“Listen, I am 32, in a monogamous relationship, and just figuring out that there’s a limit on your childhood woes,” singer Pink shared in the June issue of Cosmopolitan.

Most folks would agree that your experiences as a kid and teenager inform a lot about who you are in your adult life. Those were the years we experienced so many firsts and were introduced to our initial role models and examples of what it meant to be grown. For many of us, our youth is also when we experience heartbreak and witness or feel struggle for the first time.

When I read the statement, I was reminded of the familiar movie scenario where the main character visited a therapist for the first time. “So, tell me about your childhood,” the doctor says. As I chat with friends about their lives and attempt to explain some things in my life, we frequently go back to how we grew up and the type of impact it has had on our decisions today. But as formative as those years are, when do you stop referencing them? For the folks whose parents’ divorce rocked their world in a way they’ve yet to recover from, or the people still disturbed by sibling rivalry, when do you let it all go?

How long can you cite your childhood as a reason for your actions as an adult?

  • Introverted Leo

    Look, some people’s parents do more damage than others, and time does not heal all wounds, especially when the parent(s) refuses to acknowledge/make right their failures as a parent. Furthermore, our parents are the one’s who shape our views about life. When our views are shaped negatively at a young age or at a time when we need our parents the most, it is extremely difficult to move forward from that. Too frequently, the psychological damage that poor parenting causes is greatly underestimated. Good for Pink if she has been able to get over her childhood, but it doesn’t work the same for everybody.

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    • sholla21

      Standing O.

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  • Lorietta

    Personally, I think it depends on how you reference the events of your childhood. If you use the drama from your childhood to justify harboring ill will and bitterness towards the world, then there definitely comes a point when you just have to let it go (and that definitely should be sooner rather than later). But if you reference your childhood as the reason you see and understand the world the way that you do, I don’t think there should be any limit on that since it is a part of your journey and who you are as a person. As long as you don’t let the experiences of your past limit you or make you a negative person.

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  • Lorietta

    Oh and I agree with Introverted Leo: every person is wired differently. Not everyone is going to overcome the difficulties of their childhood on the same timetable since we all heal in our own time and in our own fashion.

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  • Lorietta

    Oh and I agree with Introverted Leo: every person is wired differently and will overcome the difficulties of her past in her own time and in her own fashion. It is not fair to judge anyone for not “getting over” something when you haven’t walked a mile in her shoes.

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  • I got sense!

    I don’t you think you should ever stop referencing them but those experiences are supposed to help you evolve and progress as an adult. Bad and good things happen to everybody (E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y). It’s not what happens it’s how you react to it. Let those good and bad times make you a kinder, more generous, wiser, grateful adult. Don’t use them as crutches to hold you back from your greatness.

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    • binks

      Bingo! I agree with Pink, I get that some people are dealt a rotten hand more than others, that not every scare fades from your childhood/past and that people rectify and process things in their own time but I believe at a certain point you have to ask yourself “can I get over this or Am I over this enough that it won’t affect my life now?” To me, I just don’t find it productive for anybody to keep going around carrying all this baggage when you can lighten your load and drop it (not saying forget about it or not use it as a platform to help yourself/others but find some kind of peace and let that situation be) because why you are still mentioning and carrying this load or slowing your life down the people who did you wrong are either living their life well or dead, so you are waiting on an apology, wrongs to be righted or grand gestures that might NEVER happen.

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