5 Perfectly Good Reasons To Wait for Parenthood

by Sky Obercam

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We’ve all heard about the so-called joys of parenthood, but it may not be for everyone, well at least, not any time soon. There are countless reasons why folks choose to wait to hop on train parenthood, but the following are the most common:

You Are ‘Selfish’
A responsible person knows that having kids means your new edition becomes priority number one. So for those of you who aren’t ready to put someone else’s needs before your own, you’re smart to wait until you feel secure enough to make the necessary sacrifices.

The Finances…
Whether you don’t make ‘enough’ or have trouble managing the money you do make, capital is a huge factor to consider when starting a family. You may just not be prepared for the straight up financial drain – courtesy of your little bundle of joy.

What About My Career?
For women especially, this can be a huge issue. Once you decide to have a family, a whole number of issues come to the fore. From issues of maternity leave – to realizing that making that drastic career change you’ve been dreaming of is now out of your reach – is all part and parcel of the journey that is parenthood.

Who Needs The Added Stress?
The physical and emotional drain a child can have on you can be intense. From a woman’s perspective, the sacrifice is immense. We’re not just talking about the morning sickness, weight gain and pain of child birth either. Once your little one is born, both men and women experience a great deal of stress in caring for a baby. Sleep deprivation comes with the territory, and naturally, you have to be prepared to cope with how that will affect the rest of your life, such as your job, and especially, the relationship with your partner.

I Like the Night Life!
Calling all social butterflies, if you are unwilling to relinquish your footloose and fancy-free lifestyle then having kids is most definitely not for you. Once you enter the land of parenthood, every single attempt towards leisure or adventurous activities must be carefully planned in advance to ensure you have someone to look after your little one in your absence. And you can forget about satisfying impulsivity, unless it involves making an impromptu trip to Baby’s R Us to take advantage of their spring sale. And for all you jetsetters, you may want to consider if you’re ready to swap out your sexy trip with friends to Turks & Caicos, with a ‘fun filled’ wholesome weekend at Disney Land.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    You forgot the most important one, You have found the right man to be your father’s baby?! That is VERY critical!

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    have *NOT* found…..

  • apple

    I’m totally not ready. The thought of marriage and kids make me itch. I haven’t found myself nor have I’ve lived yet.

  • binks

    Agreed African mami, you would think with the recents articles about single mothers that would be first…lol but I agree it’s a good list but superficial because you are missing the core element of finding a solid mate to help with parenthood

  • Candi83

    Those are the exact same reasons why I don’t have kids yet (including finding a suitable mate). Especially I’m selfish and it kind of scares me to be responsible for someone else.

  • E.M.S.

    I disagree with calling someone selfish if they don’t want kids. Some folks are just not interested in the responsibility or challenge, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about others.

    If I choose not to bake cookies because I don’t want any, am I selfish? That’s not the best analogy but you get the point!

  • dem babies

    oh how I love babies, toddlers, and children! But gosh darnit…I am 28 and about 75% sure that I dont want my own. I’m soooo deeply in love with my 16 month old nephew..but I love that I can give him back to his parents…esp when it is tiime for him to go to sleep and he gets super cranky…or when his diaper gets hella fonky.

    I dont get much pressure now b/c I’m not married..and recently got out of a long term relationship…but I can only imagine the external pressure once I get to 30 or when/if I get married….my husband bet not ask me to pop out no kids.

  • http://Theantifash.blogspot.com The Antifash

    EVERYTHING!

  • Please Excuse Me

    There is nothing wrong with waiting to have children especially if you do not have a suitable mate to share that responsibility. As a mother it is a huge responsibility and I waited till I was 34yrs old to have my first child. I enjoyed my 20′s by traveling, hanging out with my girls and just living a carefree life. Now that I am married with a toddler I have no regrets.

  • Mack1298

    i think these issues are so exact, to the point, and true. I was never a dreamer about marriage and children. Now since I am still unmarried and no children….I am enjoyingmy great niece, Nia, and trying to see if I could actually take onthe responisbility of adopting foster children. We shall see what happens. Thanks for the post!

  • EbonyLolita

    I’m very disappointed to see a committed partner on here. I’m straight so I’d say husband for ME, but for my gay sistren a committed partner should be on the list. Once again, the unbalanced household leads to stress on a single mother & other issues take over.
    Me personally my reasons to remain childless include everything on this list except the Night Life. I’m not selfish at ALL, however being single allows you to have a certain level of self awareness. As a matter of fact ALL my friends w/children are always inviting me to their child’s birthday party, babyshowers, Christenings & what not. I’ve had to decline invites b/c my pockets are HURTING. I hope folks remember my dedication if my time comes around. I think it’s selfish to have children when you know your foundation is shaky & you’re not emotionally grounded to give them ALL they deserve.
    Just my opinion but I’ll tell you this. I’m happy now & I know if I choose to become a wife & a mother I won’t have the urge to “hit the streets” b/c I missed out when I was younger. I enjoy quality time w/the girls but I’m not a street gyal. Folks learn who you are first before you take on new titles. Being a wife & a mother is a SERIOUS responsibility.

  • EbonyLolita

    *To NOT See*

  • LN

    Welp, I recently had an unplanned pregnancy (thanks to the hubs and the failure of birth control) so, sadly, I’m on the other side of this fence.

    I’m looking forward to meeting the little guy or girl but, at 26, this was definitely way too early for me. I’m glad that I’m married and we’re stable, but if I could re-set the timeline, I wouldn’t be having the tyke for another 4 or 5 years.

    Enjoy the non-baby life ladies… I will live vicariously through you. *Sigh

  • overseas_honeybee

    All of the above. Not ready and with no husband in sight … it’s gonna be awhile (*hands out Snicker’s Bars*). I’m cool with that though. I love jet setting, coming home to a quiet house and eating peanut and jelly sandwiches for dinner. Don’t really have that maternal itch right now.

  • pink

    How about the obvious; Waiting until you get married

  • perplexed

    people get shot for saying the m-word around here, so be careful. those who are waiting for marriage may not say it but we do exist…

  • Bruna

    +1

  • golden_girl

    agree 100% about the selfish but in defense:

    Too many women are spending money on weaves and shoes than on tutoring and museums, science fairs, so on and so on. Then 10 yrs from now they will be on the 10 oclock news talking about they baby dead!

    It’s a cold world out there and nobody cares about you and your black kid. So you better have a man, some money and a good education secured before you have a 1970s flasback and figure you can do this on your own. NOT!

  • Sue

    1 second you on that!

  • ogawdDee

    I wish the best for you and the baby.

  • Humanista

    we do, indeed

  • ExactlyWhatIthink

    Agree…marriage first

  • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com Perverted Alchemist

    I have a perfectly good reason as to why I have yet to be a parent- I hate children!!!

  • CurlySue

    The look on that little kid’s face in the picture is reasons number 1-100 why I want to wait *shudders. I wish my child would look at me like that over the dinner table!

  • CAsweetface

    I couldnt agree with you more. Waiting for marriage is like a four letter word around here.

  • iQgraphics

    Why is there such a negative connotation associated with selfishness?
    I actually believe that being selfish one of only 3 reasons that should be on the list because it encompasses so many of the other reasons mentioned.

    1) Have not found the appropriate mate
    2) Finances
    3) Selfish = nightlife, career, stress factor

    There is nothing wrong with being selfish. The only thing that could be a problem is if you are indeed selfish and not willing to admit it to yourself.

    If more people admitted their own self interest, there would be less dysfunctional relationships and less single parent households.

  • iQgraphics

    If more people admitted their own self interest, there would be less dysfunctional relationships and less single parent households.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ThisIsMissRae MissRae

    and less Casey Anthonys

  • http://www.twitter.com/ThisIsMissRae MissRae

    hmmm.. Love kids but not for me .

  • Merci1981

    Thank you!

  • Mickstallion

    My husband and I have been married for almost a decade, and we are just now easing into the IDEA of having children. For us, it’s simple: we like our Saturdays. lol. Naw, but for real, all of the reasons listed above and some. Also, I know a helluva lot of selfish parents too. Having a child doesn’t magically take away the selfish trait.

  • chanela

    LOL @ marriage being a 4 letter word!

    lately so is monogamy.SHEESH! lol

  • chanela

    well damn. i hope your child doesn’t ever end up reading this post. i’d seem so depressed and unwanted.

  • MsZMC

    I told someone that I didn’t want kids until I’m married and they almost shot me! She argued me up and down about how thats not realistic and stuff happens, even married people get divorved etc etc.

    How am I wrong for wanting to be married BEFORE I have a child? I want stability and to be settled so my child can have a stable upbringing. I also know that I do not want to be a single parent and I want my children to experience what I didnt; a two parent home. If it happens differently, I’ll accept it, but I am still hoping and planning to be a wife before I am a mother.

  • Priceless34

    I think all apply to me. I am def not ready for children especially because I am not married.
    If I never marry, I do not want children.
    I think it is selfish to have a child out of wedlock. Don’t judge me.

  • Alexandra

    Haha! My number 1 reason is #1 in this list. I’m not ashamed to admit it either.
    I love cute babies though.

  • Alexandra

    Also agreeing with those of you on the marriage part & meeting the right partner.

  • Alexandra

    Thank you IQ and I agree as well. Some people are afraid to take a hard look at themselves and instead choose to make decisions based on what society and/or others expect of them.

  • simonemom

    I can’t believe someone wrote an article like this. Thank God your mother didn’t feel the same way when she had you. 5 Reason to Have Children

    1. It helps you get rid of your selfish tendencies, which you will need to do in order to have a successful relationship with anyone.
    2. The sheer JOY when you look into your little ones eyes for the first time…..priceless.You are given the authority to put every good thing inside of you into someone else.
    3. Who says that you can’t have a career when you have children?? Having a child gave me more hustle & grind than I had as a “childless professional”. I’m more assertive and I have real tife experience that spills over into the workplace.
    4. Yes there will be stressful days as a parent but it all works out when your snuggling up playing games with your child and listening to all the things their little imagination can think of.
    5. The Night life is OVER-rated!! Trust me….the club is the same thing week after week. It wasn’t until I left that lifestyle that I began to discover a true sense of myself. Would you rather be remembered for your drunken club nights or as a phenomenal parent?

    I understand waiting until marriage that is ideal and makes having children a lot easier, however if your pregnancy happened before then children are still a blessing. Let’s not get so wrapped up into ourselves that we forget the beauty it is to bring forth life.

  • chanela

    Omg yes! i love your comment soo much! for some reason the women on this site are sooo anti family they think getting married and having children is the same as being a terrorist. you’ll definitely get lynched for your comment since having 50 degrees,banging random men every day,and buying $8,000 designer shoes is way more precious than having a family.lol

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