My Son Is Not A Slave
Recently, my son, a second grade gifted student at a Chicago Public School, was called a “slave” by his teacher when he hit another boy in the arm because a girl told him to.
“That makes you a slave. You did what somebody else told you to do so you’re a slave” were her exact words to my seven-year old. In a situation where a child behaved in a way that made him “a follower,” he somehow became a “slave.”
When he got home, my son passionately recounted the story to me, saying:
“I’m not a slave, I’m a human being and I deserve to be respected like one. She might as well have just called me a nigger. It’s like back in the day during segregation when the white people would say whatever they wanted to black people and call them names and hurt their feelings. That’s what she did to me, she hurt my feelings.”
And I was enraged. How dare she? My son’s teacher is also African American, but that brings no comfort. It does nothing to negate the fact that she demeaned my son in front of his peers, degraded him or made him question, even if only for a moment, if the fact that he is black is a horrible thing. In an instant, much of the hard work that has been put into making sure he remained positive about who he is was diminished.
My child is a brilliant young man who doesn’t take many things at face value. He challenges popular opinions and theories, and thinks outside of the box. He is also very much aware of what being a young black boy means, and what people of color have overcome in this country. He acknowledges the fact that, because of this, he may face some challenges in life. Therefore, it is my constant struggle to keep that knowledge, those ideals, our history, and his sense of self away from negatively affecting his development and growth.
When I spoke to the offending teacher about her words to my son or the impact it had on hm, she felt no regret. She actually told me, “Someone has to instill some fear in these children and keep them out of jail,” as if she was doing him a favor. I was flabbergasted! For an educator to think that the only way our children will be productive members of society is by scaring them in this way is ridiculous.
I send my son to school to be educated so he can be successful. I do not send him to school to be harmed or degraded in a public forum, or for him to be hurt by a poorly-chosen words that cut him down. We have a responsibility as parents and educators to build children up, keep them informed, cultivate conscious and responsible individuals, empower and arm them with knowledge. We should never say things to break them down, dampen their spirits, or be offensive to them, even in the spirit of saving them from themselves.
What I learned from this experience is that the system does not necessarily work for children and their parents. It’s not truly set up for our children to be supported and encouraged while they are away from us. I’m disheartened, but not discouraged, and as long as there is breath in my body I will fight for my child and be his biggest advocate.
We are to be reminded though, that every child doesn’t have an advocate, or a voice as loud as my own, but they deserve the exact same respect. It is when we take that into account that we realize this system is flawed, needs to be reviewed, and change needs to come quickly. Indeed, “It takes a village to raise a child” but when the village chief breaks them down, we’re left to build them back up.
My son is not a “slave” for making a mistake in hitting another child. He recognizes his wrongdoing and apologized to both the other boy and his teacher. But this experience left a bigger scar on him than he deserved.
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*Agape* I’m appalled by this story especially because this teacher is blind-sighted to a point in which she felt she was giving some sort of reality check. I understand if she wanted to argue that he shouldn’t be egged on by someone especially in situations of negative physical discourse, but it was not her place as an educator as well as a woman to utter those words. We as women are the very foundation for all our children, whether they’re blood related or not. She should’ve have been fined. She should have apologized in front of the student body as well. Teachers like her are the reason why my mom placed me in a private elementary school.
@Shanon Martin
“My child is a brilliant young man who doesn’t take many things at face value. He challenges popular opinions and theories, and thinks outside of the box.”
Beautiful –
couldn’t ask more of any child, and if you’ve raised one like this we couldn’t ask any more of you.
“What I learned from this experience is that the system does not necessarily work for children and their parents.”
I hate it that people have to learn this by painful experience and it hurts more when they learn it from dealing with other black people, acting on behalf of the system – who use ‘tough love’ rationalisations to justify their conduct.
The only thing the teacher taught your son is that he needs to be stronger than the teacher next time – not how to resolve conflict without force or aggression.
She should be re-trained to use gentler disciplinary methods.
I do agree. Teachers should be conscious of what they say to their students and never publicly humiliate them. At an impressional age bad experiences can scar them for a long time time.
Though I agree that it is wrong at how your son was approached by his teacher and I don’t believe in that no one should ever be publicly chastise, I am a little biased.
I have worked in the in and out of the school system for the last couple of years and I am surprise how some(not all) African-American children are violent, have obscene language and disrespectful in general. This is from grades pre-k-12th grade. What surprises me more is how many of their parents always come running to the aid of these children every time a teacher or someone with authority says something to them them about their behavior. They by pass the part that the child reeked havoc in the classroom and disrupted the class and more worried about the tone of the teacher voice. We treat our kids sometimes that their behavior is acceptable and they should not be corrected by others. I don’t necessarily agree that fear should be installed in the kids but respect should be. Sometimes we raise our kids to believe they are invincible and that they are untouchable but the truth of the matter is kids are going to jail and prison at a younger age and the law don’t care our kids.
I not saying that anyone should be able to talk to anyone else’s child any kind of way, I a true believer that everyone has the right to be respected at any age. There are some horrible teachers as well and I am not trying to excuse any type of behavior .
I assure you that it isnt just African-American children are violent. In no shape or form should the teacher have called him a slave. Please stop being a slave to race biased statistics and really look at what is going on here. People.love to use statistics to justify UNJUST actions.
You are 100% right it’s not just African-American children who are violent and I agree what she said was wrong, as I noted before.No one should ever disrespected man,woman or child or any race,cultural, religion,etc. But I was just stating that we have to be more aware when it comes to our children because we live in an UNJUST world. I was just expressing what I have seen personally with different schools,in different cities and states. I was just stating that we sometimes have to be conscious of how we protect our children.
Lady Shabazz, I dont know the statistics so Im not going to compare black children to white children. Being that I have only worked in Mexican and black school districts, I will say from my experience, too many of our children have behavioral problems. Ive worked in a preK through kindergarten school with 180+ children. On payroll, there was one school nurse, 1 full time social worker, 1 part time social worker, 2 part time speech therapists, and 2 behavorial specialists. The area districts are in the process of building a school for those with behavioral issues for children as young as five. On average there is between 1-2 children with these problems per class. NOT PER GRADE. All came from poor, single parent households.
People who dont work with children dont know the issues that present day children face. But tend to get upset when you inform them of the issues. Yes, the truth hurts, but calling it a lie doesnt make it go away. Our boys have issues that are not being corrected because when it is placed at the forefront many want to point out what the white folks are doing. Who cares? Let’s accept the truth and fix our mess.
@Shanon Martin
“My child is a brilliant young man who doesn’t take many things at face value. He challenges popular opinions and theories, and thinks outside of the box.”
Beautiful –
couldn’t ask more of any child, and if you’ve raised one like this we couldn’t ask any more of you.
What I learned from this experience is that the system does not necessarily work for children and their parents.
I hate it that people have to learn this by painful experience and it hurts more when they learn it from dealing with other black people, acting on behalf of the system – who use ‘tough love’ rationalisations to justify their conduct.
The only thing the teacher taught your son is that he needs to be stronger than the teacher next time – not how to resolve conflict without force or aggression.
She should be re-trained to use gentler disciplinary methods.
“My child is a brilliant young man who doesn’t take many things at face value. He challenges popular opinions and theories, and thinks outside of the box.”
Beautiful –
couldn’t ask more of any child, and if you’ve raised one like this we couldn’t ask any more of you.
What I learned from this experience is that the system does not necessarily work for children and their parents.
I hate it that people have to learn this by painful experience and it hurts more when they learn it from dealing with other black people, acting on behalf of the system – who use ‘tough love’ rationalisations to justify their conduct.
The only thing the teacher taught your son is that he needs to be stronger than the teacher next time – not how to resolve conflict without force or aggression.
She should be re-trained to use gentler disciplinary methods.
I sincerely hope that you spoke to the prinicipal and other administration officials and filed a complaint. Your child is not the first child to be subjected to her inappropriate behavior and won’t be the last. Make sure that school board members, who are elected in Chicago, are aware of the situation and that state officials are aware as well. Continue to check in on the treatment of your child, to monitor any retribution from this teacher, and make sure that EVERY PARENT YOU KNOW knows about the incident and takes measures to ensure that their child doesn’t end up in her classroom.
I use to teach for CPS. You will be amazed how low class some teachers are. It was been told to us (teachers) time and time again that in order to get respect from the students that we had to get on their level. Im not able to it. Therefore, I was grateful to find employment in another district. I worked on the West Side in a heavily Mexican gang area.
GTFOH, this kid assaulted another child, no one sends there kid to school to get bullied or come back home with bruises. And the author is worried about some words said to the kid? I tell you where this is going to go, this little boy now think he has carte blanche to do what he want cause mama is going to come running and hold his hand thus leading to other problems down the line with this kid. That boy needed to be corrected and in public so that he and everyone else knows that this type of behavior is unacceptable. You hear about these kids all the time acting fool in the class room knowing they can get away with it cause their parent will find any type of discipline shown to the child is an attack on them. To hell with that, let that be my kid he hit the brat in training would of been mailed back home. That teacher called it right the first time.
She was wrong she didn’t have to call him anything she should have call home to tell parents you put child in his shoes and see if its ok you need to shut your mouth he not getting any special treatment either this little boy does nothing wrong he very quiet it call peer pressure .and I say this because he’s my nephew.And I know him
Give hoot if he is you know him or not, the parent of the kid who got hit I am sure could care less as well, nobody wants their kid terrorized by your kinfolk, it would have served him right if they pressed charges against him that way you can spend time with him in juvie. Shut your own trap.
She can reprimand the child without calling him a “slave”. Is her diction that limited?
Why are you so convinced that this boy is on his way to jail? He’s in second grade. I bit a girl in second grade once and I’m in med school now. I think he’ll be ok. He’s still learning the nuances of boundaries and respect; for all you know he has a crush on the girl and wants to make her happy. Who knows. He’s seven!
The author doesn’t mention anything about how she disciplined him once he was home, for that wasn’t the point. She was reacting to a grown woman calling a little boy a slave. Which regardless of what happened in that classroom was inappropriate. I’m sure you wouldn’t take too kindly to your boss calling you a field n****r for turning in an assignment late.
The Author of this article is an amazing mother who disciplines her children to the fullest. Her kids are very polite! Punching a kid once in the arm is NOT bullying! IF he walked in every day and started trouble with this kid then yes he would be a bully, but no adult should ever belittle a kid because of their actions. There is a right way and a wrong way to discipline children and the teacher was completely out of line and could make things worse. If a child has teachers putting him down and other children in his ear he is only going to become worse. He needs support…now if they would have gave him detention or even in school suspension…understandable, but what kind of discipline are words?! You are obviously just as ignorant as this teacher.
I totally agree. If her child is as articulate and brilliant as the author is making him out to be, he should know better than to be hitting in the first place. Even though I don’t care for the teacher’s type of reprimand, I would have explain to her that my husband and I work DILIGENTLY to make sure that our child is receiving his proper life lessons in the home. And the next time there is a discipline issue, please notify us and we will rectify the problem without name calling.
@ LA – “I bit a girl in second grade once and I’m in med school now.”
That made me LOL really hard.
@Tonton, it is the type of ignorance you so foolishly spew that the author is working against. Yes, this SEVEN year old child made a CHILDISH mistake and hit another child in the arm, the child also apologized for and was disciplined for that action. No one here was terrorized other than the children that had to be subjected to an EDUCATOR lacking the skills to properly turn a common childhood occurrence into a teachable moment. It’s adults like you, full of ignorance and hateful feelings for themselves and others, that negatively affect children these days and have them grow into adults with the same issues.
The fact that this parent listens to her sons feelings, and teaches him to stand up for what they believe is right is commendable. More parents SHOULD support their children and “hold their hands”, so they may become caring, upstanding, considerate citizens; not one who would threaten to physically harm a child by “mailing them back” to their families as you just did. If you effectively discipline early on, you won’t have to worry about many problems later, I feel bad for any small child ever left in your care.
Adults have the power to choose their words and there was another way for this teacher to correct this child, even if she did have to do so publicly, without demeaning him and breaking his spirit. Maybe you’re so upset because someone broke yours early on and nobody fought for you. I feel bad for a person like you, who’s so small minded that they cant think past the negative and discover a SENSIBLE solution to a minor problem.
Oh yeah, I am ignorant alright just like the right ignorant kid who will dusted that boy up for putting his hands on them will be.
where did you attend grade school? i didn’t think that children hitting each other was that uncommon in an elementary school setting. i would think an educator would be better prepared to handle such a common expression of emotion amongst grade school children. I’m not sure if you are a parent but if you daughter was misbehaving in class and her teacher said “you are nothing but a little bitch”, would that be ok? if you came to your child rescue then would you be in the right? The point I’m trying to make is that this teacher made the choice to use the most inflammatory term possible to discipline this child. we do we choose to break when we can just as easily build…… especially when dealing with our own youth. lets really look at what this teacher said…… a “slave” is forced to do something against their usually with the threat of violence or harm….. i see very little connection between this incident and slavery. would we be having this conversation if the teacher had said, “you aren’t being a leader…. Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, and Marcus Garvey were leaders. if you want to be a great, respected man like them than you need to change your behavior”? while i feel it is very common i still do not feel like the authors son was right for putting his hands on the other child, no matter what the reason was. if we start labeling it assault each time children hit one another “juvie” will be over ran classroom and playground offenders. when did we become so sensitive as a people that hitting someone in the arm could be labeled “bullying”. nowhere one the story did it say this was a ongoing behavior… for all any of us reading the article know it was an isolated incident. id love for any of the poster on here to tell me that as a child they never put their hands on or verbally assaulted a classmate for any reason.
@Tonton
I work with children. I can say, from experience, it is very difficult to reprimand children because you have some parents who think you dont have a right to yell or call out their child’s behavior. You have others who feel that you are “picking” on their child. When fathers are around, it is completely DIFFERENT. I love when a father comes to meet with me regarding poor behavior because you know that it will be corrected that night. When it’s only mom, most likely, NO. Although, I I dont agree with the teacher’s use of slavery, I have to ask why her son hit another child in the first place. If he is so articulate, why didnt he use his words?
” I’m sure you wouldn’t take too kindly to your boss calling you a field n****r for turning in an assignment late.”
One this kid was not called a field n****r, and I didnt assault anyone in the work place so that was weak. And if you bit some one as a kid your chomping butt needed to be corrected for it as well.
The teacher is the adult. Kids hit each other and say hurtful things. The adult is suppose to have the sense to diffuse these situations.
My sister disciplines her kids by telling them to say something nice about the other person. If the kids (8-10yrs) are arguing and calling each other names. She makes them stop and each has to say what they like about the other. It is funny to watch…”You make me laugh…I like your shoes…..” haahahaa…
While I think the teacher could have and should have handle the situation differently she has a point in her explanation.
Your son hit another boy because a girl told him too. No one forced him to hit this other kid. So your son can understand that he deserves respect and understands there is a history of people like him being denied respect BUT he feels like it is OK to assault another kid and deny him respect? That makes no sense at all and I hope as a parent you pointed out how hypocritical he was in his thinking. If you want respect you have to give respect.
Like the teacher said, these actions and this kind of thinking are what will have him headed straight to lockup where his mommy can’t come and bail him out. Just as you don’t want your child being disrespected and terrorized at school, other parents don’t want their kids being disrespected and terrorized at school.
+1
I’m sorry. I agree with the teacher.
It was a teaching moment.
I bet he will think twice before he ever follows anybody again. And I’m sure others in the class that heard this exchange will think twice.
Doesn’t matter whether he’s a good kid or not. Being a follower=slave.
Aw shit
I had typed a whole supporting the mom and son, but not looking at it from the point of view of the child/parents who got hit.
Yeh if a boy hit my son over a girl, I’d be visiting his father and when I finished with his father, I’d insist that his mother say to my –
leed-el frehn
smh
Are we forgetting here that these CHILDREN are SEVEN YEAR OLD SECOND GRADERS?!?!?! Are we letting that fact escape us? That yes all of them are bright, articulate, children but that they are are CHILDREN nonetheless?!?! They make childish mistakes, they do childish things, and act without weighing the consequences and repercussions of those actions, but these are the moments where we TEACH them the tough lessons and make sure they know what NOT TO DO in the future?!?!
We shouldnt have to teach the children these same lessons AND teach the EDUCATOR as well. I never read anywhere that gifted students are better children, and Ive certainly never met a perfect child in my life, but maybe some of you have them or have met some, maybe its just me. The teacher should have known how to act in this situation and should have been a better example to these children.
I wonder if you all would repeat these same sentiments to your own children if they came to you and said what that little boy said to his mother, if your child had those same feelings as that little boy.
I’ve met some pretty advanced kids but I HIGHLY doubt that the quote was his response word for word. I mean he’s a SEVEN year old SECOND GRADER. I believe it to be embellished.
Yeah ChezCherise. Because it’s absolutely impossible for a 7-year old to be that smart and make the connection.
And this is why we can’t have nice things. We’re expecting so little of these kids that when they do show levels of knowledge like this, we think it’s surely made up. That’s real presumptuous on your part. And keep the tome comment you were going to use to respond to his. No dambs were given.
@luvvie
I know it’s possible because I was one of those “gifted and talented” kids. Skipped 2 grades and also had the opportunity to assist in those classes when I was in college.
My point is this: if he is intelligent enough to make that connection to his mother, then he is intelligent enough to understand the dialogue between himself and his teacher. Children who are capable of more need things broken down to them differently. Taking his cookies wouldn’t have mattered a damn.
He’s 7. He is old enough and smart enough to be a little more articulate than the “normal” kids in his class and make the connection to his mother. But he’s “only 7″ so he can’t understand and learn from what the teacher said…because he’s “only 7″.
+1
I am going to have to side with the teacher in this case, while her words on the surface may have been indelicate her motive has she explained it was noble. While it is important to nurture positive feelings in our children to arm them with the confidence to take on the world we have to be careful to not reinforce their negative impulses especially when they are called on it by other authority figures. While the author did lecture her son on why it is important to not hit other children unprovoked she should have also taken the occasion to explain to her son why bad behavior will elicit terms of degradation from others. Terms that may very well be hurtful but a consequence of our acts.
Teachers have difficult jobs. Most of us have a hard time supervising one or two children at most, imagine having to do that for 20-30 kids 5 days a week and then going home to your own life. My own mother was a strong advocate for her own children but she always made a point of never letting us forget that when we misbehaved we open ourselves up to criticism and not all of it will make us feel good.
I believe the teacher’s intent was to tell the child that he was behaving like a slave by doing something without thinking and because he was directed another person; similarly to when we say we “hate” someone when it is generally that we dislike their behavior.
There are no winners in these situations as the best course of action is not an adversarial one between parent and teachers but a cooperative. Making an enemy of the teacher or of the system is a lose/lose for this parent and her child and may irreparably damage any future relationship between the teacher and the student. I don’t know any teachers who are out to make their students lives any worst but there are many parents who often display disrespect to teachers and the job they do and communicate that to their children. I advise the author to get over it because the sooner she does the better it will be for her son. Plus it will not be the last time in his life that his feelings will be hurt and she won’t be able to come to his rescue at all times in the future.
@Rastaman
Yeh – the more you move away from visceral reactions, the more points of view and concomitant factors to consider.
good post.
This right here! 100% agree.
I taught kindergarten and 1st grade for seven years, and yes, some children ARE that articulate, my daughter is 6 and speaks the same way. Anyway…using an insensitive insult to reprimand a child is NEVER appropriate, seriously, who is the child and who is the adult? Anyone who spent one day in a child development class…which many people who aren’t teachers have not…knows that physical aggression and peer pressure are developmental stages that are innate and should be corrected. The “adult” in the room should have used this opportunity to address the dangers of peer pressure and corrected her ignorance when confronted with it by the parent. Seven year olds are still trying to learn to express themselves appropriately, obviously the teacher (and some of the commenters) haven’t yet reached that level of development.
Slaves were forced into submission and bound to serve people, while they were also called “property” of those they served. Slaves were not people who did things without thinking, nor were they followers who just happened into slavery because they followed their friends. I dont get the connection. Am I slow?
Even the author said the child was being a follower, evryone doesnt agree?
It is apparent that the teacher used the term to shame the child, and she purposely did so. Why else use something that could be taken SO negatively?
unaware that a hit meant bullying and terrorizing? Was this a constant occurance? Children live and learn, he didn’t need to be called a slave? and what the teacher said didn’t even make sense? She does what her boss tells her? She listens to the district when they inform teachers what to teach the children so does that make a slave to the school system or is it different because she is paid to be told what to do? This makes no sense, and one hit doesn’t relate to him needing to be trained so he won’t end up in jail. I got into scuffs as a child and I’ve never been to jail, don’t even have kids, and i’m a homeowner with a decent savings, and a great job. I don’t understand why the gentleman in the comments is acting like this child has been bullying anybody? One incident?
I’d love for this teacher to REALLY breakdown her definition of slavery? I mean we are told what to do and not to do by folks all day. The government, bosses, or parents, and even friends when seeking advice so I really think maybe this teacher is a kook and maybe needs to have a few seats.
The ignorant adult comments in response to this article is exactly why the teacher felt it was ok to say that to the child. The issue is not her reprimanding him, but in how she degraded him. She is an educator and should know better. Our children are in the hands of these individuals for a good part of the day.
Children should be reprimanded correctly and taught how to properly express themselves and deal with the situations as they arise at that age.
Ignorance (which this situation clearly displays) is unacceptable. Get real people.
“The ignorant adult comments in response to this article is exactly why the teacher felt it was ok to say that to the child.”
================
People posting comments on the web today are the reason for an event that took place somewhere else, yesterday?? Not only are people who happen to have a different opinion from yours “ignorant”, but they can defy the laws of physics and time!
there are so many missing details that would help aide my decision on where to side with this story. What are the teacher’s general views and methods of disciplining her students overall? Was this the first and only incident? How hard was the hit? Was the child call slave and “kept out of jail” because the school and neighborhood environment is generally filled with a lot of children who end up in jail?…so many more questions…this story, like most anecdotes, is missing the very important details.
Now, on the surface, I see both sides. The teacher’s use of the word slave carries many connotations. The teacher may have indeed intended to say that the boy was a slave to someone else’s wishes by hitting the boy because he was told, but the teacher could’ve also used “slave” subconsciously because of its connection with African Americans, or maybe to make her point stronger. The boy sounds very smart and articulate but there are developmental limits with every age. Based on what the boy said to mom, he learned a lot about black history, either from home or from school or wherever and instantly knew to associate slave with its negative connotation. However, he is showing his age when he can’t make the connection with the fact that slaves can exist in any context (in his case, being a slave to someone else’s demands). I feel the mom has every right to be upset about the word usage but I do agree that parents these days over do the whole “protect my baby” thing where kids feel invincible to every and anything. Part of growing up is knowing shit happens and being able to defend yourself but also knowing when you’re wrong and taking the L for it…
she could have said “boss” instead of slave. that was a poor choice on the teachers part. the kid is obviously smart to associate slave with n-gger, therefore I have to wonder… was the boy coming to the rescue of the little girl? Why did he hit the other kid on command?
Pieces of this story are missing and all of the parts matter.
But slave was the wrong word.
teachers are people
people are stupid
they say stupid chit all the time.
I can’t take a side without the whole story, but that teacher is an idiot for use of that particular word.