On Being A Dark Skinned Black Woman
I am a dark skinned Black woman. Or at least I think I am.
Not that I often define myself as such, nor do I’ve ever remember being defined thus. Which is to say I try not to think about it. I was never teased for not being particularly light, nor is my skin so obviously dark that it is ‘blue-black’ like my younger brother, my father, or the complexion of my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins on my dad’s side. Theirs is skin with a gloss finish, it sucks in all surrounding light and sends it back out as a flat glow, mine is a much plainer, matte. I know that by popular standards of beauty and in the unwritten rules of women invited to grace the covers of magazines, dance in music videos and appear as love interests in general releases I am dark. Which is to say, the ladies that regularly occupy those roles are usually much lighter than me and if I ever found myself in a room with them I would know for sure I was the dark one.
I don’t care that Kevin Hart likes to make ‘jokes’ that women the same colour as me have bad credit. Just as I didn’t care that Lil’ Wayne mused in ‘Right Above It’ that a certain black woman would ‘look better red.’ I don’t care for Young Berg’s pool test. Or that Tyrese believes going with the best means omitting black women. Or that Ne-Yo thinks “all the prettiest kids are light skinned anyway.” Taken individually these slights seem too ridiculous to consider. I don’t take them personally; I tut at them; I brush them off.
But when I think about what these single ideas add up to, of course, I care. How could I not?
I’m crushed by caring. Because they perpetuate an understanding that to be a dark skinned woman is to be less. These ideas build themselves into assumptions and ways of treating women with as much melanin as me. I care because I already know dark skinned women are likely to receive longer prison sentences and less likely to get jobs when qualifications are equal. I care because too often our bodies are used as backdrops or props (i.e. Bella Padilla on the cover of FHM, ‘emerging from the shadows’). Think of how often you see women the same colour as me as surly, head rolling, loud-talking, finger-snapping comic relief (think Pam from Martin). I care because grotesque representations like Makode Aj Linde’s cake/performance art seem to be the only consistent representations of dark skinned black women. I also care about light skinned black women, who are women of colour too, and I do not want to continually feel set against them.
I think of all the dark skinned women I know. I think of how regularly they are excluded, insulted, mistreated. I see them all suspended in a place that isn’t a place, stranded it seems. I’m eager to watch Bill Duke and D. Channsin Berry’s Dark Girls documentary, and I’m holding out for its kinship.
Uh oh *grabs popcorn*
Do you mind sharing the popcorn. This is going to be interesting.
Exactly what I was thinking.
I always feel uncomfortable when reading your comments, you always seem to have something negative to say about black women.
“Women should get it out of their heads that they need to be loved all the time by everyone.”
How can we when we are constantly told this by the media, our family, our friends and 99% of black men.
@Luise
That’s because she’s a MAN.
Just this ONE time I have to say it ain’t black dudes having the impact as must as moms, grannies, aunties, and these stupid church women talking that mess around children. And then darker women, us, complain about it around these girls. We’re not helping and giving them one more thing to worry about. Compliment dark girls when you see them, it makes a difference. When I was in 4th grade one of my black classmates said my nappy hair was “pretty”. I’ve never had a perm in my life because of her and my mom/dad confirming it when I got home and told them. I was born in the 90′s either.
Black men have EVERYTHING TO DO with why colorism is still big in our community. Where are you getting your info from?
It was the black women in the church and in my family that instilled in me that my dark-skin is indeed beautiful, while all the black men screwed their faces up and talking about how such and such is just ‘too dark’ for their taste, running up behind any every ls girl with ‘good hair.’
You can definitely add colorstruck black males to the mix. They’re not absolved of anything, especially our skin issues.
“Black men have EVERYTHING TO DO with why colorism is still big in our community.”
But they are not alone….the so-called “sickness” is perpetrated by black women too. This will probably be the one and only time I’m willing to give black men the benefit of the doubt and it’s mainly due to the things I’ve heard and witnessed from black women.
Black boys are growing up in the same exact households as black girls. They are picking up the same exact messages about hair, skin color, etc as black girls. They are getting those messages from their MOTHERS. It’s not right to blame them for ideas/self-hate that black women carry around themselves.
Toppin, I’m very much aware that black women have a hand in it too. I’m not denying that at all.
But to say that black males are absolved from this is pure-dee bullshtt.
Just letting the poster know that this is not another ‘blame black women for this moment.’
And in my experience, it’s been mainly black males who do this, and very few black women.
Who exactly is absolving black men of any responsibility here?
I personally say both black men and black women are the problem. However, I think it’s a stretch to say something along the lines of “Black men have EVERYTHING TO DO WITH why colorism is still big in our community” because they are not doing it alone.
Black women do it ALL THE TIME. I think many just overlook it. For years light-skinned black men were more favored than dark-skinned black men…now it’s the complete opposite.
Bottom line: Colorism seems to come from both genders.
Um, Toppin, I’m not sure why you’re trying to discount my experience. You don’t agree with it, that’s fine, as that was my experience and mine only.
We both agree that both genders are held accountable, however I experienced more colorism from black males than black females.
Take it how you want…
So us black men have EVERY THING TO DO with it? really? Did It ever occur to you that there are sistas out there with skin tone preferences? Dont act like some prefer light skin brothas over the brown (me) or darker skin brothas. Its no shock either that some prefer a chocolate brotha as opposed to the light skin guy. your personal experiences dont speak for everyone in the community. Easter sunday I was leaving church and decided to head to the grocery store. I came across a conversation between two brothas and one sista. they all said where they were from,so the woman said she was from Georgia. I thought, cool,but then she said there are some nice looking sistas up here in ohio (specifically columbus) even the dark skin ones. WTH?
People have to love themselves and not let other people determine their self worth or beauty. Once you define yourseif,no one and i mean no one can. As for me, I’ll take every shade of black women, because thats one area where it all looks good to me. Now things such as character,frame of mind etc is the measure of a solid sista.
I thought, cool,but then she said there are some nice looking sistas up here in ohio (specifically columbus) even the dark skin ones. WTH?
Oh I would’ve checked her for that. I would’ve Dr. Phil her butt right on the spot.
@Ohio:
So we’re playing clueless here, yes?
You know as well as I do that black males are indeed more vocal than black women when it comes to their so-called preferences.
And yes, I have heard some black women talking about how they want a dark-skinned male, however the latter is much louder.
You’re a man, so I really don’t expect you to agree with my findings.
Just my observation…
I’ll say this about the issue just as prejudices are held against dark skinned women/men they are also held against light ones…I’m not dark nor am I light but on the spectrum I am closer in others eyes to the light…though my mother and sister are lighter then I am we all have the beautiful brown eyes that ppl get lost in…as an in the middle brown I have had prejudice against me from darker counterparts…I feel ya pain….but I a light caramel brown skin tone ,have my own pain because I’m not dark I get it from both sides …oh I also have gotten heat for not being light enough…what is that….as far as men color I have a preference…originally it was subconscious you like what you are surrounded by i grew up surrounded those my color and lighter but I would date darker I went not just on color but on substance…but you see later….It was because i was gang rapped by a bunch of darker skinned guys and yrs later a single dark guy and as hard as I tried I still cant, even with therapy stop getting flashbacks when I get touched a certain way by a darker guy–yes I’ll say it I have a preference …light, bright,______ near white…I don’t apologize because see just at you couldn’t help being born dark I couldn’t help being born of a lighter tone and I couldn’t help all my aggressors being darker and hunting my visions of joy….we all have our own experience we learn from them deal with then pray go to therapy…don’t plague the kids with it if at all possible…..but lets not envy each other because of a standard not even originally set in place by our people…cause even I feel I’ll date darker men again one day maybe….
There is a difference between having a preference and discriminating against your own race. Yes I preferred dark skin men over light skinned however I am feeling a man that’s not even black. Thing is if you’re going to date outside your race or a certain shade in your own race don’t do it out of hate for dark skinned females or yourself. That’s where I have the problem. And if we keep talking ‘at’ each other instead of ‘to’ each other, we black people will not grow mentally. Stop blaming one or the other and lets figure out a way that we are not so conflicted.
Yeeeees! Women in my family are always talking about this sibling has a “nice texture of hair” or doting on that particular lighter complexioned cousin’s looks. It’s just sad and makes wonder how these women view themselves.
When you see/hear something, say something. Ride their butts like a bat out of hell when they dare make such stupid comments. As another commenter mentioned, young Black children esp girls are listening.
Since I was two weeks old I have been dark. I hated myself for being dark, I prayed to God that one day I would get lighter, I prayed that I could be as pretty as a lighter girl or have “good hair.” I prayed and waited while getting bullied and taunted by mostly black boys. These young black boys were picking up the same message as me: that to be darker is a curse, something to ridicule or persecute for. Most of the boys parent’s were the same complexion as me yet I still cried and wondered “why am I hated for being dark?” Even though I mostly received the nasty comments with increasing volume from the black boys, some black girls looked me up and down and decided that I was too dark, too awkward, too uncomfortable in my own skin. To tell you that I hated myself for not being my parent’s complexions or just light brown would be an understatement. It wasn’t until tenth grade that I began to feel that being dark was a curse that God had given me for some unknown sin committed. I began blocking out the voices of the colorists around me and began acknowledging the compliments I would always get from older ladies at church, aunts, and uncles, my parents who for the longest time had been telling me I’m beautiful the way I am. After acknowledging those compliments I noticed that ninety-nine percent of the people giving me compliments were somewhat or totally lighter than me. When some were bullying to get rid of their self-hatred, a lot more was telling me how gorgeous my skin is or how amazing my hair looks natural.
This isn’t meant to put the blame on the younger generation for picking up the baton of colorism and running with it but rather to say that the only way we can get lessen the abuse that comes with being the unappreciated colors whether that be cappuccino brown or espresso black. Only we as young and old stop that awful abuse before it can ever get to the point where I was at of hating myself for not looking lighter and using that pain to fund self-deprecating jokes. Colorism stops when we as human beings make the time to educate those who believe dark skin is a curse to be prayed over, or a misfortune to be avoided. At the end of the day we’re human, I don’t want people to just see me for the color of my skin but for the intelligence of my mind and I don’t want anyone to feel like I did or still do at my more insecure moments. And similar pain happens for lighter girls too who are thought to have the greener grass in society or the better side of the coin. It’s not right to persecute someone for being dark or “too light.” The only light I care about seeing in anyone is that coming from the heart unweighted by burdens.
My Darling..kisses to you; Dont hate yourself, hate the fools. Get your degree and pick up yourself and go- dont stay aroung these fools.
I hear Spain and China are quite nice.
That was for Race:Human; Life Diffucult
Mine too!!! And when you bring it to their attention, you’re accused of being jealous of your light skinned family members…instead of acknowledging their self-loathing ways, they turn it on you to make you look like the bad guy.
@Yeahright2011.What do church women have to do with the dark skin women being made to feel inferior to light skin women?
@Yeahright2011.What do church women have to do with dark skin women being made to feel inferior to light skin women?
Most people familiar with the “CHUCH” know what I mean. Old women who are usually older than mom or friends with granny who think they can say what they want with no back-talk. They act out in church then turn into mean heifers when they get a chance. Its a cultural reference if your people came from a Southern state.
It’s a reference to anybody from an Africanised-Christian area.
my grandmother is chocolate. she actually told me i was ugly a few years ago. she said i was ugly because i’m dark.
i completely understand this particular sentiment.
in my family, the light skinned/mixed girls were always favored and fawned over. i always felt like my grandmother preferred her other grandchildren because they were male or, if female, light skinned.
but, i’ve caught hell from male and females, old and young, relatives and non relatives, because of my color. so, it really doesn’t matter. you just need to be black to be afflicted by this particular form of nonsense.
See down below
That was for omfg
I think she said that because ironically older “church folk” are some of the biggest perpetrators of this mess. They spread these ideas that light or white is right to their children and grandchildren with seemingly innocent comments, then go right on to the front row at church.
and 99% of black men.
Awww come on, it is not that bad. I’m blk, fem, and I live in the hood. I’m not dark-skinned but I’m not light-skinned either( Bobbi Brown Stick 6.0-6.5). Why don’t I have these feelings of being less than and all blk men hate me?
There’s a pecking order. And I say that as a woman who is not dark and not light either. I’m about Queen Latifah’s complexion.
Because you’re in the middle. People who are in the middle never feel that much of the pressure! Just like middle class folks will always remain silent on an issue until they’re implicated and then they’ll say to their poorer counterparts, “it’s not that bad! If you would just go out and look for work…” or something of the sort. I myself am brown and I grew up with a mother who’s light w/ freckles and red hair (no seriously) and would always denounce light skinned people as thinking they were better. You can imagine how confused I ended up being (and really I never thought about the fact that she herself was light until adulthood!). I don’t feel the same pressure that darker skinned women feel, I fully acknowledge that, but I see their pain. It’s undeniable.
Nope, not today. I’m a dark sister myself. I’m the first one to say our people are sick, trying look like our oppressors. But I don’t let it oppress me! I’m fire fine and any man, woman, child who is is black, white, Asian, or other who can’t get with that needs to move on. I don’t let anyone darken my door with that crap. It did bother me when I was younger, the lack of representation in mags and the other media, but what can I do? I’m committed to change what I can and support positive images of us, but I will not depress myself in the meantime. Read alternative media, look up gorgeous inspirations and cut out pictures, do w/e to make yourself feel amazing. It works.
@luise
My comments have been deleted. You can now be at ease.
I was completely anticipating the article to go in another direction but I really liked the way the author expressed herself. This piece was written very well. Only has my darkskinned complexion been negatively commented about, to my face nonetheless, by African Americans. I am Nigerian and there are a range of skintones in my family, never once was mine seen as inferior. I want to say that this is an African American thing because no other racial/ ethnic group has commented negatively about my skintone and if its mentioned its always in the form of a compliment.
So they’re just bleaching for the hell of it in Africa and the Caribbean? Don’t play.
Yeah@Yeahright2011
Sorry Sasha but I went out with a Yoruba guy and after he would take a shower he would get a big jar of bleaching cream and think nothing of sitting there and applying it- not that he was going to get rid of his nice color ever- so yeah it is def not only a Black American thing -its a sickness or a cancer within some Blacks no matter where they are from…and for whats it worth all shades of Black is beautiful to this Black American.
I cannot speak for what some people do on a whole continent or in various countries, I am speaking about my PERSONAL experience. What those women and men do in terms of bleaching their skin and the psychology behind it is none of my concern or business.
Sorry about that Sasha. These pieces are about Nigeria specifically spanning a few years:
http://www.nigeriancuriosity.com/2007/02/complexion-complex.html
http://www.stuffnigerianpeoplelike.com/tag/bleached-skin/
http://theweeklyworld.com/?p=2616
Does this help?
… I want to say that this is an African American thing because no other racial/ ethnic group has commented negatively about my skintone…
This makes me want to laugh, when I think of all those Nigerian men chasing me down because of my “light skin” (which isn’t really all that light but their comparison was relative).
This obsession with skin color is definitely not an “African-American” thing. I have recognized it in people of color from all over the world in dark skin people from Asia, Africa, North and South Americas. It’s simply a manifestion of of white supremacist ideaology which is global.
@ Sasha
Hutu’s/ Tutsi’s-ring a bell?!
Congolese bleaching their skins?!-ring a bell
Northern/Southern Sudanese?!-ring a bell
South African woman who is bleaching to be white?!-ring a bell?!
Colorism infiltrates all systems of society. Let’s not act like we are above it. I’m glad though, that your family treats you as should be the case.
@African Mami- Thanks! Its unfortunate that’s not the case for everyone but as I said I was speaking for myself. I can’t vouch for anyone who partakes in skin-bleaching, their body their choice.
@Yeahright2011- thanks for that website, I forgot it existed. Now to slack off for the rest of the afternoon!
Hey Sasha, I understand the point you are trying to make, but as others have clearly stated this effects ALL cultural/ethnic groups, not only black people might I add. I am of Nigerian descent, British born and raised, but have relocated to The States…The whole light skin/dark skin debate was semi topical in The UK 10 plus years ago, I’m not saying colorism doesn’t existed in the UK but it it’s not as much as an issue as it is compared to how is is in the US. I am a dark skin women and have never once received any negative comments regarding this, or have I ever felt inferior due to my complexion, where as most of my dark skin African American sistas have had negative experiences due to their complexion. Most of these articles about feeling marginalized due to be dark skin, I can’t relate to, however I do appreciate them.
Thank you for understanding @Bosslady. I definitely appreciate the article. I am just glad that what I said finally came across to someone. I wasn’t dismissing anyone’s experience but sometimes people are so quick to jump down your throat because you are speaking YOUR truth and its different from what they think THE truth is.
It’s true. People can pull up as many articles as they can, but the situation speaks for itself in Nigeria where the first African Miss World was a dark Nigerian woman. Also, the most popular female musicians and actors in Nigeria are mostly dark. Besides, there are three main cultures in Nigeria so no one can generalise.
@Hatchet and Sasha.
The US has 5 regions, all with their own cultures based on the immigrant and migrant populations that settled there, industry, and even with their own foods and accent. You have no problem generalizing a country where there is more diversity in the black “community” than you’ll experience in your lifetime. But some how you’re comfortable putting colorism as the doorstep of blacks in the America while trying to preserve your individual experience. Is hypocrisy a cultural element in your group or are you going solo?