Ahhh the teenage years.  Hormones in bloom and bodies in heat.  While many of us might encourage our children to wait until marriage before having sex, the reality is, like some of us, many of them won’t.  After the safe sex and pregnancy speeches have been given, there’s another issue many of us don’t even consider…where exactly are they going to be having sex?  What do you do if your teenager wants to have sex at home?  Do you let him or her do it under your roof?  Or do you forbid it?  If you allow it, are you promoting promiscuity?  If you forbid it, are you driving your kids to have sex in a car, at a party or in some other unsavory public place?   Doesn’t that make sex both more dangerous and enticing?

ABC’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck discussed this very topic last year on an ABC segment called “Teen Sex At Home: ‘Staying Safe’ In The Room Next Door.” The results showed a nation of parents confused and divided.   Some parents are opposed to the idea of teens having sex at home for religious reasons.  Sex before marriage is wrong, never mind teen sex, so the idea of where it takes place is a moot point. Others believe it endorses the wrong message, particularly for a girl who can be labeled a slut and ruin her reputation.  Other parents prefer that their teens have sex in the home because it’s a less risky and more natural way to develop a healthy sense of sexuality. No one could agree on a simple yes or no.

I’m sure most of us can agree that when it came to this issue our parents had their feet planted firmly on the hell no side, even as adults most of us probably would still have to sleep in separate rooms with our other half unless we were married.   However the reality is whether you agree or not if teens want to have sex, they’ll find a place to have it.  Think about the lengths you went to as a teen to have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Think about all the backseats, rooftops and friend’s houses you had sex in because you weren’t allowed to have sex at home.  Would being allowed to have made a difference in your sexual behaviors at the time?  Or would it have made them worse?

  Would you allow teen sex in your home?

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  • catchAcase

    It’s not so much of teens being able to have sex in the home, but having support and information in other areas so that they can make an informed decision. For example, it meant a lot to me that when I was ready to be sexually active (at 17) my mother took me to my pediatrician and held my hand through my first pelvic exam (so many young girls have to go it alone or don’t go because they are informed or scared). She followed through by putting me on birth control and provided me with condoms. I had my first experience at 18 with my boyfriend who is now (coincidentally) my fiance; I stayed on top of birth control and condoms (and discovered Plan B) and get tested regularly since college and presently.

    I understand that I’m STD and baby free because of having the right information and “luck” (i.e. my mother’s (very religious) co-worker’s daughter got pregnant on her first sexual experience on her prom night. And, the co-worker’s daughter is doing well. She went to college locally (baby and all) and finished in 4 years. She’s in medical school now. **smile**). Also, I understand that birth control, condoms, Plan B, regular STD testing are still not 100%; but I’m doing my best to be diligent in having “safer sex”.

    Conversely, I have an older sister who hasn’t found the right person and is content as a virgin at age 28 . So, every child is different; you can’t expect all teens to be abstinent. And my mother is a different kind of parent; she’s very unorthodox when it comes to sex. My mother expects (even ecourages) both my sister and I to have premarital sex because sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage (i.e. the “would you buy a car without a test drive?” mentality).

    ** Sorry for the novel**

    I tell you my story to express that I hope that parents are giving their teens the right information and support in a very critical time in their teen’s sexual development. If you support abstinence give your child information and direction. How do you practice abstinence? What should your child do if they feel like abstinence isn’t working? Maybe that means giving your child information (and encouragement) to masturbate? I’m not quite sure. Because “just pray on it” is not going to work for every teen. Hell, it doesn’t work for a lot of so called adults. Support could mean supporting your teen like my mother supported me.

    Again, it’s not so much of teens being able to have sex in the home, but having support and information in other areas so that they can make an informed decision.

    • @catchAcase,

      I done died and went to heaven @ your mama encouraging test driving. Thus far your mama’s parenting skills have worked. Kudos to her….but giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl, if ever I found my daughter test driving, I would catchAcase!

  • catchAcase

    Convenience Poll:

    How many posters waited until they were 18 or older to become sexually active? How many posters had friends or acquaintances who waited until they were 18 or older to become sexually active? Just curious..

    • Randomchick

      I was 18.

    • Lingaling

      I’m going to turn 20 in March and I’m still holding on to the V-card

  • au napptural

    Wow, I’m not even close to being a parent and I just happened to think of this the other day. I read a book where the parents all but made the bed for their son and his girls. I wouldn’t do that but our community is plagued with OOW children and abortions. Maybe the traditional way of “act like your kids won’t ever have sex and threaten them if they do” isn’t working.

    What we need is more knowledge and open communication, not scare tactics and foolishness. I don’t know about where my children would have sex, but the most important think is that they have knowledge to have it safely, without STDs and pregnancies. Shouting “they have to live with the consequences” is not helping our community.

  • Cem Temeltas

    After reading this, I can’t think of anything more sad than a child who can’t rely on the parents… A child who cannot trust the humans who are supposed to be the closest…

  • stoney

    i allow my daughter to have sex in my home . of course i told them they should wait until they were older and more emotionally mature . i told them how society views girls . i also told them not to let society or anyone else determine their self worth . no they cant just lay around all day having sex . no they can not have a steady parade of guys . there are rules . this is something between my daughters and me , not my daughters , me , and their boyfriend .
    1: he has to be a boyfriend of at least 1 month that i know of . which means he has met and introduced himself to me , there are no other boyfriends that i am aware of .
    2: no sex during the day . boyfriends are allowed to stay over but respect my home and have sex after midnight and do not be overly loud
    3: be open , and honest with me , and do not lie . i am treating her like an adult i expect her to behave like one .
    4: birth control is a must for her . not the pill , but a more reliable form . ie.the depo shot , or an iud .
    our kids are going to have sex . i choose to have my daughter not ashamed , not pressured , and safe .