I Am Good Enough, Are You?
I sat bewildered in front of my television screen last Monday evening entranced in an episode of VH1’s Basketball Wives. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t watch the show weekly, but when I saw many young, well-versed, educated women of color on my Twitter timeline discussing the antics of the show’s breakout star Evelyn Lozada I immediately tuned in. I thought I’d find her fighting someone yet again, but what I saw was a woman deeply in love pleading with her fiancée Chad Ochocinco to keep it real about sleeping with other women.
“I want you to be 100 with me,” Evelyn cried. “I’d rather know. Tell me, I want to know. Go to the pharmacy and get condoms. I’m going to be sick like a mother—-er, but what can I do but respect you and know that you’re telling me the truth rather than hide it. At the end the day you don’t have to tell me nothing. I don’t want to have to babysit you, but I’d rather you be real with me because Lord knows what could happen.”
Get More: Basketball Wives (Season 4), Evelyn
My first thought was disappointment. Disappointment that yet another woman of color was on national television sending a horrible message to the millions of young women who tune in every week to watch the show. I cringed at the thought of some woman out there accepting that her man’s going to cheat here and there, and she’s just supposed to deal with it the best way she knows how.
“He’s a ball player, so Evelyn already knows what the situation is,” one of my good guy friends casually explained to me. “She can either deal with it or be gone, because he’s going to cheat.”
Deal with it or be gone? Is that the only option? That can’t be the only option.
While ballplayers and extremely successful men are known to be more prone to step-out on their women, they certainly aren’t the only one’s. According to a recent study, about 70% of married men admitted to cheating on their wives. It is also estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married couples will engage in some form of infidelity at some point during the course of their marriage.
“We live in different times,” one of my close girlfriends assured me. “More than likely you will get cheated on. Many men keep options on the side and women too. Even if you’re not sleeping with that person, most never completely cut strings of old flames or new one’s.” And to my surprise a number of my girlfriends agreed with her.
Maybe I’m old fashioned or in serious denial of the times, but whatever happened to being “enough” for your significant other? While we’re all human and there’s no question that temptation from the opposite sex is there, is it naïve to think that in today’s twenty-four hour world of new technology and immediate gratification, that monogamy is no longer an option ?
Yes, it does seem that faithfulness is not winning these days, with cheating scandals always in the news, constantly the center of attention on top rated reality shows, continuously discussed on social networks and even the topic of conversation at our dinner tables. Still, looking at strong couples of color like Kimora Lee and Dijimon Hounsou, Denzel and Pauletta Washington, Spike Lee and Tonya Lee, Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker, Grant and Tamia Hill, President Barack and Michelle Obama and more importantly my parents and grandparents show me that faithfulness in a relationship should not only be an option, it should be a priority.
I refuse to give in and believe that I can’t be “good enough” for the man that loves me. I KNOW I’m good enough, matter of fact, I’m great enough and you are too!
If you ask me, the real problem is the lack of honesty. If you don’t want to be monogamous, then be real about it, and find someone who feels the same way.
My husband and I have been in an open relationship for years. 95% of the time, we’re walking the dog, watching Netflix on the couch, doing the usual married folks thing. The remaining 5% of the time, we’re having independent adventures. This is possible because we’re honest and open about what we want from each other.
Lying seems to hurt everyone involved. Just be real about who you are and act accordingly.
I think women cheat as much as men, we are just better at covering it up. Therefore, we rarely get caught. This world is full of cheaters. Is it right? Should we deal with it? Hell No! No matter what anyone says, they are NOT okay with being cheated on, if you accept your man is cheating & let him do it, then how will you ever feel like you are special? If more women walked away as soon as their man cheated on them & didn’t put up with it, I think there would be a lot less cheating. I think cheating is constant bc people shrug their shoulders & tolerate it. If people knew for a fact their spouse/love would never take them back if they cheated, they probably wouldn’t risk it.
Sorry for the long comment! :-)
Right on! I have the same standards, and I agree with you 100%! I’m glad you are being a voice for those who do not compromise, when it comes to commitment and fidelity.
I don’t believe all men cheat. but if that really was the case what would be the incentive for women to even enter romantic relationships? There would be none. Men are not held to any moral standards when it comes to being faithful, or when it comes to single parent households or taking care of their kids. If a man can’t be faithful to his wife he won’t be faithful to his own children IMO. Not only do women have to accept men and their lack of accountability but we have to bare the blame and the shame and the responsibility of all the ills that come from a failed or bad relationship. We have to accept cheating even in marriage?! If that’s the case I rather be single for the rest of my life. & if all men cheat and are unfaithful how is it that women are soley to blame for single parent households or choosing the wrong mate….because then there really are no good mates to choose from, they are all unfaithful, untrustworthy and devoid of any accountability. they all suck!
Great post <3
THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnk YOU.
I beg to differ on your use of Denzel and Pauletta as examples of marital fidelity. While they have remained married for many years (and they appear to be a strong and loving couple) Denzel has intimated a few times that he has been unfaithful. I remember reading an Essence article on him years ago when asked about this very question, while not coming straight-out and saying he has cheated, he admitted to “not being perfect” but would never leave his wife. Also, a few years back there was a rumor that he and Sanaa Lathan had an affair.
In addition, I would be cautious about assuming any couple has been 100% faithful. Just because you don’t know about it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Only the two people in a relationship truly knows what the dynamics of that relationship are. You may be shocked to learn that you favorite couple has deep secrets.
she just LOOKS bad for crying and trying to plead to him to tell her about his infidelities …smh
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Asian people got jokes for days!…. 5 Reasons You Should Date Outside Your Race – http://on.fb.me/yeB4CH