After Rihanna and Chris Brown dropped their collabo for her song “Birthday Cake,” reaction from the Twitterverse, entertainment blogs and feminist sites was swift and often merciless. Commenters seemed to be divided into three factions: Those who believe the Bajan beauty is continuing a cycle of abuse and letting down her young fans; people who celebrate the reunion and say RiRi is her own woman; and #TeamBreezy fans who feel the “Turn up the Music” singer has served his time and deserves to be forgiven.

I’m still trying to process how I feel about this musical olive branch extended between the once-volatile songbirds. Part of me feels disappointed that Rihanna seems to be in collusion with the boyfriend she once feared enough to file a restraining order against. Another part of me wants to reserve judgment because I understand the incredible burden survivors of abuse carry. We’re considered stupid for letting our partners hit us in the first place, and even more idiotic for staying in the relationship.

Yes, I said we.

I’m a survivor of domestic violence.

At one point, I would have advocated harsh justice for anyone who ever raised his or her hand to an intimate partner. It would be politically correct to advise RiRi to sever all ties with the man who once assaulted her, but there is no one-size-fits-all solution to dealing with an abusive ex, especially one who claims to be redeemed. If I had the chance to talk to Rihanna, speaking from my scars as well as my heart, this is the story I’d tell.

I was only a few years younger than Rihanna when my nightmare of abuse began. At 17, I lost my virginity to a man I both hated and feared. Jeff was one of the neighborhood drug dealers. He cruised the streets of our small town in his mud-colored Pontiac, a giant beetle in search of other invertebrates. I knew he was trouble the minute he lowered his tinted windows. In another world, I wouldn’t have given him a second glance. Instead, I gave him my phone number.

I wasn’t physically attracted to my soon-to-be boyfriend. He was short, four years older than I was, and a dropout. But he had money and tempted me with gold earrings and Gucci totes. I had just entered my senior year of high school and felt rebellious. We dated secretly because my mother would have never approved of the relationship. Jeff must have observed my nonchalance toward him or sensed the way I instinctively flinched when he touched me. Whatever the case, he was determined to make me love him. If some men can’t have a woman’s love, they’ll settle for her submission.

My first boyfriend tried to reshape my will into something that resembled romance. He extorted me for my emotions, and when I wouldn’t relinquish them he resorted to physical violence. He held me hostage in his bedroom for hours, alternately smothering my face in the pillow or twisting my arm behind my back until I thought it would break. Every time I vowed to leave him, Jeff begged me not to, crying that he couldn’t control his temper. Similar to Chris Brown’s upbringing, Jeff watched his mother being whipped into subservience on the regular. In a sick way, my boyfriend loved me–with his fists. And in a sick way, I was afraid to leave him even though I hated him. I fidgeted at the bus stop whenever he drove up to my high school because he bullied me in front of my friends in the quiet voice he used right before he put his hands on me. He wouldn’t hesitate to smack me in public. Once while we were eating breakfast in a crowded Denny’s restaurant with our friends, Jeff reached across a plate of pancakes and backhanded me. The waitress rushed over to our table and told Jeff to take his abuse elsewhere. She seemed to be sending the message that my boyfriend could stomp me, just not on Denny’s property.

Only a few friends were aware that I was being abused because I was too ashamed to ask for help. I was too afraid to tell my parents, too embarrassed to alert my guidance counselor. I was in gifted classes, but I felt foolish for not having the courage to walk away. I was too frightened to dump a guy who spied on me while I watched TV in the basement of my row house at night, who stalked me at my job and had to be escorted off the premises by security, who yanked my hair, tried to break my arm, and who tortured me in his bedroom for hours one winter until I fled down three flights of stairs, out the front door, and down the street barefoot with no coat.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    I’d remind her that survivors of domestic violence often carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, and your knees can buckle from hoisting around other people’s opinions as well as your own shame.

    -I beg to differ on this. I am NOT a domestic violence survivor but in no means are you supposed to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders for anything?! I mean c’mon. Where they do that at?! How can you carry all that weight when the world is not seemingly perfect and any opportunity it gets for the most part it tries to bring you down. That to me is not healthy.

    As for Riri’s situation-Can everybody just leave her alone. All this advice is driving me nuts-and probably her too! Your situation although similar is dissimilar in that she seems to be dealing with it….she is not dealing with it, the way the world would deem as being perfect and correct. All this scrutiny and advice needs to stop. Give Riri the space she needs to breathe and collect her thoughts together. The collabo was not a romantic get together of sorts-if anything it was just business. It could potentially turn out to be more-but if she chooses for it to be more than that-guess what, her choice. Riri is NOT and will never be obligated to be a role model for young women. Just because she is in the limelight should not mean that she should be the spokesperson for young women. Uh uh! Nope….If these young women need a role model, I ask- about their mothers and fathers-If those two key people are not available then we need to go back to the drawing board in terms of the family structure. What happened?! Why have we failed as a community?! Why is the mother not there for her child? Why is her father not in the picture?!

  • kali

    Let that girl live. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same experiences. And the way people are so emotionally attached to the Rihanna/Chris issue is ALL KINDS of ridiculous.

  • Falis

    This was so hard for me to read, but I knew what I was in for. I definitely think being triggered is worth it for this discussion, though. Thank you for sharing.

    I am also a survivor. I understand the importance of using Rihanna’s story to highlight a systemic issue that is not taken seriously enough, although it is the leading cause of death of young women of colour, especially young black women.

    The problem is, Rihanna didn’t ask for any of this. And while it can be argued that she has a social responsibility to be a role model for the young women who look up to her, Rihanna should not have to be any kind of poster child for dating violence victims.

    She is a survivor of something that is very common, unfortunately, but there is no right or proper way for her to be dealing with this. This is HER trauma and although there are millions of women who have experienced something similar, people have no place to tell a survivor how they should deal, cope, heal from their particular experience. Why? It’s not your experience. Therefore, it isn’t your job to decide how she carries on about it.

    Let’s be honest here. People are not interested in Rihanna’s well-being as they attempt to judge & police her actions. Depending on the platform, there are a bunch of different motives. But for those who want to seriously discuss domestic violence, Rihanna is only symbolic of victimhood & not actually a real person for whom people are concerned.

    I think it’s fair enough that she addressed the public initially after her trauma. She reached out to young women & shared her story. In the time since, Rihanna has undergone her own healing process. Her album, Rated R documents trying to cope with what Brown did to her. You, I, or anyone else may not choose the same path or even understand why she goes about her healing process, but it is no place of mine to judge, police or impose on how another survivor copes with the violence perpetrated on them. We don’t actually know this young woman, or what she has done to recover. We don’t know if she has worked with a therapist. Even so, that information is highly personal. As systemic as this issue is, people have no business with how she heals; that is personal.

    In the three years since leaving Brown, Rihanna has decided to forgive him, start a friendship and collaborate on music. If this is what she wants to do, it is her right. Only Rihanna knows what she has to do for a peace of mind. If she feels safe, mentally and physically, to allow Brown into her life again, then that is her call, and hers alone.

    There is just way too much focus on the actions of ONE survivor. With or without Rihanna, this problem is going to plague our society. If people really want to address domestic violence, reach out to young children. Too many children witness a parent or loved one being abused at the hands of their partner and many of these children are being abused themselves. If this is normalized behaviour within their home environment and community, trust me, Rihanna wouldn’t make much of a difference, the violence is going to impact them and shape how they view relationships.

    Another issue that perpetuates intimate partner violence is violent masculinity and the gender stereotypes that surround this. Our society and media are seeped in violence, and young children are bombarded with messages that tell kids that one can only be a real man if he engages in (insert violent, macho behaviour). Both men & women are adversely affected by this. Young black men are killing young black men and young black men are killing young black women. This issue isn’t one of soured romance. This is a vicious cycle. Perpetrators of violence against women were victims of violence themselves as children. How do we stop this?

    People are asking all the wrong questions and focusing on the wrong things. We shouldn’t be preoccupied with Rihanna. At some point, people need to put down the remote, the magazines, get off the blogs and do something about it. We should be asking:

    How can we prevent this?

    How can we address gender stereotypes for young men and women; especially violent masculinity?

    How can we reach out to young children who live in abusive home environments, are abused, or witness parents/loved ones being abused?
    -Particularly for inner city youth or those in low-income neighbourhoods, violence within the home/community is as sure as day and night and just as normal.

    We need to problematize violence. Period. Nothing will change so long as violence, gendered and/or against children, is normalized in our communities.

    What each of us can begin to do is address these problems within our own lives. Even if you haven’t been a victim of violence, we all have a vested interest in a solution to this issue, whether we realize it or not.

  • Kristen

    I pretty much agree with the other comments. Rihanna does not owe anyone anything. Domestic violence is never a situation to be taken lightly, but it won’t matter if Rihanna is the DV spokesperson or not, young girls and women have to decide and speak up for themselves when they have had enough of being in that situation.

    What people fail to remember is that this was not a recurring action. Chris had never done this to her before, nor to her or anyone else since. Also, what you don’t hear many people discussing is that it was brought up in court that she was also violent to Chris in the past. He broke the window out of her car out of anger on a previous occasion because he did not want to hit her after she had been repetitively slapping and pushing him during a verbal argument. While this does not excuse his behavior on that one, fateful night, DV goes both ways. No woman should EVER put her hands on a man with the mindset that he shouldn’t or wouldn’t hit her back. Any person would get angry and strike back after being pushed and prodded during an argument.

    I just feel that they were both violent to each other, and they had a very toxic, obsessive relationship, as she said in her 20/20 interview. Rihanna said herself that Chris was not a violent person, but neither of them are speaking in detail about what happened that night, so no one knows exactly what ensued for this to happen. As a previous commenter said, too much attention is being focused on one survivor. Rihanna is no longer in an abusive situation, nor was she in a prolonged abusive situation. More attention needs to be spent on helping other women and girls who ARE still in these situations, and not on expecting Rihanna to be the voice for all victimized women. That is an unrealistic and unfair expectation.

    As for the music, I absolutely love it. While they are not rekindling a romantic relationship, I completely understand and can empathize with their wanting to rekindle a friendship and business relationship. They are both talented artists who deserve to be happy and healthy like any other human being. I would be a little hesitant to start a romantic relationship, but if they ever choose that, then I can do nothing but respect it, as it is their lives, whether public or private.

    Parents need to take more responsibility for their actions and raising their own children. Superstars should NEVER be a role model in a child’s life. I grew up wanting to wear my hair like a certain artist or dance like a certain artist, but I NEVER said any music star or actress was my role model. I always identified my parents and siblings as my role models because my mother never failed to mention that what I saw on TV was only for my entertainment, and the looks and actions of most of the celebrities were unrealistic for the average person. I should be happy being myself because I was perfect the way I was. And I always remembered that, and parents should be telling their children that today instead of being angry about what they watch and how celebrities act. The media is not meant to raise children, it’s meant to entertain children and adults.

    Again, I absolutely do NOT condone Chris’s actions against Rihanna. That is something both parties will have to take with them for the rest of their lives. It’s obvious that they both want to move on from that painful situation, but they can’t. People need to understand that when they don’t let Chris Brown move on, then they don’t let Rihanna move on either. They keep making them relive the situation when they constantly bring it up to criticize them. This is not something that a domestic violence victim wants thrown in their face everyday for the rest of their lives. So everyone should just let them both move on and do what they have to do to rehabilitate their lives. Chris Brown has done everything the courts and the public has asked of him, so what more do people want? I honestly can’t think of anything else I would want him to do to prove that he has rehabilitated himself. I truly wish that both Chris and Rihanna can continue to lead happy, productive, and healthy lives with their friendship and business relationship.

  • Ms. Sherley

    I Co-Sign everything you wrote.

  • Ms. Sherley

    Just to correct a FACTUAL Error in the story, Rihanna NEVER requested a Restraining Order, the Judge in the case placed the restraining order although Rihanna never wanted it. Also, before the judge removed the restraining order she asked Rihanna’s permission to do so and Rihanna approved.

  • Lee in London

    Um they are just making a song together, not getting back together! Stop with all the ‘advice’ please. To the writer of this article, it broke my heart to read your story but like another commenter said, your situation and Rihanna’s are not the same, so please just let it rest for now.

  • Blasé

    i agree with African Mami.

  • Natalie B.

    I, too, am a survivor of domestic violence, and the only reason why I am alive and able to write this post is because of divine intervention. I was transferred to the mid-west and he didn’t want to go. At first, like many women, I fought hard to preserve the relationship, then on Saturday I had an epiphany; I didn’t have to rush home; once I got home, I didn’t have to walk on egg shells; I could voice my opinons without being riddiculed on good days, and being terrorized on bad ones. I was the best I had been in almost two years, and when I realized that, I left him and that relationship, behind me.

    For those people that think these two celebrities are inconsequential to our community at-large, and they should be allowed to be their own persons, talk with tween and teen black kids to get their view on the situation– I can guarantee you that their respones will be chilling–from she started it, to snickering, to full denial. Look on any news website catering to “the black community” and you will regularly see stories where the victims of domestic violence have been found dead, and in the comment sections of these sites you see posts such as “how did this happen?” and “why didn’t she leave?”. These situations happen because our community doesn’t take them seriously; she didn’t leave because she knew on some level she would be demonized. Whether these two young people realize it or not, because of the celebrity that they enjoy and profit from, they will not be able to shake dealing with this until they deal with it in a mature and adult way; that means acknowledging what happened, that what happened was wrong, and that it should not be excused or condoned by anyone. I doubt that will occur, but I intend to use it, along with my own experience, as examples of what healthy relationships aren’t when working with young people.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    @Natalie B,

    The situation was already acknowledged by both parties. What else do we want from them?! Shouldn’t they be allowed to move on. If they choose to work together-that’s on them. I’m pretty sure, there are mediators on both sides of the fence-owing to the fact, that Breezy’s action from this point forward of collabo are going to be scrutinized like hell. Should he assault her again-he’s career is DEAD. A lot of people depend on him-I don’t think they want to see him failing.

  • Thereluctantsocialite

    “This is a vicious cycle. Perpetrators of violence against women were victims of violence themselves as children. How do we stop this?”

    Here in lies the problem in how we deal with the whole domestic violence delimma. Both of these kids are victims.

    Loved your entire comment, by the way… and I completely agree with you. We all need to stop judging. I’m sure they are both dealing with everything the best way they knows how…

  • Natalie B.

    @ African Mami

    His career is dead? He just performed on the Grammy’s TWICE, and won an award, I hardly think his career is in the crapper.

    Acknowledging what happened? Calling it the “incident” is hardly acknowledgement. The best, and most recent example of a celebrity comeback being orchestrated in a responsible way was Micheal Vick; he admitted his wrong-doing, did his time, and then worked with respected PR professionals, industry heavyweights such as Toney Dungey, and the Humane Society. He never tried to explain away his behavior, mitigate his actions, or dodge scrutiny, he did all of that over the mistreatment of animals and is still demonized, yet Chris Brown “allegedly” destroys property at GMA and makes ill-thought out remarks on Twitter regarding any criticism about his behavior, and legions of his fans come to his defense, and he hit a human being, choked her and bit her.

    No, his career is far from over; he will continue to be successful, and win awards, I have no doubt. But the next time his fans hear of a friend or loved one has experienced the same type of treatment that Chris Brown inflicted upon his ex-girlfriend I hope that they extend the same type of leniency towards the perpetrator as they have to Chris Brown. Afterall, this “incident” has taught us that none of us are immune from being subjected to this type of behavior, and with as acceptable as domestic violence seems to be in our community, judging from Chris Brown’s supporters, it will only be a matter of time before they are offering the advice of forgiveness to victims that they know and love.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    I dunno I feel like yea these two are def individuals and they don’t owe us anything…but they cannot help being public figures and public scrutiny comes with the territory..not saying it’s right or wrong it just is…for everyone saying we should start doing the legwork by turning off the tv and really dealing with it..thats all good but when the media, that has mass appeal, promotes the opposite, what does it mean if ppl in the streets say one thing but the media promotes a whole diff message, dominating the psychology of ppl world wide?

    I was slapped one good time by a dude and never spoke to him again…I can’t say that if I saw rhianna and chris I’d be like..oh yea..if its cool with them, its cool with me…so I get that Idea…but what they do helps to normalize this behavior and desensitize the masses–case in point: the young girls tweeting chris “can beat them any time” or the number of girls supporting Chris no question…I’m not saying either of these two should be the model of perfection I’m just saying do not underestimate the power of the media…there is a reason y the thought of a black man is always associated with crime and the thought of Africa primarily associated with poverty…The media is VERY powerful

  • LemonNLime

    I honestly don’t understand. I’m know this isn’t going to be a popular opinion and I will probably get several angry responses but this —–> “I was lonely, horny and I wanted a baller to take me out for dinner and spoil me.” Really? That is stupid as hell. If he was so horrible and cruel and you hated him why invite that chos back into your life? If you were a victim so many times before, why decide to invite the opportunity of abuse back into your life? All for some free dinner and loneliness. That makes no sense what so ever. Am I saying that you deserve it or that he wasn’t wrong? No. But when does responsibility and common sense come into play for the man or woman who continuously entertains this foolishness knowing the outcome? I have a hard time even calling them “victims” when it seems like they are willing participants in a endless cycle of violence.

    Maybe because I grew up with parents and family that taught me self-worth, respect, and that I was not weak, I don’t understand. Maybe because I was told by my mom when I started dating, “if you let a man beat you repeatedly first, I’m gonna take him out and then I’m coming after you for not having any sense or self respect” I just don’t understand women in these situations, especially single, childless, unmarried women. You don’t have kids or a family or divorce to go through to get out of that situation.

  • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

    “If he was so horrible and cruel and you hated him why invite that chos back into your life? If you were a victim so many times before, why decide to invite the opportunity of abuse back into your life? All for some free dinner and loneliness. That makes no sense what so ever. Am I saying that you deserve it or that he wasn’t wrong? No. But when does responsibility and common sense come into play for the man or woman who continuously entertains this foolishness knowing the outcome? I have a hard time even calling them “victims” when it seems like they are willing participants in a endless cycle of violence. ”

    Good sex is a hell of a drug, LMAO!!!!

  • Kristen

    What African Mami said was “if he hits her again, his career would be dead”. And she’s right. However, just because both sides haven’t acknowledged it in the media like everyone wants, doesn’t mean they haven’t acknowledged it. Would you want something so personal and painful to be mediated in front of the world? I highly doubt it. We all know that both Chris and Rihanna were and still are (at times) immature. If thousands, or millions, of people are constantly criticizing you, calling you names, throwing your biggest mistake in your face every time you make a move, wouldn’t you get defensive? ESPECIALLY, after you’ve done every single thing that the courts are asking of you with absolutely no criminal offenses prior to or since their domestic violence dispute… And as for calling it an “incident”, that’s what it was. It was a one-time occurrence. What should they call it?

    Chris Brown, by no means, “got away with this” like everyone is trying to imply. He lost ALL of his endorsements, radio stations refused to play his records, people who were once his friends were no longer, and most of the public pretty much hated him. If you ask me, this is worse punishment than what your average abuser receives because they aren’t in the public eye. When they abuse their girlfriend/spouse, it doesn’t affect their job and only the people directly involved have ill feelings towards them, if they even get caught. In the end, Chris still has to work and make a living. Him performing at and winning a Grammy has NOTHING to do with his behavior. They weren’t rewarding his behavior, they were rewarding the quality of his work. This happened ONE TIME 3 years ago. If the Grammy’s denied giving awards to artists based on their personal past and behaviors, there would be very few artists with Grammys. By no means am I defending Chris Brown’s actions because, at the time, I was disgusted by what happened. BUT there is no way on this earth that we can continue judging and condemning this guy. I don’t understand why people who weren’t even involved can’t forgive him. NO one gives Charlie Sheen this much of a hard time for his issues with DV. They actually make him out to be some sort of hero. I don’t get it.

  • Wow!

    So let me get this right. Because as a man I am trying to understand. I am not sure I ever will but I am trying.

    He beats her up. The world is shocked and everyone from Jay Z to countless bloggers and youtubers play hero and give their opinion of Chris Brown. He goes to court has his day and is not arrested. The photos are released and she goes on Oprah to condemn his actions. Almost every one has required more remorse from Chris Brown. Folks have questioned if he should be seen in public because of the incident.

    Lets say that for this argument I agree with it all. Lets say that I believe that Rhianna is a helpless young woman who needs saving and support. Lets say that as a message to young men and young women I feel like Chris Brown should be held responsible for everything he negatively perpetuates through his relationship with Rhianna.

    Lets assume that their are folks out here trying to teach young women and women about healthy relationships in a world that says unhealthy ones are to be expected.

    And now. Now, she collaborates with him – not on anything that would raise awareness about sexual and physical assault in relationships – on these songs.

    I ask:

    What is her responsibility? Is there really none….at all? None?

    If Chris Brown’s behavior is dangerous because – as I have been told – it is an example of a greater problem what does Rhianna’s continued relationship with him say in support of the greater problem?

    While driving to work I hard several radio stations refer to Rhianna as “a tough girl” when considering her life and her ability to work with Brown. Sounds very dangerous and very much of the old stereotype that these tough black women “can take it and expect it.”

    It made me wonder: Does Rhianna’s “work” with Chris Brown not send a dangerous message – like tweets from young and not-so-young women or to a lesser degree Brown’s grammy performance – that such behavior is not only normal but wanted and rewarded? Are mixed signals not being send to young men and women?

    How much do we perpetuate dangerous stereotypes and behavior when Rhianna – regardless of her actions or choices – is always given the mask of a victim to describe her questionable choices.

    Is she more of a victim of a dysfunctional world than he? I ask this question because while I often hear that he needs help I rarely hear the same thing being said about her.

    I feel women are culture. We often hear about the role men play in the dysfunction in the world and I do agree with a lot of what I hear. But what gets glossed over by men AND women (sexism perhaps) is the role that women often play in the continuation of that dysfunction.

    I feel this might be one of those instances but like I said I am really trying to understand.

  • Whatever

    +1

    excellent response

  • Whatever

    Well said, another excellent response.

  • Kristen

    What also gets glossed over is the fact that women can also be abusers. It is not always the man abusing the woman, even though that is more common. There was factual evidence that she had slapped, pushed, and punched Chris Brown on many different occasions prior to that evening. And he, not wanting to hit her back, would take his frustrations out elsewhere, such as breaking her car window or just walking away from the situation. He did push her once during an argument AFTER she had slapped him. So I do not believe for one minute that she had not hit him the night that he beat her relentlessly. This is no excuse as he was obviously much stronger than she, but the media harshly criticizes men as abusers and fail to recognize those women who are abusers as well. I agree with you. Rihanna does have a responsibility in this whole thing as does he, but she is not responsible for speaking up for those women who choose not to speak up for themselves in a domestic violence situation. Rihanna can’t be the one person to speak up for everyone. That’s insane. She told her story, and she did what she was supposed to do, as did Chris Brown. Now they would like to be amicable to one another, and I think we should respect that. It’s not like they are trying to rekindle romance.

  • apple

    rihanna is herself, she can do what she wants, she owes me nothing.. i mean i rather her not to do this to herself but hey what can you do, people just sometimes i have to learn on their own? i can’t really judge and say OH SHE STUPID, IF I WAS HER I WOULD NEVER GO BACK, because I’m not her, I’m not in her situation and I have never been in her situation. We all can say what we WOULD do in a certain situation but you honestly never know what you going to do until it actually happens to you…

    I had a cousin like her with an abusive boyfriend,she was the same age as Rihanna, she’s dead now. We tried but for some people you just can’t make them see until they see for themselves.

  • http://gisforgrace.wordpress.com NinaG

    I don’t think she is saying that she should carry the weight, but that this is what happens to DV survivors.
    I think the author would agree with your point, as do I.

  • CD86

    It’s strange really. I liken this to a woman having sex with and giving birth to a child with a man who previously raped her.

  • Falis

    Plenty of women have children with men who have raped them: their husbands.

  • Falis

    Thanks for the feedback!

  • Kristen

    I see no resemblance between this and a woman getting pregnant by her rapist…

  • Rastaman

    I look at this case (Rihanna/Chris Brown), R Kelly, The pedophile pastor, Eddie Long and even the late Michael Jackson all in the way. Where people feel so put upon in a larger society seemingly out to get them or anyone that looks like them that they feel a need to be defensive of those accused or convicted of the most heinous of behaviors. This is no means limited to black folks, you see the same thing in the Catholic church and other religious groups whose leaders are found to be involved in the facilitation of criminal behavior. It is as if they come to admit publicly that these acts or wrong then they allow those they perceive as against them to somehow win. It is a defensiveness bordering on psychosis.
    This type of behavior is nothing new for humanity, there are still Germans who deny the Holocaust and all the other brutality perpetrated by the nation during WWII. It ranges from denying the acts ever took place, to saying others did the same and were not equally condemned, to the victims were part of the problem to saying it is in the past and has no bearing in the present. I think the latter reason is most prevalent in this case and I honestly do not understand it myself. What I do know is that there is a lot of damaged folks in this world and one of the downside of our democracy is that we too often tend to give equal weight to even the most absurd viewpoints. This has led too many of us to become increasingly unhinged from any core principles of what is right and what is wrong.

  • Falis

    I was nodding my head as I read this. I very much agree. Nicely put!

  • http://eclecticspectrum.wordpress.com Afia

    What Rihanna does is her business. But I teachable moment was passed up 3 years ago. Young women of color, particularly young black women demonstrated that they could not grasp the severity of Mr. Brown’s crimes. It was a moment to teach our youth, male and female alike that violence is wrong. Intimate partner violence is WRONG.

    We fixate on celebrities because that is what we do in this society and culture. Conversations need to be had in our schools and in our homes with our children about how healthy relationships should function, what is wrong, and when to leave a dire situation.

    Let Chris and Rihanna do as they please. There must be a push to stop using these celebrities as role models because they aren’t. They are businesspeople. Parents and teachers should be our children’s role models.

  • CD86

    I had a feeling I wasn’t being clear enough.

    I meant a woman who was previously raped by a man then goes on to have a relationship with that man out of forgiveness and has a child by him (not from the rape).

  • NOTRIGHT

    I completely agree! I’m sorry but I have little compassion for someone willing to get their ass whipped to “hang out with a baller.” girl, bye. If u were that scared why would u even continue to call this man who beat u that bad? Who u admitted u weren’t even attracted to. Earrings and bags?! I’m sorry girl but that’s some real hood rat shit. DOES NOT EXCUSE WHAT HE DID, BUT WOMEN NEED TO HOLD THEMSELVES ACCOUNTABLE. You were an enabler more than a victim.

  • CD86

    Oh, and not from her husband.

  • Kristen

    @Rastaman I’m sorry, but you cannot liken the Chris Brown/Rihanna case to R.Kelly, Eddie Long, and MJ because the 3 latter cases involved sexual acts against innocent and defenseless CHILDREN. That is completely different, and there is no way I could EVER defend the actions against child molesters or any sexual offender. Chris Brown and Rihanna were both young, immature adults who both knew what they were getting themselves into as they continued with a toxic, obsessive relationship.

  • Kristen

    Ok. I see what you’re saying, but that analogy is a bit extreme. Going back to a stranger who raped you and starting a relationship AND having a child with them is way left-field for this case, especially since Chris Brown and Rihanna were not strangers to each other. And a sexual assault from a stranger is far different than domestic violence from your significant other, just like having a baby by your attacker is different from making music with your attacker. But I kinda understand where you’re coming from.

  • http://www.samotoussaint.com antoinette

    i think she’s doing this in order to sell albums, another publicity stunt. She might just be doing this to rebel against the media. I still believe that she probably still have feelings for breezy. I think they both crazy but the music industry is a small circle so this was bound to happen.

  • D-Chubb

    Dude’s a ticking time bomb that’s going to explode in her face. I just hope he doesn’t kill her. Time will tell.

  • Chakecia

    These comments really show that if you havent lived it you could never understand. As a survivor also I thank you for your story… Even if Rihanna doesn’t need advice SOMEONE does! Thank you

  • Nestafan2

    Wrong. Rhianna NEVER went on Oprah.

  • Maureen

    I am also a survivor. Its funny how folks who have never experienced abuse find it easy to beg to differ. This is her experience not yours. When you experience it, let me know your new perspective.

  • Maureen

    and African mami lets be real. If he hits her again, unfortunately his career will not be over. People would simply wait for time to pass, and say “oh lets just forgive him, he has dealt with it, etc, insert whatever bull crap” similar to whats going on now. Once the dust settles he will still have a career.

  • Maureen

    agreed.

  • Uhhhh

    No angry response from me, LemonNLime. I COMPLETELY agree with you. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? Sheesh…

  • Maureen

    African mami lets be real. If he hits her again, unfortunately his career will not be over. People would simply wait for time to pass, and say “oh lets just forgive him, he has dealt with it, etc, insert whatever bull crap” similar to whats going on now. Once the dust settles he will still have a career.

  • Anthony

    Natalie B.,

    I see things as you do concerning this situation. CB and Rhinna are not just any two people trying to figure things out. What they do is specifically marketed towards our young people; their fortunes are culled from the pockets of those tweens and teens (or more correctly, from their parents). I believe that if you are making a fortune from that population, then you have a responsibility to that population, especially due to the fact that young people’s brains are not fully developed to enable them to make rational and reasonable decisions. This is scientific fact. So it behooves us to be mindful of the examples that we set. I know that America doesn’t care a wit about its children, so I know I am shouting into the wind. But I will continue until I have no breath left. The adults who manage these two kids are culpable. CB has not had any real consequences. Yes, he did community service and is on probation, but where is the learning? His behavior shows me that he did not learn the lesson, and this is mainly due to the adults in the room abdicating their responsibility to look after the children (CB & Rhinna), but instead they have totally discarded our young. I know that our children are our responsibility, but the influence of Popular Culture is strong. Our children take their cues from those who sing and dance and play ball and make it look effortless. What is disheartening is that there are so many people who want to excuse this violence and move on from this “unpleasantness.” If CB had behaved like Michael Vic and truly made an effort to make amends and set his mistakes right, then I, and many others, would not continue to publicly hold him accountable. It would have showed a level of maturity and evolution. It would have showed CB moving towards manhood.

    Yes, they both need help and I hope that they did seek counseling. I hope that the adults in their lives urged them to talk to a professional in order to make sense of it all. This means more than Anger Management classes which are mandated. I hope that the adults would make the pursuit of money take a backseat to the well being of our young people. I believe that our community can stand to benefit from therapy due to all the trauma we’ve undergone, and still continue to experience. It seems to be a condition of our times to have the memory span of a goldfish. The more we forget, the more dysfunctional we become because the forces of capitalism and consumerism will continually play us against each.

    Natalie, I appreciate your speaking up and speaking out..

  • Chantily Lane

    First of all, we need to realize that more domestic violence victims exist than what we expect. By society placing lifestyle and women within certain categories, we assume domestic violence will bypass their doors. We assume domestic violence has a name on it. It doesn’t for sure. As time has evolved, women/men have too. I am not insinuating that Rihanna invited Chris to beat her. (To some this may sound farfetched of what I am getting ready to say). However; due to so many dysfunctional proclivities, a woman /man may get slapped or punched and it is a turn on to them. Some young girls equate being hit as love. I believe this a part of the reason why Rihanna was able to forgive Chris that night prior to the Grammys, things hadn’t gotten out of hand unlike previous fights and spats. Under no circumstances, I am condoning domestic violence.

    Now as a “God saved my life” domestic abuse survivor, once you have really gotten your A beaten by a man, you have no desires to go back or forgive him. You have to pray to forgive yourself as well as your partner. Women such as myself grew up knowing NOT to ever let a man hit you. I didn’t lack for the love of a male: I had my father, grandfather, three older brothers, and 6 uncles. They all loved/loves me unconditionally due to being the baby girl. I didn’t grow up lacking anything. In my world, I actually was a little princess. How did I get in a domestic violent situation? I didn’t know who I was really laying down with. His father beat his mother and they were a very affluent family within their community. Therefore, this behavior within that family was swept under the rug. As an end result, the cycle of domestic violence was a generation continuance not an occurrence within his family.

    Either way we must continue to have discussion because as I speak, we could be saving a woman’s life. Women hold on for different reasons. After the first punch, I thought it was a spat. It wouldn’t happen again. After all, I want my family together and his son with his father (in the household). After I got punched in the stomach and suffer a miscarriage, I finally had gotten the courage to leave. That was my threshold. My point is if Rihanna and Chris do reunite; if he hits her again, hopefully she will eventually reach her threshold. Until then, the only steps we can for all women/men in domestic violent situations is to LISTEN, give advice (not judge), be truthful and pray for them.

  • Miss J

    FALIS WELL SAID GIRL

  • Ebony

    I agree, you took the words right out of my mouth, LemonNLime.

  • sholla21

    I agree with you LemonNLime.

  • Wow!

    @Nestafan2

    Ok, sister. I should have said she did an interview with Diane Sawyer and not Oprah. Thank you for correcting me.

    Now, do you have any answers to the relevant questions that I am asking or it that your offering?

  • http://www.twitter.com/amaniathome Amani

    I just have a quick comment. I must say I’m a disappointed in RiRi. I think that celebs do have a certain degree of accountability to the public or at least should be very conscious of their actions and how they may effect their fan base. Unfortunately, many young girls who are in domestic abuse relationships do not have proper role models –it’s sad to say but not everyone is parenting their children, and kids look up to these people (right or wrong).
    Whitney Houston just died, and I’m not going into whether its Bobbi Brown’s fault or not. But some of these celebs need some SERIOUS interventions! I think it’s somewhat selfish to want RiRi or anyone else to be in a dangerous situation just for one’s entertainment. When do fans and ppl closest to them in their camps really care about these ppl as people and not just the millions they represent and speak out. Sometimes I feel society is just going morally to the dumps. I wrote more than I wanted, just my few cents.

  • @work_Bored

    I feel very sorry for your situation. In my opinion I think RiRi and Chris truly love one another, and whatever the situation is that caused it to become physical happened. I knew she would return to him because she wasn’t dependent on him for money, or he was the only man that finds her attractive but because they connected in ways we will never see. I can only assume we the public do not know these people and their life/true personalities behind closed doors. Honestly I think RiRi isn’t all sweet, not because other people tell us to look at her and hold her responsible, but because RiRi looks like a tough girl who does what she wants. (who knows if it wasn’t for her publicist she may be mean to her fans, come on all stars aren’t golden apples) I’m more so on the happier side they’re back together, I hope when they break up its not because of the same situation.

    Side note thought: I was watching something recently, a comedy skit, and they said something along the lines of “people bite people in self defense …” it just made me think. I have no ill feelings towards neither one but abuse isn’t cute and it’s a serious offense; dam I wish there was a witness or a camera in the car. I hope the decisions both parties made, will not end up a tragic story…

  • Alexandra

    That’s what I thought reading this article as well. It may be judgmental, but my sympathies stop at a certain line. All the more reason to believe, one person is not always to blame.

  • Zaza

    I don’t have an issue so much with Rihanna communicating with him again- the cycle of abuse and going back to abusers is well known, and somehow, even for horrible things, people forgive.I can’t condemn her for that.

    However I do condemn her for using the situation for publicity- THAT is sick. In her song with him there are lyrics like ‘I know you wanna bite this’ , when Rihanna and Chris know the whole world knows thats what he did to her the night he beat her up in that car. How you can use those lyrics in a throwaway song with your former abuser I don’t know.

    If they want to carry on their relationship, right or wrong that’s their choice, but to celebrate it’s sickness and glorify it in songs, that just sends a message to all the young girls that look up to Rihanna that when your boyfriend hits you it’s ok because it means there’s ‘passion’, he ‘cares’. Really thought Rihanna was better than this for some reason.Domestic abuse used for publicity.And I didn’t think the entertainment world could get sicker…

  • Gem

    This is so sad and disgusting. I pray they stay away from each other because the next time he may not stop short. He may keep choking her well past unconscious straight on to death.

  • Zaza

    And just raising a point, someone earlier said something along the lines of ‘if he hit her again’. It’s well known that people suffering domestic violence often hide it and feel ashamed to admit it is happening to them, for all we know the time that it went public- the car incident, may have been one of many assaults that had happened previously or the first to leave visible marks.

    For all we know he could have hit her again since then , or might do again if they get back together. Just because it hasn’t gone public doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

    Fair enough maybe she can forgive him, but to make songs like the birthday cake one when everyone knows the reality of their relationship?It just leaves a bad taste in the mouth sorry.I listened to that song and was just like ‘what??’ But that’s what they wanted, Rihanna and Chris knew full well the firestorm that making a song like that would create= profiting off their messed up situation= disturbing.

    I’m shocked that the majority of the people commenting are cosigning their collaboration because they are ‘artists’. Sorry but there’s just some places you don’t go, and they went there…

  • blankstare

    @Kristen:

    My darling-seek therapy. Also the other commenters writing books and giving eleven million excuses- seek therapy. Some things should never be forgiven or excused or shrugged away. RIHANNA IS DEAD WRONG FOR THIS and she does need help because she is off her rockers.

  • Stella

    @AfricanMami,

    In that quote, I don’t think the author was saying that Rihanna or any survivor of domestic abuse is *supposed* to carry that weight, but moreso that that feeling may be common amongst them.

    I agree with you on your stance on Rihanna though! I think she knows what she’s doing, and just as any other human being, should be able to make her own decisions without the media and society chiming in to let her know whats best. If there are consequences to her decisions, (just as there are to anything else) she will deal with them in the best way she knows how. thats life! let her live!

    On the other hand, I really must say what an AMAZING writer the author of this piece is!
    Makes me want to start writing again :) really great job.

    I appreciate the authors honesty; sometimes its hard to look back and understand/analyze your mistakes and learn from it. Its another to be able to boldly tell that story to others who may not know the prevalence of domestic abuse, or simply, the emotions and obstacles others face each day.
    For those of you who say that you can’t sympathize with those who go back to their abusers for what seem to be petty reasons, PLEASE REALIZE that people come from different worlds than you. Their home lives, relationships they’ve been exposed to, desires to be protected by someone, desires to be told “i love you” by someone, etc. Simply because you cannot relate to the attraction one had for another doesn’t make their story any less real or relevant.

  • Kristen

    Actually, there were previous incidences of domestic violence. On several occasions, she had slapped, hit, and shoved him during verbal arguments, but you never hear about that because society always places women as the victim in domestic violence situations when that is not always the case. He had never hit her before, but it was revealed in court documents that she had been violent to him in the past. In the end, they both became violent to each other, and this is why the situation occurred. She got the worst of it, though, because he was obviously far more stronger than she.

    I don’t understand why people are saying she is profiting off of domestic violence. They aren’t doing that at all. It’s a song that has nothing to do with domestic violence. The song was sexual before Chris Brown was on it, and it would have been sexual even if it was a different artist on the song. Chris being on the track makes no difference towards the content of the song.

  • Kristen

    @blankstare I am a very mentally and emotionally healthy, clinical health psychology grad student, so I am quite sure that I don’t need therapy. You, however, should obviously question your thinking behind the statement “some things should never be forgiven.” That statement is naive on so many levels. Reason being: you are hurting absolutely NO ONE but yourself by harboring hatred and resentment towards a person who has done something wrong to you. It’s not hurting your attacker or anyone else, it’s hurting YOU. YOU are holding yourself back from doing so much more because you’re so stuck in the past on the ONE thing that happened to you. That goes for ALL victims of any type of crime. One bad experience should not define the rest of your life. That would be stupid and counterproductive. ANY therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist will tell you that you cannot move on from a situation and be emotionally healthy, if you don’t, at the very least, work towards forgiving whoever has done you wrong in your life.

    Also, I saw no one here who shrugged away or excused what Chris Brown. I did see many people explaining why people should let this go and let them move on. I’m not sure what you were reading. Either way, you can say she’s dead wrong for what she’s doing because you’re not her. You don’t know her reasoning behind why she’s doing this, so it’s really easy for you to sit behind your keyboard and judge while you’re on the outside looking in. But that’s fine. That’s the way many people function and voice their opinions in society today. And if you’re not up to reading the “books” that people posted, you don’t have to. No one is forcing you.

  • African

    Black people always jumping on other peoples’ businesses.. Don’t y’all Men and Women here have some better things to do? Try employment or entrepreneurship, it will help you overcome your idleness or something. Neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna or any other pop star is a representation of the society. What they do has nothing to do with us. Stop dissecting their lives as if they are gods or something close to that.. I wonder where some of you even get the moral authority to discuss peoples’ lifestyles. Get your ass up and do something, that’ll be a starting point for the Black Community. We blog way too much about nonsense, Let’s invent something or do something that might better humanity.
    Peace!!

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    @ African,

    I hate it when people take the time to go on a blog, state their opinion about how others are wasting their time commenting and they should other productive things to do. Calling the kettle black is hypocrisy at its best!

  • Falis

    Yes, because it is only black people discussing and blogging about this topic, right? Open your eyes.

  • RJ

    I think that what Rihanna is doing is dangerous. Not only did he beat Rihanna to unconsciousness, he literally attempted to choke her to death. Before last week, I didn’t like Chris Brown because I thought he was arrogant, obnoxious and yes, violent. When I actually read the police report from that incident, I was stunned. It was brutal. I also understand that relationships are complicated and violence in relationships can be complicated as well. But that does not diminish the brutality of the incident.

    I also don’t believe that he is reformed. He is not humble nor do I believe he is truly contrite. The fact that he was frolicking on the beach two days after brutalizing his girlfriend, speaks to an arrogance that he still displays to this day. Every other chance he gets, he verbally abuses people online via twitter. Last year, he threw a chair through the ABC studio’s dressing room and stormed through the streets shirtless in anger (pictures are online). He’s a bomb waiting to explode. He’s dangerous. Rihanna will not be his last victim.

    Rihanna can forgive him all she wants – in private. But making a song, especially one that is sexual in nature with the man that beat her to unconsciousness is misguided and irresponsible. Most of her fans are young and impressionable, they deserve better than the dysfunction that she is putting on full display.

    I see all of these black women and girls defending Chris Brown. We will go to the ends of the earth to defend a black man, just because he’s cute and can sing. If Chris Brown was white, would we be defending him and encouraging Rihanna’s actions? I don’t think so. But to some people, a young, attractive and talented black man is to be worshipped and all sense of reason and decency go out the window (especially to these young girls). I’m not cosigning that nonsense.

  • So Over This Ish

    I agree…an unhealthy relationship is an unhealthy relationship. It doesn’t matter who hit who first. History is bound to repeat itself.

    But I hope for Rihanna’s sake that it doesn’t. I don’t know either of them, so I can’t say whether Chris is truly sorry for his actions. I hope that he will never do that to anyone again.

    I’ve never read the police report. I heard that her nose was broken and she suffered from lacerations all over her face, but I never knew that she was knocked unconscious or that he had choked her.

  • Keysha

    It’s amazing the amount of anger both black and white people have towards this young man and woman for their actions – their unwillingness to forgive and complete lack of compassion. Yet after 400 years of physical and mental slavery, a complete loss of one’s culture, millions dead and modern day slavery – we have somehow been able to “move on”. If we had some much fervor towards our slave masters I can guarantee you that black people would be in a better place in America and around the world. This misplaced indignation is sickening!

  • http://anorexicescapades.com bougiehippie

    If she like it I love it. She got lifetime she knows what happens. Let that girl be.

  • Ashley

    Rihanna was never beaten or choked to unconsciousness, and Chris never tried to kill her, otherwise he would have been charged with attempted murder. She even said that in her interview. She didn’t have lacerations to her face or a broken nose, but she did have a busted lip and bruises to her face and body, as did Chris. To say black women and girls are defending him is ridiculous because I’ve never run across anyone defending his actions. Most people who are defending him are defending his right to move on after 3 yrs. Had the police report and photos of Rihanna never been released, NO ONE would be as wrapped up in this mess as they are today.

    At the end of the day, Rihanna and Chris knows none of us and will probably never read this discussion. So what’s the point of wasting your time being angry at them when what they did or do doesn’t affect you personally? Are YOU going to go back to an abusive relationship just because Rihanna made a song with Chris? I highly doubt it. But if you do, that is no one’s fault but your own. If someone asks you why you went back, and you say “Because Rihanna made a song with Chris Brown,” you would sound very idiotic. People need to accept responsibility for their own actions and stop blaming celebrities and the media for influencing you or your children. As long as you know right from wrong and are able to teach your children not to put up with an abusive relationship, then it doesn’t matter what Chris and Rihanna do because YOU know what YOU should do. Being angry at them is only holding you back, no one else. They are still living their lives and moving on regardless of what everyone thinks about their reconciliation, as they should. In about a year or two, their personal situation won’t even be important. All of the hype will die down.

  • Rj

    @Ashley…please read the police report….

    I am not angry. I am just not supportive of the song. Do I think that Chris Brown should never be able to sing mediocre pop/R&B songs again? No. I just think that it is irresponsible and borderline crazy for a woman who was beaten to smithereens by a man to sing a SEXY song with said man. Does that make ME crazy? I mean, what world are we living in when people are making it sound like it is wrong to object to this madness?

  • Ashley

    I’ve read the police report several times as well as watched the 20/20 interview. Rihanna corrected Diane Sawyer when she read the police report to her because the report said she began to lose consciousness. Rihanna corrected her by saying that she never began to lose consciousness during any part of the altercation. The fact is that they were both violent in their relationship as another commenter brought up. No, this doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it also doesn’t excuse her past violent behavior either just because she is a woman. To say she was beaten to smithereens is so exaggerated. That makes it sound like she was hanging on to life by a thread which we all know was not the case. By no means am I downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but I feel that Rihanna has come to terms with her responsibility in the situation as well.

    You can’t just go off of the police report. You should read everything that was brought up in court as well concerning the history of their relationship which was very tumultuous for both parties. The police report is only going to state what happened to her that night from her side because she was the only one there to report it. And even then, the police revealed that she was still withholding details about what happened which they found suspicious. So, basically, no one knows the full details of what transpired. People are giving such strong opinions about a situation in which they aren’t fully enlightened. Chris Brown NEVER blamed her for any part of what happened and took full responsibility for everything. Rihanna accepted his apologies and felt this was enough to earn her forgiveness. How does it make her crazy if she wants to work with him? Both artists have always made sexually explicit songs. Even if the lyrics to their song wasn’t sexual in nature, people would still find a reason to disapprove. They could have done a gospel song together, and the reaction would have been the same.

  • lukewarm

    SHADDUP!!!!!!with your fake ass black nationalism.

  • Lyoness

    “If people really want to address domestic violence, reach out to young children. Too many children witness a parent or loved one being abused at the hands of their partner and many of these children are being abused themselves.”

    This! Thank you! Although, I’ve never been in a romantic relationship that had domestic violence, my parents’ relationship was extremely, horribly abusive and my siblings and I witnessed it. From the media reports, BOTH Rhianna and Chris grew up in abusive households. I’ve told my friends for YEARS that this is one part of the conversation that has been missing. So much of the DV conversation is about the women because they are the obvious (visible) victims but I really wish more resources were on the children and getting them counseling after they see this stuff. I’m not giving CB a pass but I wish people would focus on getting kids who see this stuff help. Even the boys. I remember the many tv specials and I was extremely disappointed. I wanted someone, anyone to focus on how these relationships really affect children rather than making the kids a footnote.

  • Rakel

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m glad you were able to create a better path for yourself. I’m not bad at Rihanna, I’m just really sad for her. She obviously has not dealt with everything, and I don’t think he has either. Her supposedly initiating the collabo only makes people believe he was justified. It also sends a scary message to kids. They both could have taken the incident and used it as a teaching lesson to teens but neither did.

  • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

    so while angry black women are screaming that bobby killed whitney, rihanna gets back with her with the craziest man in show biz?

    i think all the part-time feminists can ease off the cycles of domestic abuse narratives. or hijacking the moment to tell their own tangential domestic abuse stories, like this writer did.

    rihanna is a shock artist and this latest move, and its timing, is about courting controversy. she’s 24 years-old. do you really think she’s calling the shots? just accept that rihanna and her team couldn’t give a sh*t about you all.

    and while you’re chewing on that, think about how many women make – and repeat – stupid dating choices.

  • PrettyMrsP

    These two people are adults and they make their own decisions. At the end of the day they are not putting money in my pockets, clothes on my families backs or food on the table. It’s time to move on people and let them live their lives because they really don’t give two rats asses about ours.(drops mic and continues to work)

  • You Think You Know

    I feel like I’m taking crazy pills – has NO ONE seen the Rihanna I’ve seen??? I have ALWAYS had a hard time believing that Chris Brown beat her ass on a regular basis and she just took it; I’ve ALWAYS believed they were violent with each other. I have a friend that used to literally punch her boyfriend in the face whenever she got mad. After several occassions (AND warnings, I might add), he finally hit her back. I say finally, because there are only so many times that someone is going to just LET someone hit them without any reaction. Soooo, who’s the victim??? Just because you’re a man, doesn’t make you the aggressor. I am in NO way condoning domestic violence or what CB did at all, however, I must say, I’ve NEVER believed that Rihanna was the innocent victim in all this – they were beating each other up, and it just so happened, that that particular night, things got WAY out of hand…

  • Ashley

    Thank you!!! People are seeing domestic violence as a one-sided issue when it isn’t always just the man beating up the woman. A lot of domestic violence occurs where the woman beats the man and he doesn’t do anything back because he thinks he will get the harsher punishment, which he probably would. And there is domestic violence where the man and the woman actually fight each other. So it’s not always the man beating up the woman. Plus, Rihanna admitted in a Rolling Stone interview that she sees herself as a masochist, and it’s not something she’s proud of, but she is turned on to a certain extent by pain and humiliation. I never saw her as this innocent victim that didn’t do a single thing to Chris for him to do that to her like the media made it seem. That doesn’t make Chris right because that was really dangerous. But I think she feels some extent of responsibility for what happened or she wouldn’t be doing all that she has been doing concerning Chris. I’m not saying that women who get abused must have provoked that attacker because a lot of women are abused without having provoked their abuser. But hearing people close to her say how she was and is in the relationship, I don’t believe at all that she had not been violent towards him that night.

  • Diem

    I just read a column (there’s so many out there) that also addresses the Chrianna situation but from a different view. Do you agree?

    http://www.heartsunscripted.com/2012/02/24/they-found-love-in-a-hopeless-place/

  • Elle

    bottom line is, if Rihanna is making a huge mistake working with Chris, she will find out and learn from it on her own time. People need to stop dictating the lives of others so much. We’re humans, not gods. We’re never going to see eye-to-eye on everything. We’re all going to make life decisions that some people may find questionable at some point. What makes hers any different? Because she’s a celebrity and a role model? If children had stronger role models in their every day life, they wouldn’t be fixated on celebrities.

    http://www.ellecherieamour.wordpress.com

  • binks

    I guess we are two peas in the same pod because I agree! Not saying anybody deserves to get hands laid upon them but some of the actions are hard to dismiss

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003405644410 Fahmi

    I don’t feel he needs to apologize myoanre than he already has. Besides he has taken responsibility for his part he played in it, why hasn’t she. This did not occur because he just decided to beat her up. She instigated the fight, and he defended himself, as think he should have. And if women were really honest with themselves, as I am I readily admit to starting quite a few fights with my man. Some women like it like that, and I think Rihanna is one of them!

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