Uh, our ship sailed, uh, the wind blows
The door’s always open but our window is closed
You always thought “What if?”

The first time I heard Jay-Z’s verse on Sade’s The Moon and The Sky (Remix), I had all sorts of feelings well up inside. I was trying to get over what I thought was a heartbreak that would leave me forever scared. “Our ship sailed,” I’d repeat, reminding myself that some folks are in your life for seasons. I tried to convince myself to let go of every what if. But I recently keyed in on another part of the verse, “The door’s always open, but our window is closed.”

Returning home means time with family, reconnecting with friends, and maybe lunch or drinks with an old boo.

The texts and calls usually start sometime after a Twitter or Facebook update announcing my return. As a single woman who has no beef with any of the past players on my roster, I’m usually game. The door is in fact open, we’re on good terms, we’re adults, we’re catching up, and sometimes there is a still a what if or two.

While discussing the pros and cons of West Coast vs. East Coast living with a dude who has been around for ages, I wondered: When does this end?

If two people are single and you didn’t end on bad terms, is there always an open door?
If you’re not into backtracking, is there a number of years (and honestly amount of time spent being single and hoping for a connection with someone who really gets you) that makes you think “hmmm, we’ve grown, let’s see what happens?”

We talk about seasons. But we also talk about timing. Does this mean that the former always gives us strength to let go and the former always gives us permission to reach for that window one more time?

  • Pat

    Lmao!!!

  • overseas_honeybee

    Preach! It’s over for a reason. Most importanty, you have to let that person know they can not come through whenever they get ready and uproot the progress you’ve made by moving on. Learned the hard way … more trouble in the end. Keep it cordial and let your boundaries be known.

  • OSHH

    Chile I never even listened to that remix, honestly I cannot take ANY rapper on a Sade track, just totally changes the ambiance and feel of what is already in my opinion a brilliant finished work.

    Anyway I agree with almost everyone Binks, Dreaming, Marlowe, Overseas girl yeah, and O’Phylia LOL!!
    The what if’s only come up if you let a situation or opportunity pass you by, if you never took the chance to beigin with.Those are the what ifs I can’t live with.
    Like Estelle when my doors closes it wont be opened again, not to mention how long you left the door open, how many chances you gave that someone.
    Like another Sade track, “Be that easy”, you flew as slow as you could hoping they’d catch up but some folk can’t fly with you. There is someone who can though and you have to free yourself up for that person.

  • life life life

    I’m actually experiencing this now

    The thing is..I still have a strong connection with him.
    In the year or so that we were broken up (but still checking in and such), I tried dating..halfheartedly after doing just me for a half a year…but ugh! I just wasn’t impressed. I am not stereotyping and by no means is this all men…but I came in contact with a lot of fakers and guys that weren’t that deep and couldnt really hold a conversation

    So yes..I’m keeping the door open bc he has the qualities that I want in a long term partner and is ready and willing whenever I give the go ahead.

    So in regards to this article…I think each situation is different…had we ended on bad terms and I had negative memories of him..then it would be a HELL NO AND SHUT THAT DOE

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