After a Lackluster First Date, Do You Try Again?

by Britni Danielle

You’ve probably heard this a million times: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Or as Suga Free so aptly put it, “If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.”

While both of these sentiments are often used to keep us prepared and on our toes, when it comes to dating and mating, first impressions are often times misleading.

Think about it.

When you first meet a guy, the two of you are most likely putting your best foot forward. You may be out at a mixer or lounge, hair done up just so, a bit of gloss on your lips making them look even more luscious and enticing, and your head held high with a flirty smile dancing at the corners of your mouth. Your laugh is easy and your conversation is engaging. And he is doing his best to be attentive, polite, and oh-so manly. At that moment your representatives are getting along just fine, but will it translate into a match? When you peal back the layers of frontin’, will the two of you still be able to ke-ke with ease?

The other night I went on a first date with a guy I met through an online dating site. After exchanging texts and phone calls for two weeks, I felt confident that a public outing wouldn’t leave me at the bottom of the Pacific or on the back of somebody’s milk carton, so we decided to meet up and see a movie.

After fussing over an outfit that would say, “I’m cute, but laid back,” I approached the theater a few minutes late looking for him. Just as I was walking up I spotted a brotha with a tidy ‘fro and a somewhat awkward walk. Could that be him? I asked myself, straining to see his face in spite of the darkness.

My first impression? His clothes were neat, but a bit outdated–think Sean John circa 2003–and he walked like he pulled a muscle, the left side of his body stiff and unforgiving. While I sized him up, we connected for an awkward non-hug hug and set about to get our tickets.

Although I have no problem going Dutch, I waited to see how he’d ask for the tickets. Would he buy one and then expectantly look at me to buy my own, or would he cop them both? My wallet stayed in my pocket that night. He paid for the tickets, opened the door, and let me pick the seats. While I was secretly giving him a makeover in my head, I did appreciate his old school chivalry.  Score one for the nice guy.

After the movie we talked about his job, sports, and the film. Because we met up so late, we didn’t linger too long, but our conversation was long enough to give me pause. Although he was nice (and fairly intelligent), he assumed I didn’t know about sports or action films because I’m a woman. A few times he prefaced his statement with, “You’re probably not familiar with this, but…” and was quickly caught off guard when I really did know about it. I admit, I was annoyed, but I tried to brush it off.

As we said our goodbyes, I couldn’t help but think about whether or not I wanted to see him again. He was nice enough, we had a good enough conversation, but something was missing—the spark? The attraction? The butterflies?

I know not all relationships are built on physical attraction and that delicious bit of nervousness you feel in your stomach when you think someone you’re diggin’, but I’d be lying if I said those things didn’t matter at all. They do. That little something you can’t quite put your finger on that makes you think about that person long after they’ve gone was missing, and I questioned whether or not another date (or two) was in order before relegating this guy to the friend file.

When I got home I sent him a quick “Thanks for the movie” text and we’ve exchanged a few messages and calls since then, but we haven’t made plans to hang out again and I’m not going to push the issue. Will I go out with him if he asks? Probably. But if I never see him again, I can’t say that I’ll be disappointed.

How have you handled a first date that left you feeling lukewarm? Did you go out again or did you just move on to the next one?

*Via WhoYouCallinABitch

  • shadow

    I moved on to the next one. I was the “awkward girl” in my dating years, so if anything left me giving the date the “I don’t think so” feel, I’d run and not look back, lol.

  • Cia

    In the scenario above I might give it one more shot. Lots of relationships don’t start with a huge spark but often people are nervous and a 2nd date will allow them to be themselves a bit more.

  •!/clnmike Tonton Michel

    Dating from online is like going on a blind date, nothing stated online really perpares you for what you see in person. Your feeling out the other person on the first date anyway but a blind date the feelers are more sensitive. Supposed the writer knew the person before hand, she might have excused his clothes if she liked him enough, or she might have shot down his advances before he opened his mouth. He doesn’t really know the writer so of course it is safe to assume on his part that she might not be versed in sports or action movies if they never talked about it online. The first date was to get to know each other, the dates after that is to see if everyone learned form the first. The clothes though should be a non issue…….

  • African Mami

    If there is no chemistry, I am NOT going to even try. No! That is VERY key for me. Clothes could be better, but if we connect, shoot I’m not going to obsess over MINOR shid like that.

  • binks

    No! I have to feel chemistry or be drawn to the person because they make me feel some kind of way when I am dating if there is no spark then he is automatically in the “friend” zone..

  • Tami

    When I was younger, if there was no instant spark I would regulate the person to the friend zone immediately…but since I have gotten older & a bit wiser in my middle years, I would consent to another date & just see what happens. Not everything starts out with a big bang.

  • Sia

    Heyll no. As Yoda said, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

  • Dreaming

    I wouldn’t try again after a lackluster first date. If I don’t feel chemistry with someone right away, then more than likely I never will.

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