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Let VH1 tell it, women, especially black women, cannot be friends. Nothing is further from the truth. Women can actually be great life long friends, outside of the normal bumps in the road. However, just because the world likes to focus on our friendship dynamics doesn’t mean we know all there is to know about this friendship life. Men actually have really great friendships too, and even though the spotlight isn’t always on their bromances, men could actually teach us a thing or two. Check out these three things I think women can learn from men about friendships.

Honesty Is Key
By nature some of us women are sugarcoaters, we can’t help it. We don’t want to be brutally honest because we don’t want to hurt your feelings with the harsh truth so we kind of tell little white lies or make little suggestions that will hopefully get you to see things a different way. We do it for everything from clothing choices to relationships, it’s in our nature. The problem with that is it can cause more problems in the end. Men, for the most part, are honest almost to a fault. They will tell their boy like it is about any and everything…and they’ll tell us too. It’s the reason why they’d rather not comment if you ask “Honey, do I look fat in this?” We probably couldn’t handle the “Hell yeah!” they would give us, but it’s that honesty that keeps their friendships virtually drama free. If you’re always open and honest with your friend, even when the truth hurts, you build a foundation that will keep your friendship rock solid for life.

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  1. iQgraphics

    Here’s what male friends can teach you, unless they’re married or gay (and there’s still no gaurantee) :

    1. There’s no such thing as a male friend.

    Any opportunity they get to stick and move, they will

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    • Pretty much Q, in my experiece I couldn’t really have any true male friends without them either catchin feelings and or wanting to do me..unless they were straight up homosexual and had NO attraction to women cause I done attracted some homosexuals too and I”m not tooting my own horn just stating facts. SO I smartened up and stopped trying to have platonic male friends LOL

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    • With all do respect…..did you ladies read the article? And if you did….why did you go this way?

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    • Dreaming

      I think I have one true male friend. He has a GF who he has been dating for quite time and wants to marry, so I don’t worry about him hitting on me. I know that he thinks I am cute, but I have never felt uncomfortable around him and he is cool to hangout with.

      I have one ‘friend’ right now who I have known for about 15-17 years who is still trying to date me. He too is dating someone, but just the other day he asked me to hang out with him. I am not attracted to him, nor would I ever date him, and the fact that he referred to his current GF as ‘just a friend’ while asking me to lower my standards for him so that he could have a chance with me was beyond unacceptable to me.

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    • iQgraphics

      LOL @ Dreaming
      you’re seeing the high road and the low road all at the same time.

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    • Dreaming

      Yes indeed, iQgraphics.

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    • Alexandra

      Haha. I felt like that for a long time before I actually met one of my most closest guy friends. He’s not like that at all, but I must say most of the time, it is like that. *Sigh*
      It’s a shame cause some can be cool as hell.

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  2. LMBO! This was on point – especially about the fights. As a female, sometimes I can’t stand other females for these reasons!

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    • grateful

      you are so right!

      as a woman, i can’t stand females who call other women females!

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    • Dreaming

      Yes, women referring to other women as ‘females’ are women who I stay far, far away from.

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    • As it is comments such as these that prove my point. Last time I checked, female is synonymous for woman. Always has been, always will be. It is such oversensitivity like this that absolutely infuriates me.

      Clearly anyone who take offense to my usage of female for woman is someone I wouldn’t want anywhere near me in the first place. I am glad that we are on the same page.

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    • Dreaming

      I’m just going to say this – When using the word ‘female’, you could be talking about a human woman or an animal. From what I have seen, people who use the word ‘female’ as you have are usually doing so before they same something negative about women.

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    • grateful

      and to piggyback on Dreaming, they also use it as a more acceptable way of demeaning , ie (instead of using b*tch).

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    • I might be able to see your argument except for the fact it doesn’t work logically. If it were to be seen a derogatory/demeaning manner, why would I refer to myself as a female? Unless you are insinuating that I calling myself a derogatory word just to call others the same, then it doesn’t work.

      I think that because you (and any piggybacker) have such a highly sensitized manner that you have to dissect each and every word, and once you find one particular word, you ignore the entire context of my input. (Yea, remember me laughing about the cattiness and fighting? Still laughing) And it is truly unfortunate that your experiences have led to believe that you have to do that.

      So in one word: Relax.

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    • iQgraphics

      ladies, ladies ladies … ;)

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    • @Krjeco
      So which hood are you from? I’ve only seen/heard that terminology from women who were either from the projects, or closely associated with the projects. Right on down to the sad defense of referring to women in dehumanizing terms.

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    • @Anon

      Wow…Did you actually read what you wrote? Did you really take the time, see what I was saying, process it, decide to completely disregard it and ask me if I was from the projects? Does it really make you feel better to write something like that?

      Do you know my thoughts? Did you know my intent when I wrote my initial comment? Seeing as no one can know my thoughts but God Almighty, let me teach you something really quick.

      I have never lived in the projects. Grew in clean neighborhoods, went through college and even law school. Practicing attorney for that matter. Here are some questions you should asking yourself:

      1) Why would you think my words denoted someone from the projects? Take a step back for a second. What does that say about you that you would make that assumption?
      2) Why would you immediately jump to the possible (but never intended) negative connotation of my words? Again, what does that say about you?

      As for me, I know very well if you can’t find peace within yourself, you are going to try to make chaos for others. Because I don’t spend my time making mountains out of ant holes, apparently I am a defending the demoralization of women? Really? Was that my initial intent? Absolutely not. Read what I have written and do not go off by the misconceptions made by others.

      This whole entire chain of comments has become so unnecessary, it’s almost become like a game: Who can top the next one for saying outlandish and over the top things?

      Guess what? I’m done playing. Your prize is in the next room. My consolation prize is my peace.

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    • @krjeco
      “1) Why would you think my words denoted someone from the projects? Take a step back for a second. What does that say about you that you would make that assumption?
      2) Why would you immediately jump to the possible (but never intended) negative connotation of my words? Again, what does that say about you?”

      1) I thought your words denoted someone from the projects due to tutoring and mentoring inner city children for middle and high school, and 1 adult for a GED program. Many of those young girls and teenagers used the word “female” which was just a step up from another derogatory term for women, specifically black women. They thought that this word was common usage amongst every class, instead of the working poor or underclass. I was very upfront with them that usage of “female”, instead of woman, lady, girl, etc… was a dehumanizing term and served as a marker (esp. amongst predatory men and boys) that they were probably not seen as valuable in their community/homes and could set them up for being seen as a target. In addition, for future job interviews, “female” as a noun for women is usually a disqualifier for a position due to the assumption that lower class values will be brought to the work place. These girls had NO CLUE how it came across in the broad public sector, and I was able to point out to them that you don’t see other groups referring to their women as “females”.

      2) There are no positive connotations in referring to women as “females”. What it says about me is that I was told by my relatives to not allow casual disrespect towards me as a young lady/woman.

      “Read what I have written” —-> I did.
      I’m not sure what circles you’re in, but I have NEVER heard someone use “females” in a positive tone towards women. It comes across as a seperator of women from their humanity.

      Tis all.

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  3. Dreaming

    As far as the article – I am always an honest person. That is who I am. I don’t think honesty is something that can be learned. I think some women sugarcoat things because our society socializes girls/women to be nice and accommodating of other people’s feelings all.of.the.time. If a woman speaks her mind, she is told that she is too aggressive and mean. When men do it, it is seen as a good thing.

    I think the “How To Mind Our Own Business…Sometimes” goes back to women being socialized to care about other people’s feelings all.of.the.time.

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  4. grateful

    it’s nice that men can do this but the actual difference comes in how we are made, which in-turn affects how we act and react.

    this is a man’s world. they don’t say that just to say it, they say it because it is true.

    just being a woman has it’s own burdens but i can’t just walk around, do stuff or react the same way as a man because this has cons (as well as pros).

    i am a woman , we are emotional and complicated , i both love it and hate it , i have learned to take the good with the bad, i will not apologise for being a woman.

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  5. Men can get along better because they have the privilege of power…I believe most of the infighting b/w women has to do with being an underclass…much like infighting b/w black ppl or blacks and other minorities who are in similar situations…In my opinion. The only way to change and become less “catty”, in my opinion, is if women weren’t a subjugated class of people..

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    • grateful

      exactly.

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    • “women weren’t a subjugated class of people” —-> I agree… to a point. But factoring in biology and childraising, I don’t think women will ever be “equal” to men, but there should be more options. The thing is, a certain level of competition is NOT going to go away. Because as long as a good looking woman is able to be wifed up and taken care of for life by being pretty/young/socially desirable, you’ll ALWAYS have an undercurrent of competitiveness in women who won’t be able to achieve that.

      In all honesty, I’ve never seen more vicious pettiness in women than when it involves looks. I think any woman who’s gained and then lost a visible amount of weight as an adult (while under 33) can attest to that.

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    • @ Anon, I agree with you on the looks aspect…and I don’t think the solution is equality in terms of men and women doing the same exact things…obviously this is biologically impossible (at least for now)…I just think that the ideal is for men and women to co-exist, even in their differences, without one gender having more power/controlling the lives of another. Women are not even allowed to drive in some other countries when we know it is physically possible for women to drive car. I would really be interested to see how the competitive nature b/w women would be outside of the context of our current society and within one in which we had equal access to the same opportunities than men, or had more opportunities. IT is impossible to tell whether women are “naturally” susceptible to this behavior sans context. Unfortunately, you can’t control for that.

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