Comments on: She Has Her Own, But Still Has His Back

By: E.M.S.

E.M.S. — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 20:03:56 +0000

I love this article, it speaks to what every woman should strive for. Be strong, independent, have your own assets, your own success, but also know how to coexist with a man in such a way that neither one of your achievements is overshadowed.

I may only be in my twenties but this is my ideal. Even though my area of study and career path looks more promising than my boyfriend’s, I still support what he’s doing, and I’m good at recognizing those moments when I should “let him shine.” Honestly, those are the best, because I know I’m helping to create that shine!

By: QueenOfCastle

QueenOfCastle — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 07:41:47 +0000

@YouWishYouCouldBeMe

Not everyone can be a business owner. I get your point but you cant economically guilt trip people.

About single dads…fathers dont typically have custody so they arent as unattractive as a potential mate than women who have custody of children. Im sure you can understand why. Besides, I believe women (which is a good thing) have a greater capacity to care for children that arent theirs. Men can be quiet territorial.

“Most “average” or “working-class” still aren’t marrying women in their same position. They are trying to marry up.”

There are a few uncomfortable reasons why. Many of these women who have more than the men who are trying to lock them down have, inspite of their higher income, little value in the sexual market. They, unfortunately have to trade in their material resources for affection from men who are lower on the financial totem pole than they are. A woman who checks all the boxes of a good income, youth and physically beauty will not allow herself to be pursued by men who arent on her level.

“Why don’t people strive for more than working class?”

This will take generations. We can wait. There needs to be some foundational reconstruction.

By: YouWishYouCouldBeMe

YouWishYouCouldBeMe — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 05:39:49 +0000

@Qcastle, you are absolutely right. Unfortunately, though, these articles are still one-sided from my perspective. The truth is that these articles tell women to be supportive of men. Yet, these same articles don’t tell men to support women. Most “average” or “working-class” still aren’t marrying women in their same position. They are trying to marry up. You have men with multiple children by multiple women, trying to marry women without kids and no one calls that out. Yet, when a woman with kids wants to marry a man, she should be expected to settle, etc. I have no kids, so this doesn’t apply to me. And no, most people won’t ever be the Obamas, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t all strive to be better. The inspiration of the Obama story isn’t just that he was the first Black President. It’s that he had ambition and drive, something I still think too few of our people, especially Black men possess. Why don’t people strive for more than working class? Why not try to start being business owners instead of employees?

By: Tricia

Tricia — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 19:50:31 +0000

Socially Maladjusted, I depair because I find that “green” does not look good on you!!! Give respect when its due!!!

By: isolde

isolde — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 15:25:04 +0000

No, “Reality Check” is right. This site runs posts and op-eds linking to articles from different forums all the time. So the whole “but but this is a woman’s site” is not an excuse for why this site hasn’t addressed men on these issues. This site had no problem calling out “Very Smart Brothas” when VSB ran that nonsense piece telling women not to drink with the fellas if they didn’t wanna get raped. So, I don’t see why this site can’t either run an article or link to a piece telling men how to behave in relationships and how to uplift their women and let their women shine. Instead, you get article after article like this . . .

http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2010/07/i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t-do-we-know-what-that-means/comment-page-1/#comments

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, I feel as if I’m more likely to read this type of piece on forums targeted towards black women than anywhere else. I don’t think I’d ever see a piece like this on Jezebel, and you know why . . . because it’s kind of condescending. Why would anyone have to lecture a woman in a healthy relationship, with a good partner, on the merits of compromise and reciprocity? I mean, doesn’t that seem kind of redundant?

I remember when this site ran that article about the black midwife in Alabama or Mississippi who was running this program for teen girls called “campaign against the baby mamma” Wait, Ima find the link

http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2011/05/black-midwife-launches-campaign-to-stop-%E2%80%98baby-mama-epidemic%E2%80%99-but-is-marriage-the-answer/

Ok, so the woman who was running the program chimed in, and she kept going on and on about masculine and feminine roles and that if her charges would simply embrace the “feminine role” then their problems would be solved. So, I just asked the obvious. Why would single teen moms be turning away responsible men who help rear and provide for their children? What kind of sense does that make? But she was not hearing it. It was almost as if she wanted to believe that these black mothers wanted to be single mothers that didn’t want/need help from the fathers of their children, but the reality her charges’ situation was probably something else entirely.

By: asha

asha — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 15:09:50 +0000

agreed

i too find the touting of Michelle Obama as some amazing black woman interesting. Is it really that bad in black america? The constant adulation and adoration smellin fishy.

it gets even more interesting when the praises comes from whities. The negative things they say i don’t pay much attention, but the good things they say about Michelle Obama are always the most telling…strong arms….really??

*rolling eyes*

but alas me doh really care bout whitey and dem nah

all of this is smoke and mirrors to confuse and keep we frustrated…as you said … start with yourself and be yourself…satisfaction will come.

By: LMO85

LMO85 — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 14:09:48 +0000

TRUE.

By: LMO85

LMO85 — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 14:03:51 +0000

You said it all in that last sentence. Black folks stay having it twisted with this notion of how women need to do this,be that, and a third. Things will change for the betterment of all once men, esp. Black ones realize that they too need to be encouraging, supportive, loving and helpful to their mates, –truly have their backs–and not be intimidated by their mate’s success, her career, her intellect, accolades, etc., etc. Until we achieve THAT equality in relationships, all this other s h i zz is fodder for the masses.

By: QueenOfCastle

QueenOfCastle — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:18:15 +0000

A lot of black men have said that while black women may love them they dont respect them very much. Such a dynamic is retarding. Read some of the comments at this blog.

By: Socially Maladjusted

Socially Maladjusted — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:09:30 +0000

Well if people are waiting for people like me to come in and start beef, they’ve got a long wait. There’s not much in this article to disagree with, other than the constant use of the Obama’s the barometer of personal and career success.

What’s all the gushing about so called black president and his “flawlessly” got it all wife?

What kinda fool needs the obamas to teach em that you’re supposed to treat your S.O. nice?

sigh

I despair.

Not impressed by “black firsts” in something white –

the first non-white president of white people,
the first black astronaut,
the first black female secretary of white people’s defence.

So what?

What story does a black first really tell?

That most blacks are kept down and will STAY kept down, and that the best you can hope for from whites is token representation in the form of some WHITEY approved nigro – and then, only for as long as it’s useful to put a blackie upfront while whitey consolidates more power to hmself behind the scenes.

Man people talk about – “we gotta do better than this”. They need to start with themselves.