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You know how it goes. Someone says or does something utterly stupid and offensive, and as soon as they’re called out for their foolishness (or it affects their bottom-line) they rush to “apologize” IF they offended anyone.

In my mind, half-hearted apologies are just as offensive and vile as the initial act. If you don’t mean it, don’t fake it just to try to make yourself look better in the process. In the end, you still look like an asshole.

Don’t believe me?

See: Belvedere Vodka’s “I’m sorry if you were offended” apology after it posted a rapey ad that poked fun at a woman being sexually assaulted. Or Geraldo Rivera’s apology after blaming Trayvon Martin’s death on his clothing choices. Or perhaps all of Chris Brown’s I’m-sorry-I-flipped-out-again-but-damn-will-y’all-let-me-live apologies.

Fake apologies are a dime a dozen, but despite how awful they make the wrong-doer look, folks keep on doling them out.

Like this guy. After a video surfaced about why black men choose to date white girls, J. Wade–the black guy in the video who agreed with the racist foolishness–issued several “apology” videos.

But in his latest confessional (in which he claims will be his last on the subject), he admits that he only made the video to get exposure for his YouTube page…you know, so people can leave him thousands of angry comments, or in his words, to “see what he’s all about.” Mission accomplished.

This fellow, J. Wade, also employed another tactic fake apologizers use: blame it on a mistake.

Although his video was BEYOND offensive to black women, J. Wade claims the majority of his video are about “uplifting” black people and he made his “Why Black Guys Date White Girls” video to counteract the “ratchet” videos he sees on the web.

Hmm…ok.

Whether his intentions are in the right place is not my concern. What he and others who have said and done offensive things, and then attempted to take them back, don’t seem to realize is that initial intentions don’t matter. If my intention is to help you get in shape, but I spend my days calling you fat, ugly, and useless, you aren’t going to care that I really just want you to be healthy. I’ve hurt you and I need to truly acknowledge it.

While forgiveness is an essential part of our lives, it isn’t something that we should feel compelled to give out lightly. If someone is truly sorry for offending or hurting another person, then yes, they are (perhaps) worthy of being forgiven. But if they are merely trying to save face and protect their personal or professional reputation? Then they can save their words for when they really matter.

What do you think about faux apologies? 

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    This man’s apology is coming from fear and realization of a few things:

    1). Fear of being ostracized from the cesspool we commonly refer to as the “black community.”

    2). Fear of ostracism by black women (this could falls under number 1). Whether anyone wants to admit it or not black women are pretty damn powerful (more so than black men). Black women cut yo arse off please believe you will feel it one way or the other.

    3). Realization that white chicks (whether they date black men or not) ain’t stepping up the plate and defending him and/or the white hoodrat from his original video. In other words, he realized he is assed out and alone. Most black men with good sense aren’t even jumping in to defend this man because they know the poothang supply will dry up with a quickness. The few that are defending him don’t even have the nerve to show their faces.

    I swear there are some dumb people in this world. So to get exposure for your youtube page you decide to let a white chick degrade you and your race right to your face while you smile it off???

    This man isn’t sorry for what he did. He is sorry his antics blew up in his face. He is sorry that he now finds himself a pariah. Watch his youtube page eventually disappear.

  • LA, California Dreaming (Ocean Blue)

    His girlfriend apologized because she was receiving death threats.

  • smm

    Toppin/Just sayin writes: the cesspool we commonly refer to as the “black community.”

    You do realize that you are referring to yourself?

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @LA, California Dreaming (Ocean Blue)

    As the saying goes…don’t let your mouth get you something your arse can’t get you out….

    She can talk that talk online but now she scared to walk the streets??? I don’t feel sorry for her.

  • Toppin (Formerly Known As Just Sayin’)

    @smm

    Chick leave me the fugg alone. If you want to live in a state of denial about the ish you read right here on this site EVERY SINGLE DAY that’s your business, but fall the hell back off me. Your stalking is not flattering or amusing.

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