On the latest episode of Basketball Wives producers took a mini break from the usual tomfoolery to catch a very serious and poignant moment in time. Tami Roman, the spunky, outspoken, headbussin’ wild card in the BBW crew visited a therapist to start dealing with her obvious anger issues. During the session Tami revealed to the therapist, and the world, the source of some of her anger.

Tami confesses:

“As a kid growing up, I was raped twice. My mom didn’t know about it. That’s an issue for me. I’ve been held up at gunpoint, someone threatening to blow my brains out, torturing me for four days. People have beat me up. People who I thought loved me. That’s why I’m real big on my personal space because I’ve been violated so much by people who that I thought cared about me.”

This revelation was a breakthrough of sorts for Tami and for those of us watching it definitely explained a lot and put together the pieces of the angry puzzle. Like Tami, many of us are holding on to past hurts that manifest themselves in our lives and harm us in more ways than one. We may not be flipping over tables and slapping people up, but the hurt may cause us to push folks, or doubt ourselves or lash out and snap over the smallest things. It’s not healthy to carry the pain around so here are three ways you can begin to get over the anger and heal.

Seek Professional Help
Often times there are stigmas attached to seeking therapy or joining support groups. People see it as weak or not having faith that a higher power will “work it out,” especially in the minority community. But these thoughts and other like them couldn’t be more wrong. There is absolutely no shame is seeking help for whatever troubles you, talking to someone like a therapist or joining a support group where you can be around people similar to you, can be a tremendous help. You’ll realize you’re not alone and learn valuable coping tools to help you better manage your anger and begin the healing process.

Keep A Journal
It’s hard to tell people the truth about what we’re feeling sometimes. Often we’re not prepared to hear the truth, even when it’s coming from our own mouths. Keeping a journal is a way for you to let those emotions out so they don’t stay cooped up inside waiting to explode. It allows you to work out your thoughts on paper and hopefully through the writing process you will learn what your triggers are or where your anger truly comes from.

Have A Support System
If you’re not a writer and not ready to seek professional help, turn to someone close to you that you love and trust. Create a close support system of family and friends around you that you can talk to about your pain. Having someone you trust to release your pain to can be a comfort and they can be your safe place to turn when you feel the rage boiling inside.

How do you let go of anger?

  • Sams

    I truly feel for you. Therapy has only helped me to some degree even tho I’ve gone for years, but I’ve never tried a group. My family are the ones who abused me and continue to do so if I’m around them. I hate to burden others and they usually have their own problems they need to talk about. It’s also hard to know who to trust. JOURNALING can truly be a huge help. It forces you to take all the thoughts swirling around in your head and focus them so that they make sense. I’ve had a great many “light bulb going off in my head” moments that way. I truly believe that repressing hurt and anger (as women are conditioned to do) plays a huge role in the explosion of autoimmune disorders afflicting women, along with today’s extremely toxic environment. May I also suggest googling “The Four Agreements”. It’s a book but if you can find the actual agreements online and try to impliment them, they are a very helpful way to look at interpersonal relationships.

  • http://www.daghewardmills.org Episkopos

    Jesus’ healing ministry specifically mentioned the healing of the broken-hearted. The broken-hearted are people with emotional problems. To have a broken heart is to suffer from deep disappointment. To have a broken heart is to have a devastating experience that leaves a person without hope, faith or love. The Greek word for broken heart is “santribo” and it means “to be shattered”.
    Our lives are full of shattered dreams and hopes. Christ came into the world to save men from their shattered dreams and aspirations.
    He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
    Psalm 147:3
    http://www.daghewardmills.org

  • Precious

    yoga breathing exercises helped me a great deal.

    so does meditating…

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