Feminism 101: It’s Not Just for Women
In the last installment of Feminism 101, I wrote about iconic black feminists whose existence puts the lie to the idea that feminism is only for white women. Today, I’d like to talk about feminist men. Yes, I said feminist men. Too many people think this idea is incongruous–that feminism at its core is anti-man and so the idea of a man embracing feminist movements is absurd. In truth, feminism is no more anti-man than anti-racism is anti-white people. The foundation of both these movements is the idea of equality. The enemy of both is systemic oppression.
The Finally, a Feminism 101 Blog offers a useful definition for feminism:
Society deals with gender in a way that, on balance, harms women.
This is a problem that must be corrected.
Any man with a mother, sister, wife, daughter–a woman whom he loves–should be concerned about this. And It’s important to note, women aren’t the only ones harmed by the way society treats gender; men, who must perform a sort of masculinity that is far from one-size-fits-all, are harmed, too. Men can find freedom in dismantling patriarchy.
Many men are hesitant to claim the feminist label. In fact, doing so is, in itself, a challenge to traditional masculinity. Real men dominate unapologetically, so it is believed. But other men, proudly wear the feminist label. When I heard my husband tell his son “I am a feminist and you should be, too” I was reminded all over again why I am so lucky to have found such a brave and thoughtful man.
My husband’s pronouncement made me wonder what motivates some men to wade through their own privilege and society’s rules of manhood to embrace feminism.
In recent months, two black, male writers have written eloquently about their feminism:
Like most guys, I had bought into the stereotype that all feminists were white, lesbian, unattractive male bashers who hated all men. But after reading the work of these black feminists, I realized that this was far from the truth. After digging into their work, I came to really respect the intelligence, courage and honesty of these women.
Feminists did not hate men. In fact, they loved men. But just as my father had silenced my mother during their arguments to avoid hearing her gripes, men silenced feminists by belittling them in order to dodge hearing the truth about who we are.
I learned that feminists offered an important critique about a male-dominated society that routinely, and globally, treated women like second-class citizens. They spoke the truth, and even though I was a man, their truth spoke to me. Through feminism, I developed a language that helped me better articulate things that I had experienced growing up as a male.
Feminist writings about patriarchy, racism, capitalism and structural sexism resonated with me because I had witnessed firsthand the kind of male dominance they challenged. I saw it as a child in my home and perpetuated it as an adult. Their analysis of male culture and male behavior helped me put my father’s patriarchy into a much larger social context, and also helped me understand myself better.
I decided that I loved feminists and embraced feminism. Not only does feminism give woman a voice, but it also clears the way for men to free themselves from the stranglehold of traditional masculinity. When we hurt the women in our lives, we hurt ourselves, and we hurt our community, too.
I remember my mom cautioned both my twin sister and me as teenagers to be on point, but there was a different shading to the warnings she gave my sister. They were: Don’t leave your drink unattended. Make sure your girls know where you are. My sister, it was assumed, was going to have someone say some slick shit to her, to hop in her personal space, to put their hands on her as she passed. The company of a friend wasn’t going to stop it. Nothing was. She was going to bear the responsibility for these transgressions when they inevitably happened. Others would have said my sister wasn’t cautious enough, or asked her what she was wearing, or why she was where she was. The response would always be to ascertain what she did wrong, how she should have known better, how she got caught slipping.
Our experiences were subtly, profoundly different, but they were mundane, and their ordinariness belied their injustice. To grow up like this meant developing a certain resignation about the specter of violence, and often — perversely — feeling personally responsible when something ugly happened. But I didn’t have a way to think about these things until I learned about feminism. The first time I heard the term “sexual terrorism,” then, I finally had a name to something I’d always fundamentally known. The great irony was that I was having these realizations and entertaining these conversations for the first time on a suburban college campus where I actually felt completely safe.
Earlier this week, I also reached out to my social network to ask some men why they are self-identified feminists. The response was moving:
Jason said, “I’m a multiracial man of color and a SAHD to two multiethnic daughters. All systems of oppression are interconnected and to fight one you must fight them all. For my partner, my daughters, for all my communities, how can I not be a feminist?”
Paul said, “I loved my late mother, grandmothers and great aunties to death. I love my aunts, my sisters, my cousins, my nieces to pieces, and especially my dear darling daughters, to say nothing of my super-strong spouse. I only want the best for them, and the best as far as I’m concerned is an equal playing field. By extension, therefore, I wish this for all women, therefore I am by at least one definition a feminist… as long as we live in a world where women are treated as second-class citizens (and BTW – the 77% women’s worth is only average – the disparity grows as you go up the ladder towards the glass ceiling…) we all need to work overtime to ensure change will come about.”
Relando said, “I’m a feminist because patriarchy is harmful to women and can hurt men as well with idealized notions of masculinity that demean and subordinate women and punish men who don’t follow suit. While male privilege is VERY real, when I think about it, we all lose collectively while patriarchy is sustained. Men need to do more.”
Glenn said, “I believe in equal rights. People ARE what is in their minds and hearts. Not what is/isn’t between their legs! It makes me sick that in 2012 we still have inequality of any kind: Racial, gender, sexual orientation…”
Rob said, “I’m a feminist because the idea of someone making decisions for someone else leaves me more than unsettled.”
Muff said, “I’m a feminist because my liberation is bound up with yours.”
And I will give Bearded Stoner the last word. He said, “I am a feminist because not to be is not to be a liberal, is not to believe in individual rights. I am a feminist because my mother’s life story is a testament to feminism’s necessity. I am a feminist because I have a daughter. But I should be careful not to couch my feminism strictly in terms of familial self-interest. Either all are free or none are.”
What a beautiful article! We need more men like this.
Black women and emasculated black men are being brainwashed by their liberal and feminist professors. The white elitist, liberals and feminist (the man is wanted but not NEEDED in thehome) reject the traditional nuclear family and are pushing their Alternative or New Familial Structure. 2 men, 2 women, Single mother… everything goes. They have normalized illegitimacy and multiple baby daddies. The social engineering of White elitist, feminist (the man is not NEEDED in the home) and progressive liberals who think they’re smarter than everyone else has done something that 400 years of slavery, Jim crow and discrimination were unable to do. Destroy the black family and black community. If the black man is no longer in the home who is going to learn and who is going to teach him how to be a responsible man? You see Uncle Sam just doesn’t make for a good baby daddy. Illegitimacy was stigmatized and overwhelmingly rejected in the black community pre 1960′s (from 1900 to 1960 illegitimacy was between 10 to 24%). They now have black women and emasculated black men thinking that illegitimacy and dysfunction has always been black culture,wrong! Illegitimacy is the root cause of every black social issue facing the black community. High Illegitimacy leads to high academic failure, which leads to high dropout rates, which leads to high rates of unemployment, which leads to high rates of poverty, which leads to high rates of crime. All of which lead to dysfunctional homes, schools and communities.
They then get black women and emasculated black men to push liberalism & feminism and trumpet the benefits blacks gained from those movements but refuse to address the negative results of those very same movements and their flawed social engineering programs. They blame all the black race failures on those evil Republicans and conservatives to the non critically thinking common black folk. After 50 years and 4 generations, we now know the truth. I’m not saying liberalism, progressivism and feminism doesn’t work. I’m just telling you it doesn’t work in the hood. This ghetto Matriarchal society has been a disaster, a living nightmare, in the black community. No black men in the home, 31% of African American women by their early forties have never married, 72% black illegitimacy, 50%, abortions, 50% of black kids drop out of H.S., black unemployment 16%, black teen unemployment 46% and only 7% of businesses. Shall I continue….. I think not. It’s too depressing. A community is judged solely on it’s development of it’s kids. If that’s not a compete absolute failure I don’t know what is. The future AT THIS TIME is already set in stone for the black community. It’s called “A Permanent Underclass”. The black community will never be productive with 72% illegitimacy and no men in the home. It has never been done in the history of civilization by any race, fact. Until the liberals and feminist acknowledge this nothing will change in the black communities.
In the 50′s & early 60s, black women were initially hostile to feminist and this new way of raising families. Paying poor black women who didn’t have a man in the home for irresponsible behavior (every kid she had) changed that ie through welfare. She no longer needed the poor black man to put a roof over her head, food on the table for her and the kids and clothes on their back. Hell, she even had a couple of bucks leftover for smokes. Yes, black women are now going to college but less than 18% graduate. What about the other 82% of black girls/women? These are the majority of black women/girls having kids. Think about it like this. Who had a better life. Shaniqua, post black feminism and social engineering programs, never married living alone on welfare with her 4 kids by 3 different men in a dysfunctional black community with the majority of other black women also single baby mammas OR her great great grand mother Martha Louise who got married in 1950 at age 18 and her and her husband had 6 kids. They were poor and faced racism, discrimination ect. but raised the kids together in a stable black community where other black husbands and wives also raised their kids. Who had a better life Martha lou or Shaniqua? Which kids were in a better home? I’m not advocating going back to the 1950′s I’m just pointing out that this Matriarchal Utopia Lie the feminist and liberals promised you all needs to be reevaluated. Keep what works but you must reject (loudly) this Feminist big lie “The man is wanted but not NEEDED in the home”. The white feminist are going home to their husbands or at a minimum communities full of homes headed by men.
Cool story bro…….
You throw up a lot of straw men in your response. Not one of the men quoted in this article advocate a nanny state with Uncle Sam taking the place of fathers. Anyway, your account of the 50s and 60s and the evolution of feminism and social programs is revisionist and lacking in nuance. For instance, many politically active black women rejected the mainstream feminist movement in the 60s and 70s, but many of those same women were still working on behalf of female equality within their communities.
Black men who embrace feminism are not emasculated. They do; however, understand how oppressions overlap and that you cannot agitate for your own freedom while keeping your foot on someone else’s neck.
Having said all this, I am now second-guessing my decision to engage. I am not sure we can find common ground. I cannot imagine arguing against, “Either all are free or none are.”
@Tami
Strawman? I think I specifically and accurately stated the problems I have with liberalism and feminism. Do you want to specifically address anything that I’ve stated that’s not accurate?
Common ground? Do you believe there’s ever been a successful matriarchal nation in the history of civilization? BLACK feminist need to reject loudly this matriarchal utopia fantasyland nonsense of “The man is wanted but not NEEDED in the home” that would be a start to finding some common ground.
You may have beef with people who advocate the many things you list, but few feminists I know advocate for any of those ideas. More importantly, no one quoted in THIS article advocated for any of these things. You rant about the American government as stand-in daddy, while several of the men in THIS
Whoops…computer glitch!
You may have beef with people who advocate the many things you list, but few feminists I know advocate for any of those ideas. More importantly, no one quoted in THIS article advocated for any of these things. You rant about the American government as stand-in daddy, while several of the men in THIS article talked about being present fathers in their children’s lives. They talked about how having children, specifically daughters, strengthened their desire to fight for gender EQUALITY not matriarchy. You also slip in some faulty figures to bolster your argument: According to the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, the black student graduation rate is 43 percent. The rate for black women is 47 percent. Now, those figures aren’t great, but they are far from your figure of 17 percent.
There are two problems here:
- You present a twisted definition of feminism, based on your own bias, and then argue against your own definition, which bears no resemblance to what actual feminists fight for.
- You come to this article, and rather than argue against its actual content, you derail with a side argument against the feminist demons that you–again, not the article–defined.
It is clear that you do not subscribe to feminism. Can you counter the ACTUAL WORDS of the men above?
@Tami
I see you didn’t answer my questions. Why, is it to difficult to admit?
You think almost 50% of black women have a college degree? Is that what you’re trying me? You’re trumpeting feminism and what it’s done for black women and you don’t know the percentage of them who have a degree? I’m not talking graduation rates of those in college I’m talking the total percentage of ALL black students who have a bachelors degree. The answer is aprox 18% of black female and 14% of black male students have a bachelors degree.
Google “Educational Attainment United States” There are a number if links. It’s easiest to read in wikipedia and has a link to the U.S. Census Download.
We know that the black family was stable and not dysfunctional (as it is today) pre 1960′s in spite of jim crow, discrimination and abject poverty. Almost every black kid had a father in the home and the majority of black women were married. This isn’t revisionist history. This is a fact. How can you trumpet and promote something without acknowledging the negative effects and results of those very same movements and their flawed social engineering programs
You said:
“Yes, black women are now going to college but less than 18% graduate.”
The implication is that only 18 percent of black women who go to college graduate. Now, you are moving the goal posts.
Is your argument that even more black women graduated from college before the 60s?
Here’s another fact about black women–not that marriage is the sole marker for success–but only 37 percent of black women 35-39 have never married. That percentage drops as the age in question goes up. MOST black women do get married, but later than white women.
YOU suggest that feminism is to blame for all societal ills in the black community. What data do you have to support this theory? Your examples do not add up. For instance, you mention abortion rates as a reflection of feminism’s negative impact, while ignoring how abortion rates might be impacted by:
- Poor education on sexual and reproductive health
- High rates of sexual violence
- Poverty, lack of opportunities and unequal parenting expectations that might cause a woman to decide that she cannot care for a baby
Several of those problems might be laid at the feet of patriarchy NOT feminism. These things are far more complicated than you suggest.
Also, how do you explain thriving societies that are more egalitarian and have more social programs (since those seem to be a particular problem for you), such as Sweden?
@Keep it real…dumb
Again, I know I should ignore you, but
No matter how you and the rest of the BBMs(bitter black men) try to spin it, Black men destroyed the Black family and community. Black women are still here(unfortunately), but when the coast was clear after the civil rights movement, Black men took off or they were shucking and jiving as usual.
The end.
Illegitimacy is a major problem in the black community, but so many black women don’t care. It looks bad, but what do they say? They say “I don’t need a man”! Obviously they do or else these neighborhoods wouldn’t be turning into mini Rwandas. Now they have made it seem like raising kids on your own shows that you are a “strong black woman.” But these single mothers SUCK at raising kids on their own! The bad statistics are proof of that. Those numbers are a result of poorly raised children acting like idiots. These single mothers think matriarchy is something to be proud of because of feminism, but look at the matriarchies that they lead. They are full of violent, uneducated men and stupid hoodrats. I’m done with the excuses coming from both black men and women in these neighborhoods. These communities are dysfunctional. The mentality of the “black community” is dysfunctional which is why I usually find myself disagreeing.
The black community is seriously misguided. No movement or government spending can fix the problems that we face today until black people wake up and decide to change the way they think.
Just look at these neighborhoods. The people have no shame or dignity. That is the big difference between black people in the 60s and now. Back then we were doing our best to build for our families and improve with dignity. Back then we were fighting racism, attacks, and poverty. Now we just throw it all away. Listen at the news and the idiocy that comes out of these neighborhoods: the flash mobs in Philadelphia, the gang rapes, the chronic black on black crime, the high drop out rates, the high illegitimacy rates. I’m embarrassed when I watch the local news at night and upset by what this generation has done to destroy the history of dignity and hard work of African Americans. All of that comes from not raising kids correctly. That is all it is period. When you raise kids right, they usually don’t engage in inhumane behavior or extreme stupidity. That’s not oppression from white people. That’s black people oppressing themselves.
I don’t think feminism destroyed the black community, and I think it has definitely helped women of all races. The problems with the black community and feminism are tied to welfare. Welfare made the man unnecessary. Feminists saw this as a good thing and encouraged that attitude amongst black women. They told them that they were leading the way in fighting the oppression of patriarchy. But look at white women.
They didn’t get rid of their men, and it has made a big difference. Black people have always been poor, but the black family structure was not so different from that of white people back in the day. Welfare gave these women a check. They didn’t need men. When the manufacturing jobs were outsourced, black men couldn’t get a job and became dependent on the women. Now we have a bunch of women getting checks from the government and a bunch of lazy men with no job leeching off their mothers, and the children are suffering.
To be quite honest, I am an African feminist, but I call it as I see it. You addressed an issue that ticked me off, that needs to be addressed.
“Many men are hesitant to claim the feminist label. In fact, doing so is, in itself, a challenge to traditional masculinity.”
Well out of those many, we are also to blame for them not wanting to claim the feminist label!!! TRUST. There are some, amongst us who are NAZI, about feminism and spew HATE! Basically men bash!!! If we are going to recruit some of us need to change our tune, not to fit the mould, but to stop being hypocritical, at the same time while pushing our ideals.
*SHOTS FIRED* I only do spear and arrows, if you got bullets, save your energy for another!
(Ooops! i think my first response to you got gobbled by the system.)
I think the man-hating feminists you mention are a very, very small subset of everyone who fights for gender equality, yet in post after post here, the idea of these phantom “femiNazis” (TM Limbaugh) come up. I think those who would rather women not be equal have successfully poisoned the word “feminist” in the same way conservatives have poisoned “liberal” and “political correctness.” Feminism does not equal anti-man, though it’s opponents are super invested in folks believing it does.
I think the existence of radicalized feminists becomes an excuse for many folks to ignore misogyny and sexism. I mean, there are radicals who believe that black people should oppress white people in response to centuries of racism. (Just check that thread about the South African model who used racial slurs on Twitter.) But anyone using that fringe population to explain not being anti-racist would be on some serious bull.
This article is about the voices of MEN who have embraced feminism and the reasons why they took that step. Still, rather than talking about what these MEN have to say as feminists, we’re talking about man-hating female feminists.
I just don’t get that.
@ Tami,
Everything you’re saying is spot-on. However, everything Keep It Real posted deftly illustrates where the level of discourse around feminism is in “conscious” communities…a knee-jerk regurgitation of the same-ass “feminism destroyed the black community” bullet points/memes. They don’t have to question. They’re not into understanding the other argument because they know everything. Even when you bring proof.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True-believer_syndrome
“no amount of evidence, no matter how good it is or how much there is of it, is ever going to convince the true believer to the contrary”.
Don’t even waste your time trying to persuade them; they’re the most well-read anti-intellectuals ever.
Yeah, there are plenty of male feminists. They’re called manginas.
Signed: A former male feminist.