Why You Should Never Be Ashamed To Cry

by Thembi Ford

When is the last time you had a good cry? Did you hold back or let it all out?

These may have been tears of sadness that you couldn’t choke back after experiencing a loss, or tears of joy that rolled down your face when you heard that your best friend was expecting. Whatever the root cause, crying can be extremely therapeutic and help us release built up emotions and stress that we didn’t even know we were holding on to.

Crying is a perfectly natural and healthy process that society encourages us to hide. We don’t want to appear weak, we don’t want to scare people off, and we certainly don’t want to make people (especially men) think that we’re controlled by our hormones or are using our emotions to manipulate others. The pressure to seem “ok” keeps us from letting go in public, but is it fair?

Scientists have a few theories to explain why humans are the only animals that cry, one of which flies in the face of the old adage “never let ‘em see you cry.” Evolutionary biologists think that tears serve as a signal to those close to us that we need help without letting our predators know that we’re vulnerable. In other words, the act of crying forges intimacy and helps humans support each other in our time of need. So it’s not unfair that crying makes you appear needy, but you shouldn’t feel flawed for being that person who always cries at weddings or has to fight back tears after experiencing frustration at work — you’re actually more evolved than the tight-lipped critic who thinks you should pull yourself together. You may be able to cope on your own, but your body and spirit know when it’s time to let go.

Instead of working overtime to reverse our natural instincts, why not take advantage of our built-in mechanism for release? The benefits of crying are what fuel our instinct to pop on The Notebook or play Adele’s “Someone Like You” and have a good cry even if no one is looking. Shaking off all of the stress that’s been weighing us down and starting with a clean emotional state keeps us from taking our frustration out in areas of our lives where it doesn’t belong. That can only be a good thing.

When is the last time you had a good-old-fashioned let-it-all-out cathartic cry?

  • http://itsoftenbeensaid.wordpress.com Sasha

    I really appreciate this article. I have always been a crier- I cry when I’m happy, sad, angry, frustrated, surprised, etc. My sisters have always made fun of me about this but out of all of them I am the most expressive and in touch with my emotions. I am better able to explain what I’m feeling and am never one to hold back. I’ve always found the ability to just cry and allow yourself to be vulnerable as a strength.

  • Nigerian sista

    I agree. Its better than bottling all you feelings up only for them to explode all at once. Crying is a good release. I always feel much better when i let it all out.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    I do not know how to cry-the tears don’t come out oo. But I do when I am cutting up red onions.

  • La, Ca Dreaming

    A few months ago.

  • Nixy

    I hate crying, it hurts, physically

  • slim

    since the beginning of the month, i probably cried every day. its just emotions taking my ass over.

  • Jaslene

    I wish men would look at this. Men who don’t cry scare me. I can’t remember the last time I cried. But usually I cry when I’m sad or mad/angry. This girl told me that crying is a sign of weakness and I don’t believe that is the case. I have cried at work due to frustration and was told that I shouldn’t let them see me cry. So now I have decided just to get fed up.

  • B.Payne

    My face feels sooo good after I cry…like I just had a steamed facial because I eyes feel weightless, my head feels light and I feel rejuvenated.

    …but I used to be “hard-core”…what an idiot I was.

    crying is FUN! LOL

  • Mariah

    “I keep smiling when I come through, And I cry when I need to” -Jill Scott, “I Keep” Yes, I am a crier and I have no shame. I always said it’s better that I cry than for me to act on this rage I’m feeling and hurt someone. Crying feels good and I am glad that someone finally backs me up on my idea that crying is actually a sign of strength and not weakness.

  • binks

    It has been awhile I don’t usually cry…shrugs

  • arlette

    when i was a kid and i got in trouble and i was punished harshly i would cry myself to sleep, for some reason i enjoyed it.

  • B

    I cried today at work today. The stress from my job had gotten to a point where I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and when my female boss asked me was something wrong with me, I bolted to the bathroom in fear of others seeing my tears. I hate to cry because I hate to look vulnerable. But, today was a breaking point for me and I was actually glad that my boss got to see how stressed I was because it caused her to pay a little more attention to me and the tremendously heavy workload that I carry on a daily basis. Crying helped in this situation although I wouldn’t do it everyday.

  • Dalili

    You described me to a tee @Sasha. I own my tears. :-)

  • Miss September

    The last time I cried was a few days before X-mas . I gotten into a huge fight with a friend. I called my mom , and before she could could say hello , I had let it all out .
    After I get a cry out , I feel more at peace ; like the article states it releases a lot
    of pent up frustration . People who don’t cry or show emotion scare me ;-(

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