According to a new study by the Pew Research Center, interracial marriages are at an all-time high.

Researchers say the increase–to 4.8 million people, or 1 in 12 couples–can be traced to the constant influx of Asian and Hispanic immigrants, who have “substantially increased” the dating pool.

The study found that 8.4 percent of all marriages are now between interracial couples, up from 3.2 percent in 1980. Despite racism continuing to plague the nation, the increase in cross-racial coupling is boding well for race relations.

Daniel Lichter, a sociology professor at Cornell University, told the Associated Press, “The rise in interracial marriage indicates that race relations have improved over the past quarter century. Mixed-race children have blurred America’s color line. They often interact with others on either side of the racial divide and frequently serve as brokers between friends and family members of different racial backgrounds,” he said. “But America still has a long way to go.”

Some interesting findings from the study:

  • Hispanics and Asians are the most likely to marry someone from outside their race/ethnic group
  • The biggest increase in interracial marriages are among blacks
  • Interracial marriages were more popular in the West followed by the South, Northeast and Midwest.
  • In 2010 more than 15% of all new marriages were between couples of different races
  • Biracial children are a small, but growing segment of the population (8 percent or 9 million).
  • More than 25% of Hispanics and Asians, 17.1% of blacks, and 9.4% of whites had a spouse of a different race.
  • Black men were more than twice as likely as black women to marry someone outside their race — 24% to 9 %.
  • Asian women were twice as likely as Asian men to marry outside their race — 36% to 17%

What do you think of the numbers? Read more at the Associated Press


  • jamesfrmphilly

    in order for black people to get their lands back and get reparations for the injustices that have been done and are still going on some white people may be harmed. i think IR silences black people. i don’t know of anyone married to a white person who is calling for black liberation. IR is just another weapon to get blacks to accept permeant inferior status. it is not about who you screw. it is about who has the money, power and resource.

    as long as white people retain control of African resources taken by conquest and american resources created by slavery there is a power differential. can a slave love a master? a slave can submit, but one cannot love when there is a power differential that is great.

    i see no movement of IR people for justice. i only see stockholm syndrome.

  • QofThecastle

    The picture accompanying this article is a bit inappropriate considering black women are the least likely to marry inter racially. The number of black men married inter racially has increased from 13% in 2000 to 24% and 5% to 9% for black women. Also the article mentioned that inter racially marriage has increased for blacks due to a rise in the number of blacks entering the middle class. Are there more black men in the middle classes than black women? I assumed otherwise. So the middle class status of black women isnt helping her inter racial marriage rates.

    Camron Diaz would be considered Hispanic and so would Zoe Saldana. If both married white men or black men, it would be considered an inter racial marriage. In fact the larger number of Hispanics married inter racially is due to their racial fluidity, i.e. some are in fact white European a la Camron Diaz.

    What this study shows me is that most people have and or want a white partner. Even white people since they marry inter racially the least.


  • LemonNLime

    “Interracial marriages were more popular in the West followed by the South, Northeast and Midwest.”

    I am really surprised by this. I figured it would be West or NE first or second, Midwest third, and South fourth. Wonder what the reasoning is?

  • Duke

    Tempest in a tea cup. The progression of African Americans in this country has been based on our hard work and ability to thrive in positions and places that other folks thought we couldn’t. Who we date, marry, and/or divorce doesn’t have much to do with it.

  • MIkela123

    Are there more Black men in the Middle Class than Black women because they have higher interracial marriage rates? You can’t assume that from this article:

    “White-Asian couples who married had the highest median income, nearly $71,000. Behind them were the following race combinations: Asian-Asian ($62,000), white-white ($60,000), white-Hispanic ($57,900), white-black ($53,187), black-black ($47,700) and Hispanic-Hispanic (nearly $36,000).”

    White-Black couples income averaging $53,187 is not exactly middle class or upper class incomes. Black men are probably more likely to marry out at all class levels.

  • MIkela123

    @Jamesfrmphilly, you are right.

    Coming from Caribbean and South America, I saw interracial marriages all the time (almost equally between black men and black women in my family.) But it never changed the racial dynamics in the country. Rather than racism, Colorism sets in, with the dark skinned Black people still considered inferior and at the bottom of the pole.

    African Americans used to lead and teach the Black diaspora about Black pride and Black power. Not anymore, y’all really lost it.. And I’m not blaming interracial marriage or think it’s bad per se. But this dichotomy of Black people losing real economic ground in this country, high rates of violence and incarceration of Black men, along with these (lopsided) rates of interracial marriage reflects a greater social change.

    Does interracial marriage give a slight bump in economic status? Yes. Buts small and limited access to the real resources and power.

    In the end, the United States is becoming like most of Latin America. There will be a significant small White elite who controls all the wealth and power (the 1 percent). a mixed-race colored middle class, and not middle class like you know it – but poorer and struggling for what scraps they can get their hands on, and concentrated at the bottom in poverty is dark skinned Black people.

  • chanela

    heck yeah its a high number. where i work at if i were to see 25 black men a day then 3 are dating a black woman. unfortunately,its extremely rare to see it the other way around i see almost no black female/non black male couples (except for me).

    the only thing that annoys me about black men with non black women is that they act soo f*cking rude to me for no reason as if they’re like “i have my perfect latin,white,asian queen right here and shes better than you cause shes not black so im gonna be an asshole to you” i don’t understand their need to be so damn rude when i don’t give a damn about their woman and im not gonna say anything mean cause i wouldn’t want anyone saying mean racist things to me. i swear without fail 8 out of 10 black men who date interracially treat me and other black women very rudely for no damn reason while they smile and make small talk with cashiers of other races.

    very sad.

  • Rosey

    **Cue the crazies**

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    I was a little surprised by that order as well, but if Texas and Florida are counted as the south, it makes sense with the high number of Hispanics in interracial marriages.

  • Dalili

    LOL @ Rosey! You took the words right out of my mouth.

  • MrTruthTeller

    I been say this for years… Hispanics and Asians lead when comes to interracial relationships but our people complain the most about it. Go to California that’s all you see Asians women with white men or a brotha once in a while.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    at one time black men were arming themselves (panthers, NOI) and looking very aggressive toward the white man. next thing you know, white women became readily available. and i do mean available. radical brothers got pacified. between the white P and the drugs nobody wanted to fight the white man anymore. it was party time.

    it is not about who you screw it is about power, resources and money. if your coupling with a white person leaves you just as poor as when you started, you have been had.

    black people will never take back what was stolen from us while laying with a white.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    are there any black people out there who are interested in taking back what has been stolen from us? are there any black people here who are even aware what has been stolen from us? just askin……

  • gryph

    nice break down

  • Purple Rain

    *Grabs popcorn to prepare for the ensuing firestorm.*

  • B.Payne

    LMAO @ “while they smile and make small talk with cashiers of other races”

    I’ve noticed that when I’m walking down the street, looking straight ahead and I see them staring at me, waiting for me to look at them in my peripheral.

  • WhatIThink

    Actually this is simply one part of the progression of a social economic system that ultimately will bring an end to the black community in America. Blacks are not allowed to migrate to America in large numbers, the black population in America is destroying itself because of destructive and dysfunctional psychology and black on black relationships are fragile and becoming less common. Therefore, if these trends continue of high black male incarceration, homosexuality, abortions, births out of wedlock producing more dysfunctional adults, lower rates of black marriages and stable families, you can only expect the black community to gradually diminish to the point where it is no longer a factor in American society. The latest census already showed that to be the case. And it will only accelerate in the future. And the worst part is that all the warning signs are all around but most black folks don’t care and ignore them at their peril.

    The point being is that the patterns of dysfunction and pathology must be addressed and the restoration of the strong black family unit else the black population will come to an end. And while I am not against IR relationships, facts speak for themselves. You can only create black people from black on black relationships. If you are having more and more IR relationships that means less black people, whether the mixed children identify as black or not. It is a slow process of assimilation by which the black gene is eventually eradicated or relegated to a substantially numerically inferior status.

  • Mr. Man

    *grabs hand full of popcorn out of Purple Rains bowl but get it slapped out before I can secure said food stuffs*

  • Isis

    Totally agree James. Breeding out is another ploy by the white man to get rid of the black race. Between breeding out, aids, jail time and murders the black community will soon be destroyed. I totally believe that

  • Isis

    Me!!! But I think its a lost cause. Black ppl.are too mentally defeated. We want to mate with ppl that hate us.

  • Ravi

    These numbers are suspect. According to the 2010 Census 87.5% of married black men have black wives.

    it seems as though someone is misquoting their source. It doesn’t say “More than 25% of Hispanics and Asians, 17.1% of blacks, and 9.4% of whites had a spouse of a different race.” It says: “According to the Pew report, more than 25 percent of Hispanics and Asians who married in 2010 had a spouse of a different race. That’s compared to 17.1 percent of blacks and 9.4 percent of whites.”

    The marriages in 2010 represent a small percentage of the total current marriages.

    I would also like to see how they are calculating the probability that someone will marry out. seems like they are simply using the previous years percentages which doesn’t tell you everything considering they represent such a small portion of the total marriages and it changes from year to year without much much of a set pattern.

  • Velma

    Being raised in a military family, I think this is great.

  • apple

    i got gummi bears, lol who wants some *passes*

  • green

    If white men were interested in marrying black women as opposed to just having sex with them, 80% of black women would have a white husband. The truth is that the few white men willing to marry a black woman are only interested in thin sisters who are CHILDLESS.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    being raised in a military family you should be well aware of “divide and conquer”…..

  • t

    What kind of militant, black supremacy bullshit talk is this? Flip the script and you sound exactly like the head of the KKK talking! There is no conspiracy by the white man to enslave you by mating with your people. Seriously, take off the tin foil hat and try living in reality for a moment.

  • binks

    Actually I am not that surprise now that I think about it growing up in the south I saw a lot of interracial couples compared to interracial couples in NE where I went to school, outside of NYC I didn’t personally see many interracial couples in that area but in general I am not really surprised by the study

  • Srenda

    @apple Meeee! lol…after we finish the gummi bears let’s bust out the salted pretzels — da show is just startin’!

  • Mr. Man

    everytime I read a post from Jame’s I instantly get a vision of Monk (Todd Bridges) from ‘Everybody hates Chris’.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “There is no conspiracy by the white man to enslave”

    the white man has enslaved before and is enslaving right now.
    the capitalist system is all about slave wages. look on the back of your iphone.
    steve jobs is a white man who grew rich enslaving. wake up black people.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    i think you are correct. we are too mentally defeated.
    i consider myself a lone voice crying out in a wilderness.

  • cupcakes and shiraz

    You ain’t far wrong. The last IR article generated nearly 500 replies of childish bickering and foolishness.

  • arlette

    wow that is mean. i have never experienced that but i would make some stupid scene or just make them feel really uncomfortable, i have a gift at doing that.

  • cupcakes and shiraz

    *breaks out haagen dazs – rum raisin*

  • Isis

    Yes cuz white men have standards unlike the blk men who marry the 2 ton trailer park trash. I applaud white men. Having standards is attractive

  • Danell

    I am starting to consider dating outside my race. I am a black woman and love my blackness and wouldn’t trade it but I have had bad relationship after relationship with my own. Not saying that all black men are like this but the ones that I have come across. I do feel that I should explore other options and see what happens. I may find the same issues with others outside of my race but that is the chance I am willing to take at this point. I am all for interracial dating and marriage.

  • alldawg

    The same BM who date fat WW date fat BW aka thick BW…
    A fat WW without an attitude is better than a fat BW with an attitude…

  • girlformerlyknownasgrace

    Ya’ll the worst! Im crashing the party! And im bringing Pepsi, chips and salsa! Make room on the couch!

  • Isis

    Of course she is! She can give u those light straight haired babies u salivate over. I know the white woman is better to u self hating dudes

  • Candi83

    I’m currently dating right now and I am open to anyone that comes my way. He could be black, white, Indian, Asian, etc. I am going with anyone that makes me happy and vice versa.

  • Michelle


    lmao. wut?

    I had no idea that “homosexuality, abortions, and births out of wedlock” were pathologies. I mean I guess homosexuality was taken out of the DSM, but science must be wrong and you must be right. My mistake.

    Smh, there are actually people out there who believe this nonsense and spout it unapologetically…

  • Guulo

    It’s a great trend, in ancient times when tribes were at war with each other they inter-married to form alliances, in the long run inter-marriages between races will be better for humanity and lessen racism, distrust etc

  • thinkpink


  • Socially Maladjusted

    Well abortion and homosexuality are not diseases but they’re hardly healthy practices.

    Nothing wrong with out of wedlock births though, everyone was born out of wedlock when it all began.

  • Socially Maladjusted
  • Socially Maladjusted

    a wise man told me recently that if everyone showed each other a lil more respect, we might find ourselves more tolerant of each other and even begin to like and support each other.

    He is right.

    Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we could get along among ourselves?

    Start now, be nice and let that nice pay itself forward. until everyones had some and know what it looks and feels like.

    just stop being a bastard/b itch and accept your brotha/sista for what we are – fat thin dark light poor or poorer. be nurturing and kind and patient with our own people – not abusive and using parasitical domineering bullying.

    I don’t believe that’s us – we’re the good guys.

  • MIkela123


    Didn’t someone once say that if White people really wanted to stop the Civil Rights movement, they should have given Black men access to White women? LOL.

    Too bad White America didn’t consider it 100 years ago. All that talk about right to vote and equal access would have been squashed if Black men were allowed to have White women without a fight back then.

  • Socially Maladjusted


    forgive me for what I said ^^ i was overcome by sudden rush of compassion for my fellow blacks. It was a moment of madness and it’s passed now so –

    let the competition to see who can say the most hurtful things about or to someone else, continue. .

  • jamesfrmphilly

    that white stuff must have narcotic qualities. once a brother has it he don’t wanna fight no more. works on sisters too. talk about the opiate of the masses. white sex. who knew.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “I have had bad relationship after relationship with my own”

    that is on you. accept responsibility for your own stuff and change. grow.

  • Queen

    these stats are intriguing (and yes, jamesfrmphilly – you’ve got a point) but until they go further and say who is marrying who, specifically – out west, the newly arrived asians and hispanics are marrying the white folks, i guess? – this really is a tempest in a teapot, as duke mentioned.

    i’m surprised that no one tossed up any theories as to why black women and asian men are the ones who are least likely to marry outside of their race — and why black men and asian women are the most likely to do so. now THAT would be an interesting article.

    here’s some questions that no one is asking – i’m curious: how long do interracial marriages last? do they stay married longer or do they get divorced with the same frequency as everyone else?


  • apple

    Wouldn’t it have been easier for them to commit actual genocide by killing us one by one with say a explosives,chemical warfare,etc? Then to wait and hope we procreate with them? Breeding out black blood would take at least 300-400 years if they do it that way,and even then the black blood could resurface generations later since its the strongest blood of all.

  • apple

    @socially maladjusted I was once on okcupid and it never affected me. Out of the 50 guys who messaged me only 5 were black, the rest were white Asian Indian and Hispanic. When I found black guys I liked on the site their profiles always said “looking to interracial date only” or “i prefer nonblack women” etc

  • EbonyLolita

    I totally understand what you’re talking about WhatIThink. Although the catagories might appear harsh to others. I understand the thinking behind your statement. And overall I agree with you.
    I’m a 32 year old AA female. I’m SICK & TIRED of ppl telling me “think outside the box, date white or other ethnicities.” Truth be told I don’t want anything except for a BLACK household. I want my children to look like me & their father. I want to pass down the positive traditions of my culture w/o having to compromise. I’d rather never have children then settle for having a mate that is another race & bringing mixed race children into this world. Now….. do I shun that of other IR relationships? NO or the children born from them? NO!! But I know what I want for MYSELF!! I want a Good brother who shares the values & goals that will push us towards having a cohesive & progressive BLACK household.
    Until that happens I will stay on birth control & keep working on improving myself. This is the Life I choose to live.

  • Srenda

    @jamesfrmphilly What are you taking back James? Africa? What do you want, reparations? Money resources and power are fine and great but for someone who rails against capitalism you sound like a Capitalist. We do need massive resources but not just economic resources. Great healing needs to be done in our community or those economic resources will go poof! Like the late, great Gil Scot-Heron asked, “Who’ll Pay Reparations on My Soul?” Interracial relationships are here have been here and are here to stay so you are going to have to work with that and accept that there are those of us in these relationships, have children and grandchildren from these relationships. It is very much a part of the fabric, history and legacy of the U.S. in fact many of us are mixed race even if we don’t have a white parent, know about it or know about it but don’t want to acknowledge it because we don’t want to appear…well, tainted. The landscape for better or worse is different now and if you want change, if you want power you are going to have to work with those differences or you will continue feeling like the lone man shouting in the wilderness.

  • EbonyLolita

    James from Philly you go in so HARD!! But I respect you & your ideas.
    All you’re trying to do is tell the masses to…… *WakeUp*

  • AlesiaMichelle

    Isis to alldawg, “Checkmate”


  • AlesiaMichelle

    Amen and Kudos!
    Although I’d love to be with a Black guy but I’m ready for love. Even if love is in a White or yellow package. I’ll take it in any form.

  • chinaza

    So what?
    People love people not colors.

  • QofThecastle


    Did you just really throw black women under the bus by stating white men have standards and thats why they dont choose black women? A woman with a child out of wedlock isnt undeserving of the glorious love of a white man. She just made a huge monumental mistake.

  • alldawg


    yes she did…

  • bob

    after reading all of these comments i can see why no one wants to date a black woman

  • QofN


    I think I done heard it all and if you scroll up she scolds black folks for being “too defeated.” She just threw most black women under the bus stating they werent up to spec for white men. Yes, white men have standards thats why they reject black women. SMDH.

  • QofN


    Well if you do decide to go inter racial just make sure you are the creame of the crop black women because white men will not accept anything less than perfection from black women. We are held to a higher standard apparently.

  • QofN


    Why not? It is a human right and a civil right to be with who you want without any legal restrictions.

  • QofN

    yeah right…

  • QofN


    Judging by the comments everyone should be put off dating.

  • ohlawdy

    can i come? i got red velvet cupcakes!

  • junebug

    I think why black people are most vocal about IR is because we’ve ALWAYS been at the bottom of the racial totem pole – especially black women. Wanted behind closed doors, but undesired in the open is how we’ve been treated throughout history, so much so that black men have bought in to the worst stereotypes about us and perpetuate them in the films, music and other outlets we see today. Those who are supposed to value us the most end up degrading us more than others – even sisters buy in to this ridiculous notions about each other. The sad thing is, most of these stereotypes were created by white people in order to justify their treatment of black people – especially us women.

    At the end of the day, I don’t believe IR do anything to progress racial relations.

    Another thing I’d like to point out is that although the statistic says mixed-race children are a minority, I wonder if it takes into consideration those who are mixed but identify as one particular race?

  • QofN


    The actually version is that the weaker tribe had their men killed and their wives and children turned into slave and or concubines…. Still you tell a romantic story.

  • QofN

    @Ebony Lolia

    The rainbuea mammies will come out and accuse you of being a mule for black men. Youre betraying the sistahood by not wanting a white man.

  • Isis

    No I wasnt throwing blk women under the bus. I wish more would date others and stop begging self hating blk men to love them. My point was when white men date blk women they get the cream of the crop

  • jamesfrmphilly

    every color except black……..

  • Isis

    No Apple the victory is much sweeter if they can brainwash u to breed/kill yourselves off. They get to keep their hands clean and morals high while at the same time getting exactly what they want. Genius plan right?? And it’s working. Sad

  • HowApropos

    …mmmmmm….Rum Raisin Haagen Daaz….

  • HowApropos


    Aw, yapping like a sheepdog to get them mammies back in the pen. Good Dog!


    Date and marry who you want and good luck with that.

  • HowApropos

    alldirtydawg and Queen Mammy are attempting to drag you back to the herd.

    thank goodness you know better…

  • HowApropos

    That’s not your concern, queen watchdog.

    Your job is to make sure that no more black women get into IR, so be the good dog that you are and fetch that MilkBone like a good dog.

    More black women are waking up, Mammy. Nothing you can say or do about it :)

  • HowApropos

    He needs to change his colostomy bag and go take a nap…

  • Socially Maladjusted

    Actually you’re both wrong

    When different racial cultures met they usually became trading partners, first. and then bed partners. However, once the new mixed race population became big enough to form a separate cultural group, they initiated wars against the parent culture/s to assert their dominance over both or whichever of the two one was deemed inferior./b>

    I can’t of think any instance where the emergence of a mixed race culture led to harmonious race relations. all the evidence suggests the opposite happens.

  • Kim2000

    It’s great to want a beautiful ‘black family,’ but the problem is, many black American women find it difficult to solidify a healthy lifestyle with black men. Most are not aware that black couples have the highest divorce rates in the country. There’s so much dysfunctional!

    Also, one must factor in the rate of black males who abandon their children (this even applies to the ones who were married to the mom’s prior to having children). I know plenty of AA women who are in this predicament. They were married, but after the divorce, they now have the sole responsibility of looking after the children.


  • QofN

    @How Apropo

    Thanks to one of our esteemed sisters apparently white men have standards and dont want the vast majority of sisters so who is keeping who in the pen? Not me. Blaming black women instead of the men who reject them. Thats a good rainbuea mammy.

  • QofN


    Dam, I hope black women have life insurance for the number of times you have thrown them under the bus. The number of black women dating IR moves at a snails pace or is completely stagnate. Not even in the double digits. It must be good for black women to know that about 90% are not cream of the crop so dont interest white men. Dam….

  • QofN


    Self hating black men? They are taking care of the black women no other man wants according to you. Who is self hating? 90% of black women arent good enough to be with a white man. You said so yourself.

  • QofN

    Its not for black women to wake up its for non men to wake up and judge black women like they would judge any other woman. Why should black women have to earn her way into IR dating and marriage? What does that say about how black women are viewed if they are held to a higher standard? Why should they have to prove themselves worthy? arent they supposed to be the prize?

  • LemonNLime

    @binks and TheBestAnonEver, Part 2 – You’re right, that does make sense since the west has a high number of Asians and Latinos and the south has a high number of Latinos.

  • Jo-Ann

    “that white stuff must have narcotic qualities. once a brother has it he don’t wanna fight no more. works on sisters too. talk about the opiate of the masses. white sex. who knew.”

    I know you said this as a joke, but I have to tell you, in a way it’s true. It’s just not in a sexual way. I’ve been out with two white guys in the last several years, and everything is just so easy. Your blood pressure starts going down right away. Whatever you want to do is OK with him, whatever you want to eat, what movie to see, whose apartment to go to, there’s no drama, there’s no weird, tense moments, they don’t argue about everything, there’s no fake masculinity posing stuff going on, and you know he’s going to pay for dinner, and it’s not going to be Red Lobster, either. And he’s a gentleman, and happy to go with the flow of whatever pace you want the relationship to go at. It’s just so relaxing.

    So, in a way, what you said is true.

    But, everyone’s got their good and bad attributes. I’ve never given up on black men, I’m dating one now. But I’ll never again close myself off to the possibilities for love that exist with white men or Latino men (don’t know if I could go out with an Asian guy, but maybe Jeremy Lin, lol). I’ll never shut myself off to that again, as I did for many years.

  • Dalili

    Anyone want some wine?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @srenda : in what way does your IR benefit the liberation of black people?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @jo-ann : yup, it’s straight up dope…….white men are sooooo much better

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @HowApropos : we been sleep to long…..time to wake up

  • Jo-Ann

    Didn’t say that, jamesfrmphilly; just pointed out that white men have some positive attributes. I also said that black men have some positive attributes, and further, mentioned that I’m in a relationship with one now.

    I realize for you, any conversation about interracial dating is an all-or-nothing exercise, shot through with tremendous political and cultural implications, but for most of us, it’s simply about finding someone we can have a meaningful relationship with.

  • linda

    Black women are on the bottom of the totem pole? Whose totem pole?

    Do you know why interracial marriages were outlawed in so many states? It is because there were quite a number of WHITE men that wanted to marry BLACK WOMEN!! LOVING vs.VIrginia-Does this ring a bell?. The reason the numbers are so low for Black women is because of BLACK WOMEN.

    So what has changed and why do Black women refuse to give WHITE MEN(and yes it is mostly WHITE MEN) a chance when their relationships with Black men are so often dysfunctional to say the least?.Why do Black women pretend not to know or see how soooo many black men feel and speak about them?. Why do they pretend not to see the hatred directed at them and keep spewing this bs about black love and all that rot?.

    Black women have been hoodwinked,bamboozled,led astray, and some are just plain foolish.

  • QofNew

    WOmen divorce men, this breaking up the family making it very hard for fathers to be fulltime parents. Who is abandoning the family then?

  • linda

    A brother once in a while my ass!!!

    @ISIS: Please go and spew that fake Black nationalist garbage somewhere else.Thanks.

    I believe the numbers based on what I SEE everyday.Black women can pretend all you want.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    ha ha lmao

    best post of thread –

    and make mine a guiness punch.

  • Nadia

    You know something, I just want to dispel a couple of misrepresentations that I see here about dating white men:

    First, do you have be the creme de la creme of black women? No way. Lots of nice, regular, and regular-looking sistas date non-black men. If you’re fat or a hood rat, or both, yeah, you’re going to have a tough time attracting the kind of guys most women want. But, other than that, don’t believe this hype about being in the top 5% or the top 10%.

    Second, the statement that all white men just want a black woman for sex and nothing else. Well, they are men, and they do want sex, and if they don’t want to have sex with a woman, but they’re dating women, that’s a different problem, one we’re familiar with in the black community, LOL. So, yeah, they want sex. Hell, I want sex. But I’ve dated white men for a long time, and that part of the relationship usually happens much slower, not quicker. And, I’ve had two long term relationships with a white guy, and both of them proposed to me within the first 12 months, so if all they wanted was sex, they sure were going to great lengths to get it, considering they were willing to put a ring on it, y’all.

    All of you should do whatever you want to do in terms of dating, but whatever you do, don’t be swayed by untruths!

  • Kim2000

    Divorce should not be an excuse to abandon one’s children.

    I do not have any children, but I know that if someone makes it ‘difficult’ for you to remain in your child’s life, you can utilize the court system. The court will mandate mandatory visitation rights. I think black guys in particular do not want to go through the court system, because they don’t want to deal with paying child support.

  • QofNew


    I think your history is a bit skewed.

    “Do you know why interracial marriages were outlawed in so many states? It is because there were quite a number of WHITE men that wanted to marry BLACK WOMEN”

    Really? Where is your proof of this.

    “Why do Black women pretend not to know or see how soooo many black men feel and speak about them?. Why do they pretend not to see the hatred directed at them and keep spewing this bs about black love and all that rot?”

    Why would black women then pretend to not know or see how sooo many non black men feel and speak about them? Why would they then pretend not to see the hatred directed at them and keep spewing this bs about inter racial love and all that rot? The difference between black men who talk crap about black women and non black men who talk about black women is that those black men are still with black women. Black women arent blind to this fact.

  • Socially Maladjusted


    “Hell, I want sex.”



    but hot


    sorry did you say something in addition to this?

    That’s the only part I saw.


  • QofNew


    “The sad thing is, most of these stereotypes were created by white people in order to justify their treatment of black people – especially us women.”

    In light of linda’s history lesson, how are we to believe that? They had to create laws to keep white men off of black women according to Prof. Linda.

  • apple

    @linda don’t deny the racial hierachy , whether its true or not (its not true but it can be seen as true if enough people make it real).. there is a hierachy in america or everywhere based on race and dating.. which is why a big white woman thinks she deserves a well off black man, because she’s white.. there is a video that explains this unbiasedly (shes black married to an indian guy).. as much as i dont believe it, it doesn’t stop tons of other people from using it against us.. i’m not saying you can’t over come it but you can’t deny interracial dating its real.. because its not like white men was jumping over fences to get to us like they did for asians.. or any other color of a man jumping over a fence to get to us, because if it were so then our demographics would have shifted like they are in the united kingdom. is the video,she is really great!

  • QofNew


    I think there are class and cultural issues being ingored here. However I’ve got experiences with white men and you know what I discovered about them? They are so like the rest of us humans. Really they are. Its hard for some to believe because on TV they look so mighty and powerful but they are really regular. Unlike many of these black women here, Ive never considered their interest in me as some prize for having done the right thing with my life.

  • Kim2000

    I do not believe that most black women view white men as a prize, I think most just see them as men, -nothing more, nothing less.

  • QofNew

    Can I just say for the record that I know there are non black men interested in black women. If you are fine, you are fine. Even if you aint fine there is someone out there for you. However, black women are in competition from other women and we must admit that black men prefer us more than any other man prefers us and many of those men prefer other women more than they prefer us. Its the truth. It isnt a death sentence, it isnt an indictment against us. Its just the truth. It doesnt mean we are going to be lonely or will not be able to find love. That has more to do with us than anyone else.

  • QofNew


    Thats good to know. The internet is filled with crazies. I am one of them.

  • B.Payne

    Thank you @Candi83

    No matter what race, we are still humans who want to by love and appreciated and if that non-black man shows me love and I’m feeling him, I’ll be an idiot not to just because he’s not black.

    I respect ppl’s preference/choices and no, IR to me should not be a trend for single blk women to partake in if they aren’t interested but it makes me wonder…with all the focus on BLACK couples with BLACK children for a BLACK future, is the UNCONDITIONAL love included in this package?

    As long as the love is there, so am I

  • linda

    My point exactly.It is Black women who are largely responsible for why the numbers are so low.Even if only 1% of White men or whoever wanted to date Black women that would still be more than enough.BLack women refuse by and large for who knows what reason and white men know this and stay away, imo….other groups of women do not-they welcome white men.

    @qon/eshowoman: YES.those laws were made largely to stop Black women and white male marriges.Black men and white women were largely kept away from each other through other means. Noone is saying white men are a prize and the answer to any dreams- We are saying they are an OPTION well worth exploring….like you did with your Asian husband.

  • Karen

    White folks still prefer to be with their own. Why can’t blacks? Know thy self people so you can love your OWN. Blacks are more likey to marry outside thier race then any other and that to me is sad. These people no not what they do.

  • apple

    well in that case.. interracial dating isn’t a big problem as black on black crime.. where i live 3 black people are killed by black people per night.. this includes women,children and especially men being killed.. if most of the men or dead or in jail, interracial dating is the least of our worries.

  • Nadia

    Karen, get your facts right. Asian women marry out more than anyone.

    “In 2008, of new marriages including an Asian man, 80% were to an Asian spouse and 14% to a White spouse; of new marriages involving an Asian woman, 61% were to an Asian spouse and 31% to a White spouse.”

    That’s from the Pew Social Trends Study, and backed up by the U.S. Census figures.

    BTW, for those of you that are interested, only 1% of white men in the U.S. are married to an Asian woman. That’s what happens when you compare majority percentages to minority percentages. A very small swing in the majority behavior trend can have a huge impact in the minority population…

  • April25

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with black women deciding to expand their horizons. I keep hearing about ‘black love,’ but the truth is, most 20-50 something year old American black guys ALWAYS leave their options open. -Heck, many are actually searching for non black women.

    Therefore, it’s dangerous to preach that black women should only be open to dating black men.

  • iQgraphics

    I don’t see what all the hub-bub is about.
    I’ve had no problem with black men… none outside of regular relationship woes.
    I date black men, they date me…
    I would have been married about 5 times over to a black man at this point in my life but I like girls too.
    Even that would not have stopped about 4 of them.

    I’ve dated brown men.
    White men approach me all the time.
    But that’s what evs…

    I work with and for white people in a corp office
    we are clearly unevenly yolked, but my hustle surpasses theirs where if this corporate floor some how crumbled beneath them, they’d probably die. I’d be fine.

    I have more academic accolades than they do… but my name isn’t on the door and I respect that. I’m working on a door.

    To each their own. Whats with all the speculation? Why all the drama?
    I personally believe statistics mean d!ck because the out come is rigged by whomever is compiling the stats. Perhaps not blatantly, but maybe purely by omission.

    It’s like history. The winners of the wars write the books and perpetuate their garbage.

  • Nadia

    One more thing, go to CA and look around and it seems like not 31% but 90% of Asian women have married white men. They are really into “doing the vanilla swirl” as the Asian women out there call it.

    Also the amount of Hispanic women married to white men is very high, but it’s CA, what do you expect, right?

  • April25

    Also, I don’t really think it’s a smart idea to love someone just because they share the same hue. I’d prefer to judge the man on tangible criteria (i.e. does he love me, is he kind, family oriented, intelligent, can he support a potential family, is he spiritually and emotionally grounded, am I physically attracted to him, etc).

    If he happens to be black, great! But if he’s not, it’s also great! At the end of the day, I’d prefer that my relationship be based on love & commonalities, not hue/color.

  • Srenda

    @jamesfrmphilly This question about liberation is a complex thing. It’s too vague. Liberation for me here in the U.S. as a black woman is different than in many other places around the world., like in Africa, Europe, South America, the Caribbean, etc. From my perspective as a U.S-er, however, black people are liberated! Some of us just haven’t realized it yet. As a FREE black woman I am FREE to form relationships with who I choose to form them with. Men, black, white or otherwise hold no dominion over my body or have the power to direct where I put my heart. Liberation starts with the self. If you do not love yourself and value yourself and the freedom in yourself then how can you hold that up for other people? Why the focus on who black women love and sleep with, though? What about many things black women do in their communities such as raise children, teach children, care for the sick, attend church, go to school, mentor young people, march against violence, write poetry, create art in the spirit of liberation, etc., etc. What is the liberation of black people, today, in 2012? What does that mean? And whatever it means it sure doesn’t mean the same thing for al black people. What do YOU do to liberate the black community, since you’re not into white women? What does one thing necessarliy have to do with the other? I’m with a white man so to hell with black people, now, cuz I got my forty acres and a mule? Not even close. Would you ask me the same question, if my man was black, though? I can date a black man and not give a shite about my community, too. Happens all the time. It’s the person the man or woman in the mirror who matters, what are they doing, what are their dreams for themselves and for their community. Since you are all about black liberation, instead of complaining about IR and thinking of black women in IR as lost causes, tell us specific things (independent of who we are in relationships with) you think needs to be done in order to liberate the black community. I’m serious. But first define what you personally mean by “liberation”.

  • linda

    @Apple: yes, some white men and other groups of men are racist and colorist when it comes to Black women- so are alot of Black men. You only need one . Keep your OPTIONS open. You do know that Asian women and White men being so hooked up is a relatively new phenomenom- at one time you would never have seen that.These women(and others) give them the greenlight.

    I still believe it is Black women who keep the numbers low and I am only going by my experience.

  • linda

    @Nadia- Thank you.

    There are so many different types of Black women and White men or whatever type of men- of all classes and social levels; So all the talk of Black women have to be this that or the other is alot of bs from my experience.
    Again I believe it is Black women who are keeping the numbers low by and large.

  • Isis

    All of it will lead to the demise of the black race.

  • geek chik

    …i have the nachos.

  • Isis

    Ur right How. I got sucked in again. I will ignore. I refuse to address mammies

  • Fatou Sarr

    I am late for the party….bringing some Gambian meatpies *bet the gummi bears are gone*

  • LadyT

    @Srenda, i see you’re still waiting on that response from jamesfrmphilly. lol. he (and people who feed into his brand of thought) seem to not get how complex this situation is. they also fail to see that they perpetuate the idea of blacks being inferior by constantly throwing up our tragic past instead of creating tangible initiatives for how to pull ourselves up from the stigma of once being an enslaved people. true liberation means you are free to live your life and love in whatever way makes you content as long as it doesn’t infringe upon others’ liberation. many black people don’t even realize that they are now upholding all the myths, stereotypes, and stifling social conditions that were once forced on us by white slaveholders/supremacists. while their aim is to liberate, they’re really putting a flashlight on the mental illness that is a result of internalizing all the things they claim to be against… TRUE LIBERATION MEANS HAVING THE FREEDOM TO DEFINE YOURSELF. sadly, some black folk think it’s okay to have someone tell you how to live your life as long as it’s not a white person. a friendly word of advice to jamesfromphilly: i know you mean well, good brotha, but you and those who think like you are actually not helping uplift or liberate. you’re 20th century way of thinking is useless in this complex 21st century. more importantly, you’re forgetting the one thing that is key to liberation for all, which is MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS AND STAY OUT OF OTHERS’ BEDROOMS!

  • Karen2

    The note that Nadia makes about percetages is a good one; for instance, if 5% of the white guys in the country were interested in dating black women, that covers every black woman in the U.S. With room to spare. Some white men would be left without a sister.

    Keep that in mind the next time someone says that only a small percentage of white men are even interested in dating black women.

    And that’s just the white male population, don’t discount those Latin men, the Asian men, etc. Ladies, just think of yourself as waiting in the buffet line, and all of those delicious choices are ahead of you.

  • Shanna

    These comments represent a mere, tiny portion of Black women. Not all of us are monoliths. If you think that this small sect in answers is what causes people not to date Black women, you probably have your own prejudices to work out that you are projecting onto us.

  • Karen2

    The couple in that photo is super cute. They both look kinda goofy and happy.

  • WhatIThink

    The point is addressing the health and stability of African American families, African American social and economic life and other key indicators of the “health” of a community and you will automatically address the key issues. Statistics like this only show that as more African Americans move into mixed communities they naturally become available to more mixed relationships. But the IR relationships aren’t the key issue. The key issue is the health and viability of the black community overall. Whites aren’t threatened by IR relationships. They aren’t going to be diluted and aren’t going to lose any wealth or power because of it. On the other hand, all the statistics show that African Americans as a group are rapidly losing ground economically and the “health” of the community is rapidly deteriorating.

    My issue isn’t with IR relationships per se, except for the fact that some folks are using it as a chance to “escape” the issues of being black in America and as an opportunity to “step up” to a higher strata in the society. This has always been a factor in IR relationships and is part of the power dynamics of racism and the pattern European colonization and conquest over the last 300 years. Even the NAACP is distancing itself from identifying with blacks and more and more expressing their agenda as being one of helping all “humans of color”. Duh. Even they are jumping ship (not that they have really done much being a Jewish founded org, but that is another issue) due to the fact that they recognize the demographic trends are shifting and not in favor of black folks. Therefore, let the traitors and cowards jump ship. I would rather have dedicated fighters to rebuild as opposed to clowns and buffoons who are going to sell out the first chance they get.

  • WhatIThink

    And by the way note that the vast majority of those in hollywood who supposedly represent black folks are not even married to black folks. And there is no way to put a positive spin on it. If you supposedly are so black and into black folks and representing black folks then why is it now that you are successful you don’t see fit to marry other blacks. is that not a statement against black folks?

  • apple

    @linda yes you are right honey!

  • Ravi


    I’m a black man and I ONLY date black women. Same with my brothers and all of my close black male friends. In fact I only know a handful that are even remotely open to white women. So much for “ALWAYS”

  • Li Sister

    This whole subject is about as outdated as bean pies & bowties if you know what I mean the rest of the world has moved on Dont believe me well just head on over to website called then scroll down to the story entitled
    “Her Sophisticated Palate” all about the nightly wanderings of certain Female Food Network Chef and her new friend Model Tyson Beckford or Drake or etc. you should notice none of the ppl guessing who it is … is saying anything negative on race but on behavior instead. When reading the story notice the double standard Ladies i mean Black Sisters one rule for them, one rule for us (oh yes that does have several meanings)

  • Socially Maladjusted

    li sister

    That’s because white women agressively go after whichever cock they’ve curently got an itch for – screw the hell out of it and then move on to the next erotic/exotic experience.

    They’re dabblers, samplers and hitch hikers, but -

    they’re always good payers and often become return customers, if you know how to work that black mystique on em.

    Black women are just as dirty and f ucky as white women.


    However, black women seem to feel compelled to put up a respectable front – which is understandable since black women’s sexuality was treated as public property, while white women were at least given the “option” to be a whore or a madonna.

    Guess which one finally won out among them?

    oh joy!


    It’s finally dawning on me that all this IRD proselytizing may just be, black women demanding to have the sexual leash taken off.

    all I can say to that is –

    bout f uckin time.

    But that respectable front is fatal to black women’s prospects, You’re putting the leash on ya selves.

    Ya see – men go where the pussies easy uncomplicated and welcoming, that’s the charm Aisan women have for white men and white women for black men. They
    f uck a man like you’re doing them a favour.


    Black women not so much, especially when it comes to black men, because with us – even before you get to the f uckin – you got too many tests. Ya can’t f uck a brotha until he passes a whole battery of idiotic tests.

    The friend test, the image test, the skin tone test . . . .


    because you’re trying to look respectable.

    eg – even when you’re only in it for cock, you have to justify that to your friends on ‘he’s hella hot’. (to whatever counts as hotness in your circle)


    When in truth there’s a whole host of not so hot brothaz you wanna sample but don’t because da pussy police (other black women) will come down on ya. Also, it’s a way for certain women to keep you from getting “theirs”.

    mmm? know the game.

    hee hee

    anyway, the point is that word gets out that a black women are a no go, too many
    f ucking tests, so ones breaking their necks to be with a woman whose still puttin up MADONNA fronts.

    We (black men, white men and everything in between) want wild and free women, who f uck for the joy f uckin.

    Sex feels real good. It should be uncomplicated, random, sometimes sleazy but always -


    Now go dry yaselves up and spread the word -

    Da Black Woman is opening up.


  • browneyed_leo

    I couldn’t agree more with what Shanna said.

  • Li Sister

    See what u get when u bring these issues around low lifes waiting to jump on sites that have nothing to do with them delivering their foul mouth troll rants mainly from sexist men why are u on a site for women? looking for fashion/Hair tips sweetie? Maybe the owners of this site should create a site for black men to vent issues. But then who or what items or products could advertise to black Men?All about the dollars ladies just remember that. but aside for that notice there is another Man who usually pops up whenever this subject comes up on this site turns out (because he is constantly trolling & ranting on black issues on other sites he’s easy to find. the guy is close to 70yrs old which explains his backward ideas on race & black women place in society or should i say like Arab women or Asian Women how they should stay in their place no matter their male counterparts do. Finally unless this site takes the time & care to monitor the site as closely as they seem handle all of the big corporate adver accounts by white owned companies I might add. until then this is what u will get on here and other sites devoted to Black Women Right? .

  • au napptural

    On the fence. I think that for the first time ever JamesfrmPhilly is right. But so is Isis. Many black men don’t respect black women and in any case there aren’t enough to go around if they did. So even though IR isn’t the best option, I certainly can’t tell black women to be miserable when they could be happy. Yea, it’s used to pacify us. So is fast food, the news, and almost everything else. Life. Move on.

    Black men are just mad b/c we have options now and don’t have to be on stand-by for them any more.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    Li sister


    chill out luv, it aint that serious.

    and you should know that this site is about as black owned as Disney. It’s target audience is not black women, the black woman thing is just a front, don’t be so naive woman.

    If you want something authentically black female you’ll have to start it yourself. Unitl then you’ll have to put up with people like me where ever you go online.


    the end

  • Socially Maladjusted

    Well go excercise your options, everyone else is busy excercising theirs – not talking about it.


  • Rick Ross

    Queen of the Castle,
    I really enjoy reading your comments, on articles. I think any man would be lucky to have you white or black.

  • The Tip

    For real, many of our sisters are simply not willing to hear the truth about the legitimate grievances that many men of means have. With over half of black women being over weight and significant number being obese this is a major reason why the numbers of unwed sisters looks so bad. Then there is the lack of respect issue that many sisters have for black men. This is a big one because even with an in shape body, college degree, and a good job, an attitudinal difficult sister will find herself unmarried for a long time, or if she is married, she will probably be cheated on.

    Ladies PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t dismiss this as many of you are use to doing. The only one you will continue hurting by staying in your bubble is you ladies.

    Check these two shows (and there are others) where Tariq breaks it down

    Why Black Women Aren’t Getting Married?
    12:47 minute mark he goes in….

    (1/2) 6 Reasons Why Men Won’t Commit
    ↑ Reply

  • RC

    knowing Clutch’s devotion to “loving nuthin but a brotha”, i find it funny Clutch would even mention such a study.

  • Bisous

    The guy in the picture is HOT!
    I have no problem with white guys or guys of any other race for that matter I’m just rarely if ever approached by them. If they are my type I see no problem chatting them up or probably going out with them. My experience with alot of black guys who meet alot of my requirements (good education, hygenic, interesting) they seem to be cocky or just really abrasive. I can’t say all of them are like that but it just feels like alot of them think because they are good looking or smart they can just talk to black women however…Maybe it’s a guy thing in general who knows?

  • Nadia


    Not a guy thing; it’s the law of supply and demand. Black guys with those check boxes ticked off are scarce, and they know it, and there’s a long line of “nothin’ but a brotha” black women waiting just to get a glance from them. They can afford to be rude or inattentive to any black woman, because, literally, there are 10 more right after that one, just waiting for a smile or a nod from Mr. Good Black Man.

    Those same guys are sweet as pie, yessir, real gentlemen, when they’re hanging around some place waiting to talk to Becky or Lupe.

  • Isis

    What Nadia said

  • Ravi

    That’s funny, I would say the same thing about the Black women with those boxes checked off. They tend to seem very cavalier and are quick to tell you how they aren’t pressed and have no shortage of options. As an attractive, educated black man, I don’t feel very scarce at all. If I was scarce, then it wouldn’t be incumbent upon me to do the chasing and risk the rejection. Truly scarce resources, like professional basketball players and famous actors, never have to chase; they are pursued.

  • Courtney*

    Seconding Nadia. In a perfect world, we’d all judge each other based on compatibility, attraction and inherent characteristics. In the real world, black women get dogged out 24/7 on all fronts – we’re either STD-ridden, scientifically ugliest, overweight, multiple OOW-child having welfare queens or uppity degreed b*tches who think too highly of ourselves and don’t know how to “treat a man like a man” and thus remain childless and single. Black men who aren’t in prison, gay, or otherwise taken KNOW this and they really have no compelling reason to not expect us to grovel at their feet or treat us with respect because there are several women available who can easily replace us. I know that there are decent, kind black men who would not take advantage of this situation, but my general opinion is that most of humanity – regardless of race, age, or gender, would be selfish a-holes if they could get away with it. The odds are just more favorable for black men to get away with it, and those odds are greatly exacerbated by the vicious vein of misogyny that seems to permeate our culture.

  • Ravi

    I keep hearing sentiment like this, but how do you explain the fact that I am a black man that has never been in prison nor am I gay, and not only do I not have no expectation of groveling, I have yet to meet any of these groveling black women? Additionally, everyone is ultimately replaceable. I’ve been explicitly told that I was replaceable on several occasions and have actually been replaced.

    And it’s not that I’m simply not taking advantage of a good situation. There is no good situation as you are describing it. There is no large population of attractive, intelligent black women fighting each other to get to me. This is a fiction. In truth, most any black man will face rejection more times than not. It’s a very rare black man that can sit back and just have women pursuing them to that degree. I have such friends and they are all rich or famous. Normal guys usually don’t have it like that.

  • Courtney*

    You’re asking me to explain your anecdotal evidence? I can’t do that. And I never said that there are packs of groveling single black women roaming the streets looking for any available black man for a relationship… what I’m saying is that there is a disparity in OPPORTUNITY if you are a black woman seeking a black man, and there are valid statistics that support this – REGARDLESS of your personal experience. I think to call this “a fiction” simply because your lone experience has not been this way is astoundingly narcissistic. “Well, *I* have never encountered this before. So CLEARLY IT’S ALL MADE UP.” I’ve never met a black man under 4 feet tall before either, so I’m just going to go ahead and conclude that there are no black male little people.

    I never stated anywhere that relationships are easy for any men. I merely observed that there are circumstances that heavily tilt the ODDS in black men’s favor if they are looking for relationships, and there are circumstances that work AGAINST black women due to the permeation of negative stereotypes about us and cultural misogyny. Again, not all black men are pricks, and not all black women are quality wife material. But I think you are engaging in willful ignorance if you genuinely do not believe that there are circumstances working more in your favor to find a relationship with a black woman than there are working in my favor to find a relationship with a black man.

  • Courtney*

    Additionally – and this is not meant as a personal attack – but without knowing you, I cannot speak to why you are having a hard time finding a companion. That is irrelevant to the odds of whether or not you would have an easier time finding a black woman than I finding a black man, but maybe you are not looking in the right places for a compatible mate, or the women you are going out with are not attracted to you for whatever reason. Maybe you live in an area where there aren’t a lot of black women and so the odds of finding compatibility within the few black women there isn’t very high – it’s my belief that that’s why a lot of celebrity marriages fail, as if two people who have life-long compatibility would all happen to be rich and famous. Like I said, I don’t know you or anything about you. But if you told me you lived in Atlanta, I’d have to call you a damn liar LOL.

  • Isis

    What Courtney* said

  • Ravi

    No you misunderstand. The fiction that I am speaking of has to do with what you say about what black men “KNOW.” I am asking you to explain the following statement in light of my experiences:

    “Black men who aren’t in prison, gay, or otherwise taken KNOW this and they really have no compelling reason to not expect us to grovel at their feet or treat us with respect because there are several women available who can easily replace us.”

    This statement is obviously not true if even one contrary example exists. I am such a black man and I know many more. The truth is, that statement wasn’t based on statistical fact, it was based on your own experiences and observations. For you to attempt to generalize the knowledge and motivations of black men beyond just a few black men that you may have heard about or encountered is narcissism. your absolute statement puts you in the same position that you accused me of being in. “well I have never encountered a black man that hasn’t been in prison and is not gay that does not think as I describe.” And you only qualified it to say that some of us might not take advantage of our situation, so you left no room in your absolute for black men that see no advantage. Your statement about what such black men KNOW is no valid considering any black men that KNOW differently.

    saying that there is a difference in opportunity is a different matter. There are also valid statistics that refute the assertion that the opportunities are better. The ODDS are not in favor of black men in general. The odds are in favor of the most in demand individuals regardless of race or gender. any circumstance that works against black women in terms of stereotyping, also works against black men. I believe that it is impossible to generalize sufficiently to say things are working more in my favor. You can’t point to any statistics that say differently. Statistics on a macro level can’t give you sufficient information about the personal circumstances that such an assertion must be rooted in. There are too many factors on an individual level that determine such outcomes. and to say that my not sharing your opinion amounts to willful ignorance is your own narrow mindedness. trying seeing outside your own perspective. Your OPINION on the matter hardly equates to immutable fact. There is more than one way to look at the situation.

    I never said I was having a hard time finding a companion. I said that I’m not some sort of scarce resource and that I have no situation to take advantage of. If there was some advantage to be exploited, best believe I wouldn’t have to put forth effort or even risk rejection in order to get the black women that I want. and anything you can say about looking in the right place or attempting to put this back on me about why I may or may not be finding suitable black women goes equally for you. Maybe it’s where you are looking or the behaviors that you engage in. Not judging you either, but that argument works both ways. I live in Virginia not far from DC so there are tons of black women around.

    funny you mention Atlanta, because I was just down there a couple weeks ago. saw a female friend from undergrad who is having no difficulties in terms of guys actively pursuing her. I would venture to guess this is the case for beautiful women anywhere. I am rigidly in the friend zone with her; so much for things being in my favor in Atlanta.

    finally, i think you have the relevance thing backwards when it comes to odds. general national level statistics about the relative numbers of black men and women have no relevance in terms of odds for a given individual. For example, there may be more black women than black men in the country or even my city, but how about within the relevant age ranges? What are the relative numbers between the ages of 25 and 35? I’m in pretty good shape and anyone in my perspective pool must also be in shape; what are the relative numbers for physically fit between the ages of 25 and 35? also, I’m back in school and don’t have a lot of money, so anyone that is expecting to have the guy pay for everything is out. How are my odds looking now?

  • Jen

    Just do you and don’t worry about the studies.

  • Purple Rain

    Sooooo over this topic….

  • Money Matters

    I think money drives most of this honestly.

    You know a lot of Black people are still trying desperately to claw their way up the socioeconomic ladder. Now that IR dating and marriage is more acceptable it’s no wonder that more Black men opt to marry out. A lot of times doing so means better for your money and class in the long run.

    Look at it at job loss in this country, who’s affected most, Black men. Men in general have been affected mostly by this last recession but Black men go the brunt of it. And it’s not just the recession but the loss of a solid economic base that supports men in this country, manufacturing that has really affected interpersonal relationships greatly. The boon has been namely for White females who got a lot of jobs when the economic shifted to a more service economy and who benefited most from Affirmative Action and who have been able to keep a lot of their jobs during this recession. This created the perfect storm in a lot ways, that and of course the glorification of whiteness that already put them on a higher pedastal and has made them more attractive.

    Now, I was never one to think of money and class when dating but as I’ve gotten older I understand so much more about the fear of poverty and being left to fend for yourself and how that can make people chose mates not out of love but sheer necessity. I personally think that a lot of Black men do this when choosing a mate and I don’t know if I blame them these days.

    The kicker is this, while the rise of the female breadwinner is being seen not only in the White community among White women the same is happening to Black women. Trouble is Black women still under earn in general and thus aren’t as able to pick up the financial slack as well, many Black women who are earning well still have to deal with the legacy of poverty that many of their Black male counterparts do which leave many who have good jobs still financially insecure. I believe this leaves Black women at a loss in the dating field, especially among Black men who need a counterpart that is solid financially. Added to that, I think it’s easier to be with a woman who earns more but is not the same race as you, it’s less of a blow to the ego.

    I hope I don’t sound too convoluted but I do feel that money and status play into things so much more than race, perceived beauty and love, especially as you get older.

  • Frank

    I love women of all kinds. And love black women too..I don’t get the reason, to be honest, why black women get so much grief from black men and men in general. Sadly, the reason might be the constant images of hoochies in videos or reality shows or on Jerry Springer. It’s tough to go against the constant bombardment of negativity. It’s like the blitz of London by Germans..Unrelenting. And you wonder when it’s going to stop..I live in Portland,OR, a pretty white town, but I’m moving to L.A. and can’t wait to date a broader diversity of women..Especially black women. Hope they love me as much as I love them..Except that Rhianna. She’s a loon for taking back Chris Brown.

  • HowApropos

    @ So Mal:

    Y so mad because black women are opening their options?

  • Jen

    I am in an interracial relationship and I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. At the end of the day you’re two people wondering what to have for dinner together. Racial politics die between you with the novelty of the relationship and with the intimacy of coming home and being “alone together.”

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    I live in a very white town and the black men here are not interested in black women. In fact, they seem unnecessarily hostile to black women. It is sort of weird. If you are sitting here waiting for a black man, you’ll be waiting a long while. I will say the white men here seem open to dating black women so if a black woman is not limiting herself to just black men she’ll be fine. I have been approached so many times and I had to tell them I am married, but some of them were delicious looking.

    Can we stop arguing about who someone else wants to date/sleep with/marry? It is a tad bit insane.

  • Sepiastar

    How superficial? So, your plausible explanation of why black men don’t “marry” black women is because of their weight and attitudes. Your rationale is extremely flawed because I’m pretty sure you’re well aware (unless you have blinders on) that black men don’t seem to mind dating and marrying overweight/obese white women and women of other races. How did you assess that some man’s opinion on YouTube encompassed the perspective of all black men? Your statements are based on cliched stereotypes and…most black women have attitudes, they’re overweight, they’re unwed mothers, etc…..We can apply those stereotypes to many women and we all know even the negative characteristics are not a barrier to marriage. According to you, if every black woman get in shape, ensure she’s college educated and doesn’t display an aggressive attitude, then she’s marriage material. Laughable at best!!

  • Alexandra

    I think its great. Especially considering how race relations were just several years ago. Marriage is high, so I’m twice as sure that dating and long term-committed interracial relationships are even higher. I live in NYC and that is all I see everyday.

    Glad this mentioned it wasn’t just Black and White. Regardless of this being mentioned, it didn’t stop certain posters from having Whites all in their mouth. You’d think some Black people are obsessed with White people.

  • Cleo Hines

    I’ve missed you. And your logic. And statistics. And your logic (did I already say that?). Watch out, you could make a nerdgirl fall in love. *Le Sigh*

  • Ravi

    Thank you!! It’s nice to feel appreciated. nerdgirls are my favorite :)

  • bluebird

    Outstanding posts Srenda and LadyT.

  • LJ

    I believe it too! And hell, I’m called racist for believing it. But when I see all these doctors, and highly educated blacks leave Africa for the us and Europe, it’s like… does someone WANT the other races to disappear? I refuse to date interracially, not because I don’t respect other races, but because I feel like there’s too much of it, and I don’t want the future to be mud, and without culture or pride. Spread the word.

  • LJ

    Ummm, actually it is reality. It’s not a plan by white people as a whole (I know, I’m white), but it’s a plan of the wealthy leaders. If the world united as one, and dropped out “racist” racial identities, we would be nothing but human. Nothing. Easy to control without inherited controls. I’ve seen it happen in history, and it’s happening globally.

  • LJ

    As a white person, I will not tell you that you are wrong. I’m just a nobody, without any power, but I’m not stupid and I see what’s happening. I am against all this interracial stuff, not because I believe I am superior (seriously? Why do they always jump to that conclusion?), but because I am against the loss of culture and heritage that is taking place. People lose their identities this way, and are therefore easy to control. It’s wrong, but you wouldn’t believe how much money this makes for the powerful. Don’t buy into it. We can all respect each other without sleeping with each other.

    You’re right, it is a way of enslaving people. Everyone needs to wake up.

  • LJ

    There is not way they would get away with genocide. They don’t care how long it takes, because they are making money off of it the whole way there. They scare us from protesting by planting the “scary” name racist in our heads. But it is not wrong to want to protect your people from disappearing. They do it this way, because there are no bodies to clean up, they make money from it, and because it weakens everyone except them, which of course = more power to them.

  • LJ

    Actually, they’re a giant fail.

  • LJ

    Actually, it’s kinda serious. Some of us have relatives who were killed for reasons relating to race.

  • LJ

    What? Ummm ok, but Isis makes good points. You would know that if you cared.

  • Charnise Mason

    Powerful stuff


    I’m just wondering what is the culture of the black American? Is it soul food? Is it the civil rights movement and slavery? Something that I hardly ever hear black Americans mention with pride but with hatred and hurt. Is it rap? What is it? What is it that will be lost if you date or marry outside your race? Is it the language? I can say 4 different words that all mean the word ‘now or soon’. But it’s not the same for black Americans – unless they happen to have Jamaican by way of NY or their mom was originally from France or something like that. I don’t see what black Americans are so afraid of losing. Your blackness, whatever that means to you, can be passed down to your child.

    Another commenter wrote they wanted their child to look like their mother and father but won’t they? They’ll look like a blend of white, black, hispanic, asian, etc. And what’s wrong with that if they don’t look ALL BLACK? Does that make them any less of who they could be?

    I think we get too caught up. Claiming this new world order thing and the powers that be don’t want x,y and z. Half of us commenting on this article wouldn’t make it in their plans whether we stick to our own or not.

  • KMO

    But wouldn’t that also effectively get rid of other races? A white person and a black person having a baby doesn’t eliminate just the black lineage, it also eliminates the white lineage, does it not? Maybe I misunderstood, but that seems like a strange argument to make.

  • KMO

    A lot of Asian women marry out of their race because it is liberating for them. In Asian cultures men dominate everything. Women are generally expected to take the roll of housewife/mother as soon as they get married. A lot of the women see western cultures breaking out of this mold and looking at it with longing. On the flip side, Asian men generally don’t marry out of their race because there is a stereotypical stigma here (in East Asia at least, where I live with my Asian husband, ironically) that western women are controlling, bossy and rude. Thankfully, that image of western women is changing amongst Asian men. A lot of the younger generation here are rebelling against their parents and grandparents generations and a lot of the men no longer wish to be the the sole breadwinner, head of the household type of person. They’re beginning to focus more on finding a good companion instead of just someone who will be a good wife or mother, or a good husband and provider. My husband told me that in his entire life he never once thought he’d be dating a foreigner simply because he never thought liberated western women would want to be with an Asian man. After being together for many years he said that the stigma of western women was misinformed. He said he now sees that western women are content filling any role that’s needed, mother, wife, breadwinner, provider… That they don’t stick to one ideology at all times. That they can be strong when it’s necessary, feminine when they feel feminine… In his opinion, that is a great burden off his shoulders. As for myself, marrying an Asian man has been wonderful. They don’t shy away from their responsibilities, they’re incredibly hardworking (if not a little bit too hardworking), goal and family oriented, and they don’t look down on women who choose to be stay at home moms, or moms who choose to work. So yeah. That’s my 2 cents I guess.

  • J. R.

    You are completely wrong. The black race is much smaller than the white race. In the end whites will still exist whilst the blacks are terminated. The elite don’t want humanity to know the truth. The black man built pyramids not white men! In fact blacks were more advanced. This is stuff you will never read in white history books. Africans were much more civilized than European barbarians. The white establishment wants to bury these facts by destroying black people. Then they can lie and say whites built the pyramids with no opposition. They don’t want blacks to know their true origin of greatness.

  • bootz


  • bootz

    We black people need to WAKE UP!!! Marrying a white person WILL NOT Save U!!! Other destoryers in the Black community is Planned Parenthood…. Since the beginning of the White supremacy company, It has killed over 12 million Black babies!!! This IS A WAR!!! The slave mind STILL EXIST to this day!! What language r we speaking In? English-the slave master language! What is your name? Is it the name of the slave master, most are not Africa names. What God do blacks worship and who taught them to worship Jesus like that? The slave master!!! White supremacy is Alive and well in 2012!!

  • hermani

    A main reason why blacks are reluctant to date outside of our race is because of the sexual abuse and exploitation pressed upon our ancestors in slavery. Though you say we have no culture of our own we do have families that have past down stories and traditions and rape, abuse, murder all at the hands of whites are in those stories. What’s wrong with wanting to date within your race? Many Asian and Indians living in America are shunned or excommunicated from their families for dating outside of their race!

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  • Ann

    With white men it is easy enough to understand, “SELF-PRESERVATION” White men have been losing their damn minds ever since they were told they were going to be the new minorities and considering the treatment they’ve put minorities through they are afraid. They are scared to death that they are going to be subjected to the same treatment they gave to minorities.

    Haven’t you wondered why the republicans have been going crazy over the issue of abortions and women’s rights? The skinny is simple, they don’t want to be the new minorities and if that means seizing control over a woman’s right to choice, then so be it. If it means keeping a baby created through incest, rape, and any other form of violence then the mother should endure it. “Every life is sacred”…sure it is as long as it is white, but if the child is brown skin. oh well…

  • Ann

    Black Women are catching up and beginning to allow themselves to date non-black. Media, Black men and hollywood had the high ground and defined Black women as unattractive, angry, overweight, and unwanted, when the truth was Black women preferred black men didn’t seek to date outside of their race. Other cultures believed that Black women would be grateful for attention, any attention, so when they were rejected it pissed them off and they talked bad about them. Now, black women are taking advantage of a widening pool and not being so standoffish. Now that they know they won’t be treated with contempt or ostracised they feel safe enough to date out. Dating out is not for me, but I admire those that have the courage and desire to do so.

  • SoxNerd

    True love knows no color. All that matters is the two individuals.

  • eve-audrey

    well, there white on white crime too and if my knowledge is correct there is slightly more white on white crime than black on black crime do you think they worry about this? i’m not saying what’s happening in the black community is right because it’s not and there’s a need to fiw it but it’s not like this is exclusive to black people.

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  • Lillian Mae

    RE: When I found black guys I liked on the site their profiles always said “looking to interracial date only” or “i prefer nonblack women”


  • Lillian Mae

    RE: Can I just say for the record that I know there are non black men interested in black women. If you are fine, you are fine.

    Fine is fine…and they may not approach, but many admire from a distance.

  • Pippiphooray

    If there is mutual love and respect by both individuals-why does it matter? My children will learn about their heritage and be proud of it just as I am, they can celebrate coming from parents with rich and diverse backgrounds, and perhaps educate some one else in return. Brewing hate does not get you anywhere

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