The last time I checked in with what traditionally gender normative rules fashion-y men were breaking, I learned that designers were hot on the trend of men wearing pantyhose…or manythose, if you will. As if we needed another portmanteau to point out how silly it is that men would imitate something that’s just for women (which is in itself kind of silly in the first place), along comes the Boyzillian. Yes, bikini and Brazillian waxes for men.
The New York Times profiled a handful of Manhattan salons whose patrons and estheticians claim the practice is becoming more and more popular.
“What we’re finding is, it’s everybody,” said Mike Indursky, the president of the Bliss chain of spas, which offers a men’s Brazilian called the Ultimate He-Wax for $125. “It’s the gay community, it’s the straight community, it’s very conservative guys, it’s very liberal guys. All different age groups are coming in. It’s much, much bigger than we ever thought.”
I’ve been to Bliss. It’s reputable. And I suppose this is how we know the economy is recovering. Keep talking.
Some men think there’s an added perk of getting a Brazilian: an enlarging effect for the main attraction. “It accentuates it, because there’s nothing to obscure the, you know, implement down there,” said Ramon Padilla, the director of Strip: Ministry of Waxing, a salon in SoHo, which charges $85 for a so-called Boyzilian.
I’ll leave the point about visual enhancement alone and table any debate regarding “accentuation” of any sort, because I’m imagining, from north to south, a little trail of taco meat stomach hair, a barren wasteland with a lonely looking piece of “equipment,” and then two patches of leg hair running down each side looking like chaps. Pubes aren’t a part of the intimate experience I’m exactly looking forward to, but I’m not sure I’m ready for all of that Boyzillianry, “accentuated main attraction” or not.
I’ll also concede that plenty of men in adult films, athletes, underwear models, swimmers, and ab-flashers like Usher and The Situation engage in hair removal, so it’s not that big a deal. But when I think of regular guys…around the way, 9 to 5, just trying to live, plays basketball with his boys types of guys, I just know this waxing business is not happening. As Jay-Z would say, “we don’t believe you, you need more people.”