Yes, I’ll Be Your Lady….And Your Freak
When it comes to relationships and pleasing a man, I am a proud cosigner of being all things at all times….to a man that deserves it of course. By this I mean I will gladly live up to the old adage “Lady in the streets. Freak in the streets.” The problem is there are so many women who don’t live this way. We’ve all got one. That friend who’s so concerned about maintaining her mature, adult, respectable demeanor that she is clueless on how to let loose for her man. She’s so stiff and caught up with being miss perfect that even when her man is throwing her clear signals that she needs to spice it up, she can’t let go and lose control. That friend that will constantly ask you for your advice, but never takes it. Yes, we all know this woman. Hell, some of us are this woman.
Now don’t get me wrong, sex isn’t supposed to be the only thing that attracts a man to you or the only thing that gives him the incentive to be faithful. Of course a man should respect and appreciate your maturity, independence, intelligence, good heart, etc. But let’s be real, men and women put sex high up on the list of things that are important in a relationship and I don’t know about you, but no matter how smart, funny or intelligent you are, if you can’t put it down right I might just pass and find my kicks elsewhere.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lady for your man, but you can’t just be a one trick pony. What else do you have to offer? As women we have to learn how to use all sides to ourselves. We have to learn to be all things to our man, just as we expect them to be all things to us. Women need to learn how to be the chick he can bring to the corporate functions, the good girl who makes the homemade biscuits he can bring home to momma and granny, the hood chick that’s comfortable around his boys from the old neighborhood, the voice of reason and ride or die he can come to and lean on AND his full blown freak who always screws like a porn star while wearing cute shoes and takes it all with a smile. We also need to learn that it’s okay. It’s okay to let loose and step out of character a bit and that in no way does it demean us or take away from our good qualities. Personally, not only do I strive to be a lady, I strive to be HIS lady and any other lady he wants or needs me to be…so whether it’s at work, around family and friends or behind closed doors with my man, I’m always a lady. I’m also his jumpoff and freak whenever he needs it and even when he doesn’t need it. I am all things to my man.
It seriously irks my nerves to hear some women talk about what they won’t do for their man or how if they do certain things their hair will get messy or the sheets will get sticky. Here’s a PSA…it’s sex, it’s supposed to be messy! This isn’t a pageant or some kind of beauty competition; this is sex with YOUR man. A man you claim to love, claim is good to you, claim you will do anything for, but instead of enjoying the moment you’re worried about your hair? Again, it sex shouldn’t be something you use to keep a man, but ummm, you know what they say.
Honestly I can’t understand the issues some women have with spicing things up in the bedroom. When did we decide that it was disrespectful or taboo to get our freak on with the one we love? When did we become so prudish and repressed? No, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but come on loosen up a bit! I say from this day forward, it’s a new day. The next time your man reminds you that you’re his lady, turn to him with a devilish look, say “Yup, and I’m your freak too,” then, handle your handle with a smile.
Are you a bit of a prude in bed? Why do you think some women are uncomfortable with their freak time?
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Danielle, I agree that a woman should strive to be all things for her partner. However, I think there must be a clear understanding that the “all things” is not the means to keep a man. This is where we–both women and men–fall into ditches. We seek to be everything to one another before mounting pillars of principle. If a healthy foundation (I believe “foundation” should be defined according to couple) isn’t set, then the relationship can buckle under the weight of trying to be the freak, the chef, the friend, the etc. I agree, that when love is the crux, then blossoming in bed becomes more of an innate desire and less of an external threat to our personhood.
Sure..fine…but certainly he can be the man that I need. Speak intelligently in the boardroom and witty at the spades table. Fix what breaks and caress my aches. Only freaky towards me but appealing to other women. Cry but not a crybaby, tough but not hard, happy but not goofy, proud not arrogant, spiritual but street, dresses well, smells good, maintain his hygiene but not a metro sexual. Experienced between the sheets but not a lot of sexual partners…….
You see how this starts to sound ridiculous. Unfortunately you can’t have it all and you give a man too much they get bored and what more….
Ladies be who you are. If there is something you don’t do and not comfortable doing it, then don’t……..Men get bored really quickly same something for the honeymoon.
Cosign 100%!
I am very open to sex and discussing my sexuality with my partner. I see no reason why I shouldn’t! It’s my body, I like to voice what I like & I feel empowered. I think many women are uncomfortable because of 2 reasons: Double standards! They’re worried about the way they will be portrayed. & They haven’t come close to experiencing what great sex is, how to maximize they’re own pleasure or even how to ask for what they want.
From a guy
Ladies, look for character first. Don’t be so busy checkin off your list of must haves that you fail to examine his character. It actually works out well. Men with character find women with character and everybody else is left jumpin in and out of relationships.
Why does character work?
-A man with character is a man with confidence. Character allows balance for all the things Jane spoke of in the post above. “Cry but not a crybaby, tough but not hard, happy but not goofy, proud not arrogant.” Character is the balance mechanism that keeps pride from turning into arrogance along with all the other things.
-If he is not giving you what you need (emotionally, financially, sexually, with the kids) – his character kicks in to fix the problem. With no character he will put himself first and blame you.
-But his character does not let you off the hook as his woman. Character or not – if his needs are not met by you then you are testing his character just like the chick that keeps pushing up on him at work. His character is stopping him from just hulling ole girl out. Its not because he is scared of loosing you or you’re such an Awesome A-OK chick – you may be all of that but his character – not just you – is what stops him.
The question you need to ask yourself as a woman is; Will his character kick in and find out that I’m no good for him?
Yeah, like do not be checking for HEIGHT so hard…
Love Love LOVE this article! I can not see it any other way. I understand what men are desiring because I have always wanted this same attribute in my man. By day I loved that my man is holding it down intellectually then performing like a rock star at night.. An intellectual gentlemen with an edge has always topped my priority list. I have always loved them and still do!!!
+1 Duce. Character is a biggie and it goes both ways. There’s also a fine line … leave a little mystery. Certain things should be reserved for your husband and only him. We often get caught up in playin’ “wifey” too soon.
here is what seriously irks my nerves.
“When it comes to relationships and pleasing a man, I am a proud cosigner of being all things at all times….to a man that deserves it of course. By this I mean I will gladly live up to the old adage “Lady in the streets. Freak in the streets.” The problem is there are so many women who don’t live this way. ”
why is it that most articles discussing relationships encourage woman to shape their appearance and personalities to get and keep a man. Why do women have to be a lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets. Why do women have to know when to pull their Tasha Mack out and when to put their First Lady Obama on? Why do women have to be everything to men? What do men have to be for us? I say damn all that string me up from the chandelier and pour cherry sauce all over my titties because it’s tuesday attitude, how about this: a man either accepts you for who you are or leaves you alone? If you’re not interested in certain things sexually there should be no pressure for you to become Superhead in a blink of an eye.
“The next time your man reminds you that you’re his lady, turn to him with a devilish look, say “Yup, and I’m your freak too,” then, handle your handle with a smile.”
And let’s axe this term freak, i hate it, i think it objectifies women. Freak, damn that term, I am no one’s anyTHING, and no woman should agree to be a man’s fantasy wish list : bend your leg behind your ear, ring your tongue around the rim of my dick while doing a head stand.
shame on it.
I agree, there is nothing wrong with a women who is not a “freak” maybe that is just her personality who says these women are uncomfortable if they are being true to themselves and they shouldn’t have to change to try and fit a man’s fantasy. And let’s be honest being a certified “freak” or being someone’s everything doesn’t necessarily keep a man around either. Secondly we need to watch the labels “prude or repressed” just because a women don’t do something in bed don’t me them prudes you wouldn’t want anyone calling you a ” ho or loose” based on the things you do in bed l. The whole tone of this article us a bit off because it seems like woke have to be this superwonan as oppose to being themselves l. Secondly sex is not one size fits all people have their individual style they are comfortable with and prefer some people love sweet sex while others are down for whatever the key is finding someone that us compatible to you in the sheets. Trust if you want to be open and adventurous in bed do it because YOU want too not because you want to be an image you think your man wants
Binks… THANK YOU!!!
This article is…. Uggghhh @ this article
binks – I’m sorry baby but those are just talking points. If a guy gets out of his comfort zone to please and keep his woman – she should return the favor. Now I do agree that there should be some limits to how far. But if he goes out of his comfort zone for you and you don’t go out of yours for him – do you deserve him or any man?
You should keep your morals. You should keep your standards. But giving a little head to the man who has decided to commit his life to you, stop chasing women (which he has done his whole life), love and protect you (right or wrong – thick and thin), support your dreams and listen to your wants and desires and accepts your hang ups – is a small order. EEWWWW head is nasty – I’m uncomfortable with that!!! Really?
This rant focused on head – a sore subject with me and my lady. But lady’s come on – there are little things your man wants you to do that aint gonna kill you. Please do them! Your man hasn’t went off on you – but i bet he is frustrated like me. I’m not talking about threesoms or any wild shit. But some head (my favorite) some sexy lingerie, sex more than once a month – most men are set.
To be frank, I couldn’t care less why some women are uncomfortable with their ‘freak time’. What another woman does in her bedroom shouldn’t be something one feels they need to change about another person. I am very much against the idea of telling people to step out of their comfort zone to appease others.
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lady for your man…” I don’t understand this line. Is this the opposite to being a man for your man?
I like to be all for my man too, because he deserves it. Sex with someone you love is a really intimate experience and I couldn’t see myself being prudish when he goes down on me like bam!
1. Nope.
2. I think some women are uncomfortable and stiff because they’re very body-conscious and not secure in their attractiveness, even in the act of having sex.
I am definitely comfortable with my sexuality and I agree that you shouldn’t be out here selling your goodies for the whole world to see (even though, if it’s known that you have no issue with your sexuality and you’re a woman, you’re viewed as a whore). Being a woman it’s like you’re damned if you do, damned if you’re don’t.
If your sex game is on point, men will think “well, how did she get all of this experience?” and if it’s super wack you’ll look like a prude that needs to learn a thing are two (some men are patient with women like this others will skip out).
I honestly believe that a lot of women are uncomfortable with their sexuality because of society. It has conditioned us to think that we should keep it hidden and if we don’t we are whores. It’s just like going number 2 and farting, women are NOT supposed to do that.
It could also stem from a self-esteem issue due to past experiences or your body but for the most part women try so hard to hold on to that quaint image of being untouched because after all most men don’t want a woman that has been all over town.
OR
It could be from not knowing your body well enough to know what you do/don’t like and what feels good. And in many cases, having too many sexual experiences with people you really weren’t comfortable being intimate with to being with.
I think it’s kind of sad to see. I have friends that have flat out said that they do not like sex.
Being comfortable with your sexuality as a woman is liberating, if you’re not, you’re missing out!
http://www.ellecherieamour.wordpress.com
Lol. This is article is so on point, however these comments are interesting. It seems some women get all worked up when the suggestion is made to loosen up a little. It’s not that serious. No one is saying go out and become a whore. The writer is only saying live a little and let your hair down some. Enjoy your man be open to show him your wild side.
Instead of telling people to loosen up a little, try being more understanding.
ppl are more than the sum of what they will/won’t do in bed, at work. for a spouse, with a spouse, or to support a family. It sounds heroic to say “I’ll do anything for you….” but it shouldl not be confused with I’ll do ANYTHING TO you” Sex has it’s placem but we spend most of our lives do regular, everyday type stuff…. Okay so for example, “I’ll finsih ny Master’s degree (for you”) is a little different from “I’ll work at the car wash for you” but both of them speak to stuff that working men do…..
now there are a lot of “boys” that pretend to be hard, streetwise, or whatever, but can’t imagine regular work just to buy groceries, pay rent, orpay child support…let alone to be there day in a day out for thier child–they live in their moms’s basement….
so, yeah pick a guy out who gets you off, but understand how narrow a slice of (horizontal) life having good sex is. WE spend most of our lives outside the bedroom….Will that sex-you-up-fool finish his education and get a real job for you—- AND #$%& your brains out?
Will you do the same and be a real mom after you go to school too? Nuthin sexy is going on when you don’t have someone who is well rounded…or when you aren’t someone who is well rounded…in the streets, in the sheets, or in the LIBRARY