Teen Pregnancy Pacts Are the New Fad

by Risa Dixon


I honestly can’t believe this is going on, but teens are partaking in something called a “pregnancy pact” where a group of friends all decide to get pregnant at the same time. There is even a page for this phenomenon on Facebook where teen girls post pictures of their growing pregnant bellies. They are all smiles and proud of this “accomplishment” they have achieved. They also receive tons of support from other teens on the page for making this pact. These pacts are not only irresponsible, but they also encourage young girls to partake in unprotected sex. What the heck is going on?

I am having my first child at the age of 26 and although I am prepared in many ways there are still so many anxieties that race through my mind on a daily basis. Being a mother is such a huge responsibility and nothing to be taken lightly. Shows such as “Teen Pregnancy” have obviously played a part in making these young girls think that being pregnant is something cool. Bringing a child into this world is far from a fad, but more and more teen girls are treating it as such.

I remember a time when becoming pregnant as a teen was something to be terrified of. It was not something young girls aspired to.  Getting pregnant before finishing school wasn’t even a thought.  I knew my mother would give me an old fashion butt whooping if I dared to come home when I was in high school and say I was pregnant…and that it was planned.

This is truly a travesty because babies are bringing babies into this world on purpose not thinking about the difficulties associated with being a teen mother. I have many friends who were teen mothers. They are great mothers, but I also saw how hard it was for them trying to raise a child at such a young age. You have to go from being an immature, carefree teen to a responsible adult in a short amount of time. That is no easy task, especially if you have a minimal amount of help.

What are your views on this pregnancy pact craze?

  • Kacey

    The sad thing is, once these babies are born and reality sets in they will become statistics.

  • http://stephanietalktome.blogspot.com Stephanie

    My cousin’s stepdaughter just did the same thing. She went ahead with her crazy self and got pregnant on purpose. Her first excuse was, are you ready for this now, that she let the boy nut in her every time they had sex because she wasn’t ovulating……I said oh yea, well you’re about to deal with the consequences on your own. She’s about to be 19 in a few days with no HS Diploma but apparently the boy’s mother enrolled her in a C.N.A. program she will be alright in life…..I mean, really. What is going through these young girls’ minds? Do you want to be loved that much that you choose to purposely ruin your life? And they wonder why Republicans advocate so much to have control over women’s bodies. I can’t stand the Republicans. However, I agree that there needs to be something in place that doesn’t reward people for having kids as if the system is going to take care of them. That money comes out of my paycheck!

  • Chica

    Well as a 17 year senior in a Memphis high school (you know, the city that had 40 pregnant chicks in 1 school or something ridiculous like that), I definitely have come across a ton of teen girls who aspire to get pregnant before they graduate which is really just unfortunate. But I cannot stand when folks partially blame this whole teenage pregnancy craze on shows like 16 and Pregnant. I’ve watched the show a couple of times, and let me tell you NOTHING on that show makes pregnancy look like lollipops and sunshine. If anything, watching that show makes me wanna NEVER spread my legs. Period. The way kids are raised by parents/guardians affects how they receive television shows, most of the time. I seriously doubt that the lives of the misguided young ladies who be drastically different if they never saw Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant.

  • Chica

    lives of THESE misguided young ladies WOULD be*

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    These ignorant black teen women are perpetuting the following stereotypes.

    1.)Welfare queens

    2.) Baby mamas

    3.) Black women are nothing but hoodrats

    I do not care what anybody tells me, but this right here is the epitome of hoodratness! Where are their mothers?! Where are their fathers?! There was an article a while back about the lack of support for teen pregnancy. Count me out! I am NOT going to support foolishness, ever!! What is wrong with these kids?!

  • JoJo

    @ African Mami

    I’m with you.

    Well… I guess… Happy Mother’s Day to them. And sooner rather than later, they will be convincing all who cares on why they should, too, be celebrated for Father’s Day. I can’t with this mess.

  • http://www.Talk2Q.com Q

    I’m not even sure what to say on this one. I guess it’s not a big deal to some people. Sad to think that a child’s life is just an accessory to a lot of people. I’m curious to the status of the four fathers of those girls’ kids.

  • modern lady

    I’d bet my life that none of these girls have fathers. This is a damn shame. I wish welfare would go broke soon-then they’d have to realize what being a TRUE single mother is like.

  • The last laugh

    I’m no republican, but welfare needs to be taken away. black people do an awesome job of making themselves look like some abject idiots. I know thats harsh but I’m tired of feeling sorry for everyone when its clear they have no respect for themselves or their community.

  • Dreaming

    I know women who were once girls with father’s in their home, a religious home, and they ended up giving birth to a child out-of-wedlock. Having a father in the home doesn’t always mean a child is better off; just as some children who didn’t have a father in the home turned out fine.

  • Dreaming

    Just remember – When services are taken away, it affects those who abuse it and those who don’t.

  • modern lady

    I hate to keep beating an old drum, but I GUARANTEE the majority of welfare recipients aren’t black. And Blacks don’t have to do much for white people to highlight the idiocy that actually runs rampant in all races.

    You’ve just fallen into the trap that I believe a lot of media wants you to, and that is to believe the hype and stereotypes they put forth by design.

  • modern lady

    @ The Last laugh:

    One last comment I need to make, and I’ll be done. White girls started this trend of pregnancy pacts, not Black girls.

  • modern lady

    @ Dreaming:
    It doesn’t ALWAYS mean you’re going to have issues if you have no Father in the home, but not having one does create a lot of problems, especially for young girls and premarital sex. I’m no psychologist, but I’ve heard it has to do with replacing love. These girls are probably looking for unconditional love wherever they can get it-even if they have to raise it.

  • Wuluwulu

    I remember when I was this age my friends and I had a studying pact. we would call each other and stay up and study over the phone for our tests and big exams that would determine if we would get to our A-levels, and eventually into University. This is beyond strange to me.

  • LuvIt289

    Didn’t this start w/ white teens?
    Either way—”ewww!”

  • grateful

    @modern lady

    Most white girls have a support system that isn’t welfare…

  • mamareese

    I blame this on the stupid Teen Moms show on MTV….. I had my 1st born at 24 and you are NEVER prepared for parenthood….you literally have trial by fire. Look you can’t stop these kids for doing something so very stupid and immature…but what you can do is hold them FULLY RESPONSIBLE for raising these babies. Dont even let the they are too young out of your mouth….they laid down and KNEW this would result in a child…DONT let them walk away from that scottfree. I’ve seen this happen and the grandparents end up with the strain of dealing with this. Nope, you hitting the workforce at 13 honey…and you will be a working fool until that baby is an adult. You wanted the thrill you pay the bill booboo! I’d beat the DNA outta both my daughter and son…if they ever. I aint gonna be no good grandparent in my 30s!!! Make a college degree pact and a get outta my mama’s pocket pact….make them shoo…….

  • mamareese

    Also….I went to school for a short while with a young lady that had a baby while we were in middle school….she dropped out….by th time our class graduated in 97…..two more. In 2004 last I heard 9 kids (some twins)…no joke and maybe two had the same dad. And drove a dodge neon….kids in the trunk on the hood….

  • Ladybug94

    “Where are the mothers?” Probably sitting on someones porch drinking a 40 and playing dominoes all day while they are pregnant at the same time as their daughter.

    “Where are the fathers?” Who knows.

    “What’s wrong with these kids?” See answers for where is the mother and father.

  • grateful

    You too funny!

  • Georgia

    This isn’t even about race. I’m left of liberal, but social media is used these days to deny/lose people’s jobs, educations, etc., which is why sensible folks don’t make all their business public. There’s no reason why girls who knowingly create lives that they cannot support from day one are ineligible for welfare. Why is this hard?

  • Georgia


  • Alyssa


  • TypicalBlackWoman…

    Seventy percent of children on welfare are white. Even though a higher fraction of black people are on welfare, the majority of people consuming welfare is white. It’s funny though that we think the the average welfare recipient looks like welfare queen with rollers in her hair and a pack of menthols, when in reality, if you put all welfare recipients in a room, you are more likely to come across a young white child under the age of sixteen.

    Caucasians have been benefitting from government handouts since the founding of this country, and to this day, still do. While I find the article above discouraging and the continued poverty rates among blacks depressing, we sometimes need to realize that your tax dollars not only are doled out to Shanequa, but also little Betty Sue too. Stop villainizing black people and lets deal with the rampant poverty and ignorance that plagues all of America. We’re like the richest country but the gap between the rich and the poor here is worse than other developed and developing countries.

  • msbklynqn

    WTH. ok we need to do something about this. If you have young black teens in you life PLEASE become a mentor to them and steer them down the right path

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    all I’m gonna say is somebody is going to swim the Atlantic Ocean, back to the motherfriggin motherland, where life is tougher than my African kinks!

    I’m with you mamareese! —->yes to that DNA beatdown!!! For far too long, parents have been passive TOO passive. What?! I don’t care what kind of technology wil be there when I have my daughter, BUT all I can say is she will just have a pager.

  • c0c0puffz

    These kids need after school programs to occupy them. Because obviously they got too much alone time which leads to trouble.

  • Tonton Michel

    It’s this type of ratchet behavior that justifies the stereotypes of poor blacks and puts programs under constant threat of being cut, ripping away a safety net to those who really need it.

  • Ash

    71 other kids liked this?!

  • chanela

    Sad shit… i thought the pregnancy pacts were for white girls though. nooo

  • I got sense!


    How do you know it’s a pregnancy pact? Where is the facts to support this claim? Or did you just read it on another site like I did and copy it? I’m guessing the latter. This is less likely a “pregnancy pact” and more likely what’s been going on in the black community for decades… immature females giving birth to children they can’t take care of.

  • I got sense!


    where are the facts…..

  • natalie

    I would have to disagree with the assertion that “teen Moms” is the culprit. Its one of many that includes the community’s pivot towards full acceptance of the babymama phenomena. This behavior is being modeled in all aspect of black life by black celebrities, their older sisters, their older cousins, aunts etc. Its sad!

  • natalie

    hard to type on smart phone.. excuse typos, grammatical and spelling errors

  • The last laugh

    Say what you want and believe what you will but I have seen first hand from people in my own circle habitually use and abuse the system. Some are white but most are black.

    We don’t like to talk about the fact that these “stereotypes” are usually always proven right. And I’m not even talking about this stupid pregnancy pact or whatever. So what some white girls started it…why do black girls have to jump on the paddy wagon? Cuz they aint got no god damn sense thats why. And the majority of these problems are caused by a cycle of poverty that includes these parents being too damn lazy to get off welfare.

    Welfare should have a two year limit. If you can’t get your life together by then then tough nuggets. I know thats mean and I know we’re in hard times but ya know what? I work every single day with no day off in the week to make ends meet. So when I see this type of crap and these dumb ass kids who think its cool to get pregnant and live off welfare and then not even bother to truly TAKE CARE of their kids….no. F U and F this welfare crap.

  • entro

    Its not always the so called hoodrat that becomes pregnant, or the child of a single or uninvolved parent. What you guys don’t realize is that teenagers are more influenced by each other and not their parents. I believe there was a study saying as much. As the mother of a teenager I believe this to be true, that’s why I monitor who my child’s friends are. Ive known several friends who are two parent., very involved households that this happened to, they live in a middle to upper middle class neighborhood but their child had a mind of their own and friends that didn’t disapprove so they decided they wanted to get pregnant and they did.

  • entro

    @Natalie., yeah me too

  • grateful


  • jw

    I agree with the writer of this post.When you mention you remeber a time when becoming pregnant was something to be scared of.I remeber anytime a teen thought she was pregnant,the words out of their mouth would be “Oh no,my life is over” or “It will ruin my life”.Now they act like all of a sudden babies don’t cry all the time or they won’t prevent you from getting a good night sleep.Babies haven’t changed,there still a enormous responsibility.

  • entro

    I have a relative who works in social services and she says there are so many new cases of formerly middle class families applying for public assistance because of the economy. I understand how you feel I use to feel the same way until she told me that a family of five only receives $600 per month and many of these people are living in one room hotels because their homes have been foreclosed on. The face of welfare recipients have changed so much that employees had to be retrained in how to deal with and talk to those receiving assistance because they were more educated and more likely to complain when they received substandard treatment from their caseworkers. The stereotype of the black welfare queen has always been a myth but more so now because of what’s happened with the economy. The majority of her cases are white or Hispanic whom she now has to refer to as”clients”. Welfare is a safety net that needs to be kept in place because there are times when people have a great need. I find it much less offensive than corporate welfare, they are the true criminals

  • Kacey

    I completely understand what you’re saying, The Last Laugh. However, the problem is, when you cut-off welfare its not the mothers who suffer the most, its the children.

    Frustrated/Immature Parent + Crying/Starving Baby = Abuse/Neglect/Abandonment/Death

  • Kacey

    Ummmmm, if you look at the screen capture, on the right side, directly under the profile picture of the person’s account (i.e. the small picture with the two little kids) it says: “ThE pRegNancy pAcT with…”

    What other confirmation do you want?

  • apple

    This is strange because I had a dream that I got drunk and had unprotected sex with a hood boy and then I woke up and Baby from Cash Money told me about it and that he videoed it. Then I went to a pharmacy to get plan B pill and my gyno told me I need to get rid of it or my life would be over. Then I tried to take it in a shopping mall where my mom kept gettin in my way and there was Somethng about a haunted fun house and roller coaster ..lol hahaah

  • Dalili

    Oh my, how times have changed. All my Mum said to us was “you better not bring a baby in this house.” That put the fear of God in all of us, including my brothers. Seems to me most teenagers that do end up pregnant aren’t really made to shoulder the responsibility, for the most part their families step in to help out going as far as ‘adopting’ the babies. That among other factors may explain why pregnancy and motherhood is such a casual affair to them.

  • Ms. Information

    Only to go to the DFCS office and apply for welfare that comes out of my check…there needs to be penalty and time period stipulation on welfare.

  • Ms. Information

    so. true.

  • I got sense!


    If that works for proof of intent for you then fine. I need a little more, like confirmation from those involved.

  • chinaza

    You have said it all. They have no respect for themselves and they are enabled by the adults who will not let them take the consequences of their actions.
    If they felt the weight of adult life, they would stop rushing into it.When these girls have to miss out on the fun and freedom of being young because they have to care for their babies, rather than leaving them with mum to go to a party or a prom, most of them will learn.
    When you make them wash,cook and clean for those children, they know it’s not a game of playing with dolls and being cute.
    And I’m not dealing with the fathers because I’m telling you that the girls are the ones with the stupid, stubborn attitudes in my professional dealings with young people.
    Our young men are actually more receptive to change and progress.

  • I got sense!

    EXACTLY! I don’t get the sudden outrage over this. When so many black women have kids out of wedlock, have kids so young, “justify” their poor decision and behavior, and glamorize “baby mamas” and “hood rich” lifestyle I’m surprised the right wings haven’t gotten rid of welfare all together, oh yeah, that’s right because it would affect more white people more than black. There needs to be a MASSIVE change.

  • The last laugh

    @ entro

    I see what your saying and to a certain extent I agree (especially about corporate welfare…that deserves a whole discussion.) Of course people of all economic backgrounds can fall on hard times and yes, they do deserve to have some sort of safety net…TEMPORARILY.

    Full disclosure: this year I actually took out unemployment. I was suddenly laid off and it was an emergency. I was on it for 3 months and it made the difference between being on the street and making ends meet. So I get it, I really do. But I’m not talking about the family or person who suddenly finds themselves on hard times. I’m talking about the people who are perpetually on the system because its simply just there and have no intention of getting off of it. Like these four negroes with watermelon bellies lookin all proud and I GUARENTEE that ALL of them are either already or will be on welfare.

    My husband worked at a charter school in DC and would hear these young kids talking about how to get on welfare. Instead of talking about where to go to high school or college they’re talking about ways to get on welfare. IMHO it is ruining the black family and community not helping. I don’t blame these children but I do blame our community for accepting it and making it normal. Sure there are more white people on welfare than black people but there are also way more white people in this country than black people so that argument really does not sell me.

    And I don’t think people on welfare are criminals and I want to reiterate that my beef is with the perpetual welfarer. I honestly do not care that my tax dollars are going to welfare, like you said it is chump change compared to this corporate welfare. But I do have a huge issue with lazy ass mofo’s who don’t lift a finger to contribute to the society they are in and then complain about racism and how life is so unfair to them when they are their own worst enemy.

  • entro

    But know that the money coming out of your check is also helping someone in true need and through no doing of their own has found themselves in a horrible, humiliating situation whether it be the child of some young mother or the family that just fell on hard times the majority of those on welfare whether black or white or whatever are not scamming the system

  • key

    I feel if you are not on your way to graduating college, you don’t need a baby oh im grown its my BABY I’m can do what I want , babygurl your a baby your 14 and 13 years old not in high school yet or your first year in high school and you want a baby its a responsiblity that goes with dat you think you can handle it but your not ready for the pressure or guide that goes with it…..my advice rap it up ….wait awhile….until your ready ….its not worth it forreal

  • Kacey

    I hear ‘Denial’ is also a river in Egypt!

  • entro

    @ last l. your right about some of the attitudes and low expectations from some people. Its depressing that with all the information out there for young people to prevent teenage pregnancy and birth control and PSA’s about unprotected sex, these girls thought it would be cute to get pregnant. Its sad

  • entro

    My mother scared us so much with what she was going to do to us if we got pregnant that when I had my first child(married and in my late twenties) I was afraid to tell her.lol
    These kids today just don’t care what their parents have to say just as long as their friends think its cute. It just amazes me

  • I got sense!

    I’m sure you did but then that doesn’t surprise me at all. Might wanna get some additional information before believing whatever you are told ( or read).

  • H

    I have no sympathy for THESE types of single mothers – the ones who bring children in this world on purpose, and they can’t afford to raise them. These are the women raising these “no good black men.” Black women complain about the quality of black men, but it’s the single black mothers that are raising these low class idiots to be thugs, rapists, murderers, drug dealers, womanizers, dead beat dads, and misogynists. Black women should own up to the part that they have played in producing these men because they don’t know how to raise boys. In this situation, the only thing worse than a woman who gets knocked up by a dead beat on purpose is a woman who gets knocked up by a respectable guy on purpose but then kicks him out of her life so she can get a check rather than allow that man to raise his son.

    The single mother who doesn’t take the effort to go the extra mile and find out what it takes to raise a boy into a man is one of the biggest problems in the black community. No one ever calls her out on her behavior. They portray her as the victim who had to become a “strong black woman” after his dead beat dad left.

  • H

    I don’t get why this is such a fad though. Can’t they look around and see these types of single mothers and their quality of life? I mean yes there are single mothers with good lives, but THESE types of single mothers usually don’t get an education. They usually mooch off the system the rest of their lives and never try to improve. These are women who find it hard to get a date b/c men – even fathers – don’t want to date women with children. These are the single mothers that have to bail their sons out of jail and house them when they’re grown. These are the women with the notorious attitude that black men complain about us having. These are the 30 year old single mothers that have to settle for ex-convicts or broke, lazy leeches for male companionship. These are the 40 year old women in the church pews on Sunday with no man pledging to be celibate for the Lord. These are the 50 year old women living life through people on TV. These are women who will probably die alone without having had a soul mate.

    There’s a lot of research showing that these women will have it harder in life. Fine. Maybe they don’t read the research, but just look around. I don’t know why people sign themselves up to have a higher possibility of being miserable in the future.

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    You know what, I am going to say it, and I do not care who disagrees or does not like it.

    These girls are lost and broken and this is simply proof of that. People can talk about “These girls need to take responsibility for their actions”, “Ratchet this, hoodrat that”, defend some mythical army of Cliff Huxtable like young Black males who are completely and innocently being “tricked” by these horrible young Black girls so the girls can gety a “check”, all they want, but none of that will change the FACT that the screwed up gender dynamics now taking place in the Black community was NOT started by Black teen girls.

    Who started with only redbones, yellowbones, light-skinned, mulatto, etc are the only ways to be beautiful in the Black race?

    Who secretly dreamed of being with White partners romantically and thus behaved in ways that undersocred this thinking before they were allowed access to their precious White dream partners?

    Who decided that the gender in their race was not worthy of love/protection/uplifting/support financial as well as emotional based on the tone of their skin, grade of their hair, and non-fineness of their features?

    Who created an entertainment/pop culture machine that praises/punishes/excludes the opposite gender in their race based on the distance/closeness to West Africa their physical features represent?

    The answer to ALL of the above questions is NOT TEEN BLACK GIRLS OR ANY OTHER BLACK FEMALES FOR THAT MATTER.

    These girls are hurting, existing in a hostile world that constanly tells them they are ugly, worhtless, useless, disgusting garbage who deserve nothing good and shouldn’t even exist in the first place. They hear this EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY OF THEIR LIVES from age 5-up.

    It is bound to have a negative affect.

    There you have it.

    I will simply NOT allow people to sit here and say that Black girls do this simply cause “They ain’t no damn good” or similar nonsense.

  • H

    Of course they have a messed up mentality, but that’s because they were raised by other single black mothers. The reason they think its cool is b/c they probably have a bad mother who didn’t raise them right or shield them from hip hop culture. It’s not impossible. Turn the TV off. Get a library card and read for fun. If every mother in these neighborhoods banned together and did these types of things, it would make a BIG difference.

    I had a dream when I was a teen that I was pregnant. When I woke up, I was so scared because I was raised to think that having a child as a teen out of wedlock was shameful behavior. I was raised to be scared at being in that situation. These girls were raised to think it’s a joyous occasion. Obviously these girls weren’t raised right. Of course they can claim that they are victims of hip hop and ghetto culture. They were influenced by outside forces and have no control over their own lives, and people will agree and say it’s the dead beat dads, or it’s the rappers, or it’s the man.

    Guys will do whatever they can to be with a woman. You know why black guys like to act ignorant and like thugs? Because they know black women like it. If black women said they want a nerd with a college degree and they stopped giving thugs the time of day, the men would change. If black men are so horrible, then black women shouldn’t be sleeping with them and having babies with them. If the men can act like monsters, and the women accept, I have to say that there is something wrong with the women as well. I’m over the victim mentality. This single mother epidemic is a sad cycle that continues because the single mothers never just stop and say “Yea I messed up. I’m going to change and work the hardest to raise my kids right so that they don’t make the same mistakes that I make.” And they never get called out for the mistakes they’ve made and continue to pass them on generation after generation. These women are victims of a bad raising. I don’t expect teenagers to make logical decisions, but I expect their adult mothers to do better at raising them.

  • entro

    Wait..I understand your anger with black men SOME of them are guilty of the things you’ve just described In no way are these girls solely responsible for their pregnancies it takes two,but they are responsible for their reckless actions in purposely making a pregnancy pact and flaunting it as if its the thing to do.

  • binks

    This picture just hurts my heart, what a waste of potential. So very irresponsible and frankly sad, this cycle needs to stop! I’ am sick and tired of seeing unwed (not by choice)/teenage moms AND dads, it isn’t a good look and we, as a society, have become too immune by turning a blind eye to it. I think this just show that a lot of people are unperturbed by parenthood and the magnitude of it, as someone mention even the most prepare and responsible parents isn’t ready for parenthood. At this point, I am not even worried about the irresponsible moms and dads but the children who it affects and how the cycle keeps being continued over and over again and going from worse to worst with each generation.

  • iQgraphics

    There is just no shame.
    When I was in HS, this was NOT the thing to do.

  • iQgraphics

    if i didn’t have anyone to let me know there was life outside of my town, expierence different than what I was accustom to, and a future, perhaps i too would have thought it was a good idea to have a little companion to get me thru the monotany of any given tuesday.

    these girls have no role models, future goals or dream encouragers in their lives.

  • “Tina Marie” Clark

    Little Black Girl

    This too is your world, you’re more
    precious than diamonds or pearls
    so wipe those eyes, don’t you cry
    …everything’s gonna be just fine, remember
    you were born smart, you have a good heart
    you will win if you believe in yourself if you
    don’t neither will anyone else

    Hold back those tears find solutions instead, when
    walking hold high your head, focus on achieving
    don’t be afraid, be proud of your color, which is
    never second to any other

    For you are a supreme being, hold tight to your
    dreams, if by this world you are never spoiled
    you’re already blessed to be ” A Little Black Girl ”

    Poet:Tina Marie Clark @ 1990

  • entro

    You know I come from a background of hardship and dysfunctional family dynamics but as I mentioned in another post my mother put the fear of God in me and she did the best she could with what she had and through that I made decisions in my life not to copy some of the dysfunctional behavior I witnessed as a child but to do better. Everyone is different and another person with my experiences could have chosen a different path. There but for the grace of God I go.

  • Dreaming

    “You know I come from a background of hardship and dysfunctional family dynamics” – Same here for me. My mother didn’t talk to me about sex or pregnancy, but I knew from a very young age that one thing I did not want was to be a teen mother or even a mother having children out-of-wedlock.

  • Pat

    I think parents of today are becoming more lax with their expectations,rules and discipline.
    Unfortunately things will fall on the already overwhelmed school system to adapt a new program. Maybe Sex Education need to be revamped and certain things added. Like the lifestyle expectancy of teen parents; cost, statistics, hardships etc. Teen parents sharing their stories of hardship. Take home exercises that gets the parents involved and talking about the topic with their child. Teens of today should be slapped with the cold harsh facts. This generation is definitely a new breed, so the same ole Sex Ed won’t do and we unfortunately are seeing the results.

  • Ladybug94

    Please don’t place the blame of boys turning out to be deadbeats on the mother. Women can’t teach mean how to be men. We can teach them how to be good people, but responsibility needs to be placed on the absentee fathers or shall I say lack of good fathers or good positive male role models in young boys lives. Now there are some trifling mothers who smoke and drink with their kids and so forth but parents in general need to stay on top of their kids doings, their facebook pages, their cell phones, etc. They need to not only know their kids friends but the parents of the friends as well.

  • Humanista

    All right….*deep sigh*. Firstly, this pregnancy pact business isn’t new. As a matter of fact, it was on the news a few years ago because of all the white girls who were apart of this craziness.

    Secondly, to even imply that this particular group girls is representative of teens across the board is madness. Teen pregnancy, in fact, is the lowest it’s been since the 40s. In the last 12yrs or so, teen pregnancy has falling dramatically across the board–9% for blacks. It’s terrible that this group of girls thought it was cool to get pregnant for kicks and giggles, but It seems today’s teens in general are doing a better job “getting it” than generations before and are doing more to prevent pregnancy.

    …This isn’t to say that the teen pregnancy that does exist is A-ok, however. It is absolutely something that we need to fight down to 0% in our society. But I believe that this piece sensationalizes what is really happening. I also think that blaming this behavior on “16 & Pregnant” is misdirected, because, while I can’t say I’ve seen every single episode, those I’ve watched include a lot of long faces, conflict (w/ parents, boyfriends), getting-by and eventually some grinning-and-bearing. Now maybe I missed the episodes that featured the “thank God you’re pregnant” parades, but to me the show plays like “what not to do” (much unlike the madness that ensues on “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”…aack!). The fact that a show presents something doesn’t mean it encourages it. Teens are still–at large–devastated to find out they’re pregnant, AND they are not overwhelmingly supported by their peers who ostracize, judge and distance themselves, just like you would have them do.

    I feel sorry for these girls, and their children, and I hope they are able to wise up and mature as they continue through life. Most importantly, I hope that they can figure out a way to prevent their mistakes from repeating in their kids’ lives.

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    H and please tell me WHY was that mother you speak of a single mother? And her mother? and her mother? Because some Black MALE decided that her dark, kinky-haired self was not worth wiving and putting a ring on it, THAT’S why. Like I said before, no matter how you try to spin it, it was Black MEN who drew first blood in this war a very, very long time ago, and now this is the result. And please spare me the tired trope about “Black girls like/want thugs”. That is a myth and a distorted lie. The fact of the matter is that there is a middle ground between being a totally socially inept nerd who has less game than a Baseball stadium in January and who could not charm a girl if his life depended on it, and a swaggering juvenile lowlife dropout who’s only tangilble skill is knowing how to talk to a woman. The sad truth is that some of the qualities that these thugs have (confidence, I don’t care attitude, athletic, tough fighter in some cases, hustler/gift of gab, etc) are what attracts girls and women. Not just Black girls & woman are attracted to those things in a male, White, Hispanic, and Asian girls & women like them too. How many White, Hispanic, & Asian women & girls do we see tripping over themselves and breaking their necks to give the nerdy, socially inept males of their respective races their phone numbers? Exactly, almost none. So let’s stop acting like it is only Black girls and women who like these traits in males. Now getting back to that middle ground. The fact is that the Black boys who inhabit that middle ground tend to only give their SERIOUS time to light-skinned/mixed Black girls, or do not bother with Black girls at all, giving all their attention to non-Black girls. So who does that leave? Socially inept bumblers who NO girl would be attracted to, and what you call these thugs who know that Black girls so crave Black male attention/affection, hence they use them for sex, money, and whatever else they can con out of those poor girls. THAT is the reality of the situation. And as for your idea of Black girls not giving Black males attention, well I think we ALL know that if a Black girls is attracted to other-race boys, people want to tear her apart and act like she is a criminal, so how can Black girls win? If they give Black boys a chance, you and people who think like you tear them down. If they want to date non-Black boys, you and people who think like you tear them down. Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don’t!

    It is not about any “victim mentality”. What it IS about is Black males not loving/valuing the girls & women in their race and the problems that that sick mess has caused.

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    THANK YOU Humanista. Both for pointing out that it was in fact WHITE girls who started this pregnancy pact stuff (and if this report was focusing on White girls doing this, the same people raking Black girls over the coals for doing this would have nothing but support and an endless supply of “aww poor babies those sweet pretty little White girls”) and for pointing out the declining rate of teen pregnancy among our Black girls. The problem is that anti-Black female hatred is so entrenched in the Black race that Blacks jump at ANY opportunity to tear Black girls & women apart and talk about how “bad/worthless” they are. It is truly disgusting & pathetic!

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    Entro, thank you for at least acknowledging that our girls DO NOT get pregnant by themselves.

  • Chrissy


    Do you have a blog or something? I would be interested in reading more of your thoughts.

  • Dreaming


    This is something I fail to understand.

    In the Black community, women are blamed for the issues that exist as well as are expected to fix them, which would require women to be in a leadership role.

    On one hand, people holler that Black women need to allow Black men to lead, but then on the other hand, Black women are told that the behavior of Black boys/men will change once Black girls/women stop ‘allowing’ their behavior. So, which one is it? You want Black men to lead, but you want the women to be the ones to initiate change. Leaders initiate change, not followers. Most Black men are followers.

    It’s tiring and asinine to keeping putting these issues on the backs of girls/women as if the boys/men are just mindless penises.

    Can someone please tell me why the opposite of a thug is a nerd?

  • H

    Yes. The men are to blame when they choose not to marry black women but hop down the aisle with the first non-black woman. My point is that black women should be able to see this behavior and stop giving these guys so much attention. I didn’t say anything about dating outside the race being bad. I said these girls need to change what they like in a man. Start giving the nerdier guys attention. When a guy flunks a test, they should let it be known that they don’t find this cool. They should be encouraging these jocks to make good grades like the nerds.

    Some ignorant black men have been showing us that they don’t value us and don’t want to marry us for years. I’m simply saying that these girls’ mothers should have enough sense to see how much she was valued by these men and teach her children better so that they don’t make the same mistakes. Black people love to talk about the “black community.” You need to let black men fix themselves and black women need to fix themselves on a personal level.

    I can see that many black men prefer non-black women especially white women over black women. Why are the women intent on stooping to such low levels to get attention from men who will use them and drop them? I don’t see these types of black men changing any time soon, and complaining about them solves nothing. Black women can simply say it’s time to up our standards and not settle. These same black guys that can’t give you any respect know how to talk to non-black women. They treat them like princesses. That’s fine. You can’t cure that sick mentality that any woman is better than a black woman. If black women can see that black men are using them on their way up but then leaving them for a non-black woman, then don’t allow yourself to be used! That’s easier said than done.These girls are clamoring for male attention at their age.

    So black women have two options 1)Set high standards for yourself and black men and remain celibate until someone meets those standards 2)Date outside your race. If friends or family give you a hard time, explain to them the problems you faced with black men through your experiences not valuing you especially because of your appearance and how you are much happier now. If they are still acting ignorant, cut the friends out of your life. Limit your time with your family. There are lots of cities in America where people are more open minded about interracial relationships. If your neighborhood is not okay with it, move.

    We should not be lowering our standards though, accepting low down men, sleeping with them, and then complaining. This only hurts black women making them bitter. It empowers these idiots, and in the end hurts the black community. These single mothers that I’m complaining about are not raising these girls to have higher standards. They are not telling them about the way that some black men feel towards them. They are not doing their job. I would never fall victim to some of these idiots, and I would do my best to let my daughter know about the hostile situation.

    This gender war stuff is exhausting. There are lots of Black Woman Empowerment blogs around the web that are great. There is one post http://sojournerspassport.com/the-first-national-tune-out-neutral-low-value-and-no-value-black-men-week/ that is good advice. Tune out these idiots and work on you. If they can’t accept you, they’re too ignorant to spend time worrying about. That’s like fretting over why a racist person doesn’t like you.

    I don’t give black men a pass. I’m simply more interested in worrying about my health and happiness first, then black women’s, then everybody else.

  • H

    @Dreaming Black men who are capable of being leaders have no problem with being in leadership positions. That let me lead stuff usually comes from guys who need to feel some kind of power because he has no power at work or over anything else. When a woman is with a good man, then she can let him lead. Some men feel entitled to their leadership position in a relationship because they are a man. These are the ones who complain.

    These men aren’t changing anytime soon, so if the black community is going to get better, it will be because black women decided that they wanted to improve themselves. We can wait for black men to improve, or we can work on ourselves in the meantime. We sit around and try to uplift them and then when they make it, the non-black clean up woman reaps the benefits of all your hard work and nurturing. You put your self-improvement on hold for a man that didn’t uplift you or the race. We’ve seen this many times.

    At the end of the day, more responsibility will always be placed on the mother than the father. Is it fair? No. It takes two to tango, but women know that they will bear most of the responsibility when it comes to child rearing, so they should be more cautious by using better birth control. If you can’t afford better birth control, then don’t have sex! Condoms are not 100% effective, and you have to use them right. But seriously women from poor neighborhoods with no financial security should NOT be having sex with only a condom as protection.

  • grateful

    Geez Ladybug, don’t you get it?

    but fine, let’s make the men accountable. in this case who do you think slept with these girls? most likely teenage boys. do you think they know how to raise boys into men? even if these young girls were impregnated by grown men, do you think the type of grown men that would sleep with a teenage girl is the kind of man that can raise a boy into a good man?

    here is what H is trying to say to women,worry about who you get pregnant by. have a child with a man who cares how his seed turns out.

    @H that is truth.com. i wish my sistas were smarter than this about these sorts of decisions.

  • twee

    Very true I remember teens getting pregnant on purpose when I was one, thinking it would be cute to have a baby then to raise it together. And the thinking was the parent would just have to accepted, oh well it’s too late I’m pregnant now nothing they can do.

    If anything the kids that did this had good parents that would take care of their grandchild. Truly sad the mentality. Anyone that I know that did this however have totally different mentalities as adults, they’ve learned their lessons basically.

  • Bunni

    The high school in my city has a daycare in their basement, where the teen mothers go to change and/or feed their babies between classes. On one hand, this keeps the mothers motivated to continue their education. On the other, it allows teens to continue this trend, with the knowledge that they will get free daycare. Can remember when I was in high school and pregnant teens were the execption and not the rule. Sadly, the opposite is now our reality.

  • grateful


  • tisme

    I also thank you Humanista for pointing those things out.

    I thank BlackWomen&Girlsneedlove for showing love and compassion to black women and girls.

    I also would like to thank


    for being an advocate for the advancement of black women and girls by providing sane, healthy,useful advice for black women and girls seeking to better themselves.

    Than you all!All of you are greatly appreciated by me and I’m sure many more black women and girls.

    May your and my God bless you abundantly! :)

  • TypicalBlackWoman…

    But it is not a fad. Thankfully, the rates of teen pregnancy has been decreasing over time. Also, the percentage of women, black women especially, in higher education has increased dramatically over time. This is a sensational story that gets more press time than the plain black girl tries to graduate high school and make it to college. The only time such women get press time is when we’re trying to figure out why such educated women end up undesirable and single.

    Don’t believe the hype.

  • TypicalBlackWoman…

    @Dreaming – This is off-topic, but once you get your answer to why the opposite of a thug is a nerd – please let me know. Really guys, have you been on a college campus recently? Hell, have you been in a graduate school lecture hall recently? For everyone of your nerds there are like 10 single African American women. Compare the number of black men to black women, or compare the ratio of men to women in general. Let’s not pretend the thug:nerd ratio acts in favor of educated black women.

    Let’s face it, this country, the United States of America, has a man problem. Fewer and fewer men, black and white, are going to or succeeding at college. Traditional male jobs that did not require college degrees are being shipped overseas and more profitable careers – health and education – are eluding men. The black condition makes this even more exaggerated and problematic in the black race.

  • TypicalBlackWoman…

    I knew it was Sunday because somebody’s preachin’

  • QCastle


    If “Black WOmen and Girls Need Love Too” doesnt have a blog I will give you the condensed version:

    Black women = good
    Non black men = good
    White women = bad
    Black men=bad

  • Tiffany W.

    Tehehe….denial. That’s funny. :}

  • lovelygirl

    So many of you are playing the blame game instead of accepting responsibility for the actions that have led to such things as pregnancy pacts. Some of you say that these girls need to take responsibility for their actions, but then refuse to accept responsibility for YOUR actions. When are we as a community going to accept that the direction our community has taken is failing.

    Most of you know that MOST LIKELY these girls are from single mother homes. And not the hard working, taken care of business single mother. But the ”non-working, I have to have man after man in my home, go party, it’s all about me” single mother who probably was a teen mother herself with no desire to leave the hood. Many of you (especially DREAMING) keep giving examples of 2 parent households who produced a teen mother, but truth is 2 parent households are less likely to turn out a teen mom, incarcerated son, drop outs, drug addicts, etc. YOU ALL know this, but because many of the commentors are probably single mothers you want to stick up for fatherless homes instead of admitting that you all efffed up.

    Single mothers have not done a thing positive thing for our community. If so, they would be receiving praise instead of negative press and respnonses from our community. No doubt that behavior like pregnancy pacts are a reflection of poor parenting and fatherless homes.

    Let’s stop blaming white girls for starting pregnancy pacts; let’s stop pretending that fathers dont make a difference in a child’s life;let’s stop placing blame on politicians, teachers, and others for our shortcomings. Things are getting worse not better. Let’s change things for our children.

    We all know the long list of problems that come from single parent households, but if you are going to defend it, please list the benefits of it.

  • Tonton Michel


  • C

    Nobody is defending this or single parent homes if you read and comprehend the comments. I have no children but the few single parents I know do not have men in and out and all the other negatives you described. Thats your experience and thats who YOU know. People like you project.

    42%OF BLACK WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 15-44 DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN and the ones who do did not become pregnant on their own.

  • lovelygirl


    the welfare system is primarily designed to help single mothers. if there was no such thing as welfare do you think the out of wedlock births percentage in our community would be 74% or do you think more women will what until marriage? so many of these benefits that have been designed to help us has hurt us. (I care less about how it affects white people. im not white, i dont focus on them, i focus on me/us). i can bet that at least 3 out of 4 of those girls will be lifelong recipients of welfare. and their children unfortunately will carry the baton. im not against it if it is used as a stepping stone to better onesself. but i am against it if it is used as a crutch/limitation.

    btw, i was greatly effected by 9/11 but because i was single at the time, i only gualified for short term unemployment. how come a single, childless woman in college cant collect welfare especially when needed? and people wonder why single mothers are given a bad rap

  • http://blazoningpens.blogspot.com Sankofa

    @ apple WHAT??? lmao

  • lovelygirl

    @ BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    so if black men dont want to wife these women, why are they having babies by these men? who in their right mind wants to have a child by a man who doesn want to commit to her nor her child?

  • lovelygirl

    absoluely agree with you. a lot of women choose men who dont have what it takes to be providers, teachers, leaders, etc. for generations we have seen men leave creating an overwhelming number of single mothers in our community; however, many women continue to CHOOSE non-committed men to be fathers their children. all the while, knowing single parent homes negatively impact our children.

  • C


    Black women can talk around this all they want but Black women who can and get their degrees must leave the Black community. Their is nothing to save or rescue; If this is the lot of so many young girls their mothers failed them because their mothers mothers failed their mother. If what* H* and** Black women and girls need love too* say is correct and it is then Black women must leave, RUN- Your lives and happiness and your future childrens’ lives depend on it. There is nothing to save or rescue and enough talking to Black men…Who cares anymore(if they are anti Black female…what is the big deal about Black men anyway? What do they do, control, or build ?) when there are so many choices in this world but you all have to leave to see this. Black people founded towns after slavery and rescued themselves- They did not wait for anyone and Black women can rescue themselves also especially in this day and age….After all -NO ONE is coming to rescue you.

  • QCastle


    I have to agree with you. Consider that drug use/abuse is practically non-existent among black teens unlike white teens. You know why? Because in the black community, there is a serious stigma about drug abuse. We associate drug use with crack heads and no young black man or woman wants to be a crack head. Once certain behaviors in our community become stigmatized, it will go away.

  • lovelygirl


    70%+ of black children born come from single mothers. Is this not a problem? Majority of those incarcerated, drop outs, teen mom, behavioral problems, in gangs, in poverty, malnourished, etc come from single mother homes.

    Please reread my comment, I mentioned that MOST LIKELY these girls are not a protduct of the hard working singe mother, but children of the ”other” single mothers. You are so bent on defending single motherhood, but did not list the benefits of it. So if you are going to defend can you state the benefits of it.

  • QCastle


    I think that idea was attempted already. It was called The Projects. See how that worked out. If black women’s choices are at the root of her problems what use is it to run? You cant run from yourself. Leaving the hood for better areas, better schools, better jobs, is all fun and good but if the hood rat is in you,in a few generations time that once nice areas will become the ghetto. Address the root of the problems:Our Choices!

  • grateful


    you and me are here —–><——


    agree 100%!

  • lovelygirl


    what does

    ”42% OF BLACK WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 15-44 DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN” have to do with those that do have majority outside of marriage which leads to behavior like pregnancy pacts. if anything your statistics makes the state of parenthood in our community look worse

  • grateful

    @Lovely girl


  • Yb

    Has anyone offered solutions in this comment section? Because all I see I a bunch of bitching back and forth. Do we really want to see a better change or bitch and complain about topics that interest us?

  • Robbie


    What you are saying is so true. Too bad too many black women and young girls don’t want to admit it.

    if you have respect for yourself, you will demand and expect it from others. You will love yourself and your body and will have a mind of your own not easily influenced by what others say or do around you. Unfortunately for many of these young women, they were not taught their worth.

  • H

    @Robbie You hit the nail on the head. We can never fix problems like this because people don’t know what the problem is, or they’re too stubborn to admit that it’s caused by them. It’s easier to play the victim than to admit that you messed up. Those evil black male dead beats are to blame. The men took advantage of their low self esteem. Good black mothers know how to instill in their daughters self-respect, confidence, and morals even when the media and thugs tell them that they’re not beautiful b/c they don’t like Jennifer Anniston or Beyonce.

    People like BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo have been blaming black men for years. They haven’t changed. These types of black men won’t change. So we need another solution. I understand that women aren’t attracted to nerds. Every man isn’t a nerd, and every man isn’t a thug. But men in the middle often try to act like thugs because they know they will get chicks. All these beta males are potential life partners, but the women are looking for alpha males. Sooooo…. the beta males pretend to be alpha males. It is the same thinking amongst all races of people when the men say that girls don’t like a nice guy. Act like a jerk. These girls don’t like nice guys, so the nice guys act like jerks.

  • Dreaming

    Lovelygirl – ” Many of you (especially DREAMING) keep giving examples of 2 parent households who produced a teen mother, but truth is 2 parent households”

    Um, what are YOU talking about? Where in my comments did I give multiple examples of two-parent households that produced a teen mother? I want you to find them and point them out directly.

  • Dreaming

    TYPICALBLACKWOMAN “Once you get your answer to why the opposite of a thug is a nerd – please let me know. ” – WILL DO.

  • apple

    thats the same thing i said when i woke up

  • apple

    i dont know why people speak ill of single mothers? i mean at least they are taking care of the children. what do you suggest they do? throw the baby in the street (or dumpster) and leave it? wouldn’t it be more the absencee (whether we are talking black or white men) father’s responsibility since he doesn’t take care of the kid at all? and before you tell me its her fault, i mean do women produce their own sperm to get pregnant? wouldn’t they both be at fault if we are going to fault anyone at all?

  • grateful

    Why did she get pregnant without a commitment? If a man hasn’t committed to you first what makes you think he will commit to your child? Esp after we as bw have noticed decades where men just left, and never came back.

  • E.M.S.

    My biggest issue is simply that as a teenager you are just fair too young and too inexperienced with life to be raising another one aside from your own. And quite often the pregnancy weighs on the entire family for emotional, and financial support to raise the child. One person’s pregnancy should not bear down on others. Problem is teens don’t think logically about this and don’t consider how their choices affect their families.

    Now of course there are certain circumstances where even when everything was done to prevent pregnancy it occurred, but I have no sympathy for girls who are too stupid to use protection and get on a pill when they have the resources. And the fact there’s “pregnancy pacts” going on is just disappointing. Almost makes me feel like teens should be fixed like pets so they can’t reproduce (if it were possible to disable the reproductive organs until later on).

    Something is seriously wrong with this generation.

  • malik hemmans

    look at the comments they left on her Facebook…it just goes to show you that we celebrate ignorance in the black community

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    @Dreaming: THANK YOU. It is really ridiculous to put the failures of Black men on Black women and girls. How to be a man is not just from having a father around, it also comes from WITHIN, and the fact of the matter is that too many of these black men do no think it is worth it to be a MAN on behalf of Black women & girls.

    @H: Yes, Black girls dating out-race is a viable solution, but the sad fact is that is easier said than done as you correctly noted. Why? Because Black girls simply have TOO MUCH love for Black males, and I am not going to rake them over the coals for this. After all, why shouldn’t they feel that the Black male is their natural partner? The problem is not that they love Black males, it is that Black males do not love them. And no my freind, it is NOT fine that so many Black males think any woman is better than a Black woman. That brings us right back to square one, that a huge chunk of the disfunction in the Black race is caused by Black males not loving/valuing Black women & girls. Also H, Black women & girls have been improving and bettering themselves for ages. Black females are the academic stars in the race, Black females are aces at starting businesses, Black females have excelled in sports, politics, entertainment, community leaderships, etc. How much more improving do you want? The only thing that Black females sadly cannot do is make Black males value them like they do females of other races, but that is NOT the fault of Black females, NO WAY! And I “blame” Black males as you put it for ONE thing and ONE thing only: Them not loving Black women & girls, and they DESERVE to be blamed for that because it is THEIR DAMN FAULT.

    @lovelygirl; The answer is simple: These males are smooth operators and know how to tell these poor girls what they so want to hear from a Black male. They are NOT openly telling these girls, “Look boo I’m lying through my teeth when I say I love/like you and just want to get in your panties, get you pregnant, then bounce to the next sista, or then get me a Hispanic mami or White chick!”, so can we cut the disingenous bull please?

    @TypicalBlackWoman: The “nerd/thug” argument is a canard strawman that anti-Black female haters use as yet another way to blame Black girls & women for everything. They do this to ignore how the middle grown Black males wholesale do not love/value Black girls any more than the thugs. And these nerds who they speak of, well as anyoned can tell from the hatred spewing from their mouths on youtube cideos and other sources, they have no love for Black girls either. Instead of working on themselves to be more attractive to Black girls, they spew bitter loser hatred at them and put girls of other races on a pedastal. That does not sound too different from what the middle ground and thug guys do. So HOW can Black girls and women win under those corcumstances? SMDH.

    @Robbie: Girls and women need to be shown that they are worht something by boys & men, period, end of story. black boys & men DO NOT do this for Black women & girls, and the result is what you see here. If so many Black males do not want to show Black girls and women you love them, cherish them, think they are worth protecting and taking care of then you cannot complain when they end up destroyed/broken from that and act out in a way that manifests their destruction. Keep your damn mouth SHUT Black male, (not addressing you personally Robbie, general “your”) because it is YOUR doing.

    @Chrissy: Thank you. No I do not have a blog at the moment. I just had to speak up because I am darn sick and tired of seing people blame Black girls and women for every darn thing wrong in the Black race.

    @tisme: You are very welcome and may God bless you too.


    And this:



    We are even.


    @C. I agree with some of what you say. Just please do not undeestimate how not being loved by your opposite gender same-race partner can break girls/women.

    @lovelygirl. ‘Stop blaming White girls” you say? I see where your priorities lie. SMDH.

  • lovelygirl


    I hope someone will respond to your questions…why after decades of absenteeism do women continue to allow this to happen to us/ our children?

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    There lovelygirl goes again with her anti-Black female blame/hatred. Yet if and when Black girls are aloof to the advances of Black males, she will be the FIRST one crying and whining about how Black girls “Do not give poor Black nerds” the time of day!” (ignoring of course how said Black girls are rebuffing ALL Black males, nerds, thugs, and the middle ground guys included!)

  • lovelygirl

    @ BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    I asked why do women have children with men who are unwilling to commit. Your response was because these men are players. STOP. …sleeping with someone and having a kid by that someone are two different things. Your words, ”Because some Black MALE decided that her dark, kinky-haired self was not worth wiving and putting a ring on it, THAT’S why” If he’s not placing a ring on it dont have his baby. Our women are choosing unprotected sex which can result in unwanted pregnancy by men who dont want us… sad!

    And regarding white girls…exactly what I said…what does the fact that white girls starting this pregnancy pact have to do with anything? PLEASE let’s focus on us. Not what the white girl is doing. What does the white girl have to do with you? Typical stance of someone who cant accept their shortcomings…blame the white girl, the baker, the candle sticker maker…

  • Dreaming

    GRATEFUL – Those are questions one would have to ask the girls/women who have experienced men not committing to them in those situations. No one here can speak for someone else’s behavior.

    This isn’t a matter of no one being able to answer the question. This is a matter of not asking the right people.

  • apple

    hell if i know, i’m not a single mother. but i assume its because they think they will get commitment since they are pregnant? not in a trapping way ..(i’m not talking about the teens in this article i mea nthe regular world) then again sh*t does happen even with condoms and birth control, but i don’t mean women who keep having kids with a guy who don’t commit, i mean girls who accidentally get pregnant, or women who were once married and it didnt work out, or even engage..because now a days,white or black, most people don’t have fathers in the home so i don’t understand why people are so judgmental to that.

  • H

    Many black men do prefer non-black women over black women. If they are ignorant enough to voice their preference, they seem like the types of men who won’t be hurt by shaming language. I can’t make them want me, and I don’t want to have to shame them into wanting me. They’re too stupid in the first place. You can’t possibly believe that these girls are naive enough to think that the father would stick around. No these girls know the father won’t stick around, and they don’t care. It doesn’t take rocket science for them to realize that the guy won’t stick around. They’re smart enough to look around their neighborhoods and count the guys who do vs. those who don’t.

    I have stated plainly that these types of men are deplorable. My point is that we black women shouldn’t be surprised when they do deplorable things. We should expect it from certain types of black men and warn our daughters. During the Jim Crow era, black parents knew that certain types of whites would attack and discriminate against blacks, and they warned their children about it. They didn’t sit around crying about how whites attacked them. They made sure their children knew what to expect and how to avoid or deal with the situation. There’s no point in talking about how black men will never change and getting angry and worked up about it. Avoid those types of black men. Protect your daughters. Raise the next batch of black men to be better than this sorry bunch. You’re right. There are too many black women succeeding in life. You know why? They don’t give idiots like this the time of day and they learn from their mistakes.

  • H

    Oh Yb! That’s the thing. Black people never solve any problems because we can never figure out what is causing the problem. Are we the victim or are we causing the problem? Here these girls are victims of a bad raising, but they are also the problem. Parents (most likely single mothers) need to police their children better. Ignorance like this doesn’t just sneak up on a person. I don’t know why black people need solutions or black leaders to solve problems that only need common sense.

    If a child is getting pregnant on purpose as a teen, it is not the boys’ fault. I don’t expect teenage boys or these girls to have good judgment. So whose fault is it? It’s the parents (single mother) fault. So the solution is for single mothers to be better mothers. Talk to your daughters about sex. Try to figure out if they are sexually active. Take them to get better birth control. Tell them the statistics. Tell them about the quality of life of teen mothers. I understand that it’s hard for mothers to know these types of things about their daughters, but how many of those girls in that photo do you think had that type of support?

  • lovelygirl

    My Solution

    Handle your business..be a parent. Dont rely on others to ensure the needs of your children are met. Stop blaming others for our downfall. Focus on us (our children, our community, and ourselves). Change our view on single parenthood. No wedding, no womb

  • grateful



    @lovely girl

    Yes, s*x and getting pregnant are 2 diff things.

  • lovelygirl

    When people dont have weight behind their argument they have to resort to belittling..Too bad because although I disagreed with your stance I must admit you stated it in an intelligent manner, at first. Then my response, be it quite lightweight, was too much for you.

    When I mentioned that black women have to stop worrying about what other folks are doing…you resorted to using words like hatred for black women. No self hatred here. Just a proud, family oriented black woman who believes in traditional values…who recognizes the truth…who doesnt believe in sugar coating the issues.

    Another indication that an argumemt is weak…DEFLECTION. When people attempt to take the focus off of them (in this case baby mamas) and place it on someone else (Baby daddies, white girls, teachers, politicians, etc.) that means their stance is crumbling. Listen, the white girl may have started the pregnancy pact, but what fool emulates stupid behavior… So I cant worry about someone who wont make a difference in my life. If your stance is to blame the white girl for 4 black teen girls getting pregnant then promoting their ignorance on the WORLDWIDE web (and getting praises from their friends)..you continue to do that.

    PS. You want to call me a self hating black woman. I have a degree from Northeastern Illinois with a minor in Inner City Studies. I minored in Inner City Studies in order to work with children in the inner city. I have done countless hours of volunteer work at UMDNJ Hospial in Newark NJ. What steps have you taken to better our community – the community I am a part of and am willing to help although, according to you I hate black women?

  • Tia Williams

    I am 43 with no kids. I was 19 the first time I had sex. I didn’t have my first scare until I was 32, but my period came back the following month. The next time I missed a period—–four years later—–I missed it because I had a bad epileptic medication. I got it the following month. I was never remiss.
    I am so mystified with so many girls getting pregnant. I had a coworker who had her first grandchild at age 28; she is my age. I had a coworker and at the time her mother, her pregnant daughter and she were 20,39 and 54. There was a mother and daughter at my job who were both teen mothers and on welfare like the rest. These people don’t seem to have qualms on their bad choices, but then they would never tell me “the rich girl”. They know how I feel about this and getting an education. The graduation march is “Pomp & Circumstance Military March”. I want to say, “Why don’t you get some pomp to go with
    your circumstance” or I could say “If welfare were a career, you could retire since you’ve put in your 30 years”.

  • natalie

    These idealogues no longer push for equality but they dominate the dialogue that has led to both subtle and overt notions of men=bad, women=good. I am old enough to remember a time when the social contract that had existed for thousands of years between man and woman was the crux of healthy communities. No, everything was not perfect, but children were more likely to be raised within the structure of family. The current conflicts between men and women and the subsequent break down of black family was not as prevalent as it has become. While men continued to be held to an expectation that would honor their side of the social contract, radical feminist ideologues began to reshape the thinking of society with growing influence in many areas including education, policy and in my personal experience even the feminization of psychology.
    Feminist began to assert the notion that patriarchal oppression was responsible for many of society’s ills and at its most radical end that the social contract that had protected marriage and family was merely constructed for the benefit of those that sought to keep women “oppressed.” We swallowed hook line and sinker and began enjoying rights without responsible which is best characterized in the feminist mantra “my body my choice”….someone elses responsibility? And what do we have to show for being “sexually liberated” with COMPLETE control over reproduction (20+options for birth control pre-conception and access to safe abortions or adoption post conception)?
    An illigitimacy rate that increased exponentially over several decades aggresively approaching 8 in 10 while we continue to reduce it to merely a “need for black men to man up.” Our community has been held hostage by idealogues for decades and we now see the detrimental impact of buying into this ideology and the subsequent policies.

  • natalie

    What is being modeled for our girls is confucing. It is a very interesting dichotomy where we are vocal about our strenngth and independence while maintaining the idea of ourselves as victims of mens ill intent. The very concept of focusing our attention on condoms (male symbol of sexual (ir) responsibility) and mens behavior post conception is a blatant attempt to shift focus away from the 20+ options we have available to us to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the lack of responsibility we demonstrated pre-conception. We cannot continue to ignore the voices of our men in this discussion. We also cannot keep saying “he should keep it in his pants if he doesnt want to pay” as it undermines our efforts to protect choice. We would never support a woman being told that, we’d call it a “war on women.We began emphasizing accountability for men while extending them very little compassion. This was ruthless of course and it is respecting men but not necessarily loving them. On the other hand society began to emphasize compassion for women while extending them very little accountability.. it is infantilizing and it is loving women but not necessarily respecting them. (Goldich, 2011)
    There are a number of byproducts of this but perhaps one of the most dmaging to my community has been the pivot away from referring to unwed mothers in our community as such to being lumped in with divorced mothers and widows for the now all encompassing term “single mother”. With this for example came the unintended consequence of empowering generations of women towards acceptance of the current “babymama” phenomena. You see referring to an unwed mother as a single mother is empowering in that it createss the narrative of a “strong black woman that made it in spite of…”. So if a child attends college it is the testatment of the strength of a single mother..if the same child were to become incarcerated it is an indictment of the colossal failure of men/fathers. Unbelieveable! Another uninteneded consequence is the current “boy crisis” where the education disparity is growing, male suicide is increasing and the anti-male bias and bashing in society continues to become common practice. WE CANNOT CONTINUE TO REDUCE THESE ISSUE TO SIMPLY MEN NEEDING TO MAN UP IN 2012 WHILE WE CREEP TOWARDS 8IN 10 UNWED CHILDBIRTH! Im not excusing men but it is our turn to stop standing with our backs to the mirror. Our condition is getting progressively worse.

  • QCastle


    I really hate this narrative of the Noble black woman/girl getting hoodwinked by the Evil black man/boy.

    “I have stated plainly that these types of men are deplorable.”

    Pregnancy pacts are deplorable, ergo these girls are deplorable.

    “My point is that we black women shouldn’t be surprised when they do deplorable things.”

    Really? I guess we shouldnt be surprised when young black teen girls create pregnancy pacts then become the perpetual Welfare Queen?

    “We should expect it from certain types of black men and warn our daughters.”

    Maybe we need to warn our daughters about pregnancy pacts?

    This racio-misandry is quite disgusting.

    “Many black men do prefer non-black women over black women.”

    Considering what has been said about them here at site, I dont blame them.

  • QCastle


    “These males are smooth operators and know how to tell these poor girls what they so want to hear from a Black male.”

    “Black females are the academic stars in the race…”

    I just cant make sense of it.

  • QCastle


    Considering your constant reference to black men as being “males” and not men or boys thus ejecting them from the human species you (and your ilk) dont deserve to be loved, protected or respected. You cant have your cake and eat it too.

  • H

    @QCastle I made it a point, to point out that it is SOME black men. I am no racio-misandrist. I have a father and black male family members that are doing everything by the book. I’m not going to generalize and put down all black men because I have black men in my life who aren’t like these idiots I’m talking about, and these dead beats are idiots. Most of my comments are about holding these women accountable. BUT, men who have children and don’t take care of them ARE deplorable. In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that I have no sympathy for these types of black single mothers especially since they are the ones raising these “no good black men.” So I am about both sides being held accountable. They are both deplorable. I think the women more so because they know that they will bear the burden of bearing and raising the child yet they make such stupid decisions.

  • natalie

    With great rights comeeven greater resonsibility..

    Pre-Conception= 20+ options to prevent pregnancies
    Post-Conception= morning after pill or abortion
    Post-birth= Adoption or safehouse drop-offs

    We have complete control over reproductive decision-making but part of the problem is

    once upon a time…


    but now its

    mother+child+child+ state and child support=family

    We enjoy complete rights while abdicating ourselves of complete respnsibility. Blaming men for forty years while illigegitimacy has gone from bad to worse in just four decades? There has got to be a better solution than that!

  • QCastle


    “People like BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo have been blaming black men for years. They haven’t changed. These types of black men won’t change.”

    Has it ever occurred to you that not every black woman/girl is as Saintly as you assume them to be? What is this about the black man not changing? It isnt the black man getting pregnant and it isnt him sitting around in his tree house with his homies creating impregnating pacts. Cant you just accept that these black women/girls are just stupid, arrogant, and even sociopathec? Have you not noticed the upsurge of violent behavior emanating from black women/girls?

    And lets be ‘for real’ for real. The reason why people like BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo is still on the “blame-a-brotha” bandwagon is because they dont trust black women/girls to do make a conscious decision to do right. The bigotry of low expectations. Essentially stating that they need black men/boys to do A,B, and C before black women can make morally sound decisions .

  • natalie

    once again..sorry for typos, grammatical errors and if I have ineffectively articulated my thoughts. Long train ride, but posting from a smart phone is near impossible.

  • Dreaming

    “Considering your constant reference to black men as being “males” and not men or boys thus ejecting them from the human species you (and your ilk) dont deserve to be loved, protected or respected. You cant have your cake and eat it too.”

    If that is so, then MOST Black boys/men don’t deserve to be loved, protected or respected, as they so frequently refer to girls/women as ‘females’ and many other derogatory names.

  • natalie

    @lovely girl

    I am a mental health practitioner but also an academic that facilitates seminar for masters level practicum students. I have done research while passing through Chicago. You were in good hands with Dr. Conrad I believe? I passed through the northside en route to Northwestern for a lecture. I loved that city.

  • H

    @QCastle In earlier posts, I plainly mention that I think these single mothers and girls are the biggest part of this single mother cycle in the black community not black men. I state that many of these girls are getting pregnant on purpose by guys that they know are no good, and these women are raising the next generation of thugs b/c they are misguided girls that were raised by bad single mothers. I state that these problems can end if black women raise their standards and have some self respect. So I am saying that these black women have lowered their standards and are doing stupid stuff. That is the whole reason BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo didn’t like what I had to say. She is saying that I’m blaming black women for the single mother cycle. I don’t know where you got the idea that I am making excuses for black women and calling black men evil.

    When I am talking to BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo, I am challenging her idea that all black girls are good and all black boys are bad. Even though we know the girls are obviously messing up, let’s pretend that they are pure and innocent while the boys are bad. If this were the case, it is still a failure on the parent (single mother black female) to warn the child against these evil teen boys. I’ve told her multiple times that she is falling into the victim mentality that so many black people have that makes it impossible to solve problems. Instead of recognizing that we are causing the problem, we are placing blame on someone else. Women like BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo want to place blame on black boys, and portray these women as victim when they are part of the problem. I don’t expect teens to have sense. I expect their single mothers who went through bad experiences to know better and work harder at raising these women correctly.

  • Alexandra

    My views are disgust. I’m truly disgusted to hear that these young women, who most likely weren’t raised with enough guidance/support, have no idea what they’re getting into and are choosing to do this for fun. Other than the high possibility of gov’t support, how exactly are they benefiting from this?
    Whatever. I’m glad I was never this dumb. I’ll pass my judgement and say, lets see where these young women are in 20 years and see who they’ll be complaining about.

    The solution starts with the teens. These are the ‘women’ that end up being those single mothers.

  • Chloe

    I am perplexed by your comments. How are teenagers considered women? When I was a teenager I was considered a child. So, now in 2012, teenagers are now defined as women? This frame of thinking is the reason why children have babies to begin with. These young girls are confused into thinking that they are women.

  • CHE

    You again!.

    As someone up top said* 42% OF BLACK WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 15-44 DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN* and the ones who do, did not get pregnant on their own.

    What does the feminist movement or whatever have to do with these teens making pregnancy pacts

    WHAT ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO SAY that the women here are not comprehending because you might be talking to the wrong people.

    Explain yourself

  • http://Facebook.com Jill Spriggs

    This problem is neither new, nor a “black problem”. Five years ago my 16 year old niece entered into a pregnancy pact with several of her high school friends. I was sad when I went to her graduation party to see these girls proudly showing off the offspring their mothers are raising. I’d be interested in reading an article about these teen moms a few years down the road, what they have learned, how their children are faring.

  • C

    B****H! I thought we covered this already


  • Perspective

    This is the result of not having an intact community. It’s just that simple.

    This is what happens in a matriarchy or pseudo matriarchy that the black community is.

    Weak men, role reversal, unaccountable women/girls, no one to check them, no one to check the boys/men

    And then everyone who has some damn sense – leave the black community in hopes of finding something better in communities that are patriarchal, more intact, but damn sure don’t want our black asses there.

    Can you blame them. LOOK AT THE BLACK COMMUNITY.

    They don’t see you, your degrees, and common sense. They see this crap.

  • Perspective

    Matriarchal communities come with collateral damage. Its just that simple.

  • C

    I did not defend single motherhood…Because I do not know a lot of single mothers and the ones I do know do not practice the negative behaviors YOU assigned to single mothers.

    My statistics is pointing out the fact that almost half of Black women do not have children and so these women can save themselves and bypass the negative consequences of single motherhood. These women can get their degrees or a trade and RUN. There is nothing to save or rescue in the Black community. Their lives do not have to include Black men if Black males are anti Black female as some of you put it. The fact is men of other races do still get married and Yes some do abandon their children but not to the extent of Black men. Black women who do not have children can choose not to procreate with these men. There is racism out there and so what….Black women can take a chance- what do they have to lose and they just might be surprised.

    Im sympathetic towards those teens and I do not know the answer for them. I have family in the UK and it is the same in a lot of ways. The fact is those teens and older women are choosing from the men available, just like most other groups of women do- so telling them to choose good men is …. Their mothers failed them because they were also failed. The times have changed and Black men and women are a lot of times no longer in sync. A lot of Black women talk about they love and support Black men but can you all say that Black men feel the same towards you all? It seems to me that one of the biggest problems(if not the biggest) Black women have is the men they have access to/ choose and the men they procreate with….Those Black women with no children- almost half of Black women- can choose differently.

  • C

    Sarge W P

    If the Black community is a matriarchy….How did it get that way? Black women are still here , unfortunately….Its the Black men who ran away…..not Black women; These women are doing what they can and what they have to, some successfully and some not so successfully.

  • anony.mous

    Hey Stephanie :)

    You do realize that the “control over women’s bodies” Republicans want is no birth control, right? So you’ll have even more babies, and it’ll affect people who were doing things to prevent it before, not misguided kids.

  • m

    do you mean 42% arent married?

  • lovelygirl


    All of your comments / responses are on point. 100% agree. You clearly stated your position.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    I think Humanista had one of the most sensible responses in this common thread….this “pregnancy pact” story is an anomaly that runs counter to he dwindling statistics on teen pregnancy. It’s sensational and therefore rare, so 16 and pregnant and teen mom really play no role in this (If anything, after watching, I would NOT want to be a pregnant teen).I do believe that these particular girls have a very particular problem that should not be addressed in a generalized sense, although it fits in the broad category of teen pregnancy. As far as that goes, I think it all has to do with perception of power. I always feel that poor people are disempowered, therefore they use their bodies to wield whatever power they feel they have, hence having babies, tattoos at a young age, young males and females flaunting their physicality, etc. I feel like people who do that tend to feel that their mental power is limited and therefore spend less energy in developing their lives in a way that enhances their mental power, such as education.

  • C

    No I mean 42% of Black women between the ages of 15-44 do not have children.

  • lovelygirl

    @ C

    I did not assign negative behavior to single mothers = all single mothers. I assigned it to those who are not hard working and who dont handle their business. And I quote,

    ”Most of you know that MOST LIKELY these girls are from single mother homes. And not the hard working, taken care of business single mother. But the ”non-working, I have to have man after man in my home, go party, it’s all about me” single mother who probably was a teen mother herself with no desire to leave the hood.” Both type of single mothers exist. Im not projecting. Im sure every single mother you know is not about her business.

    I have visited London and Manchester on at least 20 occassions being that I was dating a Scottish guy who frequently traveled to America while owning homes in London and Manchester. I now live in Europe (married to a European). I know your country quite well and I see the similarities. I know that black women have options, I have exercised mine. In the meantime, our community is still going down a downward spiral due to the negative impact from fatherless homes. Study after study has proven this.

    And Im not sure your information is correct regarding 42% bw aged 15-42 arent mothers. I recall this percentage referring to non married bw. Not motherless bw. But I still dont see how providing this info has anything to do with the high number of single mothers in our community. If your info is correct then out of the remaining 58%, more than seventy percent are choosing to bring their children in this world without fathers. Who does that harm the most?

  • lovelygirl

    @ Natalie

    I very much enjoyed every course. It is a very informative program. Love Dr. Conrad.

  • grateful

    this makes sense.

  • C


    I dont understand your last paragraph entirely. My statistics are right , maybe off a percentage point or 2. There are a lot of single adult Black people who are not married and who do not have children.

    Im trying to say that the Black women who can, should make different choices in who they have access to/choose/procreate with and for those women bypassing the negative effect of single motherhood now and into the future/for their future children. These women need to get their degrees /a trade and RUN…They cannot rescue or save the Black community but they can save themselves.

    As for the single mothers-older and teens- I really do not know what to say; I dont know too many of these people.

    I found something interesting on youtube- maybe that is an answer or part of a solution for teen mothers or older single Black mothers:

  • Miss September

    @ H ….I couldn’t have said it better!!! I think too many times some women look at pregnancy as a after thought. I think the seriousness of it, is thrown out the window. These young women need to understand this is a life. Not a doll or toy that you can give back once you’re annoyed with it.
    I am not giving men a free pass either but ladies we have control of our bodies, there is no if, ands or buts about it. We control who has access to it. I agree with the poster that stated that these young women don’t know their self worth and it so sad. It’s generational, because I bet you a penny to a dollar
    Their mothers were teen mothers. The cycle just perpetuates it self. I thank god, that I had positive influences in my life to show me myself worth. This isn’t cute to me. I don’t think walking around with a baby a 16 or 17 is something to aspire to. If these young women only knew the hardships that’s ahead they would reconsider making this so called pregnancy pact smh -_-

  • http://livefromthematrix.wordpress.com TAE

    This ain’t nothing new. Lifetime already made a movie and everything. Speaking on the phenomenon of pregnancy pacts and the whole 16 and pregnant thing, there’s a type of lunacy involved that I can’t quite wrap my mind around but I believe a basic disrespect for human life plays a large part in it. When you get pregnant you are not just “having a baby” you are having a human being. That baby will turn into a child who will then turn into an adult who will then create human beings of their own. I might be mistaken as one can not know another’s state of mind, level of intelligence, or intention without knowing them but if I had to assume I would say that the permanence and selflessness of child-rearing is lost on the majority of young mothers especially those who would get pregnant as part of a pact. An umbilical cord and a friendship bracelet will never be the same thing. I’m 25 years old and I don’t want no kids until I’m somewhere safe in my 30′s. Why? Because I understand the magnitude of creating, sustaining, nurturing, protecting, and teaching a human being. I’m not prepared, mentally, emotionally or spiritually for that responsibility and I doubt these young ladies are either, which is a tragic not necessarily for them but for the lives they are creating.

    As far as solutions I mean the damage is pretty much already done. What we see in young adults is largely a reflection of the social conditions and dynamics in which they were raised as well as dynamics within the family. It’s like the values, morals, and common sense we would like to see aren’t instilled in them to begin with but then when those children reach maturity and start living and doing as they know how it’s like Oh, what do we do, why is this happening, how do we turn this around? You reap what you sow and when it’s comes reaping time it’s too late to ask why. The only solution is to plant the right seeds in the right way and hope for the best.

  • jw

    Parents can instill values into their child and try to raise them the best way they know how.But they can’t be with their teen 24/7.Teenagers have a way of finding a way to do what they want.They can pretend they went to school,but they actually skiped school to have sex.A parent can drop their teen off to the movies and see with their own eyes their child go into the movies.But after the parent leave,they do what they had orginally plan,which is to meet a friend and do something their parents wouldn’t approve of.My point is all parents can do is instill values,raised their children the best way they know how and pray to God to sheild and protect them from all harm and danger.And hopefully their child will take the values their parents taught them and bring it to every situation when they aren’t in their parents presence.

  • entro

    Where are the solutions? There are many valid points made, many causes identified as @yb said lets come up with some viable solutions. Lets implement them individually and pass them on to those that will listen and those that wont lets shake the dust off our feet and keep on moving.
    The beauty of this forum is that so many informed, brilliant minds from different backgrounds and opinions have a meeting place.
    This issue has been debated to death and all the infighting is exhausting
    This problem wont be solved by one answer because its cause is varied because you are dealing with people with different circumstances and mindsets and values.
    Nothing is going to be solved here, but many ideas can be shared on how to improve our community one person at a time beginning with ourselves

  • entro

    So sad but true.

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    @lovelygirl: NO our women are NOT “choosing” to be with males who will impregnate them then leave them. Stop acting like love & matters of the heart are nuclear physics or computer science or something where pure logic & facts are the rule. You are talking about HUMAN BEINGS with FEELING, feelings that are emotionally charged/loaded to say the least! And about White girls, sorry I reconize this for what it is. You are more interested in protecting defending White girls and Black males, so that tired “Focus on us” rhetoric will not work on me. You are protecting/defending White girls and Black males, while raking Black girls over the coals if they do anything that can be even remotely interpreted as bad/wrong. SOP in the Black race. I also find it funny how you automatically assume I am female, which proves my point even more for me. Thank you. And I am sorry, but someone who is defending White girls and Black males, two groups who in their minds and the minds of their enablers like you NEVER do any wrong, should not be talking about anyone blaming everyone else, especially when they are NOT doing that. Finally, it has nothing to do with looking around the hood to see what men stuck around and which ones did not (and if/when Black girls do such and decide to seek companionship elsewhere, you and your ilk will accuse thosen “bougie” and ‘stereotyping all Black males” , SMDH) once again, you are dealing with feelings and matters of the heart, which ARE more complicated than any rocket science. Saying it is just because these Black girls “do not care” sounds to me like the words of someone who wants to think the worst of Black girls & women.

    H, I am not trying to shame anyone into anything, I am simply saying what NEEDS to be said. I am sick and damn tired of people sweeping under the rug that too many of the problems that plague Black women & girls is caused by ONE thing and ONE thing only: The fact that Black males do not love them. Sorry, all of your “I cannot make them love me”, “shaming them won’t work’ rhetoric sounds to me like what it is: Trying to shut down talk of this FACT about Black males because it is taboo to do so in the Black race, and because many people simply do not want to hear it, the latter I suspect is the REAL story when it comes to so many Black women claiming “They do not care” who Black men want to be with, “Black women need to forget about Black men” etc. If you do not care, then why is it a problem for you to hear about how Black male’s actions are hurting so many Black women & girls? Also, n” wither. I find it real interesting how ANYTIME the subject of the shoddy treatment Black women & girls get from Black males is discussed, someone has to come along and start with the “crying/whining” rhetoric, attempting to shame any Black female into beng silent about that shoddy treatment. Meanwhile, they VERY Same people who do that to Black girls & women will indulge and be a captive audience for ANY supposes “grievence” that Black males moan about, no matter how trite or silly.

    @QCastle: I really do not give a damn what you like or do not like. You are an anti-Black female racist/misogynist. Yes, Black girls & women are the academic stars of the race. I said it, I did not stutter, and I stand behind it 100%. However, the classroom is one thing, and the romantic/sexual arena is quite another. I would think you would know that. As far as how I refer to those individuals, I will refer to them however I damn well please. I am here to defend the honor of Black GIRLS & WOMEN, not who preys on them, uses them, and abuses them in the most disgusting ways possible. If you do not like this, well that is your problem. Your opinion of whether or not I belong in the human race means less than nothing to me.

    @H: With all due respect, I think you are anti-Black female, but just try to cover it up with some “holding both sides acountable” rhetoric. The fact that you yourself said that you hold the women more accountable proves that. It is beyoind wrong to hold someone “accountable” for being hated. SMDH.

    @QCastle: Don’t you ever presume to speak for me. The reason I say what I say is because I am damn sick and tired of people like you coddling and babying these Black males and never holding them responsible for their disgusting misogyny towards Black girls & women. I COME FROM a Black woman. It is BLACK WOMEN who raised me, took care of me, put clothes on my back and food in my stomach. THAT is what motivates me. And it is funny how you absolve these males from doing what is their DUTY as males. If they don’t know how to be freaking MEN, that’s NOT the fault of ANY Black girl or woman!

    @Dreaming: EXACTLY & THANK YOU. These Black males talk about Black women & girls like dogs, and this same bunch is silent, yet if you say “boo” to a Black male, they scream & holler. it is just ridiculous.

    @H. Once again, I have to ask, why do you automatically assume I am female? it is a rhetorical question as I already know the answer. You know I am speaking the truth when I say that a majority of black males simply do not love Black women & girls, but you simply cannot face that. Well I am sorry that it hurts you, but putting all the blame on Black girls & women in this mess is not the answer nor will it make those males love you. I have told you time and time again that I blame Black males for ONE thing and ONE thing only: The fact that they do not love & cherish Black women & girls. That is not “portraying them all as bad’ or whateever else you want to call it. It is stating a FACT and pointing out the negative ramifications of that FACT. You want to blame being hated on Black women & girls, and i repeat, that is simply WRONG, so very WRONG. And once again I have to say that a defender of Black males should be the very LAST one to talk about who has a “victim mentality”

  • BlackWomen&GirlsNeedLoveToo

    C, you are talking a lot of sense. Black women & girls support/love black males, but Black males do not love/support them. it is as simple as that.

  • apple

    Well maybe when men start taking care of their children it will be partriarchal

  • https://twitter.com/#!/TheBlackBot TheBlackBot

    This is all I have to say about this matter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD2nObPIg1A

  • HowApropos

    How about people start teaching these little girls about being more in control of their lives instead of reacting once something happens to them AFTER THE FACT!

    I was taught that being observant and aware of one’s surroundings helps one to discern whether or not I want to fall into the same fate as so many girls. Being more observant, and plus having a mother that wouldn’t give up on me helped a lot.

    And plus, teen pregnancy rates are down, but the idea of making better choices still needs to be taught to these young girls.

  • C

    Yes, but you know unlike most Black women I dont give a damn why Black men hate Black women….My solution is to stay away from them; Black women are the only group of people who even pay any attention to Black men…Thats why they are always showing their asses because they know you all will react. What is so hard in ignoring them? What is the big deal with the Black man ? What does the Black man do? That is why I say Black women talk and complain and then do nothing. They are in America with so many choices- choices that other Black women in the world do not have but all a lot of them do is complain and then do nothing. Enough of that. Enough with the talking to/at, supporting/marching for the Black man. That energy they waste on that BS could be spent actually improving their lot- getting educated/degrees and RUUUUUUNNNING! away from the Black community/Black men and some Black women too. If they would look out for themselves and put themselves first…Maybe pregnancy pacts and other such foolishness wouldnt exist or wouldnt happen with such frequency.

  • LadyT

    I was home unexpectly one day and happen to catch the “Talk” talk show( I think that is the name of it. The show with sharon osborne, chick from rosanne show, julie chan, cheryl (sometime host Steve Harvey morning show) and pretty black lady who voice the black female character on archer, was discussing rather it was right for a woman to have a child without a man permission. Cheryl made a big loud speech on how women should do what they want to do with their bodies and no one has the right to say other wise. Cheryl also added that the man should be made to pay regardless. Some of the other women disagreed with her and she continue to jive and shuck and state that its all up to the woman.
    Later on the topic of talk was do you show your man effection in public? All the lady gushed over their spouse and how romantic their lives are………….I’m sorry not all the ladies did this, Cheryl could not say a word.

  • http://nakiahansen.com KiaJD

    Wait. Can someone provide some actual evidence for this “phenomenon” besides that of the anecdotal variety? I feel like the author just now caught whiff of something that was “news” at least two years ago when LifeTime came out with a TV movie on the subject (with white girls, I might add – http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/the-pregnancy-pact). But besides the Facebook page and photo, where are the actual FACTS that would substantiate a claim that this is a “new fad”?

  • iQgraphics

    I honestly don’t know if it matters much where you come from.
    Every child has dreams. How their dreams are coaxed/cultivated is the main issue (IMO). I grew up with lots of friends that blamed their surroundings on their circumstances.
    I never did that.

    Support from anywhere is key. Be it School Guidance, Church, an Aunt, a Sister Friend…. etc,

    if these young ladies understood that there is life beyond whatever town they live in, perhaps they’d aspire to experience it.

    @entro & dreaming
    I urge both of you to become a sister-friend to a young girl. My mother was not there because she was working too hard to support us, but I made strides in life because I had a very loving sister friend.

  • iQgraphics

    Single mothers are not bad. This is laughable. Blanket statements like this are hogwash. Every situation is different. Yeah, I’m not with statistical data either, but if you wish to omit it, you can’t in-turn employ a blanket statement.

    I’ve seen some fcuked up parenting in 2 parent households… The amount of adults in a household is not a factor. Where the adults heads are will effect the thinking of the offspring.

    You can have an 8 parent household with 8 idiots
    or a single parent household with 1 smart, effective and loving single mom or dad.

  • iQgraphics

    the welfare system was designed to help poor people. people whose cost of living outweighs their earnings.

  • LadyT

    I meant to affection.

  • I got sense!

    I asked the author the same thing days ago. Some simpleton “attempted” to prove it by the pic alone. It seems as though higher thinking is moot. People just attack on site now. No evidence, no statistics, or even corroboration from those involved. What few cases there are is irrelevant to the thousands of black girls who individually get pregnant every year. I don’t know why people are acting brand spanking new? Like they don’t know the statistics. The reason I know isn’t a new fad for black teens is that the WHITE media would have been all over it by now, broadcasting on every medium possible to depict blacks in a negative light.

  • I got sense!


  • Perspective

    Well several things happened.

    First – Loss of jobs – and black men’s BELIEF in integration – “we don’t need to build because we are just as apart of the system. Black women had no issue with this when men were making money and present in the family in the 60′s All they cared about was the man was present, in the home, and taking care of his family. EVEN BLACK women were not focused on the need for black men to build
    2nd – Drugs
    3rd – Welfare – giving even the poorest women independence
    4th – I DON’T NEED A MAN (Feminism)
    5th – 80′s another drug wave with the added WAR ON DRUGS – (black men locked up)
    6th – Another wave of feminism in the form of female empowerment (BLACK MEN BASHING)
    7th – Man stroking – black men into NOT focusing on money because women could maintain power that way. As long as he was with you laid up in your bed and you two had a good relationship – it was cool. This ignored the collateral damage that came with women running it, and men being stroked into complacency.

    Only complacent men say – “Its ok for a woman to make money,” and “My baby got this.”

    Women only complain when they get older and realize what’s not being done in the community by men.

    Now they want me to DO ALL THAT – minus the incentive of being the head. Women want men to build it and women control. The benefits of a patriarchy without a patriarchy which is a pseudo matriarchy.

    I ask women all the time, if you get with a guy who is not on your level, how in the hell would he be in the position to teach his son WHAT HE’S NOT EVEN CAPABLE OF DOING HIMSELF. I get blank stairs from black women. Yea, I know, most don’t think that far ahead.

    A man who is NOT a man – can’t teach his son how to be a man.
    Pookies leave – so we know the situation with that. Most pookies originate from other pookies who had absent fathers or fathers who weren’t men, and if they don’t become a pookie they end up being a sissy man. You know the ones who are really timid and women put up on a pedestal as a real man – only to complain when they find out he’s not a builder.

    You can’t turn a HOUSE HUSBAND into the type of man who is going to build up the community. Period.

    Sigh – but women try. Wasn’t there are article on here 2 weeks ago about HOUSE HUSBANDS.

    Uhh yea. Point and case, and women really Advocate this men only to turn around and exclaim that all the collateral damage that comes out of men not being there is SOLEY the fault of black men simply being irresponsible and not manning up.

    Please! I have sat and watched women MAN-STROKE a man out of getting his paper up or making moves to better his community because either

    A) She fears him being in control wish his MONEY which is why she did everything to MAKE SURE SHE HAD HERS based on fear of black men failing her or having NO faith in black men’s ability due to her upbringing. She had a pookie or shiftless dad herself.

    B) Fear that a brotha with money who never had money will suddenly want to upgrade and get a better looking woman. You never know how someone is going to act when they upgrade themselves like that, just as a woman who has a pretty face but looses 100 lbs like BeautifulBrownBabyDoll on youtube.

    She was preaching black men just don’t like black women – before she lost the hundred pounds. Now she’s making videos about how all the other sistas are hating on her.

    Mmmm Hmmm.

    Did that answer your question?

  • Perspective

    Typo – Only complacent men say, “Its ok for a woman to make [more] money that men.”

    He/She who has the gold has the power.

    Successful women should be looking for men who are more established but they don’t want men that have that much power – they fear that men will abuse it –

    PROBLEM that comes with collateral damage.

    Women will say – well aren’t you avoiding women who are more established than you? I think you have an ego problem.


    Actually SEEKING a woman who is more established is THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF MANNING UP! IS IT NOT?!

    If I was doing that – what would make me any different from the dude that trying to get with a woman FEMALE-STROKING her into believing he’s in love with her when he ONLY wants to be taking care of, like a child.

    There’s a lot of DOUBLE talk going on, on the part of women now-a-days.

    Women should just say, they want responsible men – without leadership or the ability to tell them what to do. They want men to build the community and allow women to control it, and anything that is built by black men needs to be to matriarchal specifications on women’s terms.

    I mean seriously, women just need to come out and say it. Jamilah Lemeuix has not issue with coming out and saying it. She wants control and does not believe in patriarchy.

    Simple. And if a man doesn’t want to deal or be with that women should just accept that and move on. Why are you trying to beat a man over the head to subscribe to something that we all know is not the way it’s supposed to be?

    Also, seriously speaking, men should be in control of the community because once I straighten these guys out, unlike with most women, I will be able to hold them accountable for whatever happens on THEIR WATCH as men.

    You can’t do that with black women. If you try to hold them accountable.


    Soon as you man up and are not qualified to lead.

    “AWW HELL NAH, You think you just gonna come up in here and run it don’t you?”

    BM: “Uhhh, I thought that’s what your complaints were. The community is in disarray and you need me to fix or repair whatever it was that you couldn’t do?”

    See what black men don’t understand is that black women have been making VALID POINTS, but NOT LEGITIMATE COMPLAINTS for the past 40 years.

    I tell men all the time, if you really want to see what these women are on. GET UR RAGGY LOOKING STUFF TOGETHER – You wouldn’t BELIEVE the amount of resistance you will receive from sistas.

    If doubt me, go ahead and bust your behind off to better yourself and your community and, I’d like to say most, BW will flee you like the plague.

    To them you have too much power.

    Scariest thing in the world to an educated sista is a brotha WHO KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING.

    “Girl! what happened with your date with Malik?”

    “Oh girl I had to let that brotha go?”

    “Why girl?”

    “Girl, he had money that I couldn’t control. Uh uh that’s too much power for me girl. He ain’t gonna run me. And can you believe he had the nerve after paying the bill to record how much the dinner cost like he was factoring it into his budget. A BUDGET GIRL! A DAMN BUDGET!?”

    “Hmm girl, I don’t blame you.”

    “Next week, he might be balancing a check book, or planning our financial futures together – Uh uh girl – I AIN’T THE ONE!”

  • grateful

    Ok. R you trying to say something?

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    @Lady T

    Cheryl was dead wrong for that.

    There have been times Cheryl has put it down esp about blk college football players but she must not live near the hood.

    If she wants to see what happens when to many children esp young men are raised without a father and a mom who has to work multiple jobs just to scrape by she should take a detour thru Martin Luther King Blvd.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    I had a coworker and at the time her mother, her pregnant daughter and she were 20,39 and 54.M

    My God, how in the world does that happen??? They had to have broken some Guinness Book Of World Records number. The youngest woman’s kid will be the same age as his/her great-aunt/uncle.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    Well said entro.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    @apple= LOL baby from Cash Money, lady did you go to sleep with the TV on?

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    H and blkgrlsneedlovetoo

    The two of you really did a good job here. Thank you so much. I agree with both of you.

  • natalie

    You really think this is merely about a “pregnancy pact.” We are watching the rapid detrioration of our culture and an alleged “pact” has little to do with the real discussion

  • lovelygirl

    @ LadyT

    I know exactly what you are saying. So many women are without affection / loveand dont realize that it’s their looks, mainly their weight. Having babies by deadbeats, expecting child support.

  • lady t

    Basically what I meant is that Cheryl did not have a man. She did all that loud talking about how this woman should have a baby without his permission and pay for it, yet she is not even in a relationship.

  • grateful


    ok i thought so. it actually makes me sad. bw need and want love too.

  • Insight

    That movie you were talking about “The Pact” is a true story. It happened in Gloucester, MA. I only know because I lived in Mass and the movie came out a couple years after it happened.


    @ apple. You are absolutely correct. both parties are equally responsible for what happens. I dont have any kids,but I cant stand it when people point fingers at the opposite sex. Its also not right for people to just assume when young girls/teenagers or women have kids out of wedlock,that they come from single parent homes. Of my 3 sisters, the youngest and middle had kids out of wedlock. My parents have been married (and still are happily) for over 45 yrs. They were brought up with excellent examples,but it was all about their choices. Regardless, I love my little nieces and nephews unconditionally.

    People know right from wrong. People know the dangers of smoking cig’s but still do it right? right.

  • tisme

    I agree C.No.What you said has not been attempted yet.D*ck of New Castle knows that.

    Black women leaving the dead black community/projects to go and get degrees and live well with others who are living well has not been done in mass numbers like it should be.

    I think many black women who don’t fall into the negative statistics and those who did but have “cleaned themselves up” are out.I think this is best for everybody.

    I know black women who don’t fall into the stereotypes who mentor little black girls but will NOT keep company or attempt to make friends with dysfunctional minded people not even in the name of saving or changing someone.They help a few willing individual girls who want the help and are willing to go by a strict set of rule to obtain.

    Then there are the women who were apart of the negative statistics who have made significant changes in their lives.Saving money,getting educations,living and all around healthier lifestyle and they too have come away from and cut off dysfunctional people and are now leading an all around better life.

    All things are possible for those who want better.

  • BlackLizLemon

    100+ comments and no discussion on the “fathers” of these babies. Wow. The majority of the “baby fauvas” are 5+ years older than the “mothers” of these kids. In other words, if a 16yo gets pregnant, it’s a good chance the father is at least 21. Sooo…why are we calling out GROWN MEN for having unprotected sex with these girls?

  • Lalya

    Wow, that’s an out right lie, most of these girls, like over 95% are getting pregnant by their peers! 16 year old boys! Who they see everyday in highschool. Should we treat these boys as adults and the girls as innocent? No. Both should be held accountable.
    The father and the Mother of these girls failed to instill values.

  • tis

    layla These girls are in contact with older men every day as well.
    Black girls are having sexual relations with males who are adults.Have been for a long time.We can’t forget about sex trafficking of minors it adds to that rate.

    But I think people need to look into stats and information given to us from many different resources including but certainly not limited to the CDC and Planned Parenthood.

    I think from these numerous sources there will be a more clear picture painted as to what is occurring

  • talulah belle

    All I can say is that many women wish they could have been so “stupid” to get pregnant as a teenager. Better to have done it then, then to wait too long and try to have one late in life and be too old. Do NOT put off having children just because these gals look ridiculous on Facebook (which they most certainly do). The body is not made to wait it out until we are “ready.” Yes, these girls look ignorant and they are just children themselves. But, this is how we are made — biologically. They will likely push out a few of these babies with ease if they so choose. There is a great deal of biological power there with their youth, young eggs and pulsingly balanced hormones. It does not get any easier as we age. And by the time we are ready or meet “Mr. Right Enough,” we could be out of good eggs. In some ways, I wish I was as “stupid” as these gals, although I realize that motherhood is a whole ‘nother can of worms. Just a thought.

  • Perspective

    I don’t know what the percentage is but this is true, ESPECIALLY in urban environments. Most of the time because there is no father in the home to ward off these older guys that are 19-21 out of high school.

    There is no denying that this goes on. These young girls swear up and down they are grown, but there is NO EXCUSE for a grown man 21 getting a 16 -15 year old girl pregnant. They should all be locked up – To Catch A Predator style.

    This however, is what comes along with a matriarchal community. A community where there are no men in the home is matriarchal.

    There are whole blocks in some urban communities where there are no men in the home and when men are in the home they are not the heads.

    Only think I fault women for is

    1) Choosing men who they knew were not in a position nor showed the qualities to be a father, unless of course they were one of these 16 year old girls who got pregnant by an older dude – same cycle just previous generation

    2) Women who think that they are so strong and independent which has become some sort of glorified position that men, in their minds, have become obsolete but there is collateral damage that comes along with that, but women don’t want to face that face.

    “I DON’T NEED A MAN!” – Yea but ur children do.

    I think the other issue is that being a single mother and “going thru the struggle” is put so highly on a pedestal by other black women in the black community with all this self aggrandizing that young girls see mother hood as INSTANT! status.

    Think about it. You could have been the biggest hoe on the block – but once you become a mother, no one is supposed to say anything negative about you or your previous risky behaviors because “AT LEAST I’M RAISING THESE KIDS.”

    That’s such a cop out. When women do not receive custody – you’d be amazed at how they don’t have this anchor to fall on. There is nothing worse for women than being labeled a bad mother, because good motherhood for black women is SUPPOSED to be automatic, which it is not, verse black men where no matter what you do, its ASSUMED from JUMP! that you are a bad father, unless you are married to the mother.

    There are no parades for single fathers – only single mothers – and women prefer it that way.

    This creates an atmosphere where young girls who may feel put down or have low self esteem, motherhood becomes a sanctuary. Now they apart of the statistic, but apart of something – the group of single mothers nonetheless.

    Its seems to be its better to be a single mother, in the black community, than to be a single woman with no children who is considered undesirable. This woman has no purpose or value (according to society and the community) but as soon as she becomes a mother – her purpose becomes her children and she gains INSTANT value.

  • Aza Ma’at

    Thank you beautiful Young Sista, for sharing that! I currently live in Memphis too and I volunteer at the Boys/Girls Club, it shocks me to hear the girls talk about sex, boys, and pregnancy. Most of the girls rather hang out w/ their pregnant classmates & discuss everything & anything else BUT academics, morals, acommplishments, LIFE GOALS.
    I just want to commend you on being a role model and speaking out on this subject matter. You’re so correct when you stated that teaching starts IN THE HOME and with the parents. Be blessed.

  • Black Liz Lemon

    Layla -NO… 95% is an outright lie.




    There are NUMEROUS studies that point out the majority of young women are impregnated by MEN who are 20 years and older. And for all of the folks calling these little girls everything but children of God, it’s probably a safe bet that they KNOW somebody who was knocked up by a grown ass man. Hell, I’d bet that the majority of the female commenters on this site have been approached by grown men on a frequent basis when they were younger, not because because they (the girls) “looked grown,” but probably the exact opposite.

    As an anecdote, I’ve been hit on by ADULT men from the time I was 11-years-old. The ONLY thing that saved me was the fact that I had a daddy at home who would beat the breaks off any male who even thought about looking at me crazy. Otherwise, I can easily see how it would be a young girl could be duped by some old ass man because she doesn’t know any better.

    It’s idiotic to ignore the fact that our girls are being preyed upon, but this is also the site where a commentator openly admitted to putting more money into R.Kelly’s pocket. It’s one thing to listen to music you already own, but to go to that n*ggas concerts and make him wealthier is ok, because, damn he makes “good music.” Ugh. As many times as I’ve heard people say “well, she knew what she was doing, she knew how to work it,” my response is this: A 14yo doesn’t learn how to drop it like it’s hot from f*cking another 14yo.


  • Tya P

    Im a teen girl myself, and this is so ignorant of girls to think this is “amazing”… Yes you can dress up the babies and give someone love all the time, but that doesnt help the fact you wont always be with the “baby daddy” and you gain so much weight thatll be hard to lose, also maintaining school and work, and have a babysitter when youre not home with your child. -_-’ not many teens think to much about what they do before they do it.

  • Tequila

    it’s not cute at all to get pregnant at a young age. dont have sex with a guy to make him like you . you have a whole life ahead of you.

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