Breaking Up With My Vibrator

by Arielle Loren

Woman Sleeping in BedWhen I first met my vibrator, I was twenty years old, looking to enhance my art of masturbation, and add more power to my orgasms. I had been touching myself since I was 11, mainly with my fingers and occasional objects. But I had never experienced a deep orgasm until the second time I had sex, and it felt like all the energy being built in my vagina dispersed to every cell in my anatomy. It was an intense feeling I could never seem to get myself to again without a sexual partner, but I kept hearing how women were experiencing similar types of orgasms through vibrating toys.

With a guy I was dating, I went to a sex shop and he purchased my first vibrating rabbit dildo, which was followed by a vibrating “pelvic floor” massager gifted by the host of a media appearance I did. Both toys had multiple vibration settings, and when applied to my clitoris, I’d feel powerful orgasms shoot through my body within seconds, matching many of the sensations I’d felt with my sexual partners.

I was addicted.

I’d go to work, come home, and play with my toys. I’d still have sex with the guy I was dating, but all of the sudden it became a simple “option” instead of a necessity to fulfill my sexual urges. I learned how liberating masturbation really could be for women. And I reveled in my newfound power to get myself off in a powerful way.

But there was one thing; I noticed that the initial vibration settings that I used when I first got my vibrator were no longer enough to “get me off.” I found myself increasing the power of each toy’s vibration until I eventually hit the maximum setting. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get the same powerful orgasm that I was addicted to feeling. And that was a problem.

As a sexuality writer, I read a lot of literature and research on sex. And when I really dove into learning more about the clitoris’ anatomy and how many nerves women really have down there, I realized that the power of vibrators might be great for providing powerful orgasmic shocks but they also numb some of our nerves after repeated use.

What I was feeling in terms of needing stronger vibrations to get my orgasmic fix was my nerves getting number to touch. Now I needed strong, powerful finger strokes or vibrations to get my juices flowing, when before I only needed a light rub, tongue tickle, or touch by my partner.

So I decided to take a break from using my toys. And eventually, my addiction faded. I began to only use them maybe once or twice a month. I focused on getting my clitoris and vaginal sensations responsive again to light touches and mere thoughts. Now, I’m at a place where I feel more sensitive in that area than ever. And I’m not willing to lose it.

I had an orgasm recently from my fingers gently stroking my clitoris, and my body shook like someone took me by the shoulders and was trying to shake me awake from the dead. It was that powerful. I realized that I didn’t need my toys. And that natural masturbation can give you just as much pleasure as vibrators if you take the time to train and focus on your senses down there.

It’s official. I’m breaking up with my vibrator.

Do you use vibrators to frequently masturbate? Or do you find it better to solely depend on your hands and non-vibrating objects? Speak on it.

  • LaDreaming86

    “Do you use vibrators to frequently masturbate? Or do you find it better to solely depend on your hands and non-vibrating objects? Speak on it.”

    I don’t even own a vibrator or any sex toys. And, me touching my self does nothing.

  • AustralianGirl

    Yes I masturbate regularly. Yes, I usually just need my fingers and they do fine. I’ve always been very orgasmic!

    Vibrators? As Marky Mark once said back in the 90′s …” its such a Good Vibration, its such a Sweeeet Sensation!”

  • Pingback: » Breaking Up With My Vibrator Arielle Loren

  • http://www.melissahughes.net Melissa

    Both. Sometimes the non-vibrating toy masturbation is awesome because I put more time and effort into it. It becomes sexy and erotic. Other times, my toy is tops because I just want the orgasm and then go to sleep.

  • http://www.womanist-musings.com/ womanistmusings

    I have a very loving relationship with my Hitachi. There is no way that I would consider even temporarily breaking up with it.

  • 2NatuRho

    I am a big advocate for self-love! Ive been masturbating since I was about 14 years old and bought my first vibrator when I was 20. I use my clit stimulator more than my vibrator (nothing can replace you-know-what!) but I have noticed that if I do try to please myself with my fingers it takes a little bit more pressure because Im so use to my stimulator. But who knows, I might have to take a break from my stimulator as well because I care about my nerve endings :)

  • Amber

    My first vibrator was a rabbit too! I bought it a year ago, and I’ve definitely come to appreciate bringing myself to an orgasm. For some reason fingers just don’t do it for me, unless they’re someone else’s.

  • Keep it Real

    The funny thing is you have a lot of women who are masturbating and proclaiming themselves to be celibate or abstinent. The truth is they are neither. They’ve replace having sex with a man with having sex with themselves or some toys. Personally I don’t like having sex with those type of women. They can’t have an orgasm during sex unless they are pleasuring themselves and sometimes they’re not as tight because they have been sticking so many things up inside of themselves. The same thing goes with men who masturbate all the time. He’s going to take longer to have an orgasm. Which is a good thing for some men who don’t have control and cum to quickly.

  • http://naturalgraceinlace.tumblr.com/ Grace

    I tried using a toy but can’t get past the irrational fear that someone will be able to hear the buzzing. Doesn’t matter if it’s an empty house and no neighbors in sight I still think someone somewhere will hear it and can never get comfortable enough. So I stick to manually loving myself.

  • Velma

    Oh please. So getting rid of your vibrator is really suppose to mean something? If it gives you pleasure, there’s nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is other people telling you what to do with your time and your body.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    Yes I masturbate regularly. Yes, I usually just need my fingers and they do fine. I’ve always been very orgasmic!

    oh my days

    now THAT ^ is so

    dirty

    but killer

    hot.

    O_o-h!

    Damn I love this Place.

    LMAO!

  • http://www.BlasianBytch.com N’jaila Rhee

    As a sex writer and an adult model I have to say that its not the vibrator’s fault! Women who think that they need the biggest, strongest, fasted toy on the market to get off are doing themselves a huge disservice. I review toys, so I have a treasure chest of them but I’ve never found myself feeling numb because of overuse, Why? I know that toys are to enhance, not do all the work.

    The way I approach a toy is the same why I approach a lover, they give a little and I give a little to achieve a rewarding orgasm. I give cam shows sometimes up to 4 hours in a day a lot of people think that I would have no feeling or must be faking. Nope, I’ve never used any toy to its maximum vibration on a regular basis. I need to work for my orgasms or I don’t really feel as satisfied.

    I wouldn’t advise getting rid of your vibrators but I would recommend changing how you incorporate them into your sex life.

  • http://www.BlasianBytch.com N’jaila Rhee

    Grace, I would try investing in a high quality toy that is especially designed to be quiet. Try a toy from the Lelo line they come in both compact and larger versions and some are also waterproof.

  • Mo

    Yes, I do regularly with Toys and my fingers :-) it’s wonderful!

  • No Way!

    Break up!!!? Me and ChiChi Rodriguez are bound for live! I’ll never break up with my vibrator. Ever. I’ve had a more succuessful relationship with my vibrator than with any dude I’m dated. You have a healthy sex life with yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. You don’t disappoint yourself do you? You don’t have to worry about STDs? Then why quit.

  • Zy

    do us all a favor and climb out of the dark ages in which you’re residing… it’s the 21st century and sex, along with self-pleasuring has come a long way. *smdh*

  • Isis

    That has happened to me. Since using my rabbit so much when a guy goes down on me I no longer have an orgasm. Never had one during sex. It kinda sucks but I’m not willing to get rid of my rabbit. lmaoo

  • Socially Maladjusted

    “Since using my rabbit so much”-

    hot

    “when a guy goes down on me”

    not hot

    “I no longer have an orgasm”

    cold

    LOL!

  • Socially Maladjusted

    can I just add that

    dirty but hot sounds much better in an American accent.

    It’s like durrrdy but hot

    in an english accent it’s like dur-ee but ‘ot (the H is kinda silent on both words in the working class London accent)

    Gots to me some yanki nani

    home of the phatest ass on planet earth.

    LMAO!

  • AustralianGirl

    :-)

  • AustralianGirl

    oh dear, hello resident caveman …………. womens v.aginas don’t stretch because you stick the occasional finger/vibrator inside…

    What about women who have regular sex with their husbands – or use tampons? would you say they’ve also ‘not as tight’?

    Thats right, you wouldnt say that, because you’re actually making a moral judgement, not a medical judgement.

    The only thing that genuinely does ‘stretch/change’ the vagina is giving birth.

    That is all.

    (p.s. if you don’t like womens pleasure, then perhaps you should sleep with men)

  • Socially Maladjusted

    oops

    I meant the “t” and the “h” are are silent.

  • AustralianGirl

    Hi socially mal,

    You sound like you’re having fun and enjoying these posts, like the rest of us :-)

    I’m not trying to pick an argument,but I just want to make a little comment.

    Whenever a woman mentions she enjoys sexuality, you respond: “Thats ‘dirty’, lol.”

    I just want to say they’re is nothing ‘dirty’ about women enjoying sexuality.

    That is all.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    australiangirl

    no no

    the “dirty” is not to say a woman’s dirty for enjoying sex, the dirty is in the sex, because it’s not hot if it aint -.

    durrrdy.

    ooh!

    hee hee!

  • those things are addictive

    vibrators are addictive and can ruin sex with a partner. I got one for the 1st time 4 years ago b/c I was curious. I then started dating a guy and the sex just wasn’t the same. I could never orgasm. I was still new to dating and sex so I actually told him about my vibrator. He is actually the one that told me it deadens the nerve endings and makes it harder to orgasm with a partner. I wasn’t even putting two and two together..and yes I used to look forward to my nightly ritual with it. After 6 months, I had to do the hard thing and throw it out…I think I cried. I’ve been single for almost 6 months now and have considered buying another but I’m going to hold out…I want my next guy to benefit for the tightness and not some vibrator.

  • Nicole

    Love my vibrators! When I was single I used them on my own since I’ve been with my boyfriend he uses them on me every once and a while.

  • Denise

    I use a pillow to masturbate and it has worked for me since I was very young. I know it’s such an old way of masturbating but it has worked for me.

  • E.M.S.

    Never had one, and never will. If it’s not the real thing from my partner, then I don’t want it. He’s the only sexual stimulation I want or need. Maybe I’m just weird like that.

  • AustralianGirl

    ok, understood :-)

  • binks

    No, you’re not weird I am the same way. I am not a big um…self lover and toys doesn’t really do it for me…shrugs

  • EbonyLolita

    Prefer a vibrator just for clitoral stimulation. Prefer a penis/tongue for actual penetration. But it’s true that vibrator increases your need for speed to climax quickly. Most men can’t stand up to the challenge of that motor. All in all NOTHING compares w/the “feel” of a man on top of me & using all his body parts to bring me pleasure.
    This was a good post & I have to admit at times I’ve had to lay off my vibrator :)

  • http://sweetilocks.blogspot.com Alicia Fiasco

    I have yet to be completely over my vibrator enough to break up with it, but I have learned to use it in moderation. As someone who isn’t a great masturbator (it’s just something I haven’t mastered, shame to say), I use my toy to stimulate me in ways my fingers do not. It can never take the place of a man, but it helps on those nights when I feel some kinda way and don’t wanna take a risk on someone new/strange. But I will say it is a fair warning to heed – vibrators used in excess will numb your nerves down there, so take it easy.

  • Aguurl

    We know this! Life is about moderation. End of.

  • http://Upwordsgo.wordpress.com Ms. Write

    I started masturbating, to put it mildly, very early. I was riding the arm of the sofa as if it were a rocking horse. After a few minutes, I felt a tingle down there, a tingle that surprised and delighted my young brain. I was 6.

    Twenty years later, I still give myself the most powerful orgasms–and I’ve never used a toy. My technique is a bit unusual: Ball up a sweater, sheet, any material you can bulk up to a comfortable thickness. Position it under your hips, preferably right at your clitoris. You may want to keep your underwear on, since the fabric can be a little rough. Gyrate your hips. Ride it. Bury your head in a pillow and move your body. How quickly you climax is all up to you–sometimes it takes me five minutes, sometimes I can go for an hour. Just depends on my mood.

    While this technique isn’t sexy, I’m telling you, it works. It’s hands-free pleasure. You can talk on the phone or polish your nails if you wanted to. Just don’t get caught humping a sweater!

  • Krysie

    I feel like I wrote your post because that is exactly my life story behind masturbation as well! I’m glad I found a masturbation twin…lol!

  • anonymousfornowlol

    thought i was the only one!! hehe (my man thinks its odd but sexy)

    btw is it possible to masturbate TOO much to the point that you have absolutely no sensation on the clitoris? for some reason i simply cannot get aroused at all except a few days before and then during my period. is there something wrong with me? should i get a female viagra or something? (i’m only 21 though)

  • Marietta

    Who is the model underneath those grey sheets?!
    She is HOT!
    She is making ME hot!
    Yum.

  • perplexed

    @anonymousfornow

    umm , i think it has something that happens when you stimulate the clitoris a lot, it numbs. i think you need to stop for a while and it will regain sensitivity. also if you wear tight jeans or pants that rub against it all day the same thing happens. so stop that too.

  • Liz

    Maybe they don’t orgasm because you aren’t doing it right..

    with your antiquated views, that sounds like the issue…

  • German Girl

    Im single , so for me masturbation is the only sex I have been having for the last few months. To be honest I enjoy it very much and have become quite an expert. I do use a vibrator (Lelo Iris) occassionally but to be honest I find it much easier to orgam when using my fingers or rubbing myself against a cushion or pillow. By the way just discovered this site and love it.

  • German Girl

    Marietta,

    You are not the only one who got aroused by the girl under the blanket :-)

  • tee

    how long did it take you to break up with ur vibrater, curtainly trying to but I can’t get off with my hands and realty enjoy masturbating , I want to re gain sensitivity to start masterbating with my hands

  • Nayobussiness

    I agree, I got my vibrator for my birthday from my gay best friend and have been using it almost every night… The feeling is so irrotic and I can’t wait for each night to come. I have slept with multiple guys and have NEVER had an orgasm, but with this special little toy, I found out what I was missing. I don’t understand how regular masturbating and sex don’t get me off one bit and I’m kind of concerned but Ok for now because it is the most amazing feeling! It feels like energy is exploding in my body from my clit to my throat, it’s perfect. But I don’t like how addicted I am… So I may stop and do it every week instead of every night ;)

  • Peter

    Thats because your addicted.

  • Stella

    Absoluly. In that way you get in tune whit your body and your partned sex will be great for you. You dont get in tune whit a vibrator you will only end up needing that to get off.

  • Maxi

    I have become pretty dependent on my vibrator too, but I’ve stated to date a new man, and although I’ve never orgasmed from intercourse only my vibrator, I want more than anything to orgasm from his touch. How long did it take you to regain the sensitivity and be able to orgasm without your vibrator?

  • http://loverlonger.com Ian Cox

    Addicted to pleasure? Power to you, why not? Have you considered the Vibratormate, its a hands free vibrator holder that holds your vibrator in the perfect position on your clitoris, so you don’t have to.
    Better still it will solve your couples sex issues if you fit it to the Luvbed. This way you can have a simultaneous orgasm with your partner while making love.

  • http://loverlonger.com Ian Cox

    That is a tough one for a man to achieve in the way you want I presume. Obviously the easiest orgasm is through clitoral stimulation, but the penis doesn’t touch the clitoris during regular intercourse.
    If your man penetrates you in side by side sex, his hand is free to stimulate you, ( this is not physically possible with missionary or doggie style positions)
    Problem is he is likely to orgasm and end the fun before you do. iIf he does actually have the staying power to wait for you, can his penis tolerate the vaginal squeezing that occurs prior to your clitoral orgasm?
    Don’t feel bad about the fact that sometimes technology works better than nature. For instance we can fly in a plane but not by flapping our arms!!! Cell phones will carry your voice a lot farther than shouting or smoke signals. It’s just is a sad but un-romantic truth.
    In the same way a Vibratormate will hold your vibrator hands free better than you can, especially if you place it on the Luvbed for a simultaneous orgasm while making love to a man.
    P.S Are you sure you have lost clitoral sensitivity? A finger or tongue works at about one tenth of the speed of a vibrator so don’t blame your body or your previous behavior if his finger can’t get up to speed.

  • C

    No, on the contrary you’re the kind of woman a great many men would love to know. Your guy is lucky to have a woman that makes you and his sexual RELATIONSHIP with him your sexual non-negotiable ahead of all else. While I know it’s the cultural standard these days to see female empowerment in all ways, including sexually, as enlightened thinking I think some of the old double standards that used to favor mens sexuality have completely inverted. A woman pleasuring herself with a sex “toy” is viewed as hot but the notion of a man masturbating with some sort of artificial vagina I’m sure is thought of as weird at best and down right repulsive, disturbing, or gross at worst. Ha, when I just typed that I didn’t even realize that I called it “pleasuring” for the female version and masturbation for what a man would do. Heck, even I’m jaded now! Stay weird then ma’am because your man is incredibly lucky to have someone like you who forsakes all others, be they flesh & blood or battery powered plastic, to keep it ALL about each other. Actually it makes you refreshingly rare these days.

  • Skay2014

    I am currently going through the same problem. I became addicted to using a vibrator on my clit about a year and a half ago when I met my bf. His technique in bed is amazing but he can’t seem to get completely hard due to certain medications he has to take. He’s not impotent or anything, and he does get hard enough for me to enjoy the sex but it makes achieving orgasms take a lot longer and less powerful. I used to have trouble climaxing during vaginal sex but when my bf lasts long enough, I will achieve 1 eventually.
    I started to use the vibrator a lot, sometimes I would use it 3 or 4 days in a row achieving a dozen or more orgasms every time but I recently began to lose the feeling in my clit. It is so numb when I try to use the vibrator and takes a LOT longer to reach climax.
    Are there ANY ways to quickly regain the sensitivity in my clit and if not, how long will I have to stop using the vibrator in order to get that feeling back?
    I am able to give myself orgasms by masturbating in other ways, but it doesn’t feel any where near as wonderful as using the vibrations.
    ANY advice would be appreciated!

    Thanks in advance!

  • leisa

    I am going through this also. My clit is numb even to touch, making it very difficult to orgasm, which brings me to your blog. My play time started out on the lowest setting and eventually maxed out on the highest. What did you do to regain the sensitivity? Did you just stop? Any help would be appreciated.

  • nicole

    I’ve been using my vibrator on my clit for about 4 years now! I wear my undies though to stop my clot from going numb, and it seems to work. If i do it once during the day, I can’t stop until i Physically can’t orgasm anymore. by the time my boyfriend comes home from work, I don’t even want to have sex! I need to throw mine away or hide it. It’s very difficult though.

  • Stanley 001

    I’m not about to break up with my hands. No not gonna happen

  • Glenn Krasner

    Have your boyfriends go down on you orally first, before penetration. That will help. Glenn in the Bronx, NY.

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