Signs That Your Dating Standards Are on The Decline
All the single ladies, we pose the following question: Have you found that as you increase in age, you have lowered your standards in your quest for Mr. Right?
On one hand, it’s entirely possible that during your earlier years, the standards you set were a little too unrealistic, i.e. looking for more of a fictional romantic character rather than a “real” man. On the other, maybe after several years of unsuccessful dating, you’ve decided to settle down with the most tolerable fella you can find, rather than be on your own. You may even try to deviate from the norm and get to know a guy from a whole new category. All is fair in love and war, as they say, and taking risks is par for the course. However, trying “something new” shouldn’t mean abandoning your values, We’ve all slipped up from time to time in this department, but you really know you’ve dropped your romantic standards when you:
- Start eyeing up fellas who you would’ve been repulsed by five years ago. We’re talking unattractive, bad bodies, bad personality, bad breath – basically anything that would’ve caused you to shudder at the thought of getting intimate with the guy.
- Date a man with a multitude of children sprinkled about your metropolitan area, each with a different mother. You really know you’re in a bad way when you remain with this fellow, knowing he slacks on his child support payments, to boot.
- Take in a broke-ass. He’s not just struggling, or recently laid off – he’s the man with grave financial issues. This is a cat who is bankrupt, makes really, really bad fiscal choices, and has chronic difficulties when it comes to keeping more than 3 figures in his bank account at any given point and time.
- Make excuses for your crazy boyfriend rather than just accept that the brotha has serious issues that require acute professional attention. This may be a man that you would’ve warned your friends to kick to the curb due to his emotional instability at one point. Now you’re holding on to this nut-job with a king-fu grip, for fear of flying solo.
- If you constantly have to make the following disclaimer “I know he can be a jerk sometimes but…” please consider the fact that unless you always liked vulgar hostile dudes, you may be settling for a guy so roguish, no one else wants him. This behavior can present itself in many forms, but verbal, emotional and/or physical abuse is never acceptable, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve had the pleasure of male company. Besides, REAL men don’t abuse women, period.
These, Clutchettes, are just a handful of signs that your desperation to attain an amorous relationship has resulted in you lowering your expectations, and your own self-worth in the process. Allow yourself to set (and enforce) realistic prospects, and you stand to meet Mr. Right-eous, instead of Mr. Right Now.
Nope. Standards still the same. They kinda rindoculous, which means I’ll end up in a polyandrous marriage.
You might not have lowered your standards, but eventually you will stand far away from them. All women have at one point in their life.
Unlike men, the older a woman gets the farthest away she stands to her standards.
I know this article was meant to be tongue and cheek but I think women need to have a realistic estimation of the type of man they can get at any age. If you arent very pretty and young, dont expect much or you will be single. (This is not an excuse to get with a socio-path.) Look in the mirror and realize you might be ugly, smelly, bad hair, bad skin, bad breathe, too fat, etc. That man youre with is probably thinking his standards might be too dam low.
Secondly, when youre young, thats the best time to be the bomb. Dont be over 30 thinking you are still fly because that 18 year old standing behind you is more desireable than you are and will ever be….ever. Lastly, this article is insulting to men. Ladies, we arent better than them and the worst part about it is, biology and time is far more cruel to us ladies than it is to men.
Whatever happens, be nice, be respectful and self respecting, treat people decently, have a good time, and use protection.
LOL… that is SO depressing!
While I agree with you that it’s important to be realistic, let’s not sell ourselves short, either. I think the number one turnoff in a man or a woman is a lack of confidence and while confidence and cockiness should not be confused, I really don’t think it’s fair to say “don’t expect much” if you aren’t young or pretty. If you aren’t young or pretty (and not meeting “societal standards” for beauty doesn’t necessarily preclude one from being attractive), there are plenty of other attractive qualities one can and should bring to the table. A decent work ethic, intelligence, wit and a sense of humour are among them, for starters.
@malaviKat,
Let us ask a bm 5’6 or shorter if he agrees with you, for objectivity’s sake eh?
“Dont be over 30 thinking you are still fly because that 18 year old standing behind you is more desireable than you are and will ever be….ever.”
You say this article is insulting to men, but your comment is a bit insulting to women! I get what you’re saying, but maybe you should readjust your definition of “desirable.” If we’re talking about tits and ass, then maybe an 18 year-old has you beat; if we’re talking about intellect, confidence, maturity, and a generally more rich and complex worldview, then most 18 year-olds wouldn’t make the cut. This article is about standards when it really should be about priorities. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with re-prioritizing; grown-ass men and women don’t obsess over youth and beauty for their entire lives!
@Donald
Does he have to be a bm? That objection works for any race, I’m sure. (Doesn’t mean he needs to have aggressively low standards.)
@undercurrent,
But…but…its twrue…
@malaviKat,
Read the statement again:
Let us ask a bm 5’6 or shorter if he agrees with you, for objectivity’s sake eh?
@QCastle I know plenty of fine ass, sexy, intelligent over 30, 40, 50 (etc….) women. People are aging much more gracefully these days and many more are taking better care of themselves. That’s why the idea of the “Cougar” is so much more prevalent. I know women over 40 who easily look 10 years younger and even half there age. So I think it has a lot more to do with mind set rather than age.
@Srenda,
Nice anecdote, but studies show that the “look half your age” crap is generally NOT TRUE…
@undercurrent
“If we’re talking about tits and ass, then maybe an 18 year-old has you beat; if we’re talking about intellect, confidence, maturity, and a generally more rich and complex worldview, then most 18 year-olds wouldn’t make the cut.”
I convinced that age doesnt necessarily confer any of these things. Also, stop talking like an ugly girl.
“This article is about standards when it really should be about priorities. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with re-prioritizing; grown-ass men and women don’t obsess over youth and beauty for their entire lives!”
Women certainly dont but men do. Maybe not with the women they can realistically date but with the porn they watch, the young women at their work place, the women they stare at at the super market, etc. Men are polite and are realistic but in a perfect world she would be 22, well proportioned, and a sweet heart.
I’m sorry but you sound really young or really immature or extremely shallow. Youth and looks fade.
@MAriah
“I’m sorry but you sound really young or really immature or extremely shallow. Youth and looks fade.”
Yes looks and youth do fade which is why this current crop of aging women will be replaced by all the girls who were born in 1991.
Well, if the men replacing them have the mind set you do, then they’ve done us a favor.
@DonaldkSumner Studies? I don’t go by other people’s studies because they’re going to be just as biased as I am, lol, I’m going by my personal experience anyway, of course, plus what I observe. And from what I’ve observed it’s mostly what we believe about aging that messes our heads up more than anything else.
Now… if a dude said the exact same thing that Queen Of Newcastle said here, everyone would be up in arms and ready to go all the way in!!!
I disagree. I’m fat (but in a voluptuous hourglass kind of way) and not particularly conventionally “mass appeal” cute, with natural hair, but I’ve never had trouble finding exactly what I want in any of the many cities in different regions of the country that I’ve lived, and my preferences are extremely specific…only a very small percentage of the population would make the initial cut. For example I don’t usually date African Americans, Nigerians, Jamaicans, Haitians, Ghanaians, Ethiopians, Sudanese, Somalis, Hispanics, Asians, people of Western European descent, etc or anyone under 5’10″. I don’t date Christians, Jews, Hindus, atheists, or agnostics. The men I have dated are always muscular; nonsmoking, multilingual – must speak French; darker than me, extraordinary personal hygiene and enjoy cleaning my house (lol), and various personality criteria. I am shy but flirtatious and not particularly confident but extremely secure in my self-identity and very proud of my background, history, and culture. But for whatever reason, the men who fit my preferences (and others) seem to gravitate toward me :) I broke up with all of my exes because they were much more committed to the relationship (and it’s future) than I was. Basically, they bore me after a couple/few years.
I actually feel sorry for “pretty” young women because I am very annoyed by men who are attracted to me only because of the way I look. I need someone who is mature and not superficial, who will be attracted to me as a person or I would not be interested in him. We are both most likely going to become more physically unappealing over time. Besides, when I was younger I was too open-minded. Now I know what I want. If anything, the men I meet as I get older are much more interesting, compatible, witty, funny, wise, respectful, attentive, chivalrous – holistically attractive, and have more to offer than the men I met when I was younger – and I know how to deal with them when before I might have been overwhelmed and mishandled situations.
@Nee Nee,
A superficial boar…
@NeNe
Are you lying to make people think you’re some kind of way. I know it’s easy to lie online, but why are you doing it?
I’ll be 26 in a few months and my standards haven’t changed one bit.
@LAD86
Come talk to us in ten years. LOL
I turned 26 in January and my standards didn’t change and they aren’t unrealistic either, my thing is I am not really searching so I don’t care about dating right now. But when I was actively dating I didn’t have problems meeting the guys I want because I knew which end of the pool I wanted to be in from the start, since I don’t really care for most guys in my age range it cut out a lot of the unnecessary bs (not saying all older men got their stuff together) but the multiple kids, no job/broke, and bad appearance is something I never dealt with…shrugs
@ QCastle interesting point but have you seen a lot of 18+ years old today? I see more fly and sexy when in their 30s and beyond compare to people in my age group (20s) and the older ladies can give a lot of younger women a ran for their money so youth isn’t a main factor anymore unless the guy is adamant of wanting a young woman under 30 then hey…point taken…lol
Yea, Binks, I am not looking either and it’s extremely difficult for me to even be romantically attracted to other people.
@Srenda
“People are aging much more gracefully these days and many more are taking better care of themselves.”
That may be true but they are still aging. Dont forget that.
“That’s why the idea of the “Cougar” is so much more prevalent. I know women over 40 who easily look 10 years younger and even half there age. So I think it has a lot more to do with mind set rather than age.”
The idea of Cougar is a media fiction. Men havent cosigned just a bunch of aging women who are major consumers of products. No, it has a lot to do with age. It always has been and it always will. Its an evolutionary imperative.
@QCastle I just think that we have to determine how much we are speaking from our own personal experience versus what is actually possible and going on around us. We’ve also been fed a load of crap about aging that many of us have latched onto. And women are hit the hardest with this stuff. I agree with you. This is a very youth oriented culture and men are visual. The media does perpetuate this, but I have seen on a day to day round the way basis that people are getting together with people whose company they enjoy – Yes, from College Co-eds to Grandma, pretty people not so pretty…etc. But what’s “pretty,” anyway? I’ll give you an example. Years ago in my early 20′s I was hanging out with an older female friend of mine. She was in her early 40′s at the time. Now I considered both of us as being very attractive women except I was a very shy and aloof kinda girl and she was much more relaxed and outgoing. We went out one night and guys younger than me were hitting on her left and right, made my early 20′s year old head spin. She wasn’t dressed provocatively at all she just had an ease about her and a grace. She was just an attractive, intelligent, down to earth and confident woman. I admired that and learned from it. I continue to. Mind-set, what you expect and believe really do make a difference. I’ve been surprised many times by this.
Speaking on a clearly super-personal experience: When I’m fit, my standards are met much, much more often. When I’m overweight, I can’t find a man who will meet my standards.
Guys will bend over backwards for a pretty girl with a hot body#duh
But it’s good because it makes things simple: if you are fit (with an easygoing personality, as well, ahem!), you will never have to lower your standards #realtalk
Also, just as women are insecure about their bodies, men are JUST AS insecure about their financial state (and whether a woman will suck them dry!)
If you seem “low maintenance” (THEIR word, not mine, lol) and don’t bring up money EVER (actions speak louder than words if you need to get it across that you are not going to be his suga mama), then your dating life will be off the chain.
Again, this is just based on my own experiences.
I especially like your “easygoing personality” qualifier. More flies with honey and all that. :)