Why Her? The Case for Tiny
Every week, after “T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle” airs, I know I’m guaranteed to find a mixture of commentary about Mrs. Harris (aka Tiny) throughout my Twitter feed. Not because of anything she may have said or done during the episode, but the subject never fails to be her looks. And it doesn’t just stop at Twitter. In fact, whenever the subject of T.I. or the show comes up, Tiny’s appearance always finds a way into the conversation–and it’s rarely anything positive. Her face. Her shape. Her hairstyles. Her choice of clothing. Her makeup. Tiny just can’t seem to catch a break.
But, why?
For the record, I’m not a Tiny fan. I don’t know much about her outside of the fact that she is wed to one of my favorite artists and she was a part of the group Xscape. But from what I’ve observed of her and T.I., they seem to have a good relationship. They’re both family oriented and despite their large blended family, they make things work. They enjoy each other’s company, and they have fun together. Their love seems real, and I like them together.
As an individual, Tiny seems caring and sweet. As a mother she comes across as loving and attentive. And as a wife she has proven herself to be loyal and devoted. So why is it so hard for people to accept her? Why is it so easy to poke fun at her? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I don’t know how she pulled T.I.!” And I hear this especially from other women. Could it be that some of us have bought into the idea that men of a certain stature must have some dazzling beauty on their arm whether they make a good match for them or not? What about character, personality, and overall chemistry?
I think it’s deeper than Tiny. The bigger picture is that our society has become so consumed with looks and surface level attraction that we often fail to see past all of that. We mentally pair people together based on fame, looks and stature when quite often these handsome couples are void of sincere compatibility or anything in common besides looking good together in a photo op. And while T.I. and Tiny may not be the prototype for healthy marriages, I believe there’s more to their relationship than just physical attraction (and not that I’m ruling that out).
I admit, I used to be one to look at certain couples and scratch my head, and from time-to-time I still catch myself still doing it. He is too cute for her or she is too pretty for him, I would think to myself. But it wasn’t until I fell for someone who wasn’t what I thought was “my type.” I never thought this person was attractive, yet his personality truly won me over. We clicked. We bonded. And we got each other. It’s that thing many people experience in life, when you realize there’s more to love than a great smile, charming words, and a nice physique. You find that there’s something at our core, beneath our pretty or not so pretty exteriors that bonds us to another soul, despite what package it comes in.
We often call out artists for constantly displaying such unrealistic and unhealthy images of women in their videos, but when we see an artist settle down with someone like Tiny she gets ridiculed. Why subject each other as women to such double standards? It’s hard enough trying to embrace our own unique beauty, why make it hard for the next woman.
No, Tiny doesn’t look like the average girl from a video, and she is no more glamorous than the average girl around the way. She’s down-to-earth; she’s not picture-perfect, and who says she has to be? None of this should matter. True beauty is not what you see but it’s the essence of a person reflected in their actions, spirit and the good that they give of themselves to others. Overall, I think it’s unfair Tiny gets so much flack simply because of her looks. If she’s is to be critiqued, let it be for something more substantial than the fact that she does not fit everyone’s standard of beauty. And of course, that goes for anyone else.
So the next time we look at a couple and think “Why her?” or “Why him?” let’s challenge ourselves to wonder, why not? And if we can’t think of an anything beyond the surface, if we dig deeper, we just may be able to find the answer.
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Why her? She’s half white. No black man can resist light skin.
please dont go there. why oh why does it always have to come to dumb stuff like that. get a life my dear please. i didnt even know she was mixed, so the f what some guys believe it or not go for a thing called personality, it happens. believe it does and shallow girlies like you are left out.
While I won’t deny that lots of men admire light-skinned and biracial women (I am biracial myself), it sounds like you have some bitterness. Maybe he’s with her because of who she is.
@ So over this Ish-
You damn right I’m bitter!!! Men of my race don’t appreciate my skin tone-that’s a problem for me-& thx for throwin’ in the bit about being light skinned-u must be so proud!
As a black women myself I can say that your hate of anyone “light-skinned” isn’t making you seem any more attractive to black men. Maybe the problem is you. Not the color of your skin.
Meshia…no, boo, don’t get it twisted. I’m sure you are beautiful. Your skin tone is clearly not the problem. It is your attitude. I’m not attacking you. I’m just telling it like it is.
Yes, I mentioned my light skin. Why? Because you believe that Black men are only interested in light-skinned and mixed women. This is not true. Just because it is true for some doesn’t mean it applies to all Black men. I have been overlooked by Black men who preferred darker girls. It is what it is. No shade. Some of these women were prettier than me…sorry to inform you that not all light-skinned women have a superiority complex. Some of us are actually down to earth if you would give us a chance.
And why shouldn’t I be proud of who I am? Every woman should be confident. I’m not talking about arrogance, I mean confidence. Yes, I do love my light skin and long hair because this is the way I was made…not because I think I’m better than anybody else. You should love your beautiful brown skin because that is part of who you are. Every woman should love her skin, her hair, and what she looks like.
Like I said, I won’t deny that the beauty of darker women often goes unrecognized but being bitter about it really doesn’t help you. To assume that a man is with somebody just because of her skin is shallow, especially because you don’t know them personally.
I’m sorry if colorstruck men have hurt you but you can’t take it out on people who just happen to be preferred by some guys. I will not be everyone’s cup of tea just because I’m light. It is what it is.
@meshia:
Ha-Ha.Very true.But I think the author of this piece should look at herself; Ti is a favorite of hers-with his crass,sexist lyrics- WHAT does this say about her?
im fed up of seeing ugly with a capital U-G-L-Y guys dating the most beautiful women around and everyone being ok with it but when its the other way round all hell breaks loose. I don’t think she is ugly coz ive seen ugly and she aint it but I don’t understand how people can be so shallow and mean to someone they dont know. Lil wayne is a not so attractive man who seems to pull beauties but I doubt anyone complains or even cares.
Why NOT her??? She has been with him since before he ever had shit. Down with him through his stunts and shows. She has held this dude down through thick and thin. Why NOT her? These same folks hollering she ugly wanna get up in arms when these dudes wife trophy pieces. Which one is it? Do we want men to ultimately look beyond the physical or what? Or do we only want people to look beyond the physical when it comes to our own selves? Hypocrites. Pfft
I <3 Tiny…
There is nothing wrong with the way Tiny looks. The main ones calling her ugly look a hot mess themselves most of the time.
This is not about light/dark skin. This is about TI supposedly having money and being able to choose from what is considered the most beautiful women available. The fact that he chose Tiny and not some gabby union or sanaa lathan look a like slaps a lot of women in the face. Nobody would care if TI wasn’t famous and was some regular black man working a 9-5 with Tiny on his arm. It’s his status that’s the real issue. When people (especially women) carry on like this it only shows insecurity, jealousy and screams entitlement issues.
Thank you! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She is not ugly, IMO. The color of her skin shouldn’t be an issue.
Why can’t people just be happy for others?
I know why they have something to say. Its call “hating” or “dang, I wish I was in her spot”. Its as simple as that. Your article states some wonderful things like “..But from what I’ve observed of her and T.I., they seem to have a good relationship. They’re both family oriented and despite their large blended family, they make things work. They enjoy each other’s company, and they have fun together. Their love seems real, and I like them together.” I totally agree and think to myself, “after that, what else matters.’ He’s cool with her so everybody, stop being jealous and get you a man (or woman) that you can have fun with too.
Nothing to over-analyze. Women who are die-hard fans of T.I. may think he’s too attractive to be with her. If she was pretty, people wouldn’t talk about her looks as much, but they’d find something else to bash. Haven’t watched an episode of her show since the premiere, but I agree that her and T.I. seem to have a very nice tight-knit family.
She was much more attractive during the 90′s, but she’s not as ugly as people make her out to be.
It sure is strange. I’ve noticed this all my life that when a dark skinned man date a light skinned woman, I hear many people say he is with her because of her skin tone ,but when a light skinned man date a dark skinned woman which happens a whole lot, I don’t hear many complaints. It seems to be a double standard, that it is okay to dog out light-complected women, but if you dog out a dark complected woman than that is considered bad. It is bad to attack anyone , especially attacking people based on race or skin color. There are many men all across the world who love beautiful dark complected women and many who love light complected women. You will find the love of your life once you love yourself first and stop attacking and hating on others.
I honestly believe Tiny is pretty. I was like a lot of people, saying that she was ugly when I first really saw her on Tiny and Toya but now that I watch her show .I’m starting to think that she is more attractive. People place too much emphasis on looks also beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty is subjective, everyone man isn’t going gaga over Halle Berry or Beyonce. I think the women who have something negative to say about Tiny are really insecure and basically want what she has.As a society we need to broaden what we define as attractive/beautiful.
I know exactly why they say “why her”? It’s because we’ve been conditioned to think all a woman has to offer is her looks-she looks just fine by the way. But, I think that men who can have any woman they want, at some point want to look for something more, someone with substance and confidence. Plus, I think when you’re a celebrity it can be hard to find someone you trust with your family, friends, finances, etc. So, I think they probably click because she was down with him long before he was the famous T.I. we know today. She was rich then, and probably had a huge hand in his success. So, for all we know, for a long time T.I. might have been asking “why me”? No disrespect to him. They seem happy and that’s really all that matters. If anything, this ought to make females check themselves, instead of trying to be the most beautiful woman in the room and cutting women down just for how they look or dress, perhaps we should focus more on getting our hustle on and being the “catch” we want, and that’ll naturally attract men (or women). #thinkaboutit
I dont know much about Tiny’s life but brothers and sisters, looks is not all in life.My man and husband that i love so much since my teenage years is Haitian/American, dark skin,average looking but he is the nicest and most caring and loving man. He’s my best friend and my all.I know some of you will say ugly or average looking men always seem to get a pass when it comes to dating beautiful women but sometimes you can’t predict who you going to fall in love with.Tiny and TI look nice together,Tiny is not ugly so lets celebrate their hapiness and hope the best for them. She’s black, he’s black, what else do you want? Let’s stop hating. Personality, kindness, compassion, love, friendship, etc… are what make people fall in love. Looks fade over time through sickness and tragedies but it’s what you are inside that matters. The hidden person of the heart is what makes a person beautiful and when I first saw my baby almost 20 years ago, I saw something good in him till this day he’s still my addiction and I dont regret it a minute. Love conquers alll and sees past physical traits. Too bad some don’t see it that way and keep on making the same mistakes when dating. I am glad TI and Tiny saw past that and I am glad I did the same because we are very happy and still love each other like yesterday.
Let’s be real, it’s true, a lot of famous black men flock to the lighter skinned sisters. There are songs about it and they say it in interviews. At least she’s a sister… A shallow brother like that couldn’t provide the mental stimulation a sister like me needs anyway. I’m 50 and look 35, my skin is chocolate, smooth and flawless. I still get carded occassionally. I love my dark skin and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Oh yeah, I think Tiny and T.I. have found a way to make it work. She had his back when he was slangin and she was with Xscape. Not so attractive girls need love too…
YES HONEY. This article was ON IT!
I don’t think this is a skin color issue. People said the same thing about Tameka when she was married to Usher.
Women are going to hate. I had friends ask me why certain guys like me because I don’t fit the beauty standard, maybe because I have substance. Women who focus on looks and other superficial needs, are a dime a dozen.
Man, this reminds me of Maya Angelou poem “Phenomenal Woman”, that’s me and women like Tiny.
Phenomenal Woman
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Maya Angelou