannot blame purplekeychain for her position. If you have been overweight for the majority of your sexually active years, you’d think your sex is the bomb too. Until, again, you drop the weight and realize that it wasn’t worth a D@MN!!

    Being fat is definitely not normal. We were not meant to have a spare tire around the belly as damn near inarguable evidence of more serious visceral fat hiding underneath it choking the life out of one’s vital organs.

    Not freaking normal.

    Denial is dangerous.

  • Insight

    “But then again I see the fat epidemic as originating from the same place as the drug problem in poor communities – they pump junk foods into our communities and then sit back and let kill ourselves on it.”

    I agree with you Socially Maladjusted.

    Obesity is more prevalent in the poorer communities in the U.S. because at the end of the day most of the time it is easier to buy junk food than healthy food. Chicken breast costs more that chicken thigh(fattier part of the chicken). Organic cost more than non-organic; Sloppy Joes in the cafeteria is cheaper than a salmon. The McDonalds every day menu is cheaper and faster than preparing a meal at home after you have worked.
    I went to public school up to the 7th grade. I have had sloppy joes, chicken nuggets, fake meat, etc from the cafeteria. And every sport I was in (swimming, gymnastics, karate, basketball, soccer, tennis) was not affiliated with the school (meaning my parents had to pay for it).

    My parents sent me to boarding school in the middle of nowhere and the closest “junk food” place was the gas station.

    My point being, in 4 years, I did not have access to McDonald’s/Junk and I didn’t miss it. At boarding school we had 3 meals a day (prepared by chefs daily—I am not bragging, I am just trying to point out this is not normal). The point is, you should not need to go to private school to (be forced to) eat healthy.

    Now almost 25, I need to have vegetables on my plate to feel like I am eating something substantial. I have some friends I grew up with and have stayed in the public system that only know Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds.

    At the end of the day, you can raise your kids to be healthy, but most of the time it comes with a pretty penny (unless you are good at finding farmers markets, coupons etc.). That’s why money needs to be spent on Education and afterschool activities.

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