Why Don’t We Like Our Own Men?

by Paula Rogo

Do we appreciate our own men? Do we even like them?

Let me give you an idea of what I mean.

I dated a Haitian guy once. I completely adored this man, and the feeling was mutual. He was, and still is (long after we pulled the plug) very good to me.

When I first met him, the fireworks and butterflies were doing their usual thing. I told one of my good friends, also Haitian, about him.

“Ok tell me everything,” she screeched excitedly when I told her I had met someone I was feeling.

“He is gorgeous. Like I-can’t-talk-when-he’s-around handsome,” I started. “And he is daaaaaarrrrk, like blue-black dark, and you know what that color does to me!”

“Ha! Yes I do! Tell me more?”

“Well he’s getting his Master’s now, his family lives in New York, he’s Haitian—“

“What?” she interrupted me, “He’s Haitian?”

“Yup, aren’t you excited? I’m talking to your people.”

“Nah girl, if he’s Haitian…RUN!”

I called her out for being so pessimistic considering she didn’t even know him.

“Well, neither do you,” she responded. “But between your two-week experience with him, and my lifelong experience with Haitians, I know them best. Like I said…RUN!”

Have you had a conversation like this? It may not be as dramatic, but you start dating someone from a friend’s country, city, school or neighborhood and they are quick to warn you about the perils of dating them.

“L.A. ninjas are a mess! Stick with these East Coast guys you like.”

“Oh, he’s Nigerian? You better hope he is NOT Yoruba.”

“Ha! He’s from Missouri? Girl, why do you think I left?”

“The black men at William & Mary are lame! Stick with those UVA boys.”

“You know you are too nice to handle my Jamaican brothers? They’ll steamroll all over you.”

You get the point.

And I am not any better. I recently moved to a new city where I met up with an old friend from undergrad for dinner. As we filled each other in on where life had taken us, she shyly mentioned that she has been seeing a new guy for the past two months.

Like any woman would, I got really excited for her and wanted all the details. She shyly told me his situation: he was handsome, smart, kind and had a big heart; all A+ qualities.

“And he’s Kenyan.”

It was like everything positive she said beforehand about him flew from my mind.

“Ok, what’s really wrong with him?” I said before even realizing what was coming out of my mouth.

She was somewhat shocked, and I was too. I jokingly laughed off this fumble, and had to consciously keep myself from making smart remarks as she continued talking about him.

I know Kenyan men. I know their good, their bad and their ugly. I know their habits and wants. And though each man is different, each neighborhood/community/country tends to have a national deportment of how they treat their women. And no one knows better than their women

No one knows a Brooklyn man like a Brooklyn woman.

No one knows a black man like a black woman.

And like my Haitian friend said, no one knows a Haitian man like a Haitian woman.

The other day on Twitter, I read a tweet on my timeline that made me really think about this. It was from a Somali woman that I follow and it went something like this:

“Somali men, I don’t care what anyone says about you, you are the best.”

I don’t think I had ever heard anyone, myself included, ever say that about their own men. You could say I run with a negative bunch of women, but I doubt it’s that. Just like we know the flaws of men from our communities, we also know the things that make them great. I know those particular things that no one can do as well as a Kenyan man.

Like they are the most humorous people I know. Kenyan men really know how to laugh at themselves. And they are overly protective of their women; even if I am out with a Kenyan man I don’t know, he will ensure I am well taken care of and likely get home safe. Those are but a few of many positives

So I wasn’t surprised when I next spoke to my friend and she told me about a sweet gesture that Mr. Kenya did for her recently.

“Yeah,” I answered. “Our men can be sweet like that…

…sometimes.”

Do you ever find yourself bad-mouthing your own men to your friends? What are the pros and cons of dating a man from your school, town, city or country?

  • bekah

    For me I think I subconsciously associate all Haitian men with the characteristics of my father. Long story short, my mom and dad are now divorced. No matter how different or Americanized they may be, it just turns me off. I’ve dated a couple Haitian guys that have managed to make it past my discrimination. But not without fair warning from my sister, mother, and myself, that I shouldn’t take things too seriously.

    It’s also a preference that comes from simply wanting something different. I have examples all around me of what a Haitian guy is like. While the cultural commonalities are comforting and make it easier to vibe, I know I’ll find that someone of a different background would keep my interest more in the long run. I kinda know what to expect from the Haitian man.

    No doubt I haven’t totally written them off. I’m open to a great connection before anything else. It just hasn’t seemed to happen that way between my brethren and I.

  • CaliDreaming86

    Our men? I am not one who identifies Black men as mine simply because we share the same racial DNA. I am not even attracted to Black men.

    Dating isn’t my thing, AT ALL, so I cannot tell you the pros and cons of dating a man from my school, town, city or country. One thing I can tell you is – If I were to judge the quality of men solely on who approaches me the most; Well, they aren’t very desirable.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    LOL!

    popcorn time

    I can see this one’s going to turn into race war.

  • QONewcastle

    @bekah

    My mom told me not to date a Haitian man. They are big mouths and gossips. I’ve never dated a Haitian man. Being on the West coast, it wasnt that hard.

  • QONewcastle

    @CaliDreaming86

    Luckily this article wasnt addressed solely to you and if black men arent your men and this doesnt apply to you, why the heck did you even bother reading and commenting on the article except to tell us for the millionth time youre not attracting to black men. Like its a badge of honor or something. Girl bye!

  • QONewcastle

    @CaliDreaming86

    Can I just say this article wasnt talking about black men per se but instead took a more parochial approach to who is deemed your men.

    Lets rephrase the question, again: Do you ever find yourself bad-mouthing your own men to your friends? What are the pros and cons of dating a man from your school, town, city or country?

  • QONewcastle

    When English girls ask me about American men, I never have a bad thing to say about them. I appreciate them so much more now that I am in the UK. I have girlfriends who are dating and some of the things they have told me about English men would make you puke. I think there is a culture in America where the men are just emotionally stronger. English men are very Beta.

  • girlformerlyknownasgrace

    The title and the article are slightly divergent.

    Yes i do have to admit i do say negative things about nigerian men. If i married one he has to be nigerian american.

  • Sincerely_Me

    *Sighs*

    Sadly, I am one who will tell you in a heartbeat if you were dating a Nigerian guy, especially one who has a record of being a douche. However, if he’s a good man I will be more than honest. There are some information about men that we don’t know or see. I can’t afford to have a “Bad Habit” and will most definitely make sure that as my girl, you won’t go astray. Consider this, boy meets girl, boy is abusive, girl is unaware, but friend is thoroughly aware based on petty gossip. It could be hearsay but why would a good friend take that chance. I love Nigerian men, I LOVE all Black men. I dated a Trinidadian/Haitian from New York and it was worth it. He loved strong and fo’real.

  • Nne

    It’s a strategy – they’re bad mouthing them in order to scare you away and keep “their men” to themselves…lol!

  • Nne

    But all jokes aside, I’m usually quite enthused when I see my friends dating Nigerian men or even my Caucasian friends dating black men. Most of the women I know personally usually have a high intolerance for BS and can spot a douchbag a mile away, so for the most part I trust their judgement and gush a bit when I find out theyre in relationships with Nigerian men. I will offer advice on how to deal with their families or customs that they are not used to.
    Personally I’ve been around enough young Nigerian men both in the US and in Nigeria to know that a good many of them defy some of the stereotypes we place on them.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    qon

    You’re tryna bait me aint ya?

    LMAO!

    Not biting,

  • fuchsia

    I love men from my city, I guess because I know them. I love men from my country, but I would fear for a woman I know dating a man from my country. They have the kind of good qualities you find in brothers, cousins and great friends, but unless “Americanized” treatment of women in romantic relationships is a totally different story as they have a tendency to be super controlling. (That’s not to say that the women aren’t the same way.) And if they’re inclined to cheat, you can expect to find loads of children with other women. Those things wouldn’t surprise me regardless of anything good a friend would have to say about dating one.

  • CaliDreaming86

    Maybe you missed the part where I stated that I do not consider Black men to be mine simply because we are of the same racial background – WERE YOU NOT ABLE TO CONCLUDE FROM THAT STATEMENT THAT I AM A BLACK WOMAN?

  • QONewcastle

    @Socially

    LOL. Because of you I had to rewrite that thing 100 times. LOL. Listen, I think there is something in the water or rather in the Tyne river in Newcastle because Geordies are a strange bunch. The stories I could tell you about the Toon would make you cry.

  • QONewcastle

    @Socially

    Ok it isnt fair for me to extrapolate from my experiences of the Toon to the rest of the country but dam… This place is crazy.

  • girlformerlyknownasgrace

    You guys are using british lingo i dont quite understand lol. What is a beta?

  • QONewcastle

    @CaliDreaming86

    I know you are black. I know you are female. I also know that you have made it a point to mention you dont date black men like its some monumental achievement. Seriously… get over yourself.

    “Maybe you missed the part where I stated that I do not consider Black men to be mine simply because we are of the same racial background…”

    No I concluded from your comment that you didnt bother reading the article. I am often accused of this. You went in on how you dont consider black men your men because you share the same color but if you refer back to the article it wasnt just talking about black men but men from your city, who may or not be black, men from your university, or even men from your country.

    For instance, because I am abroad, I talked about how I never bad mouth men from my country who happen to come in all colors because they are far better than the men of the country where I currently live. Didnt even mention black men.

    Still you have to use this topic grind your typical axe and mention how you dont even date black men, you dont even consider them your men. You want a cookie now? Some milk?

  • QONewcastle

    @girlformallyknownasgrace

    No worries. Beta is actually Greek. Its often used to describe men who are weak or lesser men. An Alpha is typically the opposite of a Beta.

    Newcastle is a city in England. People from Newcastle are called Geordies. People often refer to the city of Newcastle as the Toon.

  • Blondie DeLoach

    Well…I don’t want nothing Black but a Maybach…but that’s just me. Good article…carry on!

  • CaliDreaming86

    Okay. Thanks.

  • Blondie DeLoach

    I am not Nigerian, but I run completely in another direction if I am approached by one. Bat shit crazy folk that they are…and that goes for the women too!

  • http://youtu.be/WWA9kQ6oeMA natural.is.me

    I do this. I am not ashamed. I watch how other Caribbean men treat their women and while Bahamian/Turks Island men aren’t notches above there’s some ish they know they won’t run. Haitian men always try to run a game, trying to be slick and no matter how long they been out of Haiti they still living in the bush. Jamaican men have about 3 other girls here in Turks and somehow they forget to mention that or the fact that they have a *serious* girlfriend or wife with a child/ren backa Yard. The further in the Caribbean you go the more you dealing with dude who want lime, lime, lime all day and as sexy as they are you gotta deal with temper, attitude, the joy of beating women, and lime. And then all of them have no respect as soon as they get round you “Turks & Caicos women ain’t ish” so why you dating me then?

    no thanks. I always say I’ll be cool with a guy from anywhere but I can’t date a guy from anywhere. Give me my menfolk who grew up with the same values, who know what I mean when I say who ma is ya pa and terrictly, and who grew up with an inside bathroom.

  • chanela

    maybe cause people who ARE of that culture already know most of the traditions and attitudes towards certain things. yes its generalizing but if a woman from pakistan tells me “girl you better run cause pakistani men tend to beat their women and be controlling” she would know because she knows first hand about every male member of her family being abusive towards women right?

    just like how i know that good quality black men in california aren’t too fond of black women.i’m from here.. i know these things.lol

  • Liz

    I hope finding out QON is Haitian is the worst thing that happens to me today ::sighs::

    Anyway, I won’t date a Haitian man. Not because there is anything wrong with them…but because there’s a lot wrong with their mothers. Haitian women have a way of babying and smothering their male children that is indescribable. You don’t stand a chance! If she hasn’t spoiled him to infinity, she’s probably crazy (looks at QON), and I don’t like crazy.

  • Liz

    still living in a bush?

    Pray tell.

  • http://youtu.be/WWA9kQ6oeMA natural.is.me

    double, triple amen on that

  • I got sense!

    Well in this case ignorance is bliss. Since I rarely know where people are from or their heritage until later in a relationship (whether romantic or simply friends) I don’t really give a damn and go into every relationship (man or woman) as a new, fresh relationship. The USA is too big to put all black men in one box or to put every man in the south in a box, all those on the east coast in a box, and then all those on the west coast in a different box. I don’t care where they are from or what color their skin is or what group of people they identify with. You are good people then you are cool with me.

  • http://youtu.be/WWA9kQ6oeMA natural.is.me

    I would guesstimate about 90% of the Haitians who come to the Turks and Caicos come here illegally. Since I’m talking about my experience don’t start shooting me down. This is what I see every day. Since they are here illegally they end up squatting in shacks in the bush. And it takes generations before someone says, hey let me move up outta this. And even when they move out physically, their minds are still trapped in what was and not what could be. I talked to the most yum yum Haitian guy a while back but what was coming out of his mouth just had me shaking my head. You’ve moved up and yet your mind hasn’t. Shame.

  • Tonton Michel

    Everyone who has bad relationships/ experiences with the opposite sex generalizes them and subscribes to the “grass is greener on the other side” theory while some how missing how the other side is jumping the fence to get on your grass. Its comical when you stand back and look at it, usually the ones doing the complaining are the ones who have issues anyway.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    @qon

    Oh yeh, keep forgetting you live up north.

    I guess that partially explains your reservations about northern brits at least lol. But I wouldn’t have thought there are as many black men in NewCastle as in London.

    Mind you I know two black geordies (brothers) and let’s just say they’re not the most endearing characters. but that could be family thing. But yeh Geordy behaviour has become something of a national joke.

    how do you cope with the accent?

    :-)

  • Liz

    Okay….but that’s not what you said. You said “no matter how long they been out of Haiti they still living in the bush” which means that you’ve been to Haiti to know that it’s all bush, or that all the Haitians you know have communicated to you that before coming to Turks…they lived in a bush. I would have been A-ok, if you had said “a lot of the Haitians here, are here illegally and they live in deplorable conditions” and while I guess it could be implied that since they left Haiti to come live in some bush in Turks, their situation in Haiti wasn’t much better, BUT YOU DONT KNOW THAT! People are driven out of their homes every day for a multitude of reasons. Unless you’ve been to Haiti to know it’s all bush, you should think before you speak…or type.

  • http://youtu.be/WWA9kQ6oeMA natural.is.me

    You asked what I meant and I clarified. I’m not trying to say I’ve been to Haiti (which I have) or I know why every Haitian is out of Haiti. I have no problems breaking something down that I wrote; I was writing it like I thought it and gladly broke it down when you asked. I did think and what I thought was my truth.

  • mw

    Hahaha! natural.is.me, I totally know what you meant when you said “bush”.
    @ Liz, are you Haitian or from the West Indies? She wasn’t trying to be offensive at all, at least, I wasn’t reading it that way. . . if you listen to Calypsonians, they talk about being from the bush, in most cases, it just means traditional living or, less industrialized. . .. I’m West Indian but I’m not Haitian so perhaps this is a touchy subject for yourself if you’re Haitian because of Haiti’s hardships?

    Anyway! I read this article and immediately started laughing. I would NEVER date a Haitian and I’ve dated one Jamaican in my life. . . never again. Unlike some other comments, I’ll totally claim West Indian men as mine- and much of their bad behavior, Caribbean women allow and have grown up with, around, in spite of. No, not all Haitian men are horrid and not all Jamaican men have separate lives, but I think in conversation with friends outside of the culture, we tend to make caricatures of the men from our cultures.

  • Tonton Michel

    Now that is real.

  • lovexnyc

    I live in Newcastle now (originally from NYC) and I can wholeheartedly agree with QON, the guys here are very beta and very drunk. If you go out for a night in town, be prepared to see some things!

  • RC

    i don’t really subscribe to the “our men” mindset, but… i don’t really bad mouth men, but i don’t put them on a pedestals either.

  • Betty Boop

    I never dated a man from the Caribbean nor an African country because of what Ive seen my friends go through. Because of their situations, infidelity, users, abuse, Im not attracted to them. Ive only dated African American men all of my life, but ended up marrying a white man. I am only physically attracted to African American and white American or European men. Too many bad stories have turned me off from others.

  • LemonNLime

    Well this topic will have 100+ mostly negative posts with in the next couple of hours I am sure of that.

    I’ve never been one to say “our” whoever just because I don’t have ownership over anyone other than myself. Just had to let that one be known.

    Anyway, I too dated a Haitian guy who was born and raised in the Bahamas. When I first met him was just blown away by how amazing he was but I distinctly remember telling the ladies at my salon in Dorchester about him and EVERYONE chimed in, “He Bahamian AND Haitian?! RUN!”, “they’re lazy”, “they’re shady”, “they’re always keep 2 or 3 women on the side”, “Caribbean men are shiftless”. I was really surprise because 1. I believe all of the ladies were married or involved with men from the Caribbean and 2. I came from a Dayton, OH where we don’t have large distinct neighbors of different immigrant groups so I have never been privy to these types of cultural interactions and discussions, it was kinda cool.

    Anyway, long story short it didn’t work out with him (a mixture of long distance and lack of communication on both parts) but I really wish it did. He was amazingly supportive, funny, protective, ambitious, creative, and a gentleman. If I had listened to the ladies, as funny as they were, I would have missed out on meeting an amazing man… with hella sexy accent that spoke another language that was also, indeed, very hot. I just try to keep in mind how annoyed I am when some, of course not all, black men say “black women are __” because I am not a part or a monolith group identity, each f us is different. I treat men with the same courtesy I would expect.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    i have had a couple of Haitian lovers in my day and i will say they were as sweet as honey. if anything they were too good to me. as i look back on my life i cannot say anything bad about any woman i have ever been with. every black woman i have known has been a queen in her own way. no two the same. i love you all. peace

  • ok there…

    Ladies,
    A man is a man is a man.
    What really makes a Jamaican man, better than an American man, better than an Irish man, better than a Haitian man? What’s the list of characteristics that makes some worst than others? Every nation has their cheaters, their dead beats and their prince charming.

    We fight the stereotypes of the angry black women tooth and nail, yet we turn around and do the same? *insert nationality* men are this, that and the other….
    I have an amazing Haitian father and a great Haitian husband. I’m sorry that you had bad experiences, but you can’t just paint everyone with the same brush!

    People are who they are because of a million thing, not just their country of origins.

  • ruggie

    @ok there…

    Now this I agree with!

  • OSHH

    @ Ok There, ITA with your comment also.

  • Liz

    Yes, I’m Haitian.
    Yes, saying someone lives in a bush is offensive.
    Yes, the STILL in her comment is a value judgment on how she thinks Haitians live in Haiti, and questioning why they haven’t “upgraded”
    and Yes, that is offensive as well.

    I’m positive there are men in Turks and Caicos; Lisa Raye’s ex for one. His exploits alone could have made natural.is.me’s point without introducing bush Haitians and philandering Jamaicans.

  • http://www.method2hermadness.blogspot.com girlformerlyknownasgrace

    It’s alright, CD86. we get what you’re saying.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    Lol. My mom also told me don’t date a Hatian guy, even though she’s proud of her home country. Like previously said dating a Haitian dude would be all too familiar and I also am familiar with too many of the “bad: characteristics. That being said, if I find a good dude and he’s Haitian I won’t turn him away, its just a subconscious turn off..

  • Trisha

    I do not prefer to date guys from the North. In my opinion, they have too many preconceived notions about women from the South.

  • http://www.coffeerhetoric.com Coffey

    @Ok there: Agree, agree, agree…

    Also, many times some of us will outline a wide array or reasons why men from any of our respective communities are not on our short-list to date; but will have a *fit* if “other” women date them.

  • AJ

    “why don’t we like our own men”, Clutch asks?

    Easy. ‘Cuz they don’t like their own women. And they make it reaaaalll obvious.

  • http://www.coffeerhetoric.com Coffey

    **Updated to reflect that “other” women meaning whether they be from a different region, of a different ethnicity, from another country, etc.

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    I cannot lie as annoying as Nigerian men can be sometimes, I love them. I will always value their focus on family and education, their prudence, and their work ethic. My Dad is the bomb.com^2. He is beyond amazing. Even though my husband is not Nigerian, he has all the good qualities I associate with Nigerian men without the chauvinistic bad ones. If a friend is dating a Nigerian, I will tell her what to look out for (Igbo men- chauvinism, Yoruba men – will go broke exceeding the Jones’, Efik – womanizers, Hausa – hypocrites), but will never discourage her.

  • t

    @OK there:

    It’s true that people should be judged on an individual basis, but taking cultural background into account when looking for a potential partner isn’t exactly a crazy thing to do. A lot of people from a particular culture do have certain traits in common, sometimes even to the point that those who don’t have them are a minority. Making sweeping generalizations isn’t a good thing to do, but neither is pretending that no stereotypes hold any grain of truth.

  • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

    “Its comical when you stand back and look at it, usually the ones doing the complaining are the ones who have issues anyway.”

    Oooooohhhh…shots fired!!!!!!

  • t

    You are so right that it’s scary.

  • ok there…

    @ Liz,

    I agree with you (though I have been lucky on this front) but don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s only a Haitian thing… A girlfriend/wife is rarely good enough for mother in laws…

    Remember the movie Monster in Law (my goodness… am I really using a Jennifer Lopez movie as an example…. lol) or Everybody Loves Raymond.

    Point is, crazy mother in laws are unfortunately not excluded from any nations… lol If that’s your hang up, look for an orphan! Lol

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    Ironically, I feel that way about AA men. I have never dated an AA man and no matter how attractive one was, I could not shake all I have heard about them. I have dated black men from different parts of Africa and the Caribbean as well as non-black men, but will not touch AA men with a ten-foot pole. The way AA women go on about how terrible they are with the abuse, STD transmission rates, the children out of wedlock, low education rates, high incarceration rates, it is hard to ignore all that.

  • ok there…

    I have friends from many different backgrounds (Haitians, Jamaicans, Trinis, Ghanaians, Chinese and so on) and they ALL have seen the good, the bad and the ugly.

    Our experiences are our experiences but we should be careful to not X people because of their nationality… I know a GOOD number of us who would flip if we heard the same said about us… Let someone come here and say “I don’t date AA women because they’re too loud and ghetto” and all HELL will break loose… lol (and rightfully so!)

  • Socially Maladjusted

    LOL!

    well qon is a true child of the world, she/he’s from everywhere.

  • ok there…

    @T,

    I agree with you. But I think that it’s fair to assess someone based on their personality and not just solely on where they’re from. What if you are in front of one of those “minorities”. You’d unjustly rule them out just because of where they’re from.

    In the end, everyone holds some form of prejudice against other groups of people, but I prefer to treat people the way I want to be treated, and that’s based on my individuality, not the flag that I rep!

  • Cantarah

    I think the author might be overthinking this. People as a rule tend to generalize and stereotype even when they know better – I’m Italian and have dismissively said that I could never be with an Italian man (mama’s boys) but I know that it was wrong and I was wrong for making the generalization. People can sometimes be too flippant in their speech but so long as they back down when you call them on it I don’t think it’s the end of the world.

  • ok there…

    If you’re going to put someone in the “Dem Haitians!” bucket, let it at least be because of something they did! lol

  • ok there…

    And I think that culture holds an importance in terms of the customs that you want or don’t want to celebrate (and this is just one example). That can sometime clash, I agree. Looking at it from that standpoint is very important indeed.

    But to say that Lennox is going to be a cheater because he’s from Jah Jah City, not so much…

  • http://youtu.be/WWA9kQ6oeMA natural.is.me

    Oh please, ain’t nobody want Michael Misick that’s why he had to wife up Lisa Raye cause he ain’t about ish. Anytime I see Mike I tell him that’s good for him and If I can’t say it I mentally project that message. Mike??? Leave the tabloids alone hun. I noted, Bahamian/Turks Islander men ain’t all that either. They cheat on us, they like them some Dominicans on the side, they flaunt their extra children in your face. They have their problems but when it comes to me and dating Caribbean men I’d rather take my chances with them than with other Caribbean men. My personal choice and me openly admitting that I am guilty of doing what the article is about. The ‘own’ I don’t like in the case is Caribbean men in general.

  • QON

    @lovexnyc

    what u doing in newcastle..we shud chill sometime. U going to uni. Ok tell me how many geordies u met with tatts on their neck of they kids baby momma the new chick they livinin with who got kids with someone else. Lol. I saw sone dude my dads age bloidy and bruised in front of the vineyard. In faact thats the second fight i seen in from of thatt bar. Lol.

  • http://youtu.be/WWA9kQ6oeMA natural.is.me

    Oh please, ain’t nobody want Michael Misick that’s why he had to wife up Lisa Raye cause he ain’t about ish. Anytime I see Mike I tell him that’s good for him and If I can’t say it I mentally project that message. Mike with his stammering ass??? Please. I noted, Bahamian/Turks Islander men ain’t all that either. They cheat on us, they like them some Dominicans on the side, they flaunt their extra children in your face. They have their problems but when it comes to me and dating Caribbean men I’d rather take my chances with them than with other Caribbean men. My personal choice and me openly admitting that I am guilty of doing what the article is about. The ‘own’ I don’t like in the case is Caribbean men in general.

    The STILL in my comment was not about how Haitians live in Haiti it was about how they live here. It wasn’t my intention to say Haitians live in the bush in Haiti. When I put no matter how long they have been out of Haiti I meant no matter how long they have been out of Haiti in Turks & Caicos they literally will not leave the bush or leave living in a shack. I’m sorry I’m offending you but as I mentioned it’s a truth. If i walk along the side of the road I can see camps in bush, they knocked down some land the other day and a whole shanty town was discovered that no one knew about. It’s what I see.

  • http://www.method2hermadness.blogspot.com girlformerlyknownasgrace

    @ Thebestanon, you’re Nigerian? COOL!

  • http://thedaughterofafrika.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    @ Best Anon,

    Igbos are chauvinistic….?! Aren’t all African men, prone to this disease tho?!

    But I’ve had VERY good experiences with NAIJA bois! LLLLLLLLLawwwd, they are the bomb dot com. What I do know is that IGBO men are all about business, and entrepreneurship!!!!!! There was one I met on the plane, fell in love with but could never claim him. He was mighty ugly! Like serious-take it from me! I love me bois that are lookless, but this one was beyond and reaching! We used to meet in very discreet places-where there was a lot of white folks. I couldn’t risk being seen with him by other Africans. I couldn’t explain to them how and why we were together. Forgive me Father Lord for being so damn shallow!

  • http://thedaughterofafrika.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    I LOVE African men. But, I do have to say that I am biased as to their country of origin, for reasons I won’t divulge….go to my blog for that!

    Kenyan men CANNOT dress to save their lives, NAIIIIIIIIJA all the way baybay!

  • MarloweOverShakespeare

    Black men, I don’t care what anybody says about you, I love ya’ll. God made each and every one of you in His likeness.

    Take it easy.

  • stacy

    @ african mami.

    Thanks for making my day. Your comment had me rolling out of my chair. Too good.

  • NY’s Finest

    @TheBestAnonEver, Part 2: I’m Black American but all of the things you listed is why I’ve never seriously dated a Black American man.

  • Optimusphive

    I’m always applauding Black (American) Men and my African Brothas…they are awesome…they have their flaws, like many of us (Sistas), but in the end, i’ll go the extra mile to encourage and support them, just because!

  • gmarie

    This is hilarious, because I have zero interest in dating any man from my city. EVER! No matter how tired I get of driving elsewhere to meet up and go out. It just is what it is lol

  • Nestafan2

    I’m disturbed by, “I’ll go the extra mile to encourage and support them just because…” Just because they’re black? It’s more important to value yourself. You can’t condone everything a black man does just because he’s black. You should “encourage and support” him if he is making a valiant effort and is a decent person who has earned your support.

    This article can’t serious. Black women are always praising black men, even when they don’t deserve it. I’ve seen women give and give and give until they have nothing left for themselves.

    To the author: It’s wrong to generalize black men, especially those from other countries, but you are no better when you attribute positive characteristics to all of these men when you’ve only met a couple.

  • Reason

    Black man here. Ever hear of the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt”? The converse is also worth mentioning because of a pattern I see from women of any race. The “other” guys are always going to be more interesting to you because of the mystery. Don’t forget tha some people play this game not just regionally, but racially.

  • au napptural

    I’m AA myself but I love Haitian men, esp. Americanized ones. I’m probably biased because of my background, but the ones I meet are so educated and masculine. 9 times out of 10, AA men I know who are educated become passive and whiny, think they are the sh!t and have 20 million women, or are gay. I like that Haitian men can just be educated and not let it get to them. They have drive too, which is hot. However, our values tend to be somewhat different culturally. There is a gulf between acceptable behavior, but if we can get past that, we’re golden.

  • shug avery

    i don’t consider black men, “mines” or “ours” anymore, we share the same color, same history, and for the most part same culture but i don’t own black men and my allegiance to them isn’t what it used to be. i recognize that all men can be attractive, goal oriented, funny, and smart and all that good stuff. but as far as being selective of men regarding the city they’re in i can say i’m guilty as hell. indiana men bored me so i moved to dc, dc men are for the most part aggressive which isn’t necessarily bad because there are levels and extreme is never good. now i live in maryland and there are certain parts of the dmv area i have my doubts about but i don’t put too much emphasis in to it, as long as you’re not ratchet and not asking me to loan you any money, we good.

  • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

    women advertise their desirablity by who or what they can reject or scorn. women rejecting local or home men is natural in many regards. i do think that i black women it tends to be more pronounced, but such attitudes certainly are not the sole domain of black women.

  • Are You Serious Bro

    LMAO this kind of back and forth mentioned by the author happens all the time in the comment section here on Clutch in articles and posts.

  • MadAboutWhat?

    So if all black women hate black men, why the scorn for black men loving white women? Black women still mad cause white men haven’t breed with them in droves? That’s not black men’s fault. As for which group of black men are better, according to the World Economic Forum all black nations are shit broke. But feel free to hate yourselves. As for mass incarceration and aids, the number one group for imprisonment all over earth is Nigerians, and as far as Aids is concerned, all black nations and regions trying to wipe it out. But at the end of the day everybody hates being black, especially women.

  • MadAboutWhat?

    Why do black women get mad when they talk about black men being theirs? Every group of women consider their men their own people. Maybe that’s why no black nation or region can succeed. I finally know why black women are so mad and angry in life, cause white men won’t claim them as their own. There’s always skin bleach and colored contacts.

  • Jen

    I’m assuming you mean black men? Well, I have no ownership over 500 million men in this world just because we happen to share a common ancestry, so… and for the same reason, I’m not going to dislike 500 million men in this world (because we happen to share a common ancestry). I like and dislike those individual men who have earned my trust – or my disdain. I’m not all that attracted to black men, that’s true – that doesn’t mean I “don’t like” them. smh.

  • Alexandra

    I also think this is being over-analyzed. A lot of people tend to generalize people of their culture/ethnicity, this doesn’t mean they don’t like them. I’m not a fan of this “our” talk either. No one owns (or is obligated to) anyone, please! Keep in mind; don’t always take warnings of other cultures as a negative. Every culture is different, and in lots of cases the generalizations are true.

    I’m Haitian and I have never been in a relationship with a Haitian man before, but I wouldn’t rule them out nor would I discourage a woman of another nationality from getting into a relationship with them. I also know a lot of Haitians (& other nationalities) that will never date another person of their culture. Dislike isn’t always the motive and not everyone is a fan of their culture.

    My brother said he will never date a Haitian woman again, especially one that’s “Americanized”. He feels doing so is “too close to home” and because Haitian parents get too involved in their daughters relationships (this was true for me). As I get older, the more I realize there’s enough out there to offer. My co-worker says she’ll never date a Korean man, because (insert negative experience with Korean men), blah blah.

    I’ve never dated a Black American man either & I don’t think I ever will. I do like the men I meet in NYC & I like the dating scene out here. It’s funny though. While some people keep busy complaining about interracial dating, they forget about the cultural differences people of the same race have.

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    I just don’t have this overarching devotion like I hear a lot of Black women have. I encourage and appreciate individuals. That’s as far as it goes. They don’t ALL deserve it.

  • binks

    +1

  • Phoenix

    I LOVE BLACK MEN!!! No matter where you’re from Africa, America, the Caribbean, Europe. I love you all. There is good in all of us and there is bad. I will never bash a black man or a black woman for that matter. I don’t follow what other folks do, I have my own mind.

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    @Mami: you are too much! funny, funny lady. You should write some articles. I am with you. The men do not have to be good looking, but they cannot be ugly. I think Igbo’s can be a bit more conservative and quite traditional than other Nigerian ethnic groups. Any woman that wants a more traditional marriage with old-fashioned gender roles will appreciate any Igbo man. There are exceptions.

    @girlformerlyknownasgrace: Yes, my dad is Nigerian, my mom is not. My dad is an Igbo feminist. I love that man so much.

  • TheBestAnonEver, Part 2

    Are people reading the article or just commenting based on the title? The “our” is not all black men everywhere, it is men of your particular ethnicity, country, town, city, neighborhood, etc? It is basically asking why some women hate the men they are most familiar with?

  • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

    i addressed this i think. any way, familiarity breeds contempt. and in feminine cultures contempt signifies ‘elevation’. in black contexts this dynamic is more pronounced.

  • golden_girl

    I dont like OUR men cause they direct all of their pain on us. Most….not all….dont think outside the box. They are too concerned about my hair texture. They hate that I am not trying to get their attention. They hate that I dont worship them and hold them in high esteem. I hate that most dont read, dont travel. The ones that do are super wealthy and educated and are beyond conversation until you get to their level. Damned if you do and damned if you dont. They hate that Im single and I dont have babies. They hate that I dont fit their stereotype.

  • golden_girl

    To answer the question. I would never date a black man within a 100 mile radius. Not a lot of black men where I live and they all kinda know each other from the barber shop. They gossip. Compare notes and can’t keep ur name out they mouf. B4 u know it all the black men in the area are looking at you like they know you already. Not a good feeling.

  • http://thedaughterofafrika.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    @ The Best Anon.,

    The one thing I LOVE about you is how you rep for your daddy,all day erryday!!!!!! I can feel the love through the comments! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE mines too from here till the ends of the earth!!!! sooooooo schweeet….bet you is a daddy’s girl!!!! Keep putting him on a pedestal mami!

    There’s this bush tribe from Nigeria I think it’s called Ewe-I called it bush because it is not one of the major ones-forgive my crassness! But out of that bush has emerged one of the FOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEST species I ever met. Girrrrrrl, let’s me tell you. I met dude at an intimate gathering with friends, and by the end of the night I was literally proposing to him. His brother had even toasted me as his sister-in law…..Lawwwd hammmmercy, me I like my Naija boiiiis, so long as they are EDUCATED! Other than that, eh no thanks.

  • http://thedaughterofafrika.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    @ gfkag,

    eh, why are you hating on our naija boiiiis who’ve never stepped foot on the plane?! That is DISCRIMINATION……I’m writing a post on dis-your thoughts are very much welcome!

  • QoNew

    @Nestafan2

    Dont blame other black women for the actions of a group of women who give and give to men and dont get anything in return. You know why they do that? Because they dont have options. There are many many black women who dont have to exchange their resources for the attention and affection of men because they have their youth and their beauty to bank on.

    Some of us happen to have leverage in relationship and dont constantly have to give and give and give and not recieve. Tell you girls to step their game up.

  • QoNew

    @shugavery

    Did anyone ask you that? Did the artcile ask you that? ive got a question, do you consider black women “yours” or “ours”? I mean after all you just share the same color with them, right? Why does color matter when it is attached to a vagina but not a penis? Please dont troll this article with your irrelevant nonsense.

  • QoNew

    @Jen

    Do you feel the same about black women? Do you have ownership of black women? Is this article even talking about that?

  • QoNew

    @TheBestAnon

    I dont think people read the article. They saw the title and used it to grind an axe. Its really sad how obsessed some black women are about not liking black men. They do make themselves seem a bit crazy. Pathetic too.

  • QoNew

    @Socially

    I love the Geordie accent. Its cute. Its like being in a time warp.

  • QoNew

    @Liz

    I love you too.

    @Socially

    Thanks for throwing me under the bus. She/He? What is that crap about?

  • Socially Maladjusted

    qon

    c’mon q

    I had to speak to all your fans didn’t I? Some of whom believe you’re female and some who think you’re male.

    Don’t be so modest -

    you’re just that big girl.

    lol

  • http://thedaughterofafrika.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    @ golden_girl

    It seems to me you are dating some hoodrats and categorizing all the men as being as such. Expand your palette mama to include some educated ones. Or are they educated?! FAINTS-if so.

  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Agent K

    lol, i peeped the irony as well.

  • HowApropos

    Thank you!

    I don’t support and encourage because that man is the same color as I am. I know it’s a noble gesture to say so, but it makes ya’ll females look desperate.

    Especially the Queen Mule above…

  • HowApropos

    A lot of black women still think want to carry the load for black men, still hoping that one day they will notice them and give them the love and support that is owed to them for the long days of toiling on behalf of black men.

    HA!

    I don’t consider any man mine because they’re black.

    A lot of women on this thread have a Mule Mentality.

  • Mr. Man

    The comments in this tread is very interesting. To each his or her own….

  • HowApropos

    Not sure what you’re projecting here, but your women were talking about how much they love black men and here you come bashing them.

    Just dumb…

    P.S. Not sure where the topic of white women came from, but you sure didn’t waste time. Where’s the Queen Mule at to agree with your statement?

  • Mr. Man

    Sheesh…edit: ‘the comments in this thread ARE very interesting’.

  • QoNew

    @HowAproApos

    Call me what you want but I get my needs met and I dont have to bash to get it. Im not online crying about how some brotha did me wrong and I hate them and imma go out and get me a white man. LOL. Jokes on you.

  • QoNew

    @HowApropos

    “A lot of black women still think want to carry the load for black men, still hoping that one day they will notice them and give them the love and support that is owed to them for the long days of toiling on behalf of black men.”

    Not a lot of black women just the ones who didnt have what it took to get the ones they thought they deserved.

    “I don’t consider any man mine because they’re black.”

    Maybe I shoudnt consider any woman mine because they are black.

    “A lot of women on this thread have a Mule Mentality.”

    A lot of women on this thread need to find friends and ideas outside of their Bitter Bitch Book Club.

  • iQgraphics

    this article is young.

  • QONewcastle

    @HowApropos

    Why you got my name is ALL of your post? Im in your mouth all day, I must taste nice.

  • QONewcastle

    @Socially

    Ive got a little fan club. Its cute.

  • AJ

    I think the title of this article should have been “women” instead of men. The problem is too many BW have blind allegiance to men who have no allegiance to them. Period. Move on sisters, hold up your head as the great BW you are, and then find somebody who appreciates you.

  • anon

    What’s the name of your blog?

  • http://kissthedragon.tumblr.com KissOfDanger

    I’m Haitian and I approve of this message.

  • MK

    that is so sweet of you to say. Thank you. I love black men too

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com/ African Mami

    @anon,

    afrikanmami. Link provided. Brit and team, she asked I provided the shameless plug. Thanks for the opportunity. :)

    http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com/

  • E.M.S.

    There are good men and bad men in all ethnic communities. I think it’s wrong to immediately wave one of them off because of your own personal experiences, especially when a friend is so excited about a new guy.

    Give her a chance to get to know him rather than scaring her off, give him a chance to show who he really is before labeling him. Essentially, stay out of it.

    As for me, I absolutely adore my boyfriend. Although you hear so many things about how so many black men are dogs, he is completely opposite of those things. He’s smart, he’s charming, so polite to all my friends and family, treats me like a princess, and has said several times he’s in for the long haul.

    Would I have discovered what a beautiful person he was if I had immediately turned and run because of what somebody told me? No I wouldn’t.

  • HowApropos

    @QON

    You bash all the time on here, so save the brand-newness for another thread.

    And if you WERE getting your needs met, you wouldn’t project so much :)

    P.S. And your mule mentality is hilarious! Come get that Scooby snack!

  • HowApropos

    @QON

    You bash all the time on here, so save the brand-newness for another thread.

    And you can kill that BS, you’re just as bitter as the other men on here.

  • HowApropos

    i wouldn’t know how you’re taste, you’ll have to ask your dad about that one.

    i just like calling you out :)

  • linda

    I agree and it is so true.Black women pretend or maybe they really do not see how black men act? am I imagining things? Most black dudes will step on a Black woman to get a white,a hispanic or an asian!GTFOOHW that b.s pretending that you Black chics do!!!Black Women are soOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.RAP MUSIC for the last couple of decades anyone?I dont know who i find more pathetic Black women or Black men

  • Dalili

    LOL @ African Mami, sure they can!

  • BlacknAmazed

    @QoNew….awww…actually you share more than just skin color with black women…if you don’t know that….You need to get off Clutch and go get an understanding…..Cause ALL black women didn’t post this story.
    Instead of coming to Clutch participating in their race baiting and stereotypes of black women daily discussions.

    the comments at this blog or any of the others …. That sit around on these same tired discussions are NOT the opinions of all black people…including yours! and You don’t rep every black man or woman. TYJ!

  • http://twitter.com/shethrives11 SheThrives11

    “Our men”? They don’t belong to us and we don’t belong to them. Date whoever you wish and if the man is of good character you won’t have to bad-mouth him.

  • Ms. Anonymous

    “The black men at William & Mary are lame! Stick with those UVA boys.”

    Too bad there aren’t black men at William & Mary!

  • Girl

    Lol Haitian women warn me about Haitian men all the time Not that I’d have anything to do with them especially from the shyt Ive observed. Everyone tells me to run from Igbo men..I learned why they were right on MY own.

    It is what it is. who else would be able to give you the scoop than those raised with them or at least close to that culture.

  • Naffy

    You know good and well ain’t but 5 black guys at William and Mary lol.

  • Robbie

    I personally don’t bad-mouth my people. I love my FRENCH men. They are not perfect but I will take them over any other nationalities. I have met many AA, African, West Indian and caucasian American men, but my French men ( White or Black ) take the cake. I often tell my AA girlfriends to give them a try.

  • haffie

    I heard a lot of Haitians women saying that you should stay away from Haitian men but the man I have been in love with since junior High is Haitian/ American and I love him very much on top of things he is a very good man. He is dark skin and 6’1 body built like a soldier and I love my chocolate man. I am French, light skin, hazel eyes but I love his dark skin more than anything and i would not want to change a thing about him or our relationship. i see how Asians women are trowing themselves at him because he is a successful man but he knows and I know that i dont have to worry about those wanna be black girls. He knows he got it good. On the other hand I believe that the issue is with their family members, always minding your business.
    AF men have so many issues when it comes to their AF women, I feel sorry for you ladies. I just dont understand what black men especially those who are successful have issues with their sisters. Even though I am French I respect and will recommend any European men no matter their complexion because they are into the sisters. Ladies just be open minded and you will know and find love dont limit yourself and make sure the family is not into your business.

  • Amanda

    Really though…something is wrong with Haitian men! I speak from experience. When you see one…run!

    Also, as a Brooklyn woman I can recognize both the GOOD and the BAD about them. Just gotta keep searching until you find the right one.

  • Mr Jay

    Question: why don’t we like our own men? The answer: self-hatred and mental illness.

  • http://debatesthatmatter.blogspot.com/ Tim

    The thing is, if you can find a black woman who does not get snappy when you say these words:

    - Good morning

    - Hi

    - Bye

    - You look nice Today (Not letting it go to there heads)

    If you could say any of the things above and get a decent response from a sister we would be fine. However, that is not the case, and those who do get the good greeting from a sister are the players or thugs. I never thought being a educated blackman would make me miss out on being with a woman of my own race. When being educated is a bad thing and being rude, nasty, and down right disrespectful to women is seen as being good in today’s black world. I really don’t have a chance. I don’t like white women, or have I ever dated one but they are the only ones who see an smart black dude as cool to even hang around.

    If only I would have just went with the flow and tried to date outside my race I would not have been, for the most part, suckered into the whole “bring home someone who looks like your mommy thing.” When the fact is the one who looks like mommy actually has no interest in you.

    Atleast until they see you with a white woman or think you are with one.

    The black value system is phucked!

  • Coolin

    No Sir,

    Your way of thinking is what’s phucked!

    Maybe you would get half a smile or a return greeting if BLACK MEN (non-black men don’t do this ish) wouldn’t take a friendly smile or greeting as an opportunity to hit on said black women, try to get her phone number even though she is interested, or the situation didn’t turn into a ten minute argument with him yelling “Itch” because she rejected him. And yes dear…I have experienced this from the thugs and the so-called “educated” black men.

    I hate when black men sit and try to play the victim as if black women’s so-called “attitude” fell straight from the sky.

    Any hate, disrespect, indifference or unfriendliness black men face from black women is EARNED in spades!

    And here is a tip: Maybe you should STOP looking at a black woman’s face and arse and start looking at her mind and the environment from which she comes…chances are those women who DO respond to thugs are their counterparts. However you REFUSE to recognize this because you are too busy being blinded by the hood chick’s beauty.

    Educated my arse. What kind of educated man is checking for a chick who is only interested in thugs? A real dumbarse.

    P.S. There are in fact educated black women out here looking for an educated black man. However most of don’t want an educated a-hole. And 9 times out of 10 mot of the complaining educated black men fit into this category and simply are not likable. See how that works?

  • Liz

    if you can find a black man who does not accompany the following words:

    - Good morning

    - Hi

    - Bye

    - You look nice Today (Not letting it go to there heads)

    with

    -Damn baby, look at that ass

    -What can you do with that thang

    -You gotta man, ma…let me holla at you for a second

    -Shit, you got some sexy lips

    or tries to grab your hand as your walking away..

    If you say any of the things above and expect to get a decent response from a sister…you have bigger problems than not finding a decent black woman. You’re delusional.

    And I know what’s to follow, “I don’t do none of that” “I’m an educated black men…guys who say that are some thugs” blah blah blah.

    Nope. Happens to me all the time, with men from different walks of life. You need to check your brethren, Tim, not us.

  • Liz

    Fan club of one, honey. I think Socially is your only fan. The rest of us just won’t drink your Kool-aid. Finding out you were Haitian just confirmed what I always knew, Haitian women are bat-sh*t crazy (myself included).

  • Ai

    If we don’t like our men we don’t like ourselves. Who do you think gave birth to those men?

  • Donronnie

    Let’s talk facts, most blogs on the internet are written by women. That’s because most of the readership on the internet is women. Most demographics of any of the sex and relationship blog sites will show that about 70% of its reader’s are women. Off line no one really cares what black women have to say. So they flee to blogs – their personal sound board for their thoughts without being interrupted by some black man. You might ask “Well if that’s the case then how come nobody is reading them?” Because no one cares. Women are more concerned with men than other women, and topics drive traffic.

    Black women sites have to keep their clients entertained And since they don’t want to discuss sex or “ten ways to identify a successful man” They have to practice Misandry a blanket hatred for men, havent you noticed that no matter what, it’s never a woman’s fault? Black women don’t come online to admit their own failings in choosing the wrong man. “Yeah, he is a thug…but all black men are thugs” or “Most black dudes will step on a Black woman to get a white,a hispanic or an asian” which is funny being that most black men are with black women. Again these women choose men that hurt them. But hey if coming online and venting is going to make you happy then do you.

  • Simone Denaiya

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE Black men.

  • Rhio2k

    Liz: I greet black women politely, without making any comments on their butt/body, and get a nasty look, but lewd thugs . It’s always something like this.

    Me: Good morning.

    Black woman: *ugh, what does HE want annoyed sneer*…hey. (apparently quickly tries to forget I exist)

    Random swaggering, unkempt black male stereotype: ‘Ey shawty, how yoo doin’? Yo frame looking tighta den a mug!
    BW: *shy/coy smile, would be blushing if she were white* I’m having a good day. How are you?

    Thug: Awright, awright. *spits on the ground* This a good day ‘n’ shit fa me too.

    BW: *Continues to smile at him, acting as if that was the most charming thing she ever saw*

    Black women seem to have something against men who are as articulate and polite as they are. I get the impression that they feel we’re (articulate, polite black men) something we should not be, like we’re all supposed to be coarse caricatures that behave more like rude teens than adults.

  • Gina

    Some of these comments are interesting, even the stereotypical ones. I have an actual experience where I met a seemingly decent and intelligent Haitian man in January. We spoke a few times on the phone and spent about half a day together just talking and having fun. That night he called me telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me and have babies with me. That’s odd, considering I had only met him a week earlier. I still continued to talk to him on the phone. No matter what we talk about, even if its religion, he invariably veers the conversation. Towards sex, wanting to kno if I wine and grind in bed, how long I can *uck for, would I do a threesome, things you ask a hooker if you want her to star in a porn movie. He claims that he wants to know all these things because he loves me. I tell him I am not interested in him and he still calls me. I ask him not to call me late at night because I am working and he still does, leaving sarcastic messages when I don’t pick up the phone. He says he was arrested for hitting a woman, yet he wants to be with me. He is an active member of the SDA church so I expect him to abide by certain morals. He calls me cherie and thinks that will melt my heart and I will be in his arms. IS THIS NORMAL for Haitiian men? Incidentally, a Haitian girl I work with told me to run the other way, but she really didn’t have to. I did it on my own. Note: this guy is not the typical one you would label as a “thug”.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    IS THIS NORMAL for Haitiian men?

    girlllll c’mon, you ain’t serious. What I want to ask you is,

    is THIS NORMAL for any man?
    He says he was arrested for hitting a woman

  • Gina

    Gina, that part is abnormal for any man regardless of where he is from. You dismiss people like that immediately. Its the incessant stupid sweet talk and the obsessive desire tro find out what I’m like in bed that I have never encountered with any other nationality. I’m from Brooklyn so I meet people from all walks of life. That was sooo creepy!

  • Alice

    I am from St. Lucia and was married to a very charming and sexy Haitian. We both have post-graduate degrees, good jobs and as far as I was concerned the marriage was going great, the sex was out of this world and we were great together outside the bedroom . We have two beautiful boys and he is a good father to them. BUT, after four years of marriage I found out that he had two children both one year old by two different women, both Haitian. This caused the marriage to unravel and in the process I also discovered a third child, conceived about a month before we got married. When confronted, he says that’s normal in Haiti and I should be lucky he married me. Even his mother was not perturbed by his multiple breeding and begged me to stay with him. I should have known better. His father has thirteen children and only eight are with his wife.

    All that education did not stamp out this very primitive promiscuous behaviour in him. I am not bragging, but I can’t see anything I did on the home front which would have driven him away. It is just how he and so many of his country folks are socialized. So many of their women don’t even expect monogamy from their men.

    I am now happily married to a lovely St. Lucian and have a very happy home. I don’t wish to lump all Haitian together, but I do believe they are an odd lot.

  • http://facebook sharon

    AMEN SISTA!!!!

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