I pose this question to all of my hard working women out there who still have to come home and be a wife and mother. While watching Mary Mary’s new reality television show on WeTV Thursday night, the topic came up about younger sister Tina’s weight and style upkeep. She had put on a bit of weight, but aside from that, even her husband made a comment about her looks when just doing things around the house. She is a world famous gospel singer, mother of four and yet still has to look cute while doing chores and running errands? Is this a realistic request from her husband and others?

Personally, I am not married with children, but I know I am exhausted after a hard day at work. When I do have to do things around my home or run errands, looking cute is the farthest thing from my mind. A pair of sweat pants, hair in a pony tail and some chap stick is good enough for what I have to do. When Tina’s husband suggested she put on a pair of jeans and top while doing things around the house instead of sweats, she asked him if she should spend her time cooking and making sure her family is fed or looking nice for him while she does her wifely duties.

Yes, I do believe as a woman you need to keep yourself together and keep your man enticed with how you look, but I don’t think it should be done every day. Tina didn’t look horrible, she had on a black sweat suit and had her hair up while cooking for her large family. When at home you should be able to relax and step away from the cute outfits and make-up for a while. The best part about being home with your family is being able to let loose and not worry about any form of judgment. Some days you may feel like putting on a cute little outfit while you spend time with the family and other days you may not.

It is hard being a woman and I felt for Tina because everyone had something to say about how she looked. I am all for the physical health aspect, but when it comes to the cute outfits while at home…I don’t know about that one.

What do you think?

  • Candy 1

    I don’t watch the show so I can’t comment much on that, but does he look good as much as he requests her to look good? I can’t stand when men want their wives to look sexy at all times, but then they wear basketball shorts and a raggedy t-shirt on a regular basis.

    As a wife and mother, I try to balance everything because I know my husband wants to see me looking like I care about my appearance more than just on date night or when in public. Plus he looks put together most of the time. So most of my clothes for lounging is cute, but I will not be wearing a silk top with heels and tight jeans while cooking/cleaning, but I do make an effort to look good for both of us (because I usually can’t stand looking like I just rolled out of bed, even when sitting around the house, plus dressing up makes me feel good). I put more effort into doing what I need to do to keep things in line on my end as a wife and as a mother to our children.

  • omfg

    it annoys that women always have to be “on”.

    you know, i think beyonce actually once mentioned something about this – men always thinking women should be sexy all the time. she was referencing her husband.

    having said that, i don’t own any sweatsuits. lol.

  • shantafabulous

    I think in relationships before you ask someone to do something for you, ask yourself are you giving that person the chance to do it. If he wants her to be fly around the house then that means he has to be willing to pick up the slack in area that she may neglect trying to be fly.

  • lulu

    why is there always articles about women maintaing themselves- on spike.com or ask men.com there is never an article about- should i do something about my bald head and pot belly. should i stop wearing smelly sweat socks- women always worrying how to please men – but i dont see men’s site with this stuff

  • Ocean Blue (LaDreaming86)

    *Heavy sigh*

  • Robbie

    Go that right. Le me add that if he wants her to look all nice around the house, he better have the money to spend on her.

  • Robbie

    @Lulu LOL

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    We’ve got to stop kidding ourselves about maintaining our weight for just totally physical health reasons. Bull! We also look good and feel good. It increases our self esteem. It is a-okay ladies, to admit to this phenomenon. Now, about the suggestion, if he is always GQ”d out, I’d listen. If he is not…it’s a wrap! Next. I already have enough pressure being a wife, career woman, homemaker and mother to your kid.

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    DEAAAAAAD.

    In reference to the article’s question, the answer is no. There needs to be ongoing work balancing all facets.

    I don’t consider vacuuming the whole house in a crotchless teddy all the time as an example of ‘maintaining your sexy’. I understand the need for husbands to want to see their wives dolled up sometimes, or even wearing something simple and flattering and all of that. I agree there needs to be basic upkeep, generally for a woman’s self-image and not just for her s/o.

    But don’t aggravate folk with that bullshit while they’re cooking or cleaning or changing diapers. I mean… really?

  • mamareese

    Um no it shouldn’t. When I was married and even today….I tip around in my heels and cute shoes to take my two kids to all their functions. 1st I want my fashion sense and care for my appearance to rub off on them. 2nd I don’t want them ashamed of their mommy. When I was married I think I stepped up my game even more because ya gotta keep him and I liked how he who be very guarded over me.

  • JoJo

    I agree with most of the comments. It’s tough being a women; we’re never, ever, eva right!!!

    I would also add that this is something specific to the couple. I believe when a person commits to being in a monogamous and loving relationship, there should also be a natural desire to please the other. Some men have no problems with sweat pants around the house; they just want food, and others would rather sexiness over a maintained home . Therefore I think it is good to know what is important to your mate even before you marry him or her to alleviate some of the unforeseeable conflicts.

  • QoNewC

    @lulu

    Dont be fatuous. There are plenty of articles about men making more money and carreer progression to- make more money. Women happen to find that very attractive.

  • QoNewC

    If its really problematic to wear some make up, dress nicely, maintain your hygeine, and fix your hair then shame on you. You act as if men dont have a responsibility to make as much money as possible, be tall, dark (or not so dark) be strong, have a full head of hair, have a house and a car, pay bills, clean gutters, stop bullets, etc. Stop crying, lazy!

  • omfg

    @Qof…

    you act like the woman doesn’t bring home money and pay the bills as well. it’s unbelievable how in this day and age people always emphasize the money the man makes while forgetting that most women work too and contribute financially to the household.

    the difference is when women get home, they cook and clean and care for the children.

    in the context of this particular show, this woman may bring as much or more money than her husband. SHE is the reason they have the show after all.

  • QoNewC

    @omfg

    There are always exceptions to the rule but generally women dont work as many hours as men. They get off work earlier too. Takes more days off work. They take maternity leave. The last time I checked, making less money or not having a job didnt bar a woman from the affections of men.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    @ QON

    Generally, men work more hours! BULL. I need stats on that!!!!! You think maintaining a home is easy, eh?! C this one?!

    DUH-I will need to take maternity leave, is the baby supposed to breastfeed on air?! Men, also have the option of taking paternity leave…..

    Stop making it seem like women are whining with no cause! URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

  • omfg

    statistically, men and women work about the same number of hours. however, i would bet that in recent years, because of the recession, that women are working more than men.

    why? most the people laid off in the recession were in fact men. the hottest field where there is employment is healthcare. guess what? women have many of those jobs.

    getting the affections of men without a job – that statement doesn’t mean a dang thing.

    bottomline – men need to stop pressuring women to be “on” all the time. at the very least, they need to learn how to take more burdens off of her in order to secure certain things as was stated in previous comments.

  • chika e.

    this is one of the MANY reasons i will NEVER get married. its always about the man. f@ck that. *roll eyes* when i get home, i’m putting on my sweat pants or shorts (depending on the weather) a t-shirt, putting my hair in my satin bonnet. if that is a problem for my man, then he can go kick rocks with an open toe shoe. i’m not looking like a supermodel 24/7. HELL NO!!!!

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    uh oh! damn ma! ma sista I have a feeling you are Nigerian oo….eh,eh…you are not going to be dolled up in some gele?! no?

  • Nina

    Welp, you did all that & you aren’t married anymore. Aside from being widow, I’d say you had hurtin’ feet for naught & your advice is just the same. Bye!

  • modern lady

    All of the so-called ‘dilemmas’ on this show are so made up. Her hubby has a problem w/ her now-all of a sudden, even though they have 4 kids? Ok.

  • Ocean Blue (LaDreaming86)

    “This is one of the MANY reasons I will NEVER get married.” – Same here for me.

  • http://beyondblackwhite.com/ Jamila

    Lets call this the “Beyonce effect”–the idea that no matter how much a woman has on her late she must still wear 4 inch heels and have on a full-face of makeup, even if she is just running to the grocery store.

    A woman should definitely do what she can to maintain her sexy, but we we all only have 24 hours in day, so if Mary’s husband want’s her to do more to maintain her looks then he need to volunteer to do more around the house and take on more parenting duties in order to give his wife more time to work out and put on makeup.

  • Ay

    My response is based upon the question posed in the title of the article. Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Men are visually stimulated. Understand that, and you’ll understand why they ask for their women to maintain an aesthetically pleasing appearance. Sexy doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. A pair of shorts or leggings and a tank top are just as comfortable as a cute little sweatsuit, but sexier. Or how about a cotton tank dress?

    You don’t have to don high heels and silk blouses to be sexy. I make sure that my honey does a double take every time he sees me. Whether I’m heading to the gym, office, or down to do the laundry.

    And if your man does catch you in a sweatsuit and decides to complain about it, go over to him and whisper, “I’m not wearing any panties” then walk away. That sweatsuit will suddenly become very sexy.

  • Ocean Blue

    “Men are visually stimulated.” – Um, yea, so are women!

  • TypicalBlackWoman…

    Who the heck wears makeup while at home, except TV and reality show stars? If you can’t go makeup-less at home, or even doing odd chores like going to the grocery store, then there’s something wrong with the person. Not only are they insecure in their own skin, but they’re weak enough to allow someone else make them feel as if they are less than because they want to give their facial pores a rest.

  • UMM…

    As a wife and mother of two, yeah, you do have to maintain. Men are visual creatures and even if they “claim” they don’t care how you look, it isn’t true. It’s always a double standard– he can look as fat and greasy as he wants to or something, but he still wants to come home to his wife put together and in shape while cleaning the house, cooking and dealing with the kids. I’m now a SAHM, I used to work outside the home, but now my primary job is to manage the household expenses, the maintenance of the household, the kids and their school/extracurricular activities, and keep my body in shape.I know I would be pulling my hair out if I worked outside the home– I know of a few women who can do it, but they have little time for themselves just to relax. The kids have activities that you need to take them to, the house needs to be maintained, he wants dinner on the table, clean laundry and then there is sex. It’s tough and a lot of women complain that the man doesn’t help out as much as he should, even though as women, they have to work “Double shifts” outside the home and at home. Juggling isn’t easy and sometimes men have these unrealistic expectations. I’m speaking from 14 years of experience here…

  • Achica89

    @ LULU LMAO.

  • Toni Childs

    I switch it up all the time, and I found cute ways to keep it sexy – even in sweats. I told my hubby to buy me sweatpants, and I promise to wear them with a tank -no bra and heels. Men don’t care what you wear, as long as heels are in the pictures.

  • Allie

    I think it was a legit request, he was not saying he wanted to look “MaryMary” fly all the time at home he was just saying. Sometimes can you set it up and put on some jeans. (SN: i don’t think jeans are conformable however if jeans in stead of sweat will make up happy do it ONCE IN A WHILE ). I must say I love the way she reacted fist going ham then he was like ill try a little something…. Balance is key…. GO #TINA&ERICA

  • Bri

    I think her husband was being unfair. If she is neat, why does she have to be done up? Any woman will tell you that sweats are much more comfortable than jeans. I didn’t see the show but if she looks neat then her husband needs to fall back. Chasing behind four kids is no small feat no matter the attire. By the way, some men appreciate the way a thick sister looks in sweats.

  • Buttons

    First of all, and this is just my personal belief, I would not have more than 2 to 3 children married or not, and 3 is pushing it. If I’m not mistaken, her sister has 5. Men are too fickle and while they enjoy the act of sex and impregnating, the end result of having multiple children are not always as appealing. A woman, and her body, endures a great deal of stress while pregnant and sometimes men are not very understanding of that. It may sound crazy, but Tina and her sister act like their “husband happy.” Definition: so excited to be married that you will surrender your entire self to your mate trying to please. Now, she delivered four children and she is obviously a very busy women, and he put the expectation on her to look a certain way??? Women need to learn how to set boundaries and even when their married. Children and family are beautiful and rewarding, but having multiple children is not always as pleasant as it seems. Men are are just not that reliable.

  • Morgan

    I don’t know why anyone would do it for a man. You should do your best to look your best all the time for yourself!!!!! I think the worst thing you can do for your husband is to ignore your own needs and not take care of yourself. You can’t do anything for anyone else if you aren’t doing it for yourself.

    I know for me, in the first few years of my marriage, I really let myself go. Who cares what my husband thought about it, my self-esteem was horrible. So much of our confidence as women is feeling good about ourselves and feeling that we are at our best. And when we let that go, everything goes to hell.

    I think everything should be appropriate for the occasion. There are plenty of cute outfits you can wear while you vacuum.

    The first thing all of us need to do is to address our own needs and take care of ourselves… do your best and be your best all the time.. whatever that means for you. He’ll love you way more for that, because you can definitely still look unattractive with a full face of makeup and a teddy if you don’t feel good on the inside.

  • Morgan

    Beyonce’ is Beyonce’ because she keeps it together. She makes sure she’s well put together all the time. She’s no different from us when it comes to how many hours there are in the day and how much work she has to do.

    If you’re the type of woman who doesn’t care what you look like, and doesn’t have enough self-respect to keep yourself right for you (and not anyone else)… just don’t be mad when you’re husband and kids act the same way.

    If you love yourself, you’ll always want to be your best self. We, as black women, need to go ahead and get what we want and be who we want to be. Beyonce’ is wonderful! Stop playing like there’s something wrong with her keeping herself up, and think about how great you’d feel if you could pull it off too. There’s enough time in the day.

  • http://selfra.blogspot.com dantresomi

    As a married man of almost 12 years, the biggest fear I have is that my wife will lose herself in her position as a mother and wife. I want her to have her own identity and be her (@AfroMartha). I love my wife in all her sizes over the years. I married the woman in the inside. don’t get me wrong my wife is physically beautiful and I see myself continuing to have sex when we are 80.

    So if i love her, how she looks shouldn’t matter especially at this point (almost 12 years and four children later). Don’t get me wrong, she is not the type to run out in sweats and a do rag, but if she did, I wouldn’t care.

  • FLG17

    @ Morgan – yeah Beyonce is Beyonce making MILLIONS of dollars a year and paying a TEAM of people to keep her together. She probably can’t walk out the front door without some help, if anything her security. It’s a lot easier to stroll up and down the street holding your baby looking super cute in heels and skinny jeans when you aren’t really DOING anything but strolling. Try looking like Beyonce every single time you cook a meal, buy groceries, taxi kids around, pay bills, etc. People need to stop comparing themselves to celebrities, especially very rich celebrities. Her reality is not everyone’s reality. If your man wants you to look like Beyonce all the time, he needs to pay you like Beyonce and supply a team of nannies, cooks, drivers, security, accountants, lawyers, managers, stylists, hair and make-up, etc. Then it will be easy for ya.

  • Morgan

    @FLG17.. really, I have to completely disagree.

    My husband doesn’t care what I look like ever. But even if he did, I would never keep myself up to make him happy. I’ve got a 6 year old, a 15 year old sister I take care of, and three small businesses that I run. I keep myself up because it makes me feel good.

    Sure, being comfortable in sweats is easier, but I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we’d all agree that we’d always choose feeling at our best over feeling comfortable.

    She shouldn’t do anything for her husband, but she should keep herself up and make an effort to look and feel good for herself. You don’t need Beyonce’s money for that. It’s being organized and in control of your life.

    I wish more women, especially black women, would see the power in something as small as putting a little more effort into your appearance. It’s about loving yourself. I think if anyone thinks about it, they would always prefer that “I’m a bad bitch” feeling over “I feel really comfortable right now.”

    Just saying… there are plenty of cute outfits to vacuum the house in

  • Morgan

    All in all, to answer the question… your sexy should be more important than being a wife and a mother. You can’t take care of anyone else before you take care of yourself. Women need to wake up and see that that’s where the problem starts.. it’s not your husband, or your schedule or your kids… love yourself first.

  • Best Guest

    Morgan, you’re an idiot. Have fun vacuuming in Your Louboutins.

  • Morgan

    That’s so fun. He just bought me a pair.

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