There was a time when stability was the norm. Men courted women, married, moved in, had kids and stayed together until death do them part, literally. This was the standard order of things and anything but was seen as a scandalous taboo, however nowadays things are a bit more complex. Less people are getting married let alone staying married and as for waiting until after the wedding bells to live together and have kids, well let’s just say that more than a handful of us would’ve been the talk of the town. But could this attitude be the reason why many of our youth are heading down the wrong path? According to the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values, it is.

During a study they conducted last year results showed that children of cohabiting parents are more prone to “externalizing disorders, more aggression,” as well as “internalizing disorders, more depression.” The study also found that children who get to know all of mommy and daddy’s ‘friends,’ don’t have a firm sense of stability, and will likely end up shying away from marriage altogether when they grow up. In addition it was noted that “Cohabitation and out-of-wedlock childbearing is as much a symptom of the instability of children’s lives as it is a cause of it.” Hmmm, sound familiar? I’m sure many of us have lived this exact scenario. How many people do you know who were born out of wedlock? How many of those people are married now? How many of them are repeating the cycle and exposing their children to the same thing? Bet you know at least a handful.

For all the talk we do as a nation about how out of control our youth seem to be today, our actions do nothing to solve the issues. The number of co-habitating couples and out of wedlock children are on the rise and so are the number of children carrying out violent acts, dropping out of school and even committing suicide. Coincidence? Maybe. However, I agree with the study’s findings. We are the reason our children have issues. If children learn by example, then we are the poorest example in the bunch. Those of us who would rather live together to save money before we live together in marriage are the problem. Those of us who shrug off our out of wedlock kids because ‘Hey sh*t happens,’ are the problem. Those of us that think there is no problem are the problem. But as much as we are the cause of these ills in our children, we are also the cure. It may be time to go back to the way things used to be. It may be time to shift the focus away from one of self indulgence and convenience and towards traditional values. We need to set the example, the proper example. Perhaps the old ways aren’t so bad after all.

  • H

    @Chic Noir – You had me LOLing with that hamburger comment, but finishing schools are definitely needed. I have talked about this with friends before. These girls need to learn what it means to be a lady. That is not anti-feminism at all. Encouraging women to go out into the workforce and be a lady is a good thing. I think the sexual liberation that came with feminism went too far with hookup culture and decreased women’s worth in men’s eyes. The girls basically throw themselves at any good looking guy for attention, so the guys constantly get sex.

    I will never understand why women think this hookup culture benefits them. It just makes it even easier for guys to get what they want from as many woman as possible with no commitment.

  • TAE

    @Chic Noir, OOooh girl, I’ve kind of picked up on that as well, happy same sex couples vs happy straight couples. This may be a little controversial but I’ve been working this over in my mind and based on what I’ve seen and experienced I think that there is a basic and deep misunderstanding between opposite genders that is ravaging our relationships with one another. For example I’ve had so many experiences with men, both dating and strangers, who just seemed so angry and/or perplexed and/or fearful of my womanhood that I have seriously entertained the thought that I might need to switch teams. I am an intelligent, independent, and ambitious woman. I’m also a gemini which is a masculine sign and it’s a well known fact we walk our own way. I’ve run across many men who have literally torn me down because of my disposition. I’ve heard everything from I need to spend some time with good muslim women, to I’m never going to have a man because I don’t know how to treat one. One man I was casually dating told me that he was actually afraid to talk to black women when he came back from Japan because talking to a black woman is like going up against an all white jury. I remember just sitting finding the fact that he even would say something like that, that he could feel like that, really, really sad, for the both of us.

    I assure you, on my momma, I know how to treat a man. Though I am independent, ambitious, all that I will cook for a man, rub his back, run his bath water, iron his drawers, take care of him, be his WOMAN, but it all dependent upon how he makes me feel as a woman, how he supports me, how he accepts me, ALL of me. I’ve met a lot of men who expect this type of treatment from me just because they are men, doesn’t matter if they are a good men or not, and when I won’t give out this type of “submissiveness” freely all hell breaks loose and I’m everything but a child of GOD.

    My femininity is complex, as is the femininity of all the women I know, the man who allows me to do me without being threatened by all that I am is the only type of man who has a chance in hell of locking this down. I’ve found that men want us to be simple, all they can handle or comprehend is simplicity. Cook, clean, sex him, repeat. Don’t have too many or too strong of an opinion, don’t be too ambitious or independent, don’t be too powerful. Be sweet and be meek. That’s the message I get and I’m sorry but I will never be that girl.

  • TAE

    Interesting point rastaman. I feel you. I don’t know how I would feel about my daddy marrying me off at 15,16,17 years old or if that would be a good practice for us to go back to,LOL, but I feel you though. It’s definitely food for thought.

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