A tribute to Whitney HoustonEditor’s note: Whitney Houston had a profound impact on a generation. As we grapple with the loss of yet another legend, we thought it fitting to honor her with a special issue dedicated solely to her impact on our lives.

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The night before Whitney Houston died, I was skimming a gossip website when I happened on the headline “Whitney Houston is a Bloody Mess.” The accompanying pictures revealed a familiar scene — the singer was sweaty, disoriented, her wig tangled — but this time, blood flowed from scratches on her arms and legs. I didn’t read the comments section of the article. I knew folks would joke about how busted she looked, would speculate about her drug use and mighty fall from the perch of pop stardom.

I’m guilty of joking about Whitney’s decline as well.

Last May when Chaka Khan opened for Prince during his 21-day residency in Los Angeles, she surprised the crowd by pulling Whitney onstage. My excitement quickly melted. I was embarrassed for the performer. She wore an unflattering black dress that was too tight and accentuated her bulging stomach. A friend sitting a few rows away texted: “Is she preggers?” Whitney’s voice was raspy, and she sounded tipsy as she sang along to “Tell Me Something Good.” Nevertheless, I clapped and cheered as did thousands of concertgoers in the packed arena. Perhaps they were envisioning the Whitney of long ago. Perhaps the image gyrating on the Jumbotron that night was not of an aging songstress too many years, and addictions and bad relationships past her prime, but of the dew-skinned beauty who captivated millions with the soaring purity of her voice.

I must confess that there are no Whitney Houston songs on my iPod, yet her voice was the anthem of my youth. Although she couldn’t dance like Janet and didn’t possess a bad-girl persona like Madonna, even though she was white-girl thin and wore honey-blonde wigs and extensions, she was one of the first celebrities I looked up to as a teen. I could relate to her outlier status. Many of her lyrics were sappy, yet a chord of yearning pierced her songs, accentuating the pain I felt as a lonely black girl with no rhythm, but tons of blues. Whitney was classified as a pop princess, but her sweet mezzo-soprano straddled the boundaries of R&B and gospel. Her music could take you all the way to the sanctuary — church fans waving, hands raised high to testify when she hit those notes. But it was as if her label purposely reined in those mighty vocals so she wouldn’t be viewed as too black, scouring her image of any hint of soul.

Growing up, there were few performers of color featured on MTV and other music shows, so I was always thrilled whenever a black face appeared on my television screen. Whitney was a radiant brown-skinned woman whose smile was joy unfolding. She seemed comfortable with her beauty, and it never overshadowed her music, serving instead as an accessory like her crucifix necklace and glittery headbands. Although I couldn’t learn the latest dance steps from her as I did with Janet Jackson or emulate the flyest hairstyles and fashions as I did with Salt ‘n Pepa, I still popped a VHS into the recorder to tape her appearances. She was both goddess and girl-next-door. There was a playful, carnival-like feel to her 80s videos — Whitney in mermaid drag with big hair being pursued by men of all races. In my mind, I will always see her in a metallic dress running through a pastel-splashed labyrinth, a Warhol-esque fun house, searching for a friend, the perfect lover, her lost self.

It seems as if Whitney’s legacy has been reduced to “Crack is Wack” memes and pictures of the star looking gaunt and unkempt. It saddens me how quickly society discards its legends, how unforgiving we become when our icons fall off. The same people who castigated the crooner for marrying Bobby Brown and looked down their nose at her drug addiction have forgotten the gooseflesh that cropped up on their arms when she sang “I Will Always Love You,” have overlooked their renewed patriotism when she sang “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Myself included. America loves an underdog. We love The Comeback Kid; we just loathe the journey to healing and restoration.

Prior to reading the above-mentioned article about a bloodied Whitney exiting a nightclub, I hadn’t thought about her in awhile. There are a lot of celebrities I don’t think about on the daily, yet they crowd a certain section of my brain — the neocortex of cool kids. Whitney wasn’t a member of that crew. I knew she was shooting a remake of the movie Sparkle, but I never bothered reading about the particulars. I was more interested in hunting down pictures of Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s baby than learning about Whitney’s halting return to the limelight.

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  • Alma Luz Villanueva

    “Looking for a friend, a lover, her lost self,” right on target, Nicole. A beautiful tribute to a woman whose voice was like ‘hearing God,’ as Oprah Winfrey said, so truly …hearing the sacred in those pipes. Love the encounter with the tipsy brunette… my only wish is that her family didn’t drag her out of that marriage, that mess, that robbed her spirit, but a grown child, WOMAN, will only return of course, as in free will. That voice, that spirit, that smile, yes, JOY…

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    I am so surprised how torn up I am about this. I couldn’t even bring myself to finish reading this great piece.

    • Dalili

      Me too, my heart has been soo heavy!! I had a friend ask me today why I’ve taken it so hard and I couldn’t articulate my despair.

  • Nicole you got it perfectly right. As I listened to all the comments about Whitney the last few days I kept thinking none of the people who missed her so much bought her last CD and they were going to buy her next one if she had lived. hey are just going to buy her old CDs now that she is gone. It must have been hard to live in that reality. But she was living in it and trying to move forward even with that monkey on her back.
    Your piece said it all beautifully. It made me feel the guilt you feel when you haven’t done your best by someone and now its too late. We all loved Whitney but maybe just not enough.

  • Monique

    Great article Nikki. I couldn’t believe the news on Saturday – never in my wildest dreams did I expect to hear that Whitney passed away! I don’t even know what to say except that we lost another talented individual.

  • ruggie

    Now THIS is what I needed to read, right here & now.

    RIP Whitney Houston, a true gem, a blessing to many. You will be very missed.