No Romance Without Finance?

by Niema Jordan

Do not date a man who is not happy with his job. Do not date a man who feels inadequate about his ability to provide. Do not date a man who [insert something that says the man has not reached is idea of financial stability]. These are just a few pieces of advice women are given when looking for their mate. The connections between manhood and money are always a topic.

How many times have you heard a guy say they aren’t looking for anything serious until something changes in their financial life? I know a number of guys who took dating sabbaticals until their money was straight. But are women also foregoing dinners and relationships until they have more money in the bank? Should they?

Are you putting off your dating life until your money is right?

  • iQgraphics

    Some people are unhappy with their jobs for reasons other than financial. However, if financial flux is stressing, I don’t think you should be dating. Everybody could use one more dollar, but if you’re a mess… crying, lights getting turned off… obviously your priorities need to be elsewhere.

    oh man! that was indeed sent out to a special someone.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    Better get that money right! There’s nothing as DEVASTATING as dating a broke man! VERY!!!!!!!! A date is splitting a TACO dollar menu and sharing a drink.

    NO! no! no!BYE.

  • bob

    Women date men for what value they can get from the man , marriage is a transaction , where a man gives a women his value for access to sex. I believe that women should date men that have money, so I can pay less taxes in the future. Thats what would benifit women more, now a man foolish enough to marry a partner this day and age that does not match his income or more is setting himself for financial servitude via child support and alimony payments. When she divorces you.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    errrm, as per why women should get married, then I don’t see divorce in the near future, not unless the money starts recessing faster than Naomi Campbell’s hairline.

  • Introvert Leo

    I’ve put off dating in general simply because I don’t care to date, but if I did, I would never go out with someone if I didn’t have my own money.

  • iQgraphics

    What in the corn fed fcuk ?

  • Nikia

    I could sleep with a broke man, but we would have no future. I’m financially savvy and goal-oriented so it would never work.

  • Maat

    What about the men who are students…let’s say he’s working on a M.D…obvoiusly you know that money will be attached to him in the near future. Zuckerburg was dating his wife and Facebook wasn’t even off the ground yet. I think if you see the potential in a man to make money and he’s working on getting himself to be financially stable then I don’t see what the issue is…it’s not like your dating a homeless guy off the street. Dating a man with ambition and a man who is almost at his goal of financial security is perfectly fine.

  • bob

    Lets not lie here , the biggest reason men chase women , date women , marry women , (which is more beneficial to women) is sex. If a man marries a woman that makes less money than him and he taking a risk, that woman he marries can divorce him at anytime (no fault divorce) and then take him to family court and make him pay her alimony or child support, and this is the reason women marry men with money so they can use his money and he can take care of her and the kids.

  • iQgraphics

    by your definition wouldn’t it be cheaper *cuz we are just talking about money here,
    wouldn’t it be cheaper to rent some pu$$y…
    you know, by the hour

    and by the hour I mean hire a prostitute

  • iQgraphics

    you don’t need a date.

    by your definition wouldn’t it be cheaper, cuz we are just talking about money here,
    wouldn’t it be cheaper to rent some p..
    you know, by the hour

  • Dee

    I tried the broke guy thing way too many times. I’ve found that they say they aren’t ready for anything serious until they get their finances right and are in the job they want to be in. Personally, I agree. I’m not even dating because it’s pointless….wasted energy when I need/could be focusing on getting myself to the place I want to be; career included. No romance with out the finance…because ain’t nothing going on but the RENT was my theme last year!!! It is soooo relevant and definitely a deal breaker in my next potential love.

  • apple

    Girl!! I was dating a dude one time and his broke daddy cleaned out his account so instead of sushi date we got taco bell. What was my life to think it was cute.

  • Hmm…

    I could date and marry here. However, to marry and live in flying distance away from my family; it is a necessity to make a substantial income outside of my husband’s. It doesn’t matter how much money he has. Also, I am very thankful my kids are grown. Nowadays men think you are after their money instead of desiring a strong loving relationship where you can build together. He could work in the banking industry thinking you want his 50k per year income. So I can only imagine what the higher earning guys are thinking

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    African Mami,

    I owe you a dirty slap for that Naomi Campbell comment.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    I could sleep with a broke man, but we would have no future.

    Broke man 1
    Nikia 0

    You just gave him what he wants without having to work for it. So “broke man” has no inclination to do better when it can get by(or some) without putting in much effort.

    Do not give it up to a man until he proves he is worthy. If you dislike broke men, the man is not worthy.

    from the Grandmom of Chic Noir : Treat them mean, keep them keen!

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    @ Chic Noir

    abeg, me I’m just talking from factual observation, not some conspiracy theory!

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    awww, hun! But that was not his doing, that was his daddy! This one was ALWAYS broke, even ASKING for money-eh, that’s where you draw the line and RUN for the hills! He even had the audacity to call himself an entrepreneur. woiiii! Jesus wept.

    If he is NOT my husband, there is no way I’m lending! And in the case of my husband it’s not even lending, it’s just being supportive.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Crawford/1355602807 Mary Crawford

    lol @ ‘Jesus Wept’ Amen Sis. I tried with one too. I got two hands in my pocket already…mine and the govt, I don’t need him in there too.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Crawford/1355602807 Mary Crawford

    Now Nikia..why would you give that man your goody-box? No Ma’am and No Sir. @Chic Noir..tell it! Your Grandmother hit it right on the head.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Crawford/1355602807 Mary Crawford

    I hear you about potential but that’s not the kind of broke that we are talking about here. At least not the kind of broke that I’m thinking about.

  • Nic

    @Nikia +1

    Last time I checked, sex was mutual pleasure. I wouldn’t do it unless I wanted it too, keep your religion/”morals” to yourself. A broke man has no chance of marrying me, because ambitious people don’t stay broke.

  • http://guulo.wordpress.com/ Guulo

    @Grandmom of Chic Noir

    Seems to me Nikia could careless for him to do better …, as long she gets what she wants to *ahem* –>

    Broke man 1
    Nikia 1

  • http://guulo.wordpress.com/ Guulo

    I agree with the advice our elders gave us. Financial stability is important (in marriage especially not so much in dating, as someone said it’s about where the person is heading, goals etc).

    With that said, I think it’s not so much about the money as it is about the personality towards money/spending on you. Someone can have a lot of money, but be very frugal when comes to giving, while another can be of modest means yet be very giving to you and always after your happiness. As cliché as this sounds, it’s all about the heart of the person and the experience they give you and not money.

  • bob

    @iQgraphics if prostitutes were legal , and there was no stigma for fucking hos , actual hos , prostitutes, then I guarantee you the marriage rate would go down

  • bob

    @Iqgraphics if prostitutes were legal , and their was no stigma with having sex with them , many men would opt out of marriage and have sex with young prostitutes until they die.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    @Nic- How can it be +1 for Nikkia if that broke man is “done” within a minute. So not only did she pay for dinner or a coffee, but broke man got his but left her hanging.

    Broke man +2
    Nikia 0

    You all forget that it takes more for us ladies to “enjoy ourselves” and God forbid brokeman is friends or relatives with a man you would really like to be with. Imagine Dr.Wilson finding out you gave it up to Beybey for a 2 piece special at Popeyes yet you want the good Doctor to jump thru all sorts of hoops just to put the “head in”.

    Look ladies, this ain’t about morals or religion, this is about what we women are up against today if you would like to be with a good man. The numbers for all women aren’t looking good. You’ve got to play the game smart.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    Nic Last time I checked, sex was mutual pleasure

    How can it be a mutual pleasure if it ends in 30 seconds??? I would feel very stupid and mad as hell if a man did that to me. And because he doesn’t care about you, he probably wouldn’t give a damn.

    A man that has invested his time and heart into you will try to make it better. A dude who doesn’t care will be like… ” Look, you had 29 seconds to get yours, ain’t my fault that you are so slow”.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/clnmike Tonton Michel

    That falls under long term investment and the dude should be eyed over carefully just like any portfolio to make sure he is on track. Now of course that requires an investor who understands risks and gains as well as patience for allowing time for growth. I believe Michelle Obama is a prime an example of some one who won big.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/clnmike Tonton Michel

    Most men will not date and marry with out their finances being in order because that would mean loss of control.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    Tonton,

    So having control in a relationship is very important to men ?

  • bob

    men want money so they can attract women , men are too addicted to vagina to control it , women control men through with sex lets not get that straight.

  • apple

    @chicnoir what’s a dirty slap? A slap full of dirt ?

  • apple

    I could agree with this statement . Most people’s girlfriends or boyfriends are just passing of time anyways .no one they ever see them selves long term with so these fwb/booty calls are fine. And hey some women like to have meaningless sex with no strings just like men too!

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    Apple,

    A dirty slap is something you give someone like in the Victorian times when women would give a man slap for saying something dirty or disrespectful.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/clnmike Tonton Michel

    If it wasn’t about control no one would be worried about money.

  • JC

    I don’t understand why so many women willing describe themselves as financial leeches. It is understandable to want to date a man with sound finances, but to treat him like a portfolio?

    Besides, it doesn’t work for you. Beauty and sex with the same woman (without real love) declines value over time, while career ambition rises in value overtime. So why would an ambitious man trade something that falls in value for sometime that rises in value? Worst, men are perceived as more attractive the older and more financially mature they become, the opposite for women. Again, so why would a thinking man make the trade? If they do, they are not being tricked, they understand. They will not really love you, you are wasting your emotional energy.

    Why not spend that time looking for someone that you can connect with?

  • https://twitter.com/#!/clnmike Tonton Michel

    It’s always about control, you use what you got to get what you want and to maintain it. Things go askew when people renege on their unwritten contract with each other or never understood it in the first place.

  • apple

    @chicnoir Ooo fancy

  • Rastaman

    Thinking in today’s world that romance/finance is only a man’s responsibility is at worst foolhardy and at best short sighted. 1+0= 1; 1+1=2

  • chanela

    You will only sleep with a broke man? oh okay did you know that sex = babies?
    If you ended up pregnant by this broke man is the mutual pleasure worth it?? now he can’t even pay child support or take care of the child. this is how things happened with that dude who has 30 kids…

  • jazzyphile

    Wasn’t Obama pretty much broke and in debt with college loans when he hooked up with Michelle?

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    yes. BUT he was working towards bettering his life. There’s the difference, a big difference. I would get married in a heartbeat to a broke hardworking ambitious man. There’s hope!

  • grateful

    @Chic Noir and Chanela

    don’t bother, they ain’t tryin to hear you these days, and when they’re 37 and wantin to get married but can’t find a good man you’ll see them on tv…

  • grateful

    it’s very difficult for a woman to get a fair trade in this world, before or after s#xual revolution.

    we want to connect too, but not die of hunger at the same time, and not have to do all the work.

  • TEXASGRL

    My advice is to date in the mean time until you get where you are going!!! Don”t make a choice until you reach your main goal or you may be sorry that you did. I know people who have settled down because they thought they needed to for what ever the reason. But now that they have arrived in life they have a partner they can’t even hold a conversation with. so until you get where you are going just have fun in the meantime.. Unless it happens otherwise. There are some exceptions….

  • bob

    look at obama’s resume , when michelle married him , he graduated from multiple ivy league universities, and this was the 80′s, Obama was in a position to make money.

  • Nestafan2

    No. He was working at a law firm and she was his boss.

  • Nic

    Chill out Chic Noir and Chanela…you’re reaching, creating situations to justify your opinion. My opinion does not hinge on your fantasy world or stereotypes. I’m not your 14 year old little cousin.

  • Keep it Real

    I have no problem with a woman wanting a financially secure man. But, if you have those demands he should also be able to have certain demands of you. ie dress size, or weight under 160, nails and hair done, no wigs or raggedy ghetto weave with tracks showing, friendly, lots of sex (and if you’re not working) clean home & dinner on the table when he walks in the door. If you won’t, there are plenty of women willing if they have a husband who is a good provider. Fact!

  • grateful

    check to all those, not a problem at all!

  • LemonNLime

    There is a difference between dating, relationships, and marriage.

    I will go out on a date different people no problem but when it comes to relationships that is different.

    I don’t pursue relationships with men who don’t have it together (job) or aren’t trying to get it together (ie. working on a degree/ certification OR ambitious endeavors like working to start a business or restaurant).

    Marriage, while I don’t think I would want to marry, I refuse to marry anyone with 1) substantive amounts of debt – even student loan debt, 2) refuses to to sign a prenup, 3) isn’t gainfully employed (meaning are making enough to take care of yourself independently), and 4) isn’t fiscally responsible.

    And men go on about how their “value” increases as they get older while women’s goes down because our value is beauty and youth. What men fail to realize is that is up to certain point. Sure they may be 30, 40 or even 50 and dating and getting women younger than them based on their wallets and looks but when you start hitting 60, 70, 80 and 90 those younger women aren’t with you because they like your liver spots and the smell of moth balls. Everyone’s “value” goes down once they are elderly so unless you are planning on being 75 and dating a 25 y/o woman who is only with you because she is waiting for her pay day the day you croak, I suggest men stop being so cocky when considering their perceived “value”. Granted this isn’t something I worry about because I don’t date men who talk this way.

  • bob

    most women are past their prime when they hit 30 , men can stay sexy until their 50s , we have the advantage here

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    Yea I don’t have an issue with this list either.

  • http:www.chicnoirhouse.blogspot.com Chic Noir

    Bob stop lying to yourself. Early 40′s is the cutoff point for men. After 45, that’s when you become his nurse instead of his wife.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    @ bob

    so in essence when I’m 30, I should jump off a bridge because I’m so washed up?! GFOWBS!

  • Srenda

    @bob Yeah sure, if you’re Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington or Johnny Depp or you find a young woman blinded by your “possible” lack of sexiness because she’s got daddy issues. Otherwise, in reality, bob, it becomes a little hit or miss.

  • Nikia

    @Chic Noir, if he doesn’t have the motivation to better for his own situation then that’s really not my problem. Once again, I said sleep with, not give a motivational speech, not date, not have unprotected sex, not share life stories or be friends. I get what I want, he gets what he wants and we both move on.

    So you, you and all of you can keep it moving with your reaching. Thanks

  • LemonNLime

    Thank you Bob for proving my point. Your average American 55 y/o man isn’t attractive to younger women in their 20s. He is gonna need to either age like George Cloonet or be loaded. Your average American dude is none of those and ends up being the creeper who chases after 20 something’s. Men are so delusional. Considering many of the women commenting are in their 20s, including myself, I think our opinion on the attractiveness and perceived value of old men is a little more accurate than yours.

  • thinkpink

    Most women with high expecations of men have the same standard of themself. Most women have no issue doing those things for a man they admire, love and respect. Emphasis on the fact that both parties are bringing something to the table. If a woman has all the things on that list there are plenty of men who will treat her well if another man won’t.

  • grateful

    thank you Lemon!

    the youngest woman a man in his 40-50′s is a desperate early 30′s going up!

  • grateful

    mean’t to add “…can pull…” in there, it’s 2am sue me…

  • Introvert Leo

    Sexist.

  • iQgraphics

    there are places where it is legal and… surprise surprise!! folks still get married.
    stop.please.

  • iQgraphics

    @bob: future ole man in da club

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  • my_reply

    @iQgraphics – you had me laughing out loud with that one. Yea men think they get so much more attractive as they age. They generally get richer as they age. That’s the attractiveness I guess. No a rich 20 year old is waaay more attractive than a rich 50 year old. Also the average man does not age as well as Johnny Depp, is not as good looking as Johnny Depp, and doesn’t have money like Johnny Depp. Do you really think these 20 year olds have daddy issues bad enough to date you because your hair is graying and your “maturity” when you don’t have any money. That is honestly the reason why many date older men. Money. If you’re fine with that, whatever. But women can buy a boy toy just like a man can buy a woman.

    Also have you seen these 30 and 40 year old women these days? I mean they’re no schoolgirls, but I don’t hear men complaining about Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lopez, and Halle Berry. Many men would be glad to be with them even if they were broke. The average women can look good in her 30s and 40s if she stays fit, doesn’t tan all the time, and uses some moisturizer at night. Men find women more attractive than women find men, so many men are attracted to these older women – these MILFs – even if they do prefer younger women. I don’t think beautiful fit 30 and 40 year olds have as hard of a time finding a partner as men make it seem. And I don’t think it’s life experience, grey hair, and crow’s feet that attracts young women to older men.

  • LemonNLime

    @my_reply – You are so right! I think most of it is LAME men trying to get their way by attempting to scare young women into their net, while trying to make themselves feel slightly about their own mortality. Anyone with 2 working eyeballs and a somewhat functioning brain will tell you a woman’s life doesn’t end at 30. Sure maybe when people were marrying at before 20 and dying of cholera at 40… but it is the 2012.

    I also LOVE how men go on about how the don’t want women who only want them for money but they are willing to completely throw that out the window when they are 50+ to try and get with a younger woman. It is because they know deep down that most 20/30 somethings aren’t trying to get with someone as old as their father (or older) and they think that money with increase their chances of getting with women younger than them.

  • Stanley

    Money Money Money

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  • Mark

    “I know a number of guys who took dating sabbaticals until their money was straight.”

    Yes, but not because they wanted to stop dating. They knew their chances of finding a willing woman was slim-to-none. Why toss your hat in the game when the chances of winning are extremely low?

    Here are a few interesting facts about men:
    1) Men will marry unemployed women.
    2) Men will marry down, financially.
    3) Men have no problems spending money on women.

    Until women do all of the above on a larger scale, dating/marriage will become even more nightmarish.
    y.

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