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You know how it goes. Someone says or does something utterly stupid and offensive, and as soon as they’re called out for their foolishness (or it affects their bottom-line) they rush to “apologize” IF they offended anyone.

In my mind, half-hearted apologies are just as offensive and vile as the initial act. If you don’t mean it, don’t fake it just to try to make yourself look better in the process. In the end, you still look like an asshole.

Don’t believe me?

See: Belvedere Vodka’s “I’m sorry if you were offended” apology after it posted a rapey ad that poked fun at a woman being sexually assaulted. Or Geraldo Rivera’s apology after blaming Trayvon Martin’s death on his clothing choices. Or perhaps all of Chris Brown’s I’m-sorry-I-flipped-out-again-but-damn-will-y’all-let-me-live apologies.

Fake apologies are a dime a dozen, but despite how awful they make the wrong-doer look, folks keep on doling them out.

Like this guy. After a video surfaced about why black men choose to date white girls, J. Wade–the black guy in the video who agreed with the racist foolishness–issued several “apology” videos.

But in his latest confessional (in which he claims will be his last on the subject), he admits that he only made the video to get exposure for his YouTube page…you know, so people can leave him thousands of angry comments, or in his words, to “see what he’s all about.” Mission accomplished.

This fellow, J. Wade, also employed another tactic fake apologizers use: blame it on a mistake.

Although his video was BEYOND offensive to black women, J. Wade claims the majority of his video are about “uplifting” black people and he made his “Why Black Guys Date White Girls” video to counteract the “ratchet” videos he sees on the web.

Hmm…ok.

Whether his intentions are in the right place is not my concern. What he and others who have said and done offensive things, and then attempted to take them back, don’t seem to realize is that initial intentions don’t matter. If my intention is to help you get in shape, but I spend my days calling you fat, ugly, and useless, you aren’t going to care that I really just want you to be healthy. I’ve hurt you and I need to truly acknowledge it.

While forgiveness is an essential part of our lives, it isn’t something that we should feel compelled to give out lightly. If someone is truly sorry for offending or hurting another person, then yes, they are (perhaps) worthy of being forgiven. But if they are merely trying to save face and protect their personal or professional reputation? Then they can save their words for when they really matter.

What do you think about faux apologies? 

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    This man’s apology is coming from fear and realization of a few things:

    1). Fear of being ostracized from the cesspool we commonly refer to as the “black community.”

    2). Fear of ostracism by black women (this could falls under number 1). Whether anyone wants to admit it or not black women are pretty damn powerful (more so than black men). Black women cut yo arse off please believe you will feel it one way or the other.

    3). Realization that white chicks (whether they date black men or not) ain’t stepping up the plate and defending him and/or the white hoodrat from his original video. In other words, he realized he is assed out and alone. Most black men with good sense aren’t even jumping in to defend this man because they know the poothang supply will dry up with a quickness. The few that are defending him don’t even have the nerve to show their faces.

    I swear there are some dumb people in this world. So to get exposure for your youtube page you decide to let a white chick degrade you and your race right to your face while you smile it off???

    This man isn’t sorry for what he did. He is sorry his antics blew up in his face. He is sorry that he now finds himself a pariah. Watch his youtube page eventually disappear.

  • LA, California Dreaming (Ocean Blue)

    His girlfriend apologized because she was receiving death threats.

  • smm

    Toppin/Just sayin writes: the cesspool we commonly refer to as the “black community.”

    You do realize that you are referring to yourself?

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @LA, California Dreaming (Ocean Blue)

    As the saying goes…don’t let your mouth get you something your arse can’t get you out….

    She can talk that talk online but now she scared to walk the streets??? I don’t feel sorry for her.

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @smm

    Chick leave me the fugg alone. If you want to live in a state of denial about the ish you read right here on this site EVERY SINGLE DAY that’s your business, but fall the hell back off me. Your stalking is not flattering or amusing.

  • Shirl

    Uncle Rukkus is sorry now huh? That’s funny…

  • Cia

    I just looked at the young woman’s apology video…I think i dislike her more after the apology. Her original words just kind of annoyed me because depending on where she is from I could kind of see how she could have such an unfortunate and narrow view of black women. Last year I moved to the midwest, a place where there are hardly any black people and the ones who are here are mostly uneducated, and very poor. After hearing her “apology” she is just ridiculous. She says sorry but then she says “oh I really was talking about all races.” She says that people took what she said the wrong way…rediculous…she mentions Trayvon Martin…she actually says that she is a victim like Trayvon…it is too much…my head and heart hurt.

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    I’m almost certain her view of black women came from black men (not some life experience with black women or lack thereof), who more than likely blew her head up while at the same time degrading black women. If you listen closely to her rant the things she said are almost identical to the crap black men say about black women.

    I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if this man was the individual blowing her head up. She was obviously comfortable saying it around him. It is not hard to figure out why this is the case.

  • Pseudonym

    Oops! Misread that. Comment directed at Toppin. (sleepy)

    but, yeah, still looking for that other magazine.

  • http://www.heyshae.com ShaeShae

    Don’t forget the “nappy headed hoes” apology from Don Imus. I agree, the fake apologies are just as if not more offensive than the first statement. They KNOW what they are saying and they KNOW it is offensive. They say it to get attention and when they get the spotlight shown on their foolishness they cry foul.

  • smm

    “…a state of denial about the ish you read right here on this site EVERY SINGLE DAY “

    Well, there is no denying that much of the “ish” I read is coming from your cesspool of a mind.

    Why don’t you fall back into the BANNED abyss you crawled out of ? As a matter of fact, I’m going to get out of your way and allow you to manifest that sooner rather than later. Carry on, monkey…LOL.

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @smm

    Monkey? Really??? Not surprising coming from an individual that refers to another black person as a coon without blinking an eye.

    Anyway, I think you got me confused with your mother.

    Cyberstalking and e-thugging is your style….not mine. I speak my mind and keep it moving. If you don’t like it…don’t read it dumb arse. That’s the common sense approach…but then again that ish skipped over you. Kills me that people like you cannot show others RESPECT for their opinion. Once again, step off itch!

    Now shuffle your arse out my face.

  • smm

    Awwww, I guess you think you told me huh?

    And if you were actually a sane, Black person maybe you would have BUT you are not a Black person, you are a demented, monkey-azzed coon and never the two should be confused. I guess you are mad because I can tell the difference. LMAO!

    Bye monkey, BYE.

  • tisme

    http://sojournerspassport.com/the-first-national-tune-out-neutral-low-value-and-no-value-black-men-week/

    The First National Tune-Out Neutral, Low-Value, And No-Value Black Men Week

    This should be a lifestyle for black women

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @smm

    Hmm…I guess it takes one to know one right, itch?!

    I think it’s funny how I’m able to get under your skin without even trying. The very mention of my old name “Just Sayin’” probably send waves of terror through your veins. It is quite funny.

    *Smirk*

    I’m done here. Good day!

  • binks

    Agreed, when I hear these fake apologies I think of Janet Jackson scene from For Colored Girls “Save your “sorry.” One thing I don’t need are anymore apologies. I got sorry greeting me at the front door. You can keep yours. I don’t know what to do with them… I can’t even… I have to throw some away. I can’t even get to the clothes in my closet for all the sorries. I’m not even sorry about you being sorry.” And this is how I feel, I would respect a person more if they stand by what they say or did instead of issuing the quick apologies. Saying you apologh isn’t a magical cure all if you knew the intent

  • minna k.

    They are framing the situation as if they are being victimized for having an “opinion”.

    The girl needs to leave Treyvon Martins name out of her mouth. She is trying to draw parallels with him and herself, and has dug herself into a bigger hole as a result.

  • Jess

    @smm: wannabe plz.

    Go Toppin! Keep telling smm where she can shove it!

  • Jess

    Co-sign everything Toppin just said!

  • grateful

    @ Toppin

    *smiles and waves*

    nice to see you around here!

  • QoNewC

    @smm

    “Toppin” is no longer apart of the black community having rode off into the sunset on the tip of her white fiance’s penis.

  • QoNewC

    “Fear of being ostracized from the cesspool we commonly refer to as the “black community.”

    When such a community ostracizes you, its probably because you are doing the right thing. Please dont scare black men with that. Those who have delibretly left have thrived.

    ” Fear of ostracism by black women (this could falls under number1).”

    Which ironically is a perfect illustration on why that cartoon has some merit while being both cliched and hackneyed. Who gives a crap if black women ostracize you. They arent exactly the best judges of character.

    “Whether anyone wants to admit it or not black women are pretty damn powerful (more so than black men).”

    The power to enrich non black market dominate minorities i.e. Koreans. What does it matter if you are more powerful than black men. A. you do f** all with your power. B. This constant competition with black men has won you NOTHING. What the hell… bragging about being more powerful than a group you believe is at the very bottom. What a dam achievement. Both on a sinking ship yet your bragging about being on the top deck of said sinking ship.

    “Black women cut yo arse off please believe you will feel it one way or the other.”

    By having moved on with your life and living for yourself. What a fate.

    “Realization that white chicks (whether they date black men or not) ain’t stepping up the plate and defending him and/or the white hoodrat from his original video.”

    Why would they? Sometimes a black man’s relationship with a non black woman aint about black women. Perish the thought.

    “Most black men with good sense aren’t even jumping in to defend this man because they know the poothang supply will dry up with a quickness.”

    Threatening black men with the loss of sex? Is that the power you talk about black women having? Sex is so cheap these days. Girl bye.

    “So to get exposure for your youtube page you decide to let a white chick degrade you and your race…”

    I agree. That job should only be reserved for black women like you.

  • joan

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  • QoNewC

    @Toppin,

    “I’m almost certain her view of black women came from black men (not some life experience with black women or lack thereof), who more than likely blew her head up while at the same time degrading black women.”

    What about the views of black women employees of McDonalds have? Does that come from balck men too?

  • QoNewC

    @ShaeShae

    I agree. The apology is more cringe worthy than the offense. Its 360 degrees of attention seeking.

  • QoNewC

    @minna k.

    Many of these people are shock jocks.

  • QoNewC

    Can I just say that I think its mighty cowardly how some black men use these foolish white girls as a conduit to air their grievances with black women. Thats another shcoking aspect of this whole phenomena. Now if I had beef with black men, I wouldnt use my non black husband as a conduit to air my beef. To black women’s credit, they dont use their non black partners to do this.

    Its important to note that the vast majority of black men who date inter racial dont ever say anything about black women. Its coincidentially the “nothin’ but a sista” black men who speak the most about black women.

  • Aroc

    @ Toppin
    I’ve been on this site for a little while and I’m surprised to see you back. Right before your previous absence I was beginning to wonder if you’re real. Your return has reignited that burning question.
    Ae you real (as in everything you actually say you are/ not anything you insult other people for being)?
    In your response please leave out my assumed family and/or sex life.
    p.s. This question is for toppin only, no expert commentary from queenofnew is necessary.

  • QoNewC

    @smm

    Im happy “Toppin” is back. Now she can tell us all about her trip down the Yellow Brick Road along with her friends the Cowardly Lion who needed a heart, the Tin Man who needed a brain, and her the bald headed cow who needed a wig from the Wizard of Oz.

    P.s. if you are wondering what happened to Dorothy and Toto well… she is married to some black athlete and is living happily ever after.

  • Nigerian sista

    People don’t realise that in this life we make choices, and he chose to do the video. He was fully aware of what he was doing.

    So this non apology is complete crap! If he ever valued and supported his “black community” he would have never done the video in the first place. Complete IDIOT.

  • mamareese

    15minutes of fame are over….stop giving this guy attention. He said that’s what he did it for so ignore this kat.

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    I’m confused by your question…I’m as real as can be. If you look closely I rarely insult someone who doesn’t insult me first.

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @grateful

    Hi

  • Reason

    What happens if they don’t apologize at all?

  • smm

    @Aroc: OMG, your comment made me laugh out loud. Hilarious!

  • Mya

    They’re both still talking trash. Him particularly. I guess they didn’t get it. They want everyone else to “move on” but we don’t have to. And those who were offended have every right to call their raggedy asses out on their bullshit.

  • Yeahright2011

    Is he a rapper of some kind?

  • Reality Check

    ” Its important to note that the vast majority of black men who date inter racial dont ever say anything about black women. Its coincidentially the “nothin’ but a sista” black men who speak the most about black women.”

    but you can’t deny that nonblack women are often brought up when black males attempt to point out the ill’s of black women. I have yet to meet a black male that hasn’t done so.

  • lulu

    nikki minaj called us nappy headed hoes – where s her apoplogy video

  • Nemo

    Boycott Nicki Minaj and ANYONE who bashes and denigrates black women. Do not waste your money or time on these fools! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n13L8W315U

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