I doubt that when two people come together to make a child that the thought of who will eventually have full custody comes to mind. Many believe that no matter what, the mother is always the favored parent in custody battles, but should the sex of the child be more of a determinant when it comes to who gets custody?

Yes, first and foremost the parent who is the most fit should be the no. 1 factor, but when both parents are fit how is the final decision made? I remember in the movie,”Boyz-in-the Hood” when Lawrence Fishburne’s character told the mother of his child (Angela Bassett) that only men can raise men. This was after she called Fishburne when their son was about 8-years-old and agreed that he needed to be with his father at this point in his life.

I notice that single mothers who have boys always start to look for a great male figure to be around their sons once they reach a certain age. They understand that there are just some things that only a man can teach their son and that once a boy gets to a certain age he is quicker to take advice from a man than his mother. The same is true for single fathers with daughters. At some point they want their daughters to be around women who can teach them all the things that they can’t.

I know that there are a lot of children who were raised by a parent of the opposite sex and came out great, but should the child’s sex be more of a factor when granting custody?

 

Speak on it!!!

  • Ocean Blue (LaDreaming86)

    “Should the child’s sex be more of a factor when granting custody?” – I don’t think it should be.

    Hey, can someone delete my first comment, please?

  • QCastle

    This question is a stupid red herring. Doesnt matter the gender of the child. Fathers should get custody regardless of gender because:

    1. Its safer. If the male parent remarries or even dates, his wife poses less of a risk to the physical and and sexual safety of the children. If the female parent remarries or dates, their male partner or husband is statistically more likely to physically or sexually abuse the children. There has been an epidemic of boyfriends killing the children of their girlfriends.

    2. Resources. Men tend to have more resources than women do. They often make more money than woman.

    3. Parenting. Men are physically less abusive to their children than women are. Their ability to establish order and discipline in the home comes, primarily by way of the visceral reaction children have to their fathers or rather males in general. This is especially true of male children. Mothers have often lamented how they are unable to continue to discipline their sons who, sometimes by the age of 13, can physically overpower them.

    4. Custodial fathers are more likely to be employed than custodial mothers. Single mothers and their children

  • QCastle

    ….are the overwhelming face of poverty in America.

  • QCastle

    In addition, judging by some of the comments made by black women here at this site about black boys, it would in the best interest of black boys if they are raised by their fathers. The level of hostility, anger, and malice black women have toward black boys is just too great for them to continue to be entrusted in their care.

  • Tonton Michel

    At a certain age the gender should definitely be considered if all other things are equal.

  • Shirl

    Shared custody!!!! I’d hate the thought of loosing my sons for no other reason than because I’m a woman.

  • arlette

    Have you read some of the horrible comments from black men aimed at black women on this site?
    i usually dont agree with the beyond black and white website but there was a really good post about black women who white knight for black men.
    please read it.

    http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/toni-on-massive-role-reversals-in-the-black-community/

    i honestly feel sorry for black women like you who feel like you have to save black men but its never the other way round.

  • Liz

    @Arlette…Q thinks black women are the scum of the earth. There’s no reasoning with her about that. Please ignore her.

  • http://www.myblackfriendsays.com myblackfriendsays

    Joint custody would be good. I have a friend whose children spend two weeks with her and two weeks with her ex-husband.

    If that is not an option, I do see some truth in the males raising males idea. But maybe that is heavily influenced by the fact that I saw Boyz in the Hood.

  • Yeahright2011

    Doesn’t matter.

  • QCastle

    @arlette

    “Have you read some of the horrible comments from black men aimed at black women on this site?”

    We are talking about children not what black men and women say about each other. Ive found it difficult to find comments made by black men about black girls that rival the comments grown black women have said about black boys.

  • QCastle

    @arlette

    “i honestly feel sorry for black women like you who feel like you have to save black men but its never the other way round.”

    I dont recall ever having saved anyone in my life.

  • arlette

    when do we ever talk about little boys you weirdo. please give me an example. when black men talk about hating black women you dont think they mean future black women as well? you think they only start hating black girls when they reach a certain age? do you think black men who hate black women should raise little black girls? look back at any post which mentions interracial realtionships and you will see what the black men who you love to defend really think about you.
    why is it that no other race of women defends their men as much as some black women? why do you feel its your duty to stick up for them when they are the last ones to do the same for you? please read the link that i sent you.

    “We are talking about children not what black men and women say about each other.”

    please read your comment .

    “In addition, judging by some of the comments made by *black women* here at this site about black boys, it would in the best interest of black boys if they are raised by their *fathers* “

  • QCastle

    @arlette

    You act as if I never visit that site. I probably read that article before you did. This isnt about black men or black women but about black children. As I said, judging by the comments, the specific comments, made by black women about black boys, black women are quite toxic. For the record, I’ve already discussed this myth that black women defend black men. They dont actually defend black men. The “niggas aint shit” brigade is decades old. If you aint running with a basketball or running from the police, black women dont care not a word for you. Now since most black men dont fill those two boxs, most black men dont receive the support of black women.

    “when black men talk about hating black women you dont think they mean future black women as well?”

    Non-non sequitur of the month. Its the whole, “yo mama black” argument. Grown black women who make ugly malicious comments about black boys cant hide behind the innocence of black female children. Coward! Stop hiding behind Michelle Obama, a black man’s mother, Rosa Parks, etc. Your ugliness stands on its own. You aint about to sling shots at black men or in this case black boys, and hide behind black girls or historical figures or the black female relatives of these black men to escape the lashing that you so rightly deserve.

    Be gone if you cant add anything substantive to the topic of this article as I so graciously have.

  • http://juniysa.blogspot.com Juniysa Serens

    Gender essentialism? I wonder what would happen if the child becomes homosexual…or wants to cross-dress..EVEN if they are with the biological identical parent.
    All I can think of is- if both parents are fit, then joint custody. Let the child choose which parent they want to be with when they get older. No point in hogging a child just because they’re the same sex as you- that’s just asking for gender wars.

  • Liz

    Not only are you evil, you’re full of yourself. You don’t add anything substantive to ANY conversation because you ONLY say the same thing, over and over. You can’t put aside your hate for black women aside long enough to actually think and analyze the situation being discussed. You are damaged and disgusting.

  • arlette

    “You act as if I never visit that site. I probably read that article before you did.”

    How would I know? Probably doesn’t say you did.

    “This isnt about black men or black women but about black children.”

    Stop contradicting yourself, like i said give me at least one example of a comment made by more than one black woman here directed at little black boys, if you can do that then i am wrong. i remember not too long ago reading a post about irr and there was this commenter who said the most vile things about black men, not once did anyone agree with her everyone thought she was psychotic.

    “judging by the comments, the specific comments, made by black women about black boys, black women are quite toxic.”

    What about the comments made by black men? Why don’t you mention them? Like i said why do you see it as your duty to protect black men when they don’t give two shtts about you?

    “For the record, I’ve already discussed this myth that black women defend black men. They dont actually defend black men”

    It’s not a myth, I don’t see any other race of women doing the same, ever. Women like you are ok with black men not having your back but you continue to fend them no matter what.

    “The “niggas aint shit” brigade is decades old. If you aint running with a basketball or running from the police, black women dont care not a word for you. Now since most black men dont fill those two boxs, most black men dont receive the support of black women.”

    erm since when? remember that black men date and marry interracially way more than black women. I know black women who are college educated, holding down a job and are still looking for some black man and most of the black men who are in their position are not checking for them.

    “Be gone if you cant add anything substantive to the topic of this article as I so graciously have.”

    no you havent.

  • QofNewcastle

    @arlette

    Your comments are all over the place. Like I said, go to that post about the all boys urban prep school and read the comments made about those black boys. It will make you embarrassed.

  • arlette

    Really, because of one comment and three others cosigning you think they hate black men. Nothing hateful was written, all the comments said was that the boys will probably be with white girls, how exacly is that hateful. i dont think its bad, they probably will and i dont think there is anything wrong with that. like i said what about the comments made by black men? Why don’t you mention them? why do you see it as your duty to protect black men when they don’t give two shtts about you?

  • ECW

    Me and my sons father made a conscious decision on the day our son was born that if we separated he would raise him. And he held true to that decision. We were both in his life and while I probably made most of the decisions, I would not have had it any other way.

  • Paterson

    I am reading so many of these comments and it saddens me to think we are not thinking strictly on the mental well being of our children

  • Candy 1

    I think that if both parents are fit, then there should be shared custody. If my spouse and I split, I would want us to have shared custody of our children (whether it was divided by every other month, or two weeks out of each month for each parent), and the older our son got, I know he’d need to be with his dad more. All children need their fathers, but as they grow toward adolescence, boys really need their fathers…

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