The Signs of Depression
Sometimes it isn’t just the blues.
That’s what I thought I had shortly after my divorce became official in 2002. I thought if I just stayed busy, the blues couldn’t get me. I got a new job, moved cross country, and threw myself into my work. I joined a gym. I lost 20 lbs. I bought new clothes and told myself my life was great.
But it wasn’t. Nine months later I had to take two weeks off from work due to severe anxiety attacks. Two years after that, I was hospitalized for the first time for severe depression.
I wondered how could I be depressed? I had a great job, friends, and a loving family. And it had been two years since the divorce. How was it that every year I was getting worse emotionally rather than better?
Denial is a powerful thing,
I thought to be sad all the time was a personal weakness. I thought I could just will depression away, force myself to focus on work or happy thoughts, and those dark, scary moments couldn’t get me. What I didn’t understand was this was no longer an “emotional” issue for me. It was chemical. I’d been depressed for so long that my brain no longer could make or receive the chemical serotonin in a normal capacity. You can’t will away a serotonin imbalance anymore than you can will away Diabetes. You have to fight it.
But the first step is realizing you have something to fight at all.
Only 12 percent of black women suffering from depression or other forms of mental illness seek help for it, usually because they think their case of the blues is temporary or a personal weakness, rather than a chemical imbalance or a disease. Depression is highly treatable, either through talk therapy or medication or some combination of both. But if left ignored, it could develop into physical health problems, like health complications from extreme weight gain or loss, high blood pressure, or even suicide if left untreated.
Being sad all the time is serious, so it’s important to know if you’re just a little down, or is it time to talk to a professional.
Here are some signs to look for:
1. Do you find you are no longer interested in things you traditionally have loved? For me, it was children. All my life, I’d loved kids and loved being around them. Even dreamed of having my own. But after my divorce, I couldn’t bring myself to hold a baby, let alone have a conversation with any child of any age. They made me feel uncertain, even annoyed.
2. Has your sleep pattern dramatically changed? Are you not getting enough sleep? Or maybe you’re sleeping more than usual. At different times I dealt with chronic insomnia and periods where all I wanted to do was sleep. Over sleeping is often a sign of wanting to escape from the reality you have to deal with when awake, and insomnia is usually a sign of stress or anxiety that can also lead to depression.
3. Do you have more bad days than good days? Feeling bad once or twice a week is one thing, but if day in, day out you’re not just unhappy, but miserable at work or school, this is a bad sign. For me, it was realizing that I no longer said hello to my friends and co-workers, but sort of grunted, or didn’t speak at all.
4. Do you suddenly get mad or irritated easy? Trying to deny your sadness when it’s still inside of you can make you difficult to be around because, even when you try to hold it in, sometimes you end up projecting that negativity on others – either by being rude or hyper-critical. Your anger may come from a place of pain, but to others, it just looks like straight-up hostility.
5. Does it all seem pointless or negative no matter what you do? Losing hope is never a good sign. If you’ve reached a point where you’re constantly thinking “what’s the point?” you have a problem. If you can’t make the negative thoughts stop no matter what you do, you have a problem. If your personal relationships are deteriorating because you don’t see the point in putting any energy into them, you have a problem. When I found that I didn’t care what happened to me anymore, I knew that couldn’t have been the right way to feel.
If you said yes to 1 or 2 of these, it’s time to seek help from someone who understands mental health better than you or your friends. Check out the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance group. They have information on everything, from local chapters and health professionals to group meetings, discussion forums, and advice. I utilized DBSA’s services during a time when I was without medical insurance; the group, health professionals, and volunteers associated with it helped me apply for prescription drug help, as well as found me a group to attend and a therapist within my budget.
It was a great first step in finally getting to the place of peace and stability where I am now. With hard work and good medicine, you can get there too.
Danielle Belton is the editor and creator of the blog blacksnob.com. She was diagnosed Depression in 2001 and with Type II Bipolar Disorder in 2005. She is currently writing a book about her decade long battle to get to contentment and stability. Read more about her experience with mental illness here, here and here.
Thanks for the article. I have suffered from depression, from what I can pinpoint, right after graduation in the late 90′s, however I believe it could have started much earlier on during my jmiddle school years. There was a lot of transition in my life that was not addressed as a result I stopped talking completely. I would write suicide notes but was too afraid to go through with any action. I would cry constantly. I would always be told to cheer up and be happy, the usual stuff. Somehow I learned how to stuff it all down and just get through each day with a plastic smile on my face only to suffer in silence when I was alone which lasted into my adult years. It was only about 10 years ago when I truly felt like something was chemically wrong so I sought out the help of a physician. Unfortunately this particular doctor, who was African-American felt my only problem was that I needed to get out and date more. The only reason I am sharing that this particular doctor’s race is that our community takes depression seriously for what it really is. Instead of being encouraged to seek treatment I was told to “pray about it” or to “go to the Lord with it” and I was even advised that maybe I needed to tithe more, which is all great however my real problem was chemical, not spiritual. Today only a couple of people know about my condition becuase there is such a lack of understanding about what depression really is. Unfortunately depression is looked at as an overall disposition instead of what it really is which is a chemical imbalance/ mental illness so it often goes undiagnosed and orl untreated. Besides it’s hard to say I am depressed but even harder to say I suffer from a mental illness. I have been on medication for about 4 years now and see a therapist weekly and I have to say that although things are not perfect I no longer have the overwhelming sense that I am alone in this. If you feel like something isn’t right seek help until you find someone who will listen.
I meant to say our community DOESN’T take this illness seriously or look at it for what it really is.
I agree with you about your experience with others in our (Black) community. Depression was always thought to be a sign of weakness. Many in the religious section don’t have psychology degrees, but will counsel you into praying more or reading your bible to get over “our worries”. I didn’t disclose all of my depression to the church, suffering in silence. I did seek treatment for my depression but I stopped because things weren’t moving fast enough for me and my creditors. I wasn’t making sound decisions. It’s an uphill battle. Years ago, I took anti-depressive medication but it didn’t seem to work for me. I had heard that it doesn’t work for most people. We know that treating this condition is long term. Thanks for your comments.
I have had a rough 3 years and that is because my priorities were mixed up. Some days I will get angry or upset with myself because of past decisions I’ve made. Those decisions resulted in much financial lost for me. The only reason why I believe I am not depressed is because at one time I was severely depressed. However, I do understand that it is not a one- time fix.
Overall, right now is one of the happiest moments in my life. Why? I am finding myself again. In the past; often times, a wrench had been thrown in my plans. Now I am learning that this is a part of life and you must be equipped to roll with the punches. At a younger age, this is what I didn’t realize. During that time, I also didn’t have anyone to talk to or advice me. So as an end result, I began to battle with depression. What made matters worse; I didn’t realize I was depressed. Back in 1998/1999, this was a typical day for me being depressed:
1. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up crying. I would cry in the car, I would take breaks at work because I didn’t want anyone to see me crying at my desk, I would cry before I picked my child up from daycare. Sometimes I would cry so hard, I would have to pull to the side of the road.
2. I would isolate myself. I wasn’t interested in any outings or events.
3. I often had suicidal thoughts, but I knew that was wrong. So I guess that’s why I cried all the time which lead to the next sign.
4. I was hopeless and just felt as if there was no way out for me.
I believe I was depressed because I thought my life was going to go in a certain way, but it didn’t. I did pretty well financially at the time, but I think I was so depressed because I was burden with carry the whole world on my shoulders. It was an accumulation of several incidents from the past couple of years prior to that year. I had gotten out of a battered relationship in 1995. I knew my ex at the time wasn’t right for me. However, we had a child together. Then I lost one because of him. Then the next year in 1996, I found out he had another child. I think I felt cheated out of having my second child when he was able to build his family. At the time, I didn’t have any family members in the same city for support. So I felt alone.
From that experience, I have learned you have to fight for happiness. I feel great helping others with their situations. If I was helped, it was more from a “judging” and” I told you so” perspective. Sometimes people just need a listening ear which will corner depression.
I have no symphony for you becasue it looks like all the things you were depressed about were self inflicted. I feel no sorrow for those that make stupid mistakes. God bless you anyway.
To Rochelle, your comments are insensitive, ignorant and horrible. And it’s “sympathy” not “symphony.” God clearly wouldn’t approve of your lack of compassion. You should pray for yourself.
You’ve gone through a lot and your strength is remarkable. I also struggle with severe depression. I can’t even imagine how difficult it was holding yourself steady without any support while raising a child. I’m truly happy that you’ve progressed and I only wish that everything works in your favor from here forward.
No offense Ella. I think you should shut up and sit down. Since you like talking about God…..God also said he helps those who help themselves. 99% of our problems are caused by our own accord. No one told this woman to lay down and have sex. I only have compassion for those that cannot help their circumstances and nothing you say can or will change that. I read this story because I suffer from depression sometimes too. However, nothing that happened to me was my fault, it was totally out of my hands. I suffered a total loss fire cause by my next door neighbor and I was also sexually assulted by a stranger. How is any of it my fault? I know none of it is. Therefore, no I cannot give one damn about a dumb b#tch. If you have issues that was caused by assinine actions, you are a dumb b#tch too. However, God Bless you and this woman.
Wow… I guess that ‘comment moderator’ fell asleep during this exchange.
What happened to compassion, and building our sisters up?!
I think it’s incredibly brave to share that you can relate to someone on a touchy and taboo topic such as depression. I thank everyone here for sharing their story.
Rochelle is an Asshole.
Glad you are getting back on track Pat.
Actually, Rochelle, God didn’t say that. Ben Franklin did. You might want to check your bible verses again.
And what good is to call someone a dumb b*tch and then say God bless? You seem like you battling more than depression. Anger management, perhaps?
Pat, God is with you through it all. Unlike sinful, flawed humans, he loves you past your mistakes, he’ll never condemn you. He loves us through it all.
Remember this: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Seriously, God bless you.
No Afro. You are the asshole and you sound just like a pathetic crybaby, like the poster. I understand being depressed, but not about things that can be avoided. I bet you are “this is everyone’s fault but my own” type of people. Please get a clue and stop the waterworks. My comment stands, I can give less than a damn about people that cause their own misery and want people to listen to their bullsh*t. Not I.
@ Rochelle…the last thing someone that is depressed needs is someone reminding them of the things they did that may have contributed…we ALL have contributed but it doesn’t take away the pain…also…saying God bless and bitch this and that in the same sentence lessens your comment…also..God gives us GRACE that covers our mistakes…the ones we ALL make.
Rochelle, the only thing feminine about you is your name. You lack empathy and if I didn’t know better, I would call you a troll.
@Rochelle
I am just now seeing your comments. Girl, I’m so hysterical by your comments; I think I may just drive off a bridge. Haha, you’re truly the dumb b*tch if you believe that one. First of all, i must thank you for my evening entertainment. I am sitting here cracking up if you truly think that I give a damn about you or you being sensitive towards my situation. That is the beauty of the world, you can do whatever you like and believe whatever you like. Now notice in my comment I never expected anybody to dig me out of the mess I made. Moral support is always essential when you are going through. You may have a perfect life. If you do, great for you.
I just wanted to take time out to make it clear that for OTHERS be careful what you say. As for me Rochelle, my experiences whether I was depressed or not (in your opinion) made me strong. So if you ever feel like addresses me in the future remember I don’t give a damn unless you’re feeding me, fucking me or helping with my finances. Yeah I said fucking. Since I have taken care of mine and is much wiser. I really can do what I want to just like you are entitled to your opinion. Not you and surely NOT I have time for waterworks. No kudos for your comments! Rochelle, have a goodnight and be blessed.
For everyone else who replied, Thank you. Always keep in mind “insensitive” people are the ones that are hurting the most. Best Wishes to you all.
@Pat: Great response to Rochelle’s hateful ignoramus comment. Stay strong, Pat! I may not have had experiences similar to yours, but I understand the pain of depression. It hits me on and off.
The only good thing you said throughout your rant was that you made a mistake. i want to thank you for that. That is the only think i want you and all the other people who cry “whoa is me” when shit hits the fan. Just admit that you played a part in your situation and sometimes you have to admit that you deserve the consequences. Period! That is what I don’t get. I don’t get people that don’t see that either way in life, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR MISTAKES!! Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to pay dearly. That is life. So when a friend or relative calls me with bullsh*t problems, issues, or consequences they could have avoided, I laugh or hang up. I got my own problems, most of which I did not cause on my own.
As for Noir. I am all woman. Therefore everything about me is feminine. Just because I don’t have a bleeding heart like yourself, does not mean I don’t care or I am not a woman. I believe in paying for your mistake. Actually I feel the bleeding hearts, like yourself are destroying the blk community by encouraging people to cry victim instead of saying, “I fu^k#d up, now it is time for me to look to other avenues and correct the problem. Not act like crybabies or victims.
@Rochelle you evil little c*nt why are you here?, get off this website and go play in traffic with your hateful comments
That was a mature statement apple. I don’t see how my comments are “hateful”. Since when is telling the truth hateful? I tell ya, some people have serious problems when they can’t hear the truth. Be blessed.
@Rochelle
I don’t think a lot of people are denying that they have made mistakes or crying “whoa is me”. The problem is NOT being aware of how to cope with those consequences. The end result of any situation is never shown first. If that is the case, a lot of problems and situations would have been avoided from the beginning. By not knowing what we will face in life, this can happen to anyone including YOU! The truth of the matter is the only preventative measure in life that anyone can acquire is to pray, pay attention to red flags, and not rush into any major life decisions as it relates to OUR choices. I think the best alternative in life is to love ourselves more than anything or anybody. This way when the sh*t does hit the pan; you are able to rise above it. This pertains to any unavoidable and avoidable circumstances.
You are correct: “You have to pay for your mistakes” and that is life. I, too, often times avoid calls or hang up from listening to problems that could have been avoided. It is draining on my spirit. Likewise, I have my own problems. So if it is not uplifting for me anything outside of that box is a waste of my time. I don’t engage in it at all. You do have to be strong because in actuality only two or three people really care about you anyways. Once I realized that, the tears dried up quickly.
Now it is so easy not to give a d*mn what people say or think. It feels great! Thanks for taking the time to read my comments. Be blessed and have a great weekend!
1. I am still interested in things that I once had a strong liking for (not loved, because I don’t love anything), it just takes a lot more energy and motivation to do them.
2. More often than not, my sleep pattern is effected by my work schedule, but there are many nights when I can’t shut my mind off to go to sleep because there is always so much for me to think and be worried about.
I live in my head. In my head, I have created different lives for myself where I function as a non-depressed person.
3. It’s not that I have more bad days than good. It seems that overall there is a bad aura surrounding me that doesn’t allow for good things to happen to me, and only things that further set me back in life and cause me to be more depressed no matter how good of a person I am.
4. I don’t suddenly get mad or irritated. I generally have a melancholy disposition.
5. Yes, it does seem pointless, especially since, ultimately we all have the same fate no matter what we do in life.
“I live in my head. In my head, I have created different lives for myself where I function as a non-depressed person.”
ME TOO, i thought i was loosing my sh*t..well i kinda am.. but yes i have created multiple fantasies in my life where i succeeded in life, or i’m a totally different person, or in a complete fantasy world resembling harry potter or like a tim burton movie.. :-/
I’m so very sorry you’re suffering in silence. If you live near a big university or medical school, they provide free or very cheap services to those with no insurance. You can also check the internet for mental health centers in your community. Those also provide very inexpensive to free services for those without medical coverage. Sending many prayers and well wishes your way!!!
Thank you Danielle, for being so open and honest about your situation thereby allowing others to do the same. Sometimes knowing you aren’t alone helps ease the burden just a little.
Very good. Thanks for posting this…. I’m always encouraged when I read stories like this. Like one of my good friends reminds me, “mental health takes effort.”