I Am Good Enough, Are You?
I sat bewildered in front of my television screen last Monday evening entranced in an episode of VH1’s Basketball Wives. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t watch the show weekly, but when I saw many young, well-versed, educated women of color on my Twitter timeline discussing the antics of the show’s breakout star Evelyn Lozada I immediately tuned in. I thought I’d find her fighting someone yet again, but what I saw was a woman deeply in love pleading with her fiancée Chad Ochocinco to keep it real about sleeping with other women.
“I want you to be 100 with me,” Evelyn cried. “I’d rather know. Tell me, I want to know. Go to the pharmacy and get condoms. I’m going to be sick like a mother—-er, but what can I do but respect you and know that you’re telling me the truth rather than hide it. At the end the day you don’t have to tell me nothing. I don’t want to have to babysit you, but I’d rather you be real with me because Lord knows what could happen.”
Get More: Basketball Wives (Season 4), Evelyn
My first thought was disappointment. Disappointment that yet another woman of color was on national television sending a horrible message to the millions of young women who tune in every week to watch the show. I cringed at the thought of some woman out there accepting that her man’s going to cheat here and there, and she’s just supposed to deal with it the best way she knows how.
“He’s a ball player, so Evelyn already knows what the situation is,” one of my good guy friends casually explained to me. “She can either deal with it or be gone, because he’s going to cheat.”
Deal with it or be gone? Is that the only option? That can’t be the only option.
While ballplayers and extremely successful men are known to be more prone to step-out on their women, they certainly aren’t the only one’s. According to a recent study, about 70% of married men admitted to cheating on their wives. It is also estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married couples will engage in some form of infidelity at some point during the course of their marriage.
“We live in different times,” one of my close girlfriends assured me. “More than likely you will get cheated on. Many men keep options on the side and women too. Even if you’re not sleeping with that person, most never completely cut strings of old flames or new one’s.” And to my surprise a number of my girlfriends agreed with her.
Maybe I’m old fashioned or in serious denial of the times, but whatever happened to being “enough” for your significant other? While we’re all human and there’s no question that temptation from the opposite sex is there, is it naïve to think that in today’s twenty-four hour world of new technology and immediate gratification, that monogamy is no longer an option ?
Yes, it does seem that faithfulness is not winning these days, with cheating scandals always in the news, constantly the center of attention on top rated reality shows, continuously discussed on social networks and even the topic of conversation at our dinner tables. Still, looking at strong couples of color like Kimora Lee and Dijimon Hounsou, Denzel and Pauletta Washington, Spike Lee and Tonya Lee, Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker, Grant and Tamia Hill, President Barack and Michelle Obama and more importantly my parents and grandparents show me that faithfulness in a relationship should not only be an option, it should be a priority.
I refuse to give in and believe that I can’t be “good enough” for the man that loves me. I KNOW I’m good enough, matter of fact, I’m great enough and you are too!
oh men…
blah
if you can’t be happy in your relationship by terms that the both of you agree on, then what is the point?
You have this beautiful girl on TV… crying… on her way to the alter.
gurl bye!
What’s the point?
Like.
She’s willing to put up with this behavior because of the MONEY…If Chad (blesshislittleuglyheart) worked at the gas station or was a teacher, Evelyn would not be giving him a pass to cheat. She is willing to put up with this niggarish behavior because he has millions of dollars.
Yup@Ms. Information
I wanna add that I do watch this show, and Eveylen is a total opportunist. She deserves all those tears, IMO.
Not only is this a poor example for women of color, but impressionable young women of all races. It is completely unacceptable for a man to make you feel as though you are not enough, or to play second fiddle to his lifestyle and lustful cravings for other women. The fact of the matter is, if a man is still trying to sow his royal oats he isn’t ready to commit or be married. To marry me is to forsake all others and commit solely to me and you will covet no one else.
She (and many women who take a similar stance as Evelyn) is indeed settling. She can say that she is secure and she’s just facing the facts, but the fact of the matter is she is insecure and doesn’t feel that she is enough, and that she won’t be able to get anyone else so she might as well just deal with it. Again, unacceptable.
“To marry me is to forsake all others and commit solely to me and you will covet no one else.”- AMEN and AMEN Candice! This is what it all boils down to!
Right both genders do their share of cheating all day. This can come down to you…if you want to forgive the person and move on then great. If you feel you are enough and this is not acceptable then go. In her case..you reap what you sow….she’s getting it back for all those times she chose to be a jump off. What we must do though is stop thinking we can change folks after they show you who they are from the jump. You got a kat that is telling you look I got an issue with wanting some strange. You bristle and express you don’t like that….but I’ll stay with you anyway. Ok so you cant be surprised when this all goes down…..he was telling you from the get go.. Don’t make it right….but it’s true. Stop trying to make Mr Right now your Mr Right and listen to the instincts that the Good Lord gave you…..run heifa…..get yo paper and run!!!! LOL!
I completely agree with you. It has become acceptable in contemporary America for men to cheat and that bothers me. I think that when you commit yourself to one person you should be with that one person regardless of what sport you play or how much money you make. People take vows and they should be willing to uphold those vows. I just don’t see what’s the big deal with being faithful. If you love someone enough to marry them or be committed in a long term relationship you should love them and RESPECT them enough to be faithful and true. But then again maybe its just me and the hopeless romantic world I call home.