Interracial Dating: Black Women Finding Love Outside America
I can count on one hand how many non-Black men I’ve dated inside the United States. But now that I’m living abroad, I might need your fingers, Clutchettes. After studying abroad in Europe, and now, living in Brasil, I’ve had the opportunity to explore my options as a single woman. In my adult years, I’ve never been closed off to dating non-Black men in the United States. But I also have not been pro-active in being open to those experiences. Thanks to the romantic aura of wanderlust, plus some all-shades-of-beautiful men, it seems like living outside of America has officially made me an equal opportunity dater.
“I’ve dated interracially for years now and it’s just not a big deal for me. I find men of all colors, creeds, and walks of life attractive, and don’t limit myself to dating one particular race,” says avid traveler Oneika Raymond. “I am currently dating a white European guy, but before that was involved with a black man from the Caribbean. That being said, I have seen a lot more interracial couples outside of North America, particularly in London, where I live. I’ve seen way more black girl/white guy pairings here than anywhere else I’ve ever traveled.”
I have to admit. I found my experiences studying abroad in London to be the same, and in several other parts of Europe. Black women are enjoying relationships with men of many hues. And it seems like our interracial dating prospects are far more open. It’s one thing to be sought after as purely an exotic representation of Black beauty and potential sexual commodity. But it’s another thing to be admired for our physical exquisiteness, multifaceted cultures, powerful intellect, and unique personalities. Black women are being loved as multidimensional human beings abroad and by more than just our brothas.
Jennifer Poe, who once lived in Argentina, confesses, “I notice when I’m abroad, men that are of a different race than me are more vocal and bold about approaching me. When I’m back in the States, they will check me out, but not approach me. I think dating interracially is easier abroad.”
Many Black women who have traveled abroad have reported the same. In countries that we are particularly a noticeable minority, we often get more attention than in the United States. Call it coincidence or maybe just that we’re not paying close enough attention on American soil, but the flirting tends to be more apparent.
Nicole Blake adds her perspective, and reveals, “In Germany and many parts of Europe, there just aren’t that many Black women here. The men that have been curious about dating interracially don’t have the same access to Black women that the men in the United States have. I think this leads to a greater appreciation almost to the point of worship. It’s not to say that this lack of seeing Black women doesn’t also lead to a fair amount of sexualization and being the object of one’s fetish but this distinction is one I also had to make in the States, is he interested in me for me, or do I mark off the Black girl check box?”
It’s a fair question, one that makes many Black women think twice before jumping into the interracial dating arena. Of course, with any human interaction comes curiosity, but if we are indeed just a check box on a non-Black man’s checklist, it’s certainly fair for us to call foul.
Blake continues, “Dating interracially can also be more complex in Europe. As Chris Rock once said when talking about Black people’s relationship to White Americans, ‘we don’t got time to dice white people up into little groups.’ This is not an effective strategy for dating men abroad. In Europe, there are the French, Spaniards, Italians, Germans, Brits, Scandinavians, etc. All these men, aside from speaking various languages, exist in different cultural contexts with different dating norms. Who makes the first move, kissing, sex on the first date, the definition of what a date actually is: these vary from country to country. It takes a bit of effort in trying to sort how it all works.”
Just as Black women are not monoliths, neither are our non-Black male dating prospects. While non-American cultures might facilitate easier introductions and more interracial dating opportunities, those of us who are interested should be invested in exploring different dating styles that may reign in a particular country. What you may interpret through your personal cultural references may not be your potential mate’s way of thinking. But all in all, it’s important to be open while dating in general, and for those open to interracial love, perhaps leaving the country is the perfect way to fill your travel craving and find romance.
Have you found more opportunities to love and date interracially while traveling outside America? Share your experiences!
I’m a black woman and I’ve lived overseas. The men overseas are enamored with black women. When you visit Europe just stop at a bar and you will get meaningful conversations, not weird glances or sexual connotations to hint at sex like American men do. American culture is so overly saturated with smut and romantic comedies that people in the states have lost touch with dating reality. A one night stand does not equal a good time in my book like most Americans think. Now going to listen to live jazz and double dating with a few friends who speak on interesting topics and a date who actually cares About what’s between my ears is sexy. And that’s what I love about European men!
Late reply but in total agreement as this has been my experience exactly.
I know I’m probably late on this topic but here goes:
It’s disappointing how we can’t even have a conversation about black women exploring our options of men without the IR dating police looming in derailing the thread and turn it into black women having to defend our preferences.
I’m convinced some people actually want to see black women miserable and alone, it seems that just about everybody gets up in arms when we don’t subscribe to that ‘nothing but a black man’ BS and explore our other choices. People have to take it amongst themselves, especially black men AND black women to put us in our place with the same crap:
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Because that applies to ALL white men? Last time I checked, white men are individuals with their own preferences and not just one monocratic mindset.
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Ever thought that’s because those women worship the ground wm walk on and the average African American woman does the exact opposite and doesn’t give two f***s about wm and who they’re dating? I know too many bw who’ll go to grave before they give a wm a chance.
(Personally, White American men bore the hell out of me, no turn on whatsoever so I gladly pass them over to my Asian and Latina friends with no qualms. If they ain’t European then it ain’t happen.
When we do date IR:
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And black men don’t? From looking at the OOW births and single parent homes in the black community, I can tell that’s a lie. But I guess according to this argument, it’s better to get used by your own race of men.
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I love being black and regardless of which shade I date, nobody will take that away from me. You can in be in an IR relationship and still be very much connected to your culture, it’s not impossible. If the pro black militant type guys can get the white girls like they do, I know I won’t even have a problem in that area.
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Because the less than 10% of black women that do date outside their race will cause the extinction of black people. You guys have gotten so lazy and un creative in your excuses now that they’re just irrational and clearly not even thought through thoroughly before posted.
There’s black people in Africa, Latin America, the Caribbean, and Europe. There’s over 1 billion black people in Africa alone. I highly doubt the minuscule amount of bw dating outside their race will even pose a threat to the African American community, let alone the enormous black community overseas.
I hate to rant but these excuses have been used way too long to discourage bw from opening themselves up and taking advantage of the choices we do have and I’m glad that more and more of us are waking up and realizing that a black man isn’t our ONLY option. I don’t want anyone to feel discouraged and who they’re dating is wrong because of a few people that are still spewing outdated excuses that are traps to restrict us. Don’t fall into them.
Wow.. I have read all of these comments and all I can say is.. Well I don’t know what to say. As an over 40 yr old black woman, I have always believed in expanding my horizons with traveling, specifically abroad.
I also agree at this stage in my life that Black women should be open to the idea of “casting a wider net”. Now for all of those trolls who want to get stupid. A little about me: I am not overweight, due to losing 75 lbs over the past 2 years due to wanting better health; I am divorced, and I don’t have any children. I refused to have children OOW before I got married and I was blasted for taking that stance by none other than black men, wondering what was wrong with me.
After reading the article and all of the comments, it saddens me that Black women are cirticized for choosing to have options. I did not take away from the article that Black women should chase after white men, but to be open to being appreciated beyond America’s shores.
I have always been attracted to white men, and won’t apologize for it. But for me, like another commentor mentioned it was more of a class issue as opposed to race. I grew up in New England, and was raised in a predominantly white environment. I did not experience colorism until I went to a nationally known HBCU in the Washington, DC area where I was repeatedly told I was too dark. It saddens me that in 2013, these types of issues are still quite prevalent. Bottom line is BW need to be open to other options or be alone. Lord knows BM don’t take BW’s feelings into consideration when they decide to date out.
In fact, it was not too long ago when BM made the news about annual trips to Brazil to meet and marry women who were not Black. You have choices Black Women use them!!